


Fiction

by Kahnah



Series: Dioscuri [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, Past Character Death, but he comes back obvsly, can get a bit dark, the lads are kids at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-02-15 06:30:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 123,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13025244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahnah/pseuds/Kahnah
Summary: Gavin had been dead, that’s what the people keep on telling him.Gavin is alive now and that’s the only thing he remembers.He’s made a wish on the other side that he desperately wants to come true, but before that he has to find out what happened to him. Thankfully, King Ramsey took him in to figure out the mystery alongside him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another King AU because deep down it's maybe my favorite AU of them all. This will be part of the multiverse (obviously) and will focus around Gavin.

Fiction

 

Chapter 1

 

At first there was snow. 

It was falling from the clouds high up above without a noise, giving it a surreal look. It was unbearably cold out there, making it hard to move and giving his skin a pale pallor with the tips of his fingers being a funny purple.

The lake in front of him was nearly completely frozen over and unmoving. No soft waves hitting the shore, not a single gust of wind disturbing the surface.

Besides the falling snow there was no movement, no noise. Just the cold, and then as he closed his eyes, there was nothing.

There was nothing for a long, long time until water filled his head. The rushing of it was nearly comfortable and he liked listening to it. It was a bit like the rain against his windows in the night when it was cold outside and warm inside. Somewhere there was a fire keeping them all safe and sound.

Him and his mom and his two sisters and his father.

He could hear the fire crackling now, could feel its heat slowly warming his skin. He laid there for a while, too weak to move as he waited for the warmth to sink deeper, down into his muscles and finally in his bones. Only then did he dare to open his eyes again, and the lake in front of him was gone. The thin sheet of ice covering the surface along with the empty trees along the shore had all vanished.

There was no snow raining down on him anymore, and he sighed quietly.

Instead he saw red. Red and more red, fire and stones and light. He could feel the panic rising in his chest, because he didn't know where he was, didn't know how he got here. But the water in his head calmed him down, reminded him of that old song, that lullaby Mother would sing to him, and he clung to that, keeping it close to his heart.

_"Unlucky boy like you should get everything he wishes for."_ The voice came from inside his own mouth, out of depths of the water, and he tried to keep it inside but couldn't.

_ "I'll grant your wish, child." _

His wish?

He didn't know, he just wanted to go home. To go home and be warm by the fire until he could feel his fingers and toes again. Home where his mother would bring him to bed with grace and soft voice she always had, singing and telling fantastic stories. Home where his sisters waited for him, pulling at his sleeves to play some more. Always more and more until they ended up on the floor in breathless laughter, and it had been so long.

Home where his father would also give him piggyback rides and not take him out to the lake when it was that cold and snowing.

_ "I see," _ they said again. He couldn't get that voice to be quiet, couldn't calm the water in his head down.  _ "So wake up, dead boy, and go play." _

 

Gavin woke up and there was no snow, no red. There were trees around but it was still quiet. His heart was racing, pumping blood through his fingers that weren't numb anymore, and so he buried them into the grass to push himself up.

Lifting his head, he found people around and was awkwardly aware how they all stared at him. Had he done something stupid like tripping over? Maybe he had talked in his sleep, saying those strange things the water had in his head. He could still hear it, rushing in his ears even when he tried to shake it out.

There had been a lake, but he hadn't been inside, right? No, it had been way too cold for that.

One of the people around came towards him now and he was clad in a type of black armor Gavin hadn't seen before. But armor usually meant that this man was part of the knights serving under their King, and his father had always reminded him to be very nice in front of them. After all, they were fighting for their kingdom and they deserved their respect for that!

So Gavin tried to stand up, but his knees still felt a bit weak and the man gave him a sign to stay where he was. He just sat on the soft grass then, so different to the snow he had seen in his dream before, and swallowed.

Where was he and how did he get here? It had been winter, right? It only snowed during winter, or had that also been part of his dream? How long had he been asleep?

Some animals slept through winter he knew that, but he wasn’t one of them and even if he was, that didn't explain why he wasn't at home. Surely he had gone to bed there and not in some strange forest.

"Boy?" the knight asked, and Gavin quickly looked up to him. "How... how do you feel? Are you hurt?"

He shook his head because no, why should he? He had just been asleep!

The man carefully kneeled down in front of him but left some distance between them. That was strange, it nearly looked like the other was scared of him which was stupid. He was seven years old; he should be afraid of things and not the other way around!

"I'm Lewis," the knight introduced himself, and cheeks burning hot, Gavin realized that he hadn't introduced himself. Stupid, stupid, _ stupid! _ He was rude to one of the King's men!

"I'm Gavin," he blurted out quickly, interrupting what Lewis tried to say next.

The knight stared at him like he was lost for words and awkwardly Gavin shuffled around a little. He found the seam of his thin shirt and picked on it, nervous because all those eyes were still on him, and those people were moving now, were creeping closer like shadows.

It made him uneasy but he tried to stand his ground.

"Do you know what happened, Gavin?" Lewis asked and how should he know? He had just woken up here and everyone was acting strange.

Still, he ducked his head a little and tried to answer truthfully, "I think I was very sick."

Right, he had been sick for so very long as he watched the snow fall in front of his window. That must be why he had dreamed such strange things in the first place.

"Sick..." Lewis mumbled, nearly to himself, and Gavin nodded. It looked like he wanted to say something else when a hand reached out to grasp him.

It was one of the women around them and she had sneaked closer quietly enough that Gavin hadn't noticed her. He flinched now but Lewis was there to slap that hand away.

But something about that broke the spell because all those people who had just stared before were rushing in now, rushing towards him with hands like claws and with a gasp Gavin tried to get onto his feet. His knees gave in and he fell back down, scooting away from those strangers until his back hit something unrelenting. Some black stone, but he didn't have the time to turn around and check on it because as much as Lewis tried to hold them back there were just too many.

A hand found Gavin's wrist and pulled. It hurt and he cried out because it was too tight, was squeezing and tearing and someone else as pulling on his other arm hard enough to dig nails into his skin.

"No!" he cried out but there was a hand in his hair, on his legs as he tried to kick them off and then around his throat.

Cold panic flooded his veins, making him twist and turn and cry out. He was pulled this way and that; someone managed to get the back of his shirt and tried to pick him up to take him away and he didn't want that!

"Stop!" he called, but they weren't listening. They weren't listening and they were strangers and their eyes were strange, too wide and bloodshot and not blinking, and he didn't know them!

He tried to look around, to find a familiar face because his father had been close to him, right? They had visited the lake together and and  _ an- _

_ "Be a good boy. You can watch the lake. You like to do that, right?" _

His father had told him that, to watch the lake until he came back for him, and he had, he had-

_ "When will you be back?" _

_ "Soon." _

_ "Do you promise?" _

_ "I do. Now be good." _

He had been good, he had been _ so good _ and had waited right where he was supposed to and now he was here and his father wasn't. His father had said he would come back with Mommy and the twins and they would have a nice day out in the snow! Running through the forest and having a snowball fight before coming home to the warmth of the fire.

But none of them were here! Just those people with their haunting eyes and their claws for hands to tear and slap and pull.

_ "Please don't leave me alone." _

Gavin threw his head back and screamed.

It didn't help much because those people were still hurting him, talking towards him in thousands of voices, some shushing him, some trying to sing him to sleep, and others yelling angrily.

He didn't know why or what they wanted from him, and he tried to punch and kick and get free, but he couldn't.

Someone finally managed to wrap an arm around his middle and pick him up, fighting off all those tearing claws until Gavin was high up on someone's shoulder. The people were still trying to get to him, to pull him down towards them again, and he started to cry.

He was confused and scared and didn't know what he had done wrong, but he recognized Lewis who was carrying him now and maybe that was good, maybe that was the only chance he had, because Lewis was a knight and worked for the king just like his father did.

And Lewis was fighting those people down now, was shoving them to the ground and screaming at them until they gave up.

Gavin had clasped his hands in front of his face to not see anymore, he just trusted Lewis to save him and at some point they finally moved. Away from the noise and those people, and then Lewis pulled him from his shoulders to carry him more easily and Gavin buried his face in the other’s chest.

When he dared to open his eyes again they were deeper in the forest. He could see two men who were trying to catch up to them but their movements were listless and their eyes sad. In that moment Gavin nearly pitied them but right now he was just happy to lose them between the trees.

Lewis still ran further before resting and Gavin didn't move. He just clung to the knight until they stopped and he was carefully let down.

This time he managed to stay on his feet, but Lewis also made sure to grasp his shoulders tightly as he kneeled in front of him.

"Gavin, you said?"

Gavin nodded and rubbed his flushed face. He knew he should be embarrassed to cry in front of a knight but he was still shaking like a leaf.

"Gavin, do you realize what happened?" Lewis insisted.

"No," Gavin choked out. He didn't know why those people were so scary, how should he? He hadn't done anything wrong!

"Do you realize where you are?"

"No! I just woke up here! I was..." He trailed off, confused. He had been at the lake with his father, or had that been part of his dream? Because he had also been sick in his bed, watching the snow fall.

He couldn't get the words out, and now Lewis looked at him as if he pitied him. But there was something beneath that and Gavin needed a moment to realize that it was fear.

Why would a knight fear him? Gavin should be the one who was afraid, he had every right to be and he was!

"We are at the portal," Lewis explained carefully, and Gavin shook his head.

"Portal?"

"The Nether portal. Did you hear of it before?"

"I- n-no, I don't know what that is."

Lewis sighed and let him go to rub his face. Gavin stared at him confused now.

"Of course not, nobody would tell something like this to a child. Not when you're still so young." The knight took a deep breath and then his hands were back on Gavin's shoulders shaking him a little.

"The Nether is the place dead people go."

"Like heaven?" Because Mommy had told him about heaven. She had said that if they were all good they would go there afterwards and it would always be warm and nobody would get sick. Gavin had nearly looked forward to it because he had been so sick so very long. Like a weight on his chest that made it hard to breathe.

"No, Gavin. Nothing like heaven."

Not heaven? Hell then? But-

"But I've been good," Gavin insisted. "I've been good and I shouldn't belong there! I want to go home, I don't want to go into hell!"

Lewis shook his head and squeezed his shoulders.

"You don't have to go through the portal. Nobody can go through it from this side, but sometimes... sometimes the dead come back through it. They come back to live a little longer."

What?

"Gavin, you came through the portal. You just... you just appeared like that."

He stared at the knight kneeling in front of him and tried to understand, but that didn't make any sense! He had been in bed and he had been at the lake while the snow fell down!

But the red, the red all around-

"You said you've been very sick," Lewis went on. "Gavin, I think you weren't just sick, you died."

Lifting his hand, Gavin pressed it against his temple as if that would help him understand the situation better. He had been sick and it had been so hard to breathe, but... but they had gone to the lake. Hadn't they gone to the lake because he felt better? Surely his father wouldn't take him if he wasn't feeling well!

The snow... it had snowed in front of his window and it had snowed at the lake but now it wasn't winter anymore. It wasn't winter anymore and he was far, far away from home.

"It's been decades since someone came out from the portal," Lewis said but Gavin barely listened. He tried to get his memories in order, tried to think about the last thing that happened but he just couldn't get it right. First there had been snow and he had been cold but then there was all that red. So much red.

He pressed his other hand against his head as well, trying to figure it out, but he couldn't. The water in his head was rushing in his ears, splashing louder than his thoughts and it sounded like voices. Like the voices that had come out of his very own mouth before.

"How did you get out?" Lewis shook him gently and Gavin's attention shifted back towards him. "You're just a child. How did you get out when so many others couldn't?"

The water grew louder now, like waves crashing against the shore, and his own thoughts were all washed away.

"I don't remember anymore."

 

His arms were scratched to all hell from those demanding nails of the people before, and Lewis sat him down to take care of it. Gavin held very still while he cleaned him up and wrapped bandages around him.

There were some bruises blooming as well, but there wasn't really anything they could do about that and they didn't hurt as much. He picked and prodded at them when Lewis turned away to write a letter, and the sharp pinpricks of pain were somehow comforting. His heart was beating as well as he pressed his hand over his chest. So he wasn't dead anymore, right?

But he had been before if what Lewis was saying was true, and Lewis was a knight so he wouldn't lie to him.

Gavin had given up trying to remember because it hurt his brain and made the water in his head act up. That was strange as well, water in one's head. Maybe that happened after dead, he would have to ask Lewis later, but right now he didn't feel like it.

He just watched the trees around as it got dark and he couldn't help but shiver. It wasn't as cold as before but he was just wearing thin clothes. Ones he would wear for bed, so maybe that was right, maybe that wa - but it had been so cold in these clothes at the lake, so very cold, and the snow-

He pushed his hands against his head to get his brain to shut up before something was wrapped around him.

"That's all I have for now," Lewis told him and Gavin realized it was the knight's coat. "I have more supplies back at the actual camp, but it might not be as safe to go back there right now. Not until they calm down."

"Why are those people there?" Gavin asked as he pulled the coat closer.

"Those are all people who lost someone, so they come here."

"They hope the dead will come back through the portal?"

Lewis nodded. "But it never happens. Some wait for years upon years for nothing. Like I said, you are a very rare case. Most of all for a child. I never heard of any report of that before. Often it has been warriors, strong men and women. Not little boys."

"Why me then?"

"I can't tell you that, Gavin. I don't know what happens in the Nether, the King just sent me here to keep this place in check, watch out for these people here, and hopefully get them to go back to their normal lives."

Gavin nodded slowly. That made sense. His father had always said that nobody should sit around doing nothing because there was enough work for everyone out there. Also everything seemed better than sitting around, waiting for the dead.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder if his mother had thought about coming here. Granted of course that Lewis was right and he really had been dead before.

Gavin hadn't seen her, but maybe she was on her way or something. On the other hand it wasn't snowing anymore so he didn't know how much time had passed. That was scary, not knowing how long he had been gone, how long he had forgotten.

He didn't want to think about that anymore, so instead he asked, "Why were those people so mean before? Shouldn't they be happy that someone made it out?"

Lewis threw him a long look that made Gavin shiver before he turned back around to fold his letter.

"People who experienced loss can become very twisted. It's kind of... hard to understand sometimes. Some of them probably were very happy and others were mad because you weren't the one they were waiting for. A lot of them have been here before me and I don't think they even truly remember who they are waiting for, they just know that they are waiting." He put a warm hand on Gavin's shoulder and squeezed.

"It's best for now if you don't come close to them. I am not sure what they might do."

Pulling the cloak even tighter, Gavin scooted back until his back hit a tree. Suddenly he felt like he was watched, and thinking about what Lewis had just said, it was a possibility. Maybe those people were just waiting until Lewis wasn't looking or until he was asleep. And even if not, there had been so many of them.

Could Lewis really fight them all off?

"What is going to happen to me now?" he asked unsurely, and Lewis held the letter up.

"That is the decision of the King. I will let him know what happened and then he will do what he thinks is the right thing."

"Is the King a nice person?"

That made Lewis laugh, but it wasn't a mean laugh. It settled something in Gavin and he dared to relax a little.

"King Ramsey is very kind," Lewis assured him. "I don't think that is one thing you gotta worry about, Gavin."

Gavin watched as Lewis rolled the letter up very carefully and then bound it to the foot of a very cute white bird. Gavin sat a bit away because all the birds he had ever met had flown away the second he came closer, and even though Lewis assured him that wouldn't happen Gavin didn't quite believe in it.

They watched as the bird flew off, disappearing into the clouds. The sky was turning crimson above and Gavin didn’t really like the color. It reminded him of that red place and he quickly averted his eyes.

“How long until the bird reaches the King?”

“Probably tomorrow,” Lewis said. “It’s a very fast bird.”

“So the castle isn’t that far away, right?”

“It’s still quite a trip, but we should get an answer soon.”

Thoughtfully, Gavin turned away, and when he looked up again the setting sun was painting the sky violet. That was a little better.

“Will the King sent me back home?” he asked.

“Where is your home?”

He thought about this for a while before shaking his head.

“There was a lake close by.” But he wasn’t even sure about that, maybe it had been a dream-lake or something.

Lewis watched him with the same pity as before.

“I can't tell you, Gavin.”

“I wished for a family, you know?” Gavin remembered and listened to the water. “And the wish of unlucky boys like me will be granted.”

The knight didn’t answer that, but Gavin could still feel his eyes on him.

 

Lewis kept watch while he slept that night and Gavin woke once because the knight was talking to someone a bit further away. It was one of the women from the portal and she was crying, her outstretched hand pointing towards him, and Gavin quickly hid underneath the cloak.

The next morning they moved places, further away from the portal, but he still didn’t feel safe. He felt like he was being watched, like someone was lurking between the trees.

Still, he didn’t stop Lewis from taking a nap; it was his fault that the man hadn’t slept last night after all.

So he sat there quietly as the knight snored and took stock. Investigating his arms and legs he found the scratches from the day before, and when he prodded them they still hurt.

That was strange; if he really had been dead then it seemed unfair that things still hurt. Shouldn’t he have cool healing powers and regenerate from everything? He remembered a scary story about that. His mother wasn’t one for scary stories but sometimes he got her to tell him one.

Now he wished she would tell him a nice one, even one she would tell the twins. Anything really, as long as she would bring him to bed and sit with him. She would sing that lullaby he loved so much, and sitting here all alone in a strange place without knowing how he got here, he began to hum it as well.

_ You taught me the courage of stars. _

It was a small comfort, but all he had right now, and he reeled in the memory. Closing his eyes, he could nearly pretend to hear her voice. He felt like it had been a while since he heard it and something about that squeezed his heart.

He was being watched, he realized suddenly and let his eyes flutter open again. A man stood between the trees and stared down towards him, making Gavin squirm.

The stranger wasn't even moving and if Gavin couldn't see him breathe he could nearly pretend the other was dead. The stillness made the hair at the back of his neck stand on end and he tried to scoot closer to Lewis, but the second he started to move the other did as well.

The man walked towards him with big, sure steps and Gavin stumbled to his feet.

"You're back," the stranger said, his voice soft in wonder, and he didn't sound angry or threatening but it still scared him.

"I'm..." he began, but didn't know what to say.

"I knew you would do it, Ethan! I always believed!"

"My name is Gavin not Ethan," he tried to tell him, but he didn't have the feeling that it reached the other. No, it was rather like the other didn't want to listen in the first place. He was with him in a heartbeat and Gavin prepared himself to run or scream, probably both.

He didn't want to be rude, but this man was scaring him and he just wanted  _ to go  home! _

He hadn't expected the guy to just swoop him up and hug him, nearly crushing him against his chest, and Gavin could feel his breath stuck in his throat. Then the stranger walked away with him, back towards the portal, and no! No, that was wrong!

Back there were those strange people and this man couldn't just take him!

"Lewis!" he finally screamed, and he didn't care if this man found him rude or noisy, he just wanted him gone. He started to struggle, kicking and punching, but the other was just so much stronger than him.

"Let me go," Gavin grunted and when the man didn't he bent down and bit into his shoulders.

The man stopped for a second before laughing as if that was all a joke, and suddenly Gavin was so scared that his tongue felt too heavy and too thick for his mouth. He wanted to swallow or scream but couldn't-

"William!" Lewis screamed, and Gavin's eyes darted to him. The knight was back on his feet and there was no trace of sleep in his face now. He held his sword threateningly, and good,  _ good _ _,_ he wanted to be saved.

"That's not Ethan. William, that's not your son!"

To Gavin's great horror William just placed a hand on top of his head and tried to quiet him down.

"Don't listen," he whispered to him. "We're going home now. Back to your mommy."

"No," Gavin yelled and tried to struggle again. It didn't work, he was too weak and too small but he kicked and kicked and kicked. "You're not my father! I don't know you! You can't just take me!"

But the man just shushed him and when his hand started to stroke through his hair, Gavin started screaming.

It was Lewis who charged in and Gavin clasped his arms over his ears as they started to yell. He didn’t like yelling, it always made him feel like he did something wrong even though he hadn’t. He had been good!

The grip around him loosened and he wiggled out; dropping to the ground, he began to run. He didn’t even care where to, just away, down into the woods where hopefully nobody would find him anymore. Those scary people should all go!

He dared to throw a look over his shoulder and Lewis was still fighting with the man, but through his blocked ears Gavin couldn’t hear them anymore.

He reached a big tree and quickly hid behind it, crouching down as if he could sink through the rustling leaves on the ground and disappear.

“I don’t want to stay here,” he whimpered even though he knew nobody would listen. The only one on his side was Lewis, and he was just making trouble for the knight. “I want to go home!”

_ “Wish for it.” _

It was the water rushing in his ears, it was the voice in the red and Gavin’s breath caught a little. He didn’t even look around to find the origin of the voice because he knew it came from inside. At least he hadn’t spoken those words himself, at least like this only he could hear it.

_ “I’ll grant your every wish.” _

"I wish I will get out of here," Gavin said and balled his hands to fist. "You promised me my family!"

_ "That I did." _

Nothing happened, but he also didn't know what he expected. That the ground would open up and spit him back out at his old house? That his father or his mother would just step from in between the trees?

He was probably just insane in the first place, hearing voices and reacting to them. Insane people did that, but that was kinda fair, he figured. Just waking up here, far away from everything he knew, and then people were trying to tell him he'd been dead.

He nearly believed it, because his memories were all over the place and nothing made any sense.

Lewis found him eventually even though Gavin hadn't even run that far off. He also didn't want to listen to the excuses as Lewis told him about William and how his son, Ethan, had died in a fire. How this Ethan was around his age and after all these years of hoping he had just latched onto him.

All that didn't matter to Gavin. This guy had just manhandled him and hadn't listened and had scared him; he didn't want to sympathize with him in any way.

He wanted to get his wish granted and never see anyone from this place again!

When it grew darker he wasn't even that tired, but he fell asleep easily, something that even surprised him. But wrapped in Lewis' coat and close to their little campfire, it was nearly comfortable and warm.

He woke up when something brushed his shoulder, and he shot into a sitting position, slapping the hand away. One of those scary people coming to snatch him away again and he wanted them gone! He hadn't done a thing to the-

But the man crouching in front of him was yet another stranger and he didn't have the crazy eyes. No, his eyes were very kind as he sat down in front of Gavin.

"Hey buddy," he murmured. "How are you doing?"

That was such a ridiculous question that Gavin nearly snorted, because he was confused and scared and disorientated. The sun stood high and warm now. How long had he been asleep?

That wasn't even the worst of it, because this stranger was clad in green robes that looked like they didn’t belong in the forest but in a great hall.

In the sun the golden crown shone brightly.

"Are you the King?" Gavin blurted out, and the blue eyes of the stranger crinkled in amusement. Something about that made the cold grip of fear around his heart ease.

"Yeah, that would be me, I guess."

Gavin felt how his mouth got all dry because this was the King, the actual  _King_ who sat here and was having a chitchat with him. The King who had called him buddy.

He shook himself from the shock because his parents hadn't raised a rude kid and he quickly bowed his head.

"Long live the King."

Now the King actually laughed, and that made Gavin feel a little better.

"Lewis said your name is Gavin?"

"Yes, my liege."

"And that you just appeared from the portal?"

He hesitated a little at that, didn't want to lie, but also didn't know for sure. In the end he just shrugged, "That's what everyone keeps saying. I don't really remember much of what happened, I'm sorry."

"That's fair enough though," the King said lightheartedly, and Gavin stared at him, a bit confused. He wasn't really how he imagined a king to be, but he was wearing the crown, so...

"It's a bit rude not to introduce myself," the King went on and laid a hand onto his chest. "I am King Geoffrey Lazer Ramsey which is kinda a really long name. Part of why I don't like it so much, but tradition and stuff. But for kids who stumble out of portals I have a very special rule and that means you can call me Geoff."

Gavin blinked at him confused before he fully grasped the meaning of that and quickly shook his head. "My liege, I can't-"

He had raised his hand mindlessly only to gesticulate how wrong that was, but Geoff's eyes narrowed at that, and Gavin froze.

He had done something wrong, he had angered the King, and now-

But King Ramsey just gently touched his bandages and then brushed against one of his bruises. It didn't even hurt, but Gavin still flinched away, not used to the touch, and King Ramsey quickly pulled back.

“Why are you hurt?” he asked and sounded honestly confused. “You should have been granted a new body once you came from the Nether.”

“The people…” Gavin began carefully before trailing off. He didn’t want to think about that horrible first moment of waking up. How they had just touched and pulled and not listened.

Also he didn’t want to be a snitch and those were the King’s people, right?

Surely King Ramsey wouldn’t want to hear bad things about them!

Still, it looked like the King understood anyway because he got angry. He tried to hide it, but Gavin wasn’t buying it. He could clearly see it in the blue eyes and tried to appear small; he didn’t want to be yelled at, he hated that!

“Go,” a voice ordered and Gavin hadn’t even noticed the second person standing behind the King. The person that actually ordered the King and that wasn’t right, was it?

But King Ramsey listened and got up to return to the treeline, to where Lewis was standing, and Gavin got a bad feeling about it. He couldn’t put a finger on it though because the second man sat down now.

“I’m Jack Pattillo,” he introduced himself immediately. “Not a King but close enough. It’s nice to meet you, Gavin.”

Jack was pretty tall with reddish hair and reddish beard. On his back he carried a gigantic battle axe that scared but also intrigued Gavin. He kinda wanted to touch it.

“I like your beard,” Gavin blurted out, and Jack laughed. He had a really nice laugh that made Gavin smile as well.

"Thank you." Jack reached up to touch his beard while chuckling.

"I hope you didn't have to wait too long for us," he continued. "We came here as fast as we could. Actually, we somehow managed to get here a lot faster than I expected."

Was it because he had wished for it?

"Are you going to take me away from here?" Gavin asked just to make sure. His heart was pounding at the thought. He would travel with the King! He would maybe even see the castle!

Before he had never left his village, and being so far away was very scary but also exciting.

"Geoff hasn't decided on that yet, but can I tell you a secret?"

Gavin quickly nodded and Jack leaned closer.

"I've known Geoff for so long that I can read his thoughts. So you can bet that he will come back after talking to Lewis, and then we will take you back with us."

"Are you sure?"

"I guarantee it." And Jack sounded so confident that Gavin believed him. He grinned wide and tried to throw a look towards the King, but he and Lewis were hidden by trees and he let it go.

"Will you help me find my family again?" he asked instead, because as much as he wanted to go away from here, he also wanted to go home. If everything could just go back to the way it was...

"We will try our absolutely best to get you back home," Jack assured him, "but Lewis said you didn't remember anything from where you come from."

"There was a lake!" Gavin called out quickly. "I told Lewis that there was a lake close by! That can help, right?"

Jack frowned a little before nodding.

"Of course it does. Sorry, Lewis must have forgotten to mention it."

How could he! It was the only thing Gavin had and this knight just forgot about it! How dare he!

Gavin felt anger bubble up in his chest but swallowed it back down. He couldn't be angry at Lewis, not after everything the knight had done for him. Surely he was also just tired from the past days.

"I wished that I could go home," he told Jack, and the other's hand raised as if he wanted to touch him before letting it fall again. That was good, Gavin wasn't sure if he was comfortable with being touched right now, but Jack's smile was enough.

"I'm sure it will happen. You will find your home."

"Yeah," Gavin agreed, but fell silent when the King stepped out of the trees. For a moment King Ramsey looked furious and that scared Gavin a little, but then he schooled his expression before approaching them.

"We will take him back to the castle," he declared and turned to Gavin. "Is that alright with you, buddy? We'll take you with us and there you'll be safe."

Gavin nodded wildly and caught Jack's gaze. The man winked at him before mouthing, "I told you, didn't I?"

Gavin couldn't help but snicker.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So,” Jack began and interrupted his thoughts. “What do you wanna see first? The garden or the towers are nice as well. The chape-”
> 
> “Jack?” Gavin interrupted him carefully. “Can we please look for my home first?”

Chapter 2

 

The castle was bigger than anything that Gavin had ever seen. The grand halls could fit the little hut he had lived in easily and there were servants running around, always busy, always noisy. It was a little scary because he feared getting lost or going somewhere he wasn't supposed to.

Jack showed him a room he would stay in that was in the same hallway as his own. He had assured Gavin that if he needed anything he could just knock on his door and it would be fine.

Gavin kinda didn't want to bother Jack, because Jack was someone very important in this kingdom and surely had other things to do than to look after a lost child.

Also outside of his door was a maid just for him who had introduced herself as Volvy. That was a funny name, and because of that Gavin liked her immediately. She seemed very nice when Geoff had been with them, but once he left she had stopped talking to him.

Gavin wasn't quite sure why, but he didn't want to ask so he kept quiet.

Maybe it was a rule or something; he didn't really know how things went in a castle.

His room was nice though. It was more spacious than the one at his old home. Back then he had shared his room with the twins and they had to share their toys.

Here he had a huge bed for himself and a shelf that was mostly empty. There was a fluffy fur rug on the floor that felt nice when he walked over it on bare feet.

The fireplace was always stoked and he had to do nothing for it. Volvy made sure it never got too cold and that was also good.

He remembered that in winter it could get really cold in their old hut but they had to get by with whatever wood his father had brought. Here that was no problem and once they finally reached the castle, Gavin spent the first night awake in the warmth of the flickering fire.

Sitting at the window he could look down to the city and watch light after light disappear.

He was too anxious to fall asleep, but at some point he settled in the bed that was too soft and warm to be his old one, and it made him strangely sad.

That was stupid though. Who got sad because of a different bed?

He didn't know and just pulled the blanket over his head until the feeling went away.

 

The next morning Volvy woke him, but didn't talk any further to him so Gavin also kept quiet. He got dressed in his old clothes and washed his face with the fresh water she brought and then sat down in front of the window again.

In daylight the city looked even bigger and he watched the small people move around in the streets. It looked a bit funny, like ants or something, and Gavin was fascinated by it. There were so many that even if he sat here all day he wouldn’t be able to count them all.

There was a knock on the door and when he turned around he found Jack standing in the threshold, frowning.

“Remind me to get you new clothes today. Can’t let you run around in one set all the time,” he said and Gavin nodded.

He would like that, he had been wearing the simple shirt and pants for quite a while now, and running through the forest had made them dirty and itchy.

“Anyway, good morning,” Jack greeted him and held his hand out. “I figured I could show you the castle a little if you want to.”

Slipping from his seat by the window, Gavin hurried towards him and quickly took the offered hand. If he was honest, he had been a bit scared that Jack or the King had already forgotten about him and that he would have to sit in his room all day with nothing to do and no one to talk to. Also, the castle was so big that it sounded exciting to explore a little.

Jack’s hand was warm and so much bigger than his. The skin was rough, and he was pretty sure that it was because of lots of working and fighting.

His father also had very rough hands and they reminded him a bit of that.

“That axe you carried when we were at the portal... Can you really fight with that?” he asked, intrigued, and Jack chuckled.

“Of course I can.”

“It’s so huge though! You must be really strong!”

“I guess so. If you want to I can show you when we got time.”

“Yeah!” The axe had been bigger than him and to think that Jack could just lift it, let alone swing that thing was insane!

They went on for a while longer through sheer endless hallways, and Gavin was reassured by Jack’s hand in his. As much as he wanted to explore, he was sure he would get lost quickly and the people would probably laugh at him when he had to ask for the way.

“So,” Jack began and interrupted his thoughts. “What do you wanna see first? The garden or the towers are nice as well. The chape-”

“Jack?” Gavin interrupted him carefully. “Can we please look for my home first?”

He didn’t want to be rude or ungrateful, but all those other things didn’t matter to him. Sure, they were interesting but also very strange, like everything around here.

Jack looked down at him, but he didn’t seem mad; no, he was rather thoughtful and squeezed his hand a little.

“Of course,” he told him calmly. “That’s the most important of all things.”

 

They stopped at the kitchen and Jack gave him his breakfast. He was even allowed to take it along to not lose anymore time, and that was good.

The cooks were all staring at him with some strange expression that he didn’t like as if they were mad he was here. Maybe people weren’t allowed in their kitchen or so but Jack had brought him and nobody dared to say a thing.

Jack, as he had learned, was the King’s Counselor. A Counselor was someone who helped the King make decisions and Gavin figured that was a pretty important thing. That was why Jack was recognized and greeted by nearly everyone and Gavin felt a little small and out of place next to him.

There were only a few people who so much as glanced at him and whenever they did Gavin felt uneasy. Some people looked at him like they wanted him gone.

Jack lead him into the boardroom and he was glad that nobody else was inside, just a huge round table that looked quite significant, so he made sure not to touch it. More interesting was the map on the wall that more than doubled his height and he stared at it in awe.

“That’s the whole kingdom?” he asked excited and Jack nodded.

“We’re here.” He pointed at a drawn castle towards the middle of the map. “And down here is the portal.” Just a bit away, in a deep forest. There was no mark for it though.

“So now we can find out where my home is?”

“We’ll give it our best.”

Jack told him to sit down and while Gavin ate the Counselor pulled another map from a shelf. This one wasn’t as big so that it fit on the table.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Gavin, but this might take a long time,” Jack told him as he pinned the map down at the edges. “But the more you can tell me the easier it gets.”

Gavin’s stomach clenched. He didn’t want this to take a long time!

“Can you still find the castle on here?”

Gavin let his eyes travel over the map until he found the mark again. Sitting up on his knees he pointed to it.

“Good,” Jack praised him and that lifted his spirits a little. “Now you said there was a lake close by? Do you remember the name of it?”

A name? Biting down on his lip he tried to think, but in the end he shook his head.

“It was always just the lake. Everyone called it that,” he admitted, but Jack didn’t get mad at him. He nodded to himself while leaning over the map.

“So it probably wasn’t a very big lake. Could you see the other side of the lake?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you sometimes walk around it?”

“My mommy sometimes did when it was nice outside. Sometimes I wanted to come but it was really far and she didn’t want to turn around halfway through it.” He looked up to Jack unsure. “Does that help?”

“It does.” Jack pointed to the map. “Those blue parts are water and the bigger ones are lakes.”

“There are a lot…” Gavin said listless. The map was huge and so was the kingdom, and it seemed like everywhere there were blue dots as if someone had spilled ink over it. For a moment he felt hopeless because there were just so many.

But Jack was warm at his side and pointed to one of the bigger lakes in the kingdom.

“I know, but what you said is already helping. This lake for one is so huge that you can’t see the other side and it’s nothing for a nice walk. You’d have to walk through the night to go all the way around if you don’t have a horse.”

“So it has to be one of the smaller ones?”

“Exactly.”

“But there are like a hundred of them!” Gavin protested.

“There are,” Jack agreed. “But not all of them have villages around them and some are too dangerous to walk around. I told you I won’t lie to you and this will take a long, long time. but Gavin. we have experts who can tell us exactly how big those lakes are and which lakes might be yours.”

That sounded like a lot of work and a lot of time. Time he had to spent here and not at home and the more he thought about it the more he had to swallow down tears. He didn’t want to cry in front of Jack, but he felt so lost right now.

Maybe Jack sensed something because his hand squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

“There’s something else you told us that will help us a lot.”

Rubbing his face Gavin turned to him confused.

“Your name,” Jack explained. “Gavin is not a common name. I actually have never met a Gavin before - have you?”

Thinking about it, he didn’t and quickly shook his head.

“See! So that’s what we’ll do. First we’ll find out which lakes might be your lakes, alright? And yes, there will be a lot of lakes where it could be but Geoff has allies and knights in all of those areas or at least close by. He can send them through the villages and ask for a Gavin.”

That… made sense!

Thinking about it like that it didn’t seem as hopeless anymore, and he wouldn’t have to go to all those places and search for his home because Geoff would sent people to do that!

“It will still take some time and I fear I can’t tell you how much, but it sounds like a plan, doesn’t it?” Jack went on, and he sounded so eager and willing to help that Gavin couldn’t help but smile.

“It does sound like a very good plan,” he agreed.

 

Jack let him check on the map for as long as he wanted to, and so Gavin stared at it with all the intensity he could bring up. His reading skills weren’t very good but he formed the words of cities and landscapes carefully, hoping he would recognize them.

Some he did but those were the big cities that everyone knew.

The lakes didn't ring a bell and he was angry at himself for that. Surely the dumb lake close to their home had a name and it seemed impossible that his parents had never let it drop. He had just forgotten it now that he so desperately needed it.

Just one name and he would be able to get back but there was not even an idea in his head.

Frustrated he huffed loud enough to make Jack look up from his own work but before either of them could say something about it, there was a knock on the door.

"There you guys are," King Ramsey said as he let himself in. "I searched for you everywhere, figured you wanted to show him around, Jack."

"Gavin wanted to search for his home first," Jack explained, and the King nodded thoughtfully.

"Of course." He came closer until he stopped behind Gavin's chair, and Gavin fought the urge to jump up and bow. The last few times he had done so King Ramsey had told him to stop, but that was hard. He didn't want to appear rude to someone who was so kind to him.

"So how's it going?" the King asked, and to Gavin's horror he wasn't addressing Jack but rather him.

Throwing a helpless gaze to Jack, Gavin found him buried in his work again, and he swallowed uneasily.

He was very nervous about talking to a King like this and he was scared of messing up, telling Jack's great plan all wrong and embarrassing him.

Or maybe Jack would get angry and scold him for not listening to something so important.

But King Ramsey was patient, coaxing the words out of him and helping him with the map. His hand was just as warm as Jack's on his shoulder but also rough.

Could the King fight as well? Gavin hadn't seen a weapon on him during their travels, but it could be.

He finished their plan and the King nodded along to until the end, listening intently. Afterwards he stayed quiet for a moment, blue eyes traveling over the map before giving a grunt.

"Sounds good to me," he agreed, and Gavin beamed up to him. If he wasn't wrong then the King actually sounded a bit impressed, and that made him all giddy.

"Seems like you got a lot of work done, buddy. How about a little break?"

Unsure, Gavin threw a look towards Jack, but he didn't even know why. It wasn't like he could help Jack with anything.

"Go ahead," the Counselor agreed. "As long as Geoff has also done his work you two can explore the castle together."

"With the King?" Gavin blurted out, and King Ramsey squeezed his shoulder.

"First of all, please call me Geoff, and secondly Jack might know a ton about the kingdom and stuff, but I actually grew up in this place. No way he could give a better tour than me!"

Still bewildered, Gavin followed when King Ramsey softly tugged at him.

They left Jack alone with his work in the room, and maybe that wasn't alright. Maybe they could help Jack a little or something, but Gavin didn't dare to bring it up.

If the King took the time out of his busy schedule for him, he didn't want to appear ungrateful.

Geoff noticed his little glances and looked down to him.

"So you guys haven't looked around the castle at all?"

"I wanted to come here first," Gavin admitted. "I wanted to search for my home. I'm sorry."

"No, I totally understand. Just been thinking what I wanted to show you first," Geoff assured him and turned away in a thoughtful silence.

Today he wasn't wearing his golden crown, but a heavy green cloak again. It wasn't as sturdy as the one he had worn for travel, but was way softer. Whenever it brushed against Gavin's arm he wanted to touch it some more and wrap it around himself. It felt like woven water or fine sand.

"I know," Geoff said suddenly. He hadn't thought about it for very long and Gavin was pretty sure the king hadn't really been thinking about it. Surely he had already knew their next location.

"The gardens are great and people from all over the country ask to visit them when they're in full bloom. Sometimes I even watch when someone proposes in them."

"Are people allowed in the castle?" Gavin asked, because that sounded strange. He had never met someone who had visited the castle before, but Geoff was slowly nodding.

"There isn't really a rule against it but usually it's the nobles who visit. It goes back for a long, long time so it's a slow change, but I don't find it fair to deny anyone the entry here. It's a great place."

"It looks like it," Gavin agreed, and Geoff turned back towards him with a smile.

"I hope you will enjoy your time here."

"I can stay? Won't you give me away?"

"What? No way! We can't just let you get lost while we search for your family! What a shame would it be to have to search for you then!"

Gavin grinned and felt the iron grip around his chest ease a bit more. He knew that there were places for children who had lost their parents and were too young to support themselves, but he had heard some bad things about those. Some children ran far away from there and others didn't wake up in the morning.

Granting, the situation was still better than before where a lot of children just died, but it wasn't the best yet. Gavin wondered if Geoff knew about those places and the rumors; he wondered if Geoff cared about that, and somehow that was very important right now.

But he didn't dare to ask or pry.

Instead, he followed Geoff quietly to the garden and tried to imagine what it would be like.

Behind their house there had been a small garden mostly with herbs and some potatoes, but there was a meadow beyond the forest.

It wasn't very big, but a lot of different colored flowers bloomed there, and on warm spring days there was nothing better than run from one end to the other and watch insects fly away, off into the sky.

It had been a nice place, and he wanted to tell Geoff about it when they finally turned a corner. There were two guards waiting for them, clad in heavy armor and with swords on their hips. They stood very still but moved at the same time to pull an iron gate open to allow them entrance, and something about that looked very, very cool.

Gavin glanced up to one of them, but they stared back intimidatingly and he quickly lowered his eyes. It was probably because he was taking a walk with the King; maybe they were even jealous!

"Here we are," Geoff said as he lead him inside, and Gavin eagerly stepped onto the stone path. At first he wasn't sure what he should say to the bushes to their sides because they were just that, bushes. The pathway they followed had a roof, and when Gavin glanced up he saw it was painted with vines and small flowers and birds. It made him smile.

Then the path opened up and he could finally see the sheer size of the garden. He could barely see an end of it and in neat rows were flowers upon flowers. Some had such bright colors that he feared touching them and getting stains.

It took him a moment to recognize that some patches of flowers were painting pictures and symbols only seen from afar. Different colored flowers that were carefully put together to become breathtaking.

Here and there were places to sit, a bench along the pathway and small hidden alcoves.

The scent of soil was heavy but comfortable, and when he listened closely he could hear the buzzing of bees and other insects.

Next to him Geoff chuckled. Gavin hadn't even noticed that he had stopped right where he was to look around and he quickly turned towards him.

"It's huge!" he blabbered in excitement and Geoff nodded.

"It is and this is just the beginning. A bit ahead the path actually splits and takes you down to another part of the garden. That's one part that not everyone can enter because that's where we grow a lot of herbs to heal people. There are three gardeners just taking care of that part so that we're stocked for the winter. But this here is the main part," Geoff lifted his hand to point to all Gavin could see, "it's very popular in spring and summer of course when everything is blooming. There are so many different kinds of flowers here that I'm impressed that our gardeners even know their names, and we try to import always new ones."

He put his hand against his hip with a sigh.

“Don’t get me wrong, Gav, I really want you to find your family as soon as possible, but I hope I can show you this place when everything blooms in the spring. With winter coming soon there aren't that many blossoms anymore, and those we see are all withering. What a shame."

Geoff talked on, pointing to that plant and this bush, but Gavin didn't even realize it. He was frozen in place, staring ahead without actually seeing.

Winter coming?

No, that couldn't be right. Winter couldn't be soon because it just had been. It just had been here because the lake had been partly frozen and it had snowed in front of his window.

It had been oh so very cold, turning his hands first purple, than white.

"You're lying," he interrupted Geoff without thinking about how rude it was to interrupt a King, but the thought wouldn't let him go. His head was spinning and he couldn't even raise his eyes from staring at nothing even though he knew that Geoff was looking down at him.

"You're lying because it can't be winter now," he explained calmly. "It just was winter. It was cold and there was snow and it was  _ so  _ cold. It can't be winter soon because winter was just last week!"

Only that he didn't know that, right?

The thought hadn't occurred to him yet that time had passed. That he hadn't disappeared from his family to appear at the portal the next day.

That it could have been weeks or months.

A whole year.

What if his family wasn't searching for him anymore? What if they really thought he was dead because so much time had passed?

So much time had passed and he wasn't where he was supposed to be. He should have waited for them to come back, his father had told him to wait there, but he had closed his eyes, had blinked for a moment because it had been so cold, and he had been gone.

Far away from where he was supposed to be, so of course nobody was looking for him anymore, nobody was waiting because he had been just gone!

"Gavin?"

Geoff's hand on his arm startled him and Gavin stared up to him.

"It's not winter," he tried to explain again, but Geoff just frowned.

"It's October, Gavin."

"That can't be right! Because... because it was snowing! It was snowing, Geoff!"

"Where?"

"At home!" Gavin snapped, because the other didn't understand. "At home in front of my window and at the lake!"

Geoff was watching him now with an expression he didn't recognize but Gavin also didn't care. He looked around, searching for someone else, someone who would agree with him, but he couldn't find anyone. Right now he and Geoff were the only ones around and maybe the King was pulling his leg.

Even as he thought that he knew it wasn't the case because Geoff wasn't so cruel, and for the first time it actually hit him that he knew nothing. That he had no memory of what had happened, that he didn't even have a clue how he got here in the first place.

It made his head spin and he reached up to push his hands against his temples to keep his skull together.

"I should have waited there," he said frantically. "Father asked me to wait but then things happened but I don't know what exactly happened! It feels like I was in so many places at once but I didn't move! I can't remember getting up from-"  _ the bed the lake the snow the red  _ "-but I was gone! I was just gone and now- now..."

He trailed off, trying to catch his breath with no success. His heart was beating so hard on the brink of panic and his knees were shaking. All he wanted to do was go home and have everything go back to normal.

His mommy and his father and the twins with their blond pigtails.

Why was he here? In a garden with the King when he had just been over there?

Geoff touched him again and it made Gavin jump. He struggled halfheartedly when he was pulled along until they were hidden in one of the alcoves.

It was darker here with the thick leaves and vines curling around the wooden frame, the scent heavy enough to clog Gavin's nose as he was sat down.

"People keep on telling me I was dead," Gavin told Geoff, who now kneeled in front of him. Even in this little light he could see how blue those eyes were. "They say I died but I don't remember that. I don't know what happened or how much time has passed. I just... I just woke up!" Only that he had woken up so many times. When he really tried to remember there were pictures in his head, but he didn't dare to dwell on them.

"I can't be dead! I'm just a child,  _ I can't be  dead !" _

Geoff took his hands in his and Gavin fell silent. He had talked himself into a frenzy and now his chest was heaving, trying to catch his breath and his thoughts and everything because things just continued to happen so fast. How should he keep up? How was he suppose to understand this all if he didn't want to?

"I just want to go home!" he whined, and for the first time he felt tears burn in his eyes. "I wished to have my family, why won't it come true?"

"I can't answer your questions, buddy," Geoff said softly as he squeezed his hands. "I really want to, but for now I can't. I don't know what happened to you or how you got in the Nether or how time works between there and here. I don't know why your wish won't come true, but we'll try our best to find out, alright?"

That wasn’t a lot, it might as well just be empty words, but Gavin wanted to believe them. Closing his eyes tightly, he tried to cling to that little hope, because right now he had nothing else.

“Until then you can stay here,” Geoff assured him, and Gavin gave a weak nod.

Geoff squeezed his hands again before letting go, and in the next moment Gavin was pulled into a hug. Geoff's clothes were soft as he pressed his face against his chest, and he smelled nice. Bringing his own arms up, Gavin held tight and tried to treasure this feeling.

His father had never hugged him or carried him, but maybe it felt something like this, and for a while he played pretend.

"You're very brave, buddy," Geoff whispered against his hair, but Gavin didn't feel brave. He felt quite the opposite, but he didn't dare to say that.

"We'll try our very best to help you, Gavin. This kingdom always takes care of its children."

 

They stayed at the garden for a while longer and nobody talked about the Nether or other scary stuff again. Gavin nearly forgot about it for a moment as Geoff showed him around and even allowed him into the forbidden part of the garden as long as he wouldn't touch anything.

The herbs and bushes weren't as pretty there, but Geoff explained him some of the things they did and Gavin was impressed. He had been sick for so long and he wondered if one of those herbs could've helped.

When they were through with the garden Geoff took him to the tailor, a tall woman he introduced as Missus Shawn.

She seemed very nice, blabbering all the while about this and that, but Gavin was a bit intimidated by her. The whole place was strange with creepy doll like things that held up the clothes so that Missus Shawn could work on them. Those dolls were missing their heads though and Gavin couldn't understand why.

He stayed a bit behind, watching the different colored fabrics laying around. Some looked thick and woolen, others were sturdy and hard. He had to fight the urge to run his hands across them.

"What's your favorite color?" Geoff asked him, even though Missus Shawn was still talking with them. But the tailor didn't even notice, just went on and on, so maybe that was normal?

Turning back to Geoff he remembered his question and pondered over that. His favorite color was violet, but he knew why Geoff was asking that and also knew that purple clothes were very expensive and only worn by royalty.

Gavin couldn't ask for that.

"I like green," he said instead, because it was everywhere here. Geoff wore it and it was on the banners all around.

"Good choice."

Somehow Missus Shawn had listened to them while she talked probably to herself and hurried around to gathered some fabrics for Gavin to chose from. They were all very soft and he couldn't really tell a difference, but that wasn't something he could just say. So instead he pointed to the middle one a little helplessly and off she went.

"Stand up there so I can measure you."

He was lead up to a mirror and looked at himself a little doubtfully. A mirror of this size had to be horribly expensive. His mother had been so excited when they had gotten a small one, barely more than a shard, and it was always locked away with the little jewelry she had.

"Was this made from a bag? Come on, off with that." Missus Shawn asked and pulled on his shirt. Gavin felt his cheeks burn as he shrugged the shirt off. He was well aware that everyone around was better dressed as him, but did she really had to say it out loud in front of Geoff?

It was embarrassing but hardly his fault. His father had worked hard, he had always assured him that, and of course Gavin believed him.

Also they were just clothes and they helped against the cold so wh-

Missus Shawn screamed and Gavin jumped.

He had barely paid any attention to her, had just moved how she wanted him to so that she could measure his arms and stuff, but now she let everything fall and stepped away from him.

"It's the dead boy," she screeched and pointed at him. Confused, he stared back, but she couldn't even look at him and instead turned to Geoff.

"King Ramsey, it's horrible! We can't keep him at the castle!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Geoff told her with a sharp voice, but she was pale and shaking.

"He's marked, my liege! He's marked and not one of us anymore!"

She looked ready to faint and now Gavin also grew scared. Unsure he wrapped his own arms around himself and searched for help from Geoff. The King was already on his way, passing by the whimpering woman until he stood next to Gavin.

He reached out but never touched him, his hand freezing in shock, and even Geoff looked pale now. It made something disgusting and dark twist in Gavin's stomach, and he heard the water, heard it flow in his ears.

"Gavin?" Geoff asked slowly and let his hand fall to his side. "Do you know where you got this?"

"Got what?" he asked, but Missus Shawn interrupted him.

"You know where it came from, my liege! He was touched by a demon, he was on the other side! This child will just bring misfortune!"

Gavin stared at her and then turned, tried to see what they were talking about. He had to twist awkwardly until he could see his back in the mirror and there, right between his shoulders was a dark mark. Nearly black lines that twisted around each other without really touching and his stomach dropped. He couldn't make out what they were supposed to be, but he also didn't feel them.

If he hadn't seen them he wouldn't know that they were there, and something about that made it so much more horrifying.

"The mark of a demon!" Missus Shawn screeched and had to sit down, her face pale as snow. "You have to get rid of him as soon as possible or he will poison the kingdom from within! He's a child of misfortune!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of you will have a wonderful christmas or if you don't celebrate it I wish you a nice weekend at least.  
> See you guys next week!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You can't call the king by his first name!"  
> "Geoff asked me to," Gavin assured him a little smugly. He was well aware what an honor it was, but their looks were just priceless. "Geoff is my friend!"

Chapter 3

 

The first snow fell three weeks later and brought bad dreams. Sitting in front of his window, Gavin sometimes wondered if bad dreams grew on clouds and traveled down to people on snowflakes.

A part of him knew that it wasn't true but for him both things were deeply entangled.

He tried not to look at the snow, to keep his eyes downcast so he wouldn't have to see, but it also sung to him. More than once he got lost in it, sitting here or just standing still in a hallway.

He could watch the snow fall for hours, seeing the white flakes and the garden beneath and the lake beneath-

It made him just stop whatever he was doing, whatever he was thinking and let the water rush in his head until it was all empty. It could have been a comfortable feeling, only that it wasn't. There was an underlying feeling of dread in his stomach every time it happened. Like he was losing a part of himself.

A child of misfortune.

Geoff hadn't sent him away or gotten rid of him after he had scared Missus Shawn like that, no, he had told her to shut up and not scare him. It was already too late for that, because there was something etched into his skin that didn't belong there, and Gavin had tried to get it off. Had scrubbed with water and had scratched at it, but nothing had helped.

It was a part of him now; in some part of his mind he had already known that. Otherwise he would have felt it sooner, he was pretty sure.

Now sometimes he twisted to touch it and push down on it. It felt like water, as if there was black water right beneath a very thin layer of skin and more than once he dug his nails into the lines, expecting the skin to break and make ink-like fluid ooze out.

It didn't happen, but as much unease the mark gave him, he was also intrigued.

Geoff asked an old man to come in and look at the mark. The man looked pretty smart, but Gavin wasn't sure because he barely spoke. Gavin had to sit still while the man sketched his mark onto a piece of paper with rapid speed before crowding into his space. He looked into his eyes with a strange glassiness, and Gavin had to fight the urge to flinch and hide away.

But Geoff asked him to hold still so he did; after all Geoff was very kind to him.

Geoff didn't sent him away even though Gavin knew that a lot of people wanted him to. Geoff took time out of his busy day to talk to him and Gavin appreciated it. He and Jack were the only ones who talked to him, and when neither of them were around he felt lonely.

Jack picked up on that, he was pretty sure. It had been his idea to have Gavin allowed in the throne room when only the three of them were there.

They hired a tutor to teach him, but the man only showed up once and after that Jack taught him instead.

Gavin wasn't quite sure why, but he liked Jack and Jack was very patient with him so he didn't really mind.

They hadn't found his family or the lake. Not yet at least.

Jack had sat him down and explained that it was harder with the early snow fall and that made sense. Gavin didn't like it, but he understood and then turned back to his exercises.

At night he would lie awake and dwell on it. There were horrible, horrible voices in his head that wouldn't let him rest.

They were asking if his old family had already forgotten about him, if one of Geoff's men had approached them and they had said  _ no, we don't know a Gavin .  Our two girls are right here and they were always our favorites anyway. A sickly boy like that? What use would he be? _

Hiding beneath his blanket didn't help because there were so many voices in his head.

Time was strange because he had remembered winter but had woken up in late autumn, so he figured he had lost nearly a year. But who said it was one year? Maybe it was two or three or ten. Maybe his family was long one, just skulls beneath the earth. Skulls with empty eyes and blonde pigtails.

Or the fact that he didn't know where he even came from. Why would he come from this kingdom and not Fieldhollow to the east? Even Rhyst or Werringtal?

He had seen those names on the maps Jack sometimes had and they had felt heavy in his stomach.

When his overworked mind finally allowed him to sleep, there was no rest.

Closing his eyes he saw the skulls with the pigtails laughing and running around without him. His father had adored the twins, had carried them around and played with them. He had been stricter with Gavin, but he had tried very hard to be better before he got sick.

He dreamed of his mother sitting at his bedside singing him to sleep, but her hands were black with earth like she had tried to unbury herself and her lips were yellow and he couldn't watch, feared they would fall right off.

There was snow in his dream, but he just looked up, watching it fall from the clouds were the bad dreams lived because he feared looking down and seeing the lake or not seeing the lake. He didn't know anymore what would be worse at this point.

Sometimes the dreams were tinted red like that place between the snow and the forest and he woke up with the water rushing behind his ears as he cried.

Volvy, the maid staying in the room next to him, never checked on him even when Gavin woke screaming, but he didn't tell Geoff or Jack. He didn't want to bother anyone anymore than he already was and so he laid in bed, back turned towards the snow falling outside and pressed his hands against his mouth to keep all his noises him.

Sometimes he woke up talking.

Sometimes he woke up singing.

He didn't know what was worse.

 

Geoff noticed soon enough how pale he was and sat him down, but Gavin wasn’t sure what he should tell him. Over the weeks staying at the castle he had come to like the King very much. He wasn’t scary at all like he had thought, instead he was funny.

Gavin loved when Geoff told him old stories. In the throne room his voice carried far, but it wasn’t angry or intimidating. No, it sounded excited, and Gavin found himself sitting there, listening to things he didn’t even quite understand, but that didn’t matter because when Geoff told them he could forget. Listening to the voice of the King cracking up with his own laughter didn’t make him think of snow or his family.

It was just nice, no matter how short the time was.

Of course Geoff was busy, but Gavin appreciated that he took the time whenever he could.

Still, he didn’t dare to tell a King that he had bad dreams and couldn't sleep. He wasn’t a baby anymore.

So when that evening there was a knock at his door, he expected it to be Geoff and wasn’t quite sure if he should be happy or embarrassed by it. Any distraction from his running mind was welcome.

It was Jack, who opened the door though and peeked in.

“Do you mind if I come in?”

Shaking his head, Gavin watched him walk towards the empty shelf in his room. Jack was carrying a few books and neatly put them on the middle shelf.

Slipping from his bed Gavin padded closer to take a look.

The books weren't as heavy as some that he had seen Geoff handle before, some were even quite slim, but he didn't dare to touch them. As much as he liked the feel of a book’s spine and stiff paper, he knew that books were very valuable.

Confused he looked up to Jack, who just chuckled.

"Those are yours now," he explained as he put the last on down. "Your reading is getting better and I think those will help you."

"What?" Gavin blurted out.

"They are mostly old fairy tales. You can start trying to read them."

"Jack..." Gavin began and didn't know how to put it into words. He never had something so valuable in his life. Books were rare and for the upper class, not for a lost boy like him. "What if I break them?"

"You have to be careful with them of course, but that's also something children have to learn. I'm sure it will be fine." He let his hands travel over the book spines before pulling one out again. "Sit down on the bed please?"

Hesitating Gavin did just that and waited until Jack sat down on the edge with the book and began opening it.

"I think you'll like this one," he began. "We can start together and see how it goes, don't you agree?"

"You want to read for me?" Gavin asked confused.

"Of course. Did your parents never do that before?"

"We didn't have any books," he said carefully. Sometimes it was embarrassing to admit how poor he had been and Jack hesitated before nodding.

"Of course. That was stupid of me. Surely they told you stories like Geoff does, right?"

"My mommy sometimes did, but she usually sang. My dad always told stories to my sisters but he said I was already too old for stories."

Now Jack pulled a face before he leaned against the pillows. "I don't think you are ever too old for stories. Don't you agree?"

Gavin wasn't sure. He tried not to like stories too much anymore to be more mature, but Jack was a grown up even though he was a little younger than his father had been. Still, Jack was the King's Counselor and still enjoyed reading stories, so maybe it was alright.

In the end Gavin just shrugged.

"That's fine," Jack said and patted the pillow next to him. "How about we start and you figure out if you like it yourself?"

"Alright."

He nestled against the pillow and pulled the blanket around his shoulders. Even with the fire in the room he sometimes got oh so cold that he laid here shaking, but so close to Jack he felt the other's body warmth.

He hadn't really thought much about Jack, he realized. Coming here and living here was a bit overwhelming and sometimes Gavin felt like he couldn't keep up with everything.

He knew he liked Geoff because the King was loud and colorful and funny. Next to him Jack seemed a little subdued, easily overseen next to the King, but here he was now.

He had gone out of his way to keep Gavin company even after a long day working and teaching him in the meantime.

Jack's colors were softer, his voice calmer, but Gavin found he didn't mind. With all the chaos around him and the chaos in his head it was nice to have something steady.

Something that he knew wouldn't change, like Jack coming each morning to get him, Jack explaining things to him he didn't yet understand, and Jack who never called him stupid or told him to grow up.

It was nice, and Gavin figured he liked Jack as well.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked, and Gavin realized he had stared at the man. Blushing, he pulled the blanket over his head but Jack just chuckled.

There was a heavy hand patting his shoulder. Jack was also the only one who dared to touch him where the mark was; even Geoff sometimes hesitated, but Jack never did.

That was also nice.

Jack began to read and after a while Gavin dared to peek out of his hiding spot again. Jack was a faster reader than him, but glancing at the pages Gavin found some words he recognized, and besides the pictures that the words painted in his mind there were also little scribbles on the pages.

He watched them and tried to read along with Jack, but soon his eyes grew heavy. Jack's voice was a steady up and down, and right now he wasn't alone.

Surely the snow was still falling outside, but he had his back turned to it and couldn't see it. All he could see was the story Jack was telling him, and it was good like that.

He must have slipped into sleep because he woke up and was alone. Blinking, he found his room drenched in red and felt his heart sink.

A rational part of his brain surely knew that it was because of the dying flames that mostly were just embers by now, but he didn't think rationally. He was a small child in the middle of the night, alone and confused, and it reminded him of the place between the lake and the portal.

It made his heart beat harder, nearly painfully so and he tried not to move, not to breathe, not to be because there were creatures luring in the shadows.

They wouldn't hurt him, not with the mark on his back, but he didn't want them to be close. They were grotesque and spoke in thousand tongues, none of which he understood anymore.

They scared him.

There was a movement in front of his bed and he couldn't help but tuck his legs close. He didn't want it to grab his ankle and pull him from beneath the blanket and under the bed. Under the bed were always shadows, never light, and the worst horrors just waiting.

Grasping and slimy hands and tongues with a hundred eyes. Always kind eyes, but a dark kindness that screamed  _ minemineminemine- _

"Gav-"

Something touched his arm and he slapped after it. He didn't want to fight, he just wanted it to be gone, and if kicking and biting would help, he would do it.

"It's me! Buddy, it's me!"

Strong hands held him down and all his struggling couldn't get him out. A yell swole in his throat and he threw his head back, hoping that someone would come, someone would help. Jack had been close-

"Gavin!"

Jack ha-

"Gavin!"

_ Jack. _

Jack stood above him and was pinning him down with just enough force. Gavin stared up to him in shock and couldn't move. His heart was drumming so hard that it hurt.

"Buddy." Jack's voice had carried a little high but he swallowed now, trying to calm down. Gavin watched closely, fearing it was just a mask and not Jack himself.

"I'm sorry if I startled you. You were talking in your sleep."

Jack let him go and Gavin instantly sat up. He scooted up the bed and pressed his back against the wall. If Jack was hurt about it he didn't show it, but the other left him the distance he needed.

Looking around he recognized his room and the new books in his shelf. The book they had been reading was laying on his bedside table, and he remembered Jack reading to him.

There was a blanket carelessly thrown on the chair next to the window.

Had Jack slept here? Had he watched over him while he slept?

Something about that made him relax, but it felt heavy, like someone was pressing down on his chest. He didn't know what to do with that feeling, but when he looked back to Jack he didn't want the distance anymore. The distance scared him because the monsters were still around, the monsters were in his veins and he would never get rid of them.

"Jack," he whined and heard his own voice break. He reached out and then Jack was next to him and so warm. Gavin nestled against him and hid away from all the evil out there.

Jack was so much bigger and stronger than him, surely he could protect him, and Gavin sobbed into his shoulder, he couldn't help himself. After so many nights like this he was just too exhausted, and having someone close by helped.

Jack's arms were tight around him and his voice was soothing, and Gavin ate it all up.

For a long time he hid in the other's embrace and his mind was quiet, not a single voice calling from within, until he was all out of tears for today. He was still so confused and scared and didn't know where he belonged, but right now in that moment it was alright.

Jack was still there, rocking him gently, and Gavin let it happen.

"Hey buddy," Jack whispered into his hair while he pulled the blanket around both of them. "You said your mother used to sing you a song before going to bed?"

His lullaby, yes.

He nodded and let Jack move him so that he had a pillow in his back. It was more comfortable like that and he felt his eyelids grow heavy. With his cheek buried in Jack's shoulder, he felt sleepy again.

"Can you teach me? Maybe I know it."

He didn't think Jack would know about the lullaby, no, it wasn't meant to be like that. Gavin was here to teach him because that was part of it, but right now he couldn't figure it out.

Instead he licked his lips and began to sing quietly,

_ "You taught me the courage of stars before you left. How light carries on endlessly, even after death." _

Just like he had thought, Jack didn't know the lullaby, but he was a fast learner. After Gavin stopped singing Jack hummed the melody to him, not yet familiar with the words. Tomorrow they would sit down and Jack would write them down, he knew that much. Maybe Gavin would be a bit embarrassed about this whole situation, but right now he didn't care.

Listening to his lullaby was nice even though it wasn't his mommy. That hurt a little but he liked Jack very much in that moment, Jack who was very warm and had one arm still wrapped around him to keep him from slipping off. Like this Gavin could hear Jack’s heartbeat and that was also nice.

For the first time in a long, long time Gavin slipped into a dreamless sleep.

 

Winter faded into a memory of nightmares and grey. Gavin didn't dwell on it, just watched with rapid attention how snow didn't fall anymore and then how day by day the white on the ground faded as well.

Beneath was healthy green, and he began to understand why green was the color of this kingdom. It was everywhere; high up from the castle he could see it stretch on and on. It began in the trees and the courtyards, and his mood lifted alongside it all.

With the snow gone the search for his home would be easier, with the snow gone he could finally sleep again.

Over the past weeks Jack had brought him to bed nearly every single day. It was embarrassing, but he was just too glad for it. With Jack at his side, reading him the next chapter of the fairytale he felt safe. By now Jack had even learned the lullaby and would sing it to him, making sure he was comfortable before also retiring for the night.

Sometimes Gavin still woke from horrible nightmares, and when they got too bad he would hurry down the dark and cold hallway and hide away in Jack's room. Jack assured him it was fine and Gavin gladly wanted to believe it.

He was clinging to Jack, he knew that. Wanted the other's attention and his smile. He had latched onto him too quickly, but Jack didn't seem to mind and it did the funny thing where Geoff nearly seemed jealous. The king would then shower him with attention and jokes and small gifts as well.

With spring coming, life was good and he loved both of them in a childish, innocent manner that he didn't have to dwell on. It was just how it was, and maybe because of that he felt safe for the first time since waking up.

Today he was wandering the castle hallways alone, but that was fine. Over time he got more familiar with most parts and as long as he stayed in the main part he was fine. There were guards around and even though some of them were watching him all strangely, he didn't mind. They were probably just jealous because he spent so much time with the King.

But today Geoff was busy with some important meeting or so, so Gavin was on his own. He was actually rather excited about it.

The garden had started to bloom again and over the long winter nights he had an idea. In one of the stories Jack told him, a little lost girl found her way home because she was following a certain magical flowers whose head would always point in the right direction.

That wasn't quite possible but after talking a bit with Jack he found out that there were some flowers and plants that just grew in certain parts of the kingdom. So maybe if he could find one that was familiar it could help them big time to find the right lake.

Jack had agreed and so Gavin was on a mission today.

He skipped down the stairs and through the heavy door to the garden. After all the white the green of the grass was wonderful, and he found himself humming.

Of course he wasn't the only on here, there were a few people who also came to enjoy the first taste of spring, but he paid them no mind. Some were even kissing around in one of the alcoves and Gavin pulled a face at that.

It didn't matter and he pulled his attention back to the flowers. There were a lot more than back when he had first visited the place with Geoff, but there would be even more later. It was still very early in the year after all and as he looked down at purple and white crocuses he was well aware that he might not find anything today. The flowers he recognized right now might be absolutely common and found everywhere and if there was a certain kind of flower around his lake it might not even bloom yet. Still, he was so sick of sitting still. He wanted to find out more, to move, to help - anything to get some answers.

With the beginning of a new year he felt ready for it.

The last months had been scary and dark, but now he would find out more, he was sure of it!

He stepped from the path to avoid the people who looked at him dismissively. He was a child, he had more reason to play here than they had! But maybe they just didn't want to suck each others faces around him, and that was alright with him. Girls were pretty gross and kissing was as well.

He hadn't gone that far and was just crouching down to pluck a very pretty crocus for Geoff when a hand pulled him straight into the next bush.

He was so perplex that he didn't even make a noise, just stared up to the boy with the curly hair above him. The boy gesticulated for him to be quiet then stuck his head out of the bush to check on something, and Gavin dared to look around.

There was a second boy, a little smaller and with dark hair. His cheeks were red in excitement and he was staring at Gavin with big eyes.

None of them moved, not before the first boy leaned back and gave them a nod. Gavin knew when he was hiding from something and even now he sat up slowly.

"You nearly got found with by the guards," the curly haired boy chided him, and Gavin gave him a confused look.

"And then?"

"They throw you out," the second, smaller boy told him frantically. "They throw you out and tell your trainer about it! I don't want to do three extra rounds!"

"Oh. It's fine, I'm allowed to be here," Gavin explained, and now both of them stared at him.

"What? You some child of a noble? I don't know of any kid who's just running around the castle like that," Curly Boy snarled.

"No, but Geoff said I could look around as much as I want. He even showed me the garden the first time I got here."

That sunk in slowly and the small boy’s eyes grew big as saucers. "Geoff? Like King Geoffrey Ramsey?"

"Yeah."

"You can't call the king by his first name!"

"Geoff asked me to," Gavin assured him a little smugly. He was well aware what an honor it was, but their looks were just priceless. "Geoff is my friend!"

He had stunned both of them into silence and couldn't help but grin at that.

"I'm Gavin!" he introduced himself, and the boy with the curly hair grunted.

"I'm Michael and that's Ray." His eyes narrowed as he looked up and down Gavin. "I never saw you training with us."

Training? Gavin's face must have shown his confusion because Michael turned around to Ray. Ray on the other hand was a bit pale and pulled on Michael's sleeve.

"It's him," he whispered and didn't quite dare to look at Gavin. "The child of misfortune. It has to be."

Gavin froze. Those damn words again. He didn't even know exactly what they meant, but he had heard them whispered behind his back and now those two boys also knew them?

And here he had been excited to finally meet someone around his age.

"Wait," Michael said slowly and turned to him. "You are the kid who came back to life or some shit like that?"

"Umm," Gavin said helplessly. A part of him wanted to stand up and run from the bush. Those guys were rude and made him uncomfortable, maybe he would even tell the guards about them if they were so scared about being found.

Things surely would've been different then.

It was an invisible bond that kept him rooted right underneath their gazes.

"Like a zombie?" Ray whispered next, and Gavin watched as his hand sneaked up to tightly grasp Michael's sleeve. "Are you eating brains?"

"I'm not!" Gavin blurted out, flabbergasted.

"What are you eating then?"

"Whatever is for dinner," he told them before hesitating and adding, "besides the vegetables. They are gross."

That made Ray relax, and he nodded in understanding.

"But you were dead and then came back alive?" Michael asked again and Gavin hesitated.

He wasn't quite sure what to answer, didn't want to lie, but he also wasn't yet sure what The Truth was.

"I fell asleep in one place and then woke up here," he finally settled on, and figured that was an awful explanation. It barely scratched the surface of what had happened, but he didn't think that he had the words to even try that.

Ray stared at him before switching to Michael as if asking for his opinion. By now Michael just watched him thoughtfully, and Gavin was pretty sure that he was being judged here. It made him nervous, but he raised his chin defiantly.

He wasn't scared of those two, they weren't even half as bad as his nightmares.

"That's pretty fucking cool," Michael finally said, and both Ray and Gavin blinked in surprise.

"Eh?"

"No, really. That's way cooler than Ray. You know why we're here? Because Ray wanted to see the flowers, that's why. We sneaked into the castle to see flowers!" He rolled his eyes like he couldn't believed he got into this mess, and Gavin smiled shyly.

Ray pulled a face and crossed his arms in front of his chest. For a moment Gavin was worried, figuring that Ray wouldn't like him because Michael was being mean, but then Ray just huffed.

"Michael was all for it though, just because he wanted to try and sneak into here in the first place."

"That's still way cooler than freaking flowers!"

"Just because your head is too thick to think about anything else but stupid swords doesn't mean that all of us are so simple minded!" He threw Gavin a can-you-believe-this-guy-look and Gavin couldn't help but chuckle.

"Do you like flowers?" he asked Ray, and the other boy just shrugged.

"They're cool, I guess."

"Do you know a lot about them?"

That made Ray perk up and Gavin felt his heart pick up. If Ray knew a lot about flowers he could help him search for the right ones for sure! Geoff and Jack would be busy for the next week and Gavin knew that a week wasn't that long, not after he had waited the whole winter for this, but he was getting impatient.

"If I showed you a flower could you tell me its name and where it grows?" he asked eagerly.

"Certain ones, yeah," Ray told him before falling silent. He thought for a while before he nodded. "There are books about all kinds of flowers growing in this kingdom. They might help you as well."

A book? Surely he could find that in the library. Jack had showed it to him and the sheer amount of books had been intimidating, but he could take one of those books if he was really careful!

"I can bring you one," he said and hoped that was true. It had to be, because Ray's eyes grew impossible brighter.

"Really?"

"Yeah! I'll ask Jack for it later!"

"We would sneak in again though," Michael reminded them, and Gavin deflated a little.

"Geoff said the garden is for everyone..."

"Officially yes, but the nobles don't wanna be disturbed in here because they are doing their stupid courting thing." Ray rolled his eyes, and Gavin agreed silently. "So they look at you all angry and get a guard to throw you out because you were apparently making a ruckus!"

"Ray's been thrown out three times by now," Michael added helpfully and didn't seem to feel when Ray slapped him. "But nobody saw us coming in today so we could try again tomorrow."

 

They agreed to meet at the same time in the same bush the next day. Gavin was so excited he could barely sleep that night, and for once it wasn't because of any nightmares.

The book about plants sat on his bedside table and he had promised Jack to be very, very careful. The woman at the library hadn't been very happy about him carrying it around but she hadn't said a thing, not with Jack around.

Her eyes haunted him though, and he felt like she was whispering behind his back.

_ Misfortune. _

He would make absolutely sure that nothing would happen to the book.

Next to the book sat a little bag. It was full of chocolate, little drops that had melted on Gavin's tongue and filled his mouth with sweetness. He had forced himself to stop eating them because he wanted to share with the others, but it had been hard.

He had asked Geoff for it and the King had promptly taken him down to the kitchen to get him some. It was strange how happy Geoff seemed just getting him something, but Gavin had also smiled as they both ate some chocolate on the way back to the throne room.

He hadn't told Jack nor Geoff about the two boys in the garden. He feared they would get mad because Ray and Michael had snuck in but somehow Gavin was pretty sure they already knew.

Thinking about it as he waited for sleep, he was sure some guards had seen Ray and Michael. No matter how good those were in sneaking and hiding, it had to be impossible that they had moved past every guard without being seen.

Otherwise bad guys could sneak in as well and try to harm Geoff.

The thought made something upset curl in Gavin's stomach and he quickly pulled his blanket over his head to get rid of the thought.

 

Armed with the book and his bag of sweets, Gavin ran to the garden the next day. He had been giddy all day waiting for this and hope he wasn’t too late now. To be honest he hadn’t really been sure at which time they had met yesterday. They had just agreed to meet at the same time again because adults always said it like that.

Now he hurried down the long stairs, the book pressed against his chest and the bag tugged away in his pockets. Some maids turned around when he ran past them but nobody dared to stop him.

Under the distrustful eyes of the guards he opened the heavy gates to the garden and slipped inside. It wasn’t as warm as yesterday and at first Gavin couldn't see anyone besides himself in here. There were two of the gardeners working and he had to sneak past them.

They barely threw him a look, and that was probably for the best, he was going to waltz right through some of their flowers to get to their meeting spot, and they surely wouldn't like that very much. Thankfully the men were focused on their work and Gavin squeezed in between the other bushes. He was very careful to not hurt any of the plants before dropping down into the bush that had hid them yesterday.

Nobody was there, and Gavin froze.

Was he in the wrong place? No, he was pretty sure he was right because he had followed the crocuses like yesterday. Maybe he had to move a bit further in?

He crawled with the book still pressed to his chest so it wouldn't get dirty, and there was actually some space between the bushes, like a clearing in a forest. There was a tree above and Gavin stopped in the shadow of it.

It was pretty here, with the soft grass beneath his knees and the rustling of the leaves around. Then it reminded him of the portal and his stomach sank.

He grew so cold that he started to shake and didn't dare to move. He feared those strange people would sit behind him, would just wait for him to turn around and grab him again.

They had such scary eyes and he didn't want to go with them. No, there was something deranged in them, and he wanted to stay here with Jack and Geoff where it was safe and warm.

Swallowing heavily, Gavin tried to shake his head to snap out of it, but it was hard. He knew that this was the garden, not the forest around the portal but his body just wouldn't listen. Only when the book dared to slip through his grasp he could move. Catching the book, he pressed it back against his chest and wanted to crawl back.

Between the bushes he would be hidden and nobody would get hi-

A hand grasped his shoulder and with a cry he flung himself around. His hand shot out but was instantly caught and twisted.

"Nice try," Michael told him and let go of his wrist.

Gavin stared up to him with his heart still beating violently, but if the other noticed he didn't show it.

"This is a way better place, nice one," he just said and stepped right over Gavin to inspect their little clearing. "Ray, he also brought your stupid book."

"It's not stupid," Ray mumbled. He appeared between the bushes and at least threw Gavin a worried glance before hurrying to Michael's side.

Gavin stared at them and figured he looked like a maniac. He felt lightheaded and cold sitting here and his breathing went heavy.

For a moment he had truly been back in that place with hands grasping and pulling. It had scared him to the bone and he tried to get his mouth to smile and say something, but he couldn't. He felt sick from the shock and for a moment he was just going to jump up and run away from here.

But neither of the others were staring at him like he was insane. Michael hadn't even noticed and was bickering with Ray who was pouting up at him.

Slowly, very slowly, Gavin relaxed his iron grip around the book and allowed himself to sit down. He heard the crunching coming from his pockets and quickly pulled the bag of sweets out of it. His hands were still shaking and his mouth dry but he tried to calm down.

Now Ray's eyes were on him and again Gavin wanted to hide away. They would think him weird, would probably find a reason to get away from here as soon as possible. He was surprised that they got here in the first place after all they had to sneak through the castle.

Instead Ray scooted over to sit right beside him and Gavin froze.

"Can I see?" Ray asked and Gavin nodded shyly. He handed over the book and Ray eagerly opened it.

"We have to be careful with it," Gavin told him. His voice felt dry and too quiet but Ray didn't notice.

"Sure."

He was already looking at the carefully drawn scribbles on each page, some were even gently colored, and Gavin had also been fascinated by it the first time he saw it. Now he watched as Ray gingerly let his fingers travel over them.

Gavin didn't dare to interrupt him and instead looked up.

Michael was watching both of them and Gavin wasn't sure what the other thought of him. It was hard to tell from his face, but Gavin wasn't stupid. His instinct told him that Michael was the leader of the two and if he couldn't win him over he had already lost.

"I brought chocolate with me," he said and held his little bag up. Michael's eyes instantly lit up as he took a look inside.

"Dude, do you know how rare chocolate is?"

Gavin went to tell him that he always got a little treat after dinner but then decided against it. After all, it was only thanks to Geoff that he had access to those things.

So he gladly let Michael have some of the chocolate, but when he went to offer some to Ray as well, Michael shook his head.

“He’s gone,” he told him as he gestured towards Ray. “He’s talked about a book like that for so long, I won’t be surprised if I don’t have to drag him home later.”

Gavin chuckled and also took one of the chocolate drops.

“Seriously though, we’re missing training to meet you here,” Michael said with an edge in his voice that Gavin didn’t like. “I wouldn’t have but Ray was so excited and I guess we kinda promised. But we can’t do this too often.”

“Ah… I’m sorry.” Now he felt horrible. He himself had nothing to do all day if Jack didn’t decide to teach him, but that didn’t mean others were the same.

Michael picked up on it and grinned, “It’s fine! I’m strong enough to miss out on a day of training and Ray is a hopeless case anyway!”

He flexed his arm to show his muscles and threw an expecting look to Ray but got nothing in return. With a sigh he shook his head and fished a chocolate drop out of the bag to feed Ray while he read.

“Are you becoming a knight?” Gavin asked and wrapped his arms around his legs. He watched in amusement how Ray opened his mouth and allowed Michael to drop the chocolate on his tongue.

“No way! I’ll be a soldier! The greatest warrior this kingdom ever had!” Michael assured him with so much vigor that Gavin instantly believed it.

“Really?” he asked eagerly and leaned forward. The sun was shining now and in the light falling through the tree above Michael’s hair appeared red. “Are you going to name your weapon a cool name?”

  
“Why would I do that?”

“Because that’s what great heroes in fairy tales always do,” Gavin explained to him even though that was pretty basic knowledge.

Michael fell silent to ponder over that while absentmindedly feeding Ray. Ray was still carefully studying the pages of the book, and even though Gavin had been so excited before, he couldn’t bring himself to disturb him.

Sitting here in the grass with the sun warm on his back was peaceful and he closed his eyes a little to savor it.

He had nearly dozed off when Michael’s foot nudged his leg and made him look up. He instantly retreated because Michael had somehow caught a big, black beetle that was desperately trying to escape his grip.

“Wha-”

“Watch,” Michael told him before turning to Ray. Gavin watched in horrified attention how Ray opened his mouth in expectation of another piece of chocolate and not a bug.

“Micha-” Gavin began, halfway between laughter and disgust, but it was already too late. 

Ray reeled back once he felt the little legs against his mouth and stared up to Michael who somehow managed to look innocent even when he still held the beetle in his hand.

_ “Michael!”  _ Ray spluttered before he dropped the book and charged at him, and off they went.

A bit stunned Gavin watched them dash through the bushes around with Ray yelling profanities that he hadn’t expected from the quiet boy and Michael hollering in laughter.

He couldn’t help but grin himself and quickly picked the book up to follow them.

Ray was quick; by the time Gavin freed himself from the bushes around and caught up to them he had already wrestled Michael to the ground. They were rolling around now, boxing and kicking but all while cackling.

A little helpless Gavin stood by their side and didn’t know if he should break them apart or not, but he felt giddy now. It had been forever since he had played with other kids, and even then it had been his little sisters.

No way he could play this rough with them, his father would have screamed at him for hurting them. But Michael and Ray didn’t seem to even think about that, they were crying out and pulling at hair and Gavin actually had to retreat when they nearly bowled him over.

No, he didn’t want to break them apart - he wanted to join in.

“Hey!” a voice bellowed, and all three of them froze. In their headless chase they hadn’t noticed that they were back to the main part of the garden and now the guards from the gates were marching towards them.

The first one, a bulky woman, took a hold on Ray’s collar and lifted him up like a kitten before grasping Michael’s arm and pulling him to his feet.

The other guard, a man who towered over Gavin, made a beeline for him before hesitating. Both of them stared at Gavin before throwing each other a look.

Pressing the book against his chest, Gavin expected rough treatment as well, but neither of them touched him.

“You two,” the woman said and shook both Ray and Michael, “have no business being here. I think I should have a talk with your trainer.”

Both of them paled and the joy from before was wiped away just like that.

Uneasy Gavin stepped from one foot to the other before he found the courage to say, “I asked them to come. It’s not their fault.”

Another glance towards him, but neither eye of the guards would rest on him for longer than necessary. Instead Michael and Ray were dragged out without another word and Gavin bit his lip.

He wanted to stop them but knew it would just bring more trouble. He was left standing there in the middle of the garden and watched them go.

“You two should choose your playmates more carefully,” he heard the woman say, but the anger from before was gone. She actually sounded worried, and that made Gavin’s heart sink.

“You see what this Child of Misfortune brings you. It’s best to stay away.”

 

Gavin sat at his window, his arms crossed on the sill and his head resting on top. He figured along the line this had somehow become his spot. He liked to watch the city below, the people walking around until it grew dark, and shortly after lights would pop up like stars.

Sitting here nobody would bother him and nobody would look at him all wrong.

Night was falling slowly and Volvy had been there to light his fire. She hadn’t talked to him like she never did when it was just the two of them. At first Gavin hadn’t understood, but now he was beginning to grasp that people didn’t want him around, that they didn’t trust him.

As long as he was under Geoff’s protection he was safe, but it made something upset curl in his stomach. What if he finally found his way home and the people in the village would stare at him like that? What if his sisters were scared of him?

What if his parents wouldn’t want him anymore?

He didn’t know, and he buried his face in his hands.

If he could just remember- he wasn’t sure but it could help. If he finally got everything in his head in order and could see behind the snow maybe it would make things easier.

A part of him was scared to look too deep.

There was a knock on his door and he looked up just in time to see Geoff step in.

Ah right, the King surely had heard about what had happened in the garden today, and Gavin still felt guilty about it. Hopefully Ray and Michael weren’t in too much trouble.

“Hey buddy,” Geoff greeted him, and Gavin smiled at him before turning back around. The horizon looked like it was on fire and he heard Geoff sit down on the bed behind him.

They watched the sunset for a while longer until Gavin dared to ask, “What does misfortune mean?”

He didn’t wait until Geoff answered, just placed his head back on his arms. “It means bad luck, right?”

“It does,” Geoff agreed. “Have people called you that again?”

Gavin nodded but he was pretty sure it wasn’t just the guards today. There were others who called him that behind his back, people he hadn’t even met. Ray had known about it, and now as he sat here, he was sure Geoff also knew about it.

“Child of Misfortune,” he said slowly. “They say it like I am the one who brings bad luck.”

Geoff sighed and Gavin could hear him move. He didn’t turn around though, just scooted to the side when Geoff sat down beside him.

“Some people think that people who have been through a lot, who have lost something so valuable that it can’t be replaced, are bringers of bad luck. They act like it’s something they can catch like a cold, something that rubs up on them. So they keep far away.”

“Am I a bringer of bad luck?” Gavin asked and hated how his voice shook. He grasped his sleeve tighter and kept his eyes on the horizon. If he wanted to he could focus on Geoff’s reflection in the window, but he didn’t quite dare. “Should I go far away so that I don’t spread my bad luck?”

“No,” Geoff told him. A warm hand rested on his shoulder and squeezed and now Gavin turned his head.

Geoff was sitting next to him, and his face was open and earnest.

“I just said that’s what some people think, but I gotta tell you a secret, buddy. A lot of people are pretty stupid and usually they are the loudest ones out there. Should I tell you what I think?”

Gavin nodded.

“I think that you had a lot of bad luck, that you lost something that was very important to you, but that doesn’t mean that it’s your fault. It just means we have to try our hardest to make sure you find it again.” Geoff shrugged. “What point would it be to cast someone out just because they have bad luck? I think we should help them instead. Wouldn’t you agr-”

He trailed off, stunned because Gavin had turned around to throw himself against Geoff’s chest. He buried his face there and took a deep breath.

Geoff always smelled nice and the clothes he wore felt cool against his flushed skin. It wrinkled when he held on too tight and twisted it between his hands, but Geoff never seemed to mind.

Even now Geoff just pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him. He didn’t say a thing, just let Gavin have this, and that was nice.

He had been so lonely with Geoff and Jack busy but he hadn’t realized that until he watched Ray and Michael play. He had wanted to join in, to roll around the ground to try and pin one of the others down.

“Who were those two boys today?” Geoff asked after a while, and Gavin closed his eyes.

“I wanted them to be my friends, but now they’re in trouble because of me,” he admitted and clawed at the green tunic. “I didn’t want that. I just…”

He didn’t know what he wanted, not really. He just didn’t want this right here, but it had happened and now both Ray and Michael were gonna hate him.

“They didn’t get in trouble because they played with you, they got in trouble because they just ran away from training,” Geoff explained, but even that didn’t help. He had asked them to come and see him again.

“I’m sure they want to be your friends as well,” Geoff went on, and when Gavin just huffed in disbelief he shook him a bit.

“I’m serious! Who wouldn’t want to be your friend! I know that I want to be your friend, buddy!”

That made him look up and Geoff looked at him so eagerly that he couldn’t help but smile. He sat up to hug the King more properly and squeezed with all his strength.

“You’re my friend, Geoff!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update of the year!  
> Thank you guys once again for all your support - it's so much fun writing and actually having an audience!
> 
> See you guys next year!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone in the room had now turned towards him and was staring.  
> Intruder.  
> Misfit.  
> Child of Misfortune.  
> "You should finally give that child away, King Ramsey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update but my internet keeps dying!

Chapter 4

 

Gavin followed Jack reluctantly out to the training field. It had been nearly two weeks since he had met Michael and Ray, and since then he had been mostly holed up in his room.

No matter what Geoff had said, he still felt horrible about everything that had happened, and maybe the worst of it was that nobody had gained anything from it.

Even though he had given Ray the book, they didn't have the time to check on the plants, and Gavin figured he should be furious about it but he wasn't, not really. He was more sad that his first try on a friendship had ended in a disaster.

So he had sat in his room and practiced reading and doing maths and whatever else Jack gave him.

He and Geoff were still working hard because of this visitor from another kingdom. It was a tall lady, and Gavin had only seen her when he was passing by.

She looked scary and had cold eyes, so Gavin kept away from her.

Now she was gone, and the first thing Jack had done was knock on his door. Gavin was a bit happy about that, because both Jack and Geoff had checked on him every day, but it hadn't been the same; he had missed their attention.

But now Jack had brought him out here and they had already watched the soldiers train. Their fierce cries and mighty blows had echoed over the field and Gavin had pressed close to Jack. He wasn't scared but instead intimidated by the raw force of each hit.

It was only when they moved down further and the recruits got younger that he got nervous.

Ray and Michael were somewhere here, he knew that, and they hated him. Surely they would point and laugh.

They watched the axe fighter and Jack stayed here the longest. Probably because once the men noticed him they tried harder, hurled their axes towards the targets across the field.

"They want to impress you," Gavin said and giddily looked up to Jack. "Is it because you're the best with the axe?"

"Some think so," Jack admitted bashfully. "But I'm not sure."

"I bet you are! Your axe is so much bigger than theirs!"

Jack chuckled and reached down to tousle his hair.

"Thanks, Bud."

"I want to see you throw them as well! You should show them how it's done!"

Jack seemed to consider this for a moment and Gavin grew all excited. He imagined how easily Jack would hit those targets and how everyone would cheer and stare at him with wide eyes. But Jack wouldn't stay with them, Jack would come for him and take his hand and move on. Everyone would know that Jack liked him more than the bunch of them, and Gavin's heart fluttered like a small bird at the thought of that.

But Jack just looked around and something worrisome crossed his face before he shook his head.

"Another time maybe."

Confused, Gavin also looked around. Everyone was staring at them but nobody approached them, even though some seemed to want to. Before he could think further about it, Jack took his hand, and it probably wasn't that important anymore.

They reached the training fields of the younger ones and Gavin tensed instantly.

It was a warm spring day and the sun stood high above. In the light Michael's hair burned like fire.

He was sitting at the side, breathing heavily and rubbing sweat from his face. His eyes though were attentive and Gavin followed his gaze to find Ray. Ray who was fighting right now, dodging strike after strike but never being quite fast enough to return one. Even over the distance Gavin could see how his arms shook and he had trouble holding the training sword up.

"The two boys you met," Jack said, "are those two?" He pointed from Michael to Ray and Gavin nodded.

"You know them?"

"I asked a bit around. I try to keep tabs on our new recruits to help Geoff decide on who will be allowed close to him. He says he doesn't care, but I want to make sure that only the most talented and loyal protect him."

"I'll protect him," Gavin said fiercely, and again Jack chuckled. He reached down to run a hand through Gavin's mess of hair.

"We'll see about that."

Ray was taken from his feet in one swift swoop and Gavin flinched when the boy hit the ground hard. For a moment he laid on his back, breathing heavily.

"Is he hurt? Shouldn't we help?"

"The training swords aren't sharp but weighted. The worst he got is a bruise," Jack explained to him, and sure enough Ray slowly picked himself up again. He dragged the sword behind him as he stepped aside to make space for the next pair, his face bright red either from embarrassment or exertion.

"Narvaez is too weak," Jack said after a while, and Gavin spun towards him in shock. Jack never said anything bad about someone else. "He can barely hold the sword as it is. He's not built to be a warrior."

"But he wants to be one!" Gavin protested. "So if he trains hard enough he should be allowed to be one!"

"Normally I'd agree with you that everyone should be able to be what they want if they just try hard enough, but this is not a game. When they're old enough they will fight for this kingdom, and if they're not good enough..." Jack trailed off and Gavin couldn't help but shiver.

When Michael had told him about becoming a warrior it had sounded exciting, something cool, but he hadn't really thought about it. One day it wouldn't be cool anymore, one day it would be dangerous and people might get hurt.

He must have made a distressed noise because Jack quickly picked him up.

"Your Ray will become a warrior if he really wants to, I'm just saying that something else would suit him better. A slimmer weapon like the knights have, for one."

He guessed Jack was right. Jack was pretty smart and Ray looked like a stick between all the other boys. Didn't mean that Gavin had to like it.

"What about Michael?" he asked, because Michel was broader than Ray and looked a lot stronger.

"They said he might be the most talented of the bunch."

"Really?" Gavin asked a bit too loudly, but he didn't care. 

Michael had sounded so proud of being a warrior and if he was really good than nothing would ever happen to him. That was amazing!

He hopped excitedly in Jack's arms, making the other laugh again.

It shifted the attention of some of the kids in front of them to them and Gavin froze self consciously. Because Michael had noticed them as well now, and at first he looked a bit like he didn't recognize him.

It must be because he hated Gavin, because Gavin had gotten him into trouble and Ray as well. And this training was obviously so important to both of them and Gavin had made them miss it - no way they didn't hate him.

But then Michael lifted his hand and waved.

Gavin was so surprised that he didn't react at first, just stared and Michael already let his arm sink again, unsure at himself.

Gavin nearly slapped Jack in the face in his hurry to get his own arm up and wave excitedly.

Michael smiled at him from across the field and it felt like a big weight was lifted from Gavin's chest.

"Well look at that,"Jack chuckled and squeezed Gavin tighter. "Seems like you worried over nothing."

Gavin beamed up to him and quickly wrapped his arms around Jack's neck. Jack's beard scratched against his cheek as he nuzzled the other.

"Michael doesn't hate me!"

"Not at all."

They stayed longer and Gavin watched as Michael was called up to a match. He figured he understood what Jack meant the longer he watched. The other boys used their swords easily, but a few of them still had problems with the weight. The small ones, the weak ones like Ray.

It made Gavin sad and he worried a bit, but before he could work himself up over it, Jack jostled him a little.

"I didn't just bring you here to see your new friends," he told him. "Geoff and I talked a little those past days if you should learn to defend yourself."

"Defend myself?" Gavin asked confused. "You mean you want me to get a sword?"

"Not necessary a sword, just some kind of weapon in case you get into danger."

"Danger? Why, does someone want to hurt me?"

Jack pressed his lips together but Gavin barely noticed. He thought back to the people at the portal and their claw-like hands. Some of them had tried to take him and to hurt him. It would have been nice not to be helpless back then.

"Nobody will hurt you," Jack said determined. "Me and Geoff will make sure of it. That's why Geoff thinks it's not necessary to teach you, but I want to be cautious. It's your choice."

Falling silent, Gavin thought about it. It was nice to know that Geoff and Jack would protect him and he realized he hadn't doubted that for a second, but they weren't always around, right? They weren't at the portal and they weren't with him all the time. He didn't expect them to be, after all Geoff was the King and Jack his Counselor, and they had a lot of work to do.

Also there was his father. His father who worked for the King and spoke so highly of the knights and soldiers of the castle. How impressed would he be when Gavin return to tell him that he trained with those people? Maybe even show him some tricks or two.

The thought alone made him flush in excitement and he turned to Jack.

"I think I want to," he said, and Jack looked like he was satisfied with that answer.

"I'm glad to hear it. I'll arrange everything."

 

Gavin picked up his first sword two days later and cut himself immediately. It didn't help that Geoff was panicking next to him, screaming at him how that sword was dulled and not sharper than a rock. Not that it helped, because Gavin had let it fall immediately and stared at his cut palm that let blood drip from his fingertips.

It was crimson on the floor and then on Geoff's fine clothing as he scooped him up and ran through the castle like a headless chicken until they reached the doctor.

Gavin was sat down on a bed when the doctor came in, but the man took one glance at him before stepping back out again. Geoff followed him and even through the wooden door he could hear him yell, enraged.

Gavin listened, bleeding on his breeches and the blanket.

The doctor finally returned and started to treat his hand without looking at him once and without a single word. Gavin felt horribly awkward, but Geoff sat down beside him and had a warm arm wrapped around his shoulder the whole time.

He wasn't allowed around a sword anymore, and he was a bit glad for it.

The experience had scared him.

The bow was his idea when he watched the archers train from the walls of the castle. There was less risk in hurting oneself and an attacker would be far enough away. That sounded better than standing right in front of them.

As it turned out, he wasn't very good with it.

He got to train with the other young archers but was awkwardly aware that they were more experienced than him. Their eyes bore into his back every time he stepped up to shoot, but they never met his when he turned around to approach them. None of them talked to him, but he heard them whisper.

Child of Misfortune.

Their trainer was a small but agile woman with the darkest hair he had ever seen. She was a good trainer and patiently explained to him what to do and corrected his posture as long as Jack or Geoff was around.

Once they were gone he was ignored and tried for himself.

It didn't work out well.

Again he pondered if he should tell Geoff or Jack about it, but he didn't dare. He was starting to realize that he wasn't very welcome in this castle, at least not by a lot of people.

They stared and whispered and he just tried to ignore it. It was an open secret anyway, sometimes he caught Geoff and Jack as they talked about it, but they never did so in front of him.

The only good thing about his training was being out there with Ray and Michael.

He had approached them shyly to apologize, but Michael had acted like nothing had happened. Ray nervously looked around, but warmed up when they were alone.

Gavin figured he didn't want to be seen around him and tried not to feel hurt by that. It was easy to see that the other warriors didn't like him. They even started to pick on Michael and Ray over time. Gavin watched as those two were roughened up in training, thrown around even though their trainer should step in, but they didn't. Maybe it was a lesson just like the guard in the garden had said.

_ “You two should chose your playmates more carefully. You see what this Child of Misfortune brings you. It’s best to stay away.” _

So he tried to stay away, but Michael wasn't having it and where Michael went, Ray came with him. Gavin would later often wonder if their friendship just started out of spite, but he was too thankful for it to question it.

"He's disgusting, isn't he?" Ray asked him one day.

They were sitting on the edge of the training field with the evening sun in their back. Often they were the only ones out here. Even after training Michael would stay with Ray and help him along, sparring with him until the sun set.

Gavin liked to watch and laugh good naturedly at Ray whenever he ate dirt again. By now Ray had never won.

They sat together now and Ray was trying to catch his breath. His sword laid abandoned next to him after his last match with Michael and they watched as Michael practiced on his own.

"Fucking talented prick, thinks he's the fucking best," Ray spat.

Gavin turned towards him and couldn't help but smile. No matter his words, Ray couldn't take his eyes from Michael. They were bright in adoration, no matter how jealous he was.

"And he has the big mouth to go with it," Gavin threw in, and Ray grinned at him.

"He does!"

Gavin turned towards his own bow and picked it up. It was a small thing for kids and after all this time it still felt foreign in his hands.

"I'm also no good," he sighed. "I don't feel like I'm getting any further with my training."

Ray hummed in agreement and fell silent. He was watching his hands now and Gavin could see how they were bruised and scraped from holding the sword for years now.

"I like that," Ray admitted after a while before blushing. "Not... not that you're frustrated with training, but that you're struggling because I'm struggling as well. Michael does it so easily and he's always on top of everything. Next to him I feel so..."

He trailed off but Gavin knew what he wanted to say.

Small.

Overlooked.

"I'll become a great warrior!" Ray said fiercely and balled his tender hands to fists. Gavin winced, but the other didn't seem to feel the pain. "I'll become so good that I'll beat even Michael!"

Gavin couldn't help but grin. He didn't think about what Jack had said or how Ray was falling more and more behind of the kids with more muscles than him. Right now the determination of his friend was infectious.

"Yeah!"

"You gotta stand up a little sooner for that, bitch," Michael called over to them as he came closer. He was drenched in sweat with his hair plastered against his head but was smiling brightly. When no grown ups were around he used curse words even more, and it always sent a spark of excitement through Gavin.

"You just wait!" Ray bit back and got back to his feet even though he had barely caught his breath. It didn't stop him from picking up his sword and hurrying onto the field.

Gavin couldn't stop but admire them from afar. Next to them he felt listless and dumb, but he couldn't find it in him to mind much, not yet.

For the first time in his life he had friends, and if they shone brighter than him that was fine. Their light was warm and playful, and for a while it allowed him to forget all those shadows behind his back.

 

Gavin tightened the arrow recklessly. His arm was shaking and his muscles protested but he didn't care. He let go and the arrow fell short, barely halfway towards the target.

Also didn't matter.

He pulled the next arrow from his quiver and began anew.

He was frustrated. Yeah, that was the word for it. He was fucking frustrated because he just didn't get anything done.

This morning he and Geoff had visited the garden with one of those botany experts. Gavin had to admit, over all that learning and training and becoming friends with Michael and Ray he had forgotten that part a bit, but he had been so excited.

The lady had looked in a way at him that had made him feel small and the whole time she had her lips tightly pressed together. He didn't know why, but it had made him furious.

He had shown her around, pointed the plants and flowers out he knew, that he was sure he had seen around his home before. Some he hadn't been all too sure about, but he had also told her that. He didn't want to search in the wrong place just because he was wrong about the color of some petals.

She had followed him only because Geoff had told her to, he knew that much. He had figured that out by now and he shouldn't be surprised by it anymore.

He had just hoped that this lady would understand how important that was to him.

She hadn't.

Once he had fallen silent, he had stared up to her, but she hadn't talked to him. She had turned towards Geoff and had told him that it was futile, that the boy had pointed out the most common plants around the kingdom.

It could be anywhere.

Gavin wasn't sure if she was lying or not, he had just stood a few feet next to them and felt that news crush him.

He had waited for so long. He had waited through winter and the beginning of spring until so many flowers were blooming to get a single clue, and there had been nothing.

He had started to cry. He hadn't wanted to but he stood in front of the King and in front of the lady and had started to cry because he felt so helpless.

The courtiers had stared and the lady had stared and the guards as well. He was pretty sure he had heard them whisper and laugh until Geoff picked him up.

The King thanked the lady and with a quick bow she left the garden and his chance was gone.

Geoff had assured him that they still had a lot of options, that his men would look around the lakes more because it wasn't so dangerous anymore, but by now they had found nothing. Nobody who knew him and nobody who heard about him.

Didn't his family miss him? Didn't they search everywhere for him?

It should be so easy for them to find him!

What was taking them so long?

He aimed at the target and missed again.

He barely noticed.

The only reason he was out here was because of Michael. Everytime Michael was troubled he threw himself into training and sooner than later Ray joined in.

Gavin had figured it would help somehow and that was why they did it, but it didn't help.

He still felt frustrated and useless and so endlessly alone. It didn't matter that Geoff had assured him it would turn out fine or that Jack had stayed in his room and read him stories until he finally fell asleep. Ray and Michael didn't even quite understand what he was talking about, mostly because he didn't dare to explain.

A part of him was ashamed of what they would say if he told them that his parents weren't searching for him. That he had died and they had just accepted that.

Maybe they had been happy.

One less mouth to feed.

The arrow landed to the right and Gavin lowered his bow. Anger was churning in his throat and he didn't know at whom. At Geoff's men who wouldn't find his parents or the botany lady or his family.

Maybe himself.

If he hadn't died this wouldn't have been an issue to begin with.

Gavin swallowed heavily and looked down at his weapon, useless in his hands.

It was the early evening and nobody else was training at the range. On the next field he could hear Michael and Ray train and they had looked at him all strangely as he left to practice himself.

He liked both of them, but right now he felt out of place around them. They had their life figured out already. They had a family that, even though they lived further away, were proud of them and supported their way.

"I wish to go home," Gavin whispered to himself.

_ "Unlucky boy like you should get everything he wishes for." _

Then why wasn't it working? He had wished for it, over and over again. He wanted to go home where he was wanted and welcome.

_ "I'll grant your wish, child." _

Maybe he had just dreamed about it. Maybe nothing had whispered to him in the redness between the snow and the forest, the words just a wish in themself.

He was stupid thinking otherwise.

Huffing annoyed, he reached for the next arrow and pulled at the string.

"I wish to be a great archer," he said out of spite. It wouldn't work anyway because he wasn't. He had started too late and all the other kids were already ahead of him. "The best fucking archer of this kingdom!"

The arrow landed in the sand a bit closer to the target than before, but nothing more.

"Figured," he whispered and pulled the next arrow out of his quiver. He heard the water again, like he sometimes did when everything was quiet. At night when he tried to fall asleep it nearly sounded like whispers.

It was the waves lapping at the shore of the lake and it was trapped in his ears ever since.

The arrow hit the target dead on and next one as well. It had been his last and without thinking about it, Gavin stepped forward to pick up the ones that landed in the sand.

They would look prettier in the target, and so he stepped back again and shot them there one after another.

It was easy now, he could feel their weight and knew how to aim and pull to get them where he wanted them to. He couldn't even tell why it had been so hard in the first place!

Even his arms didn't shake anymore, the ache of his muscles just warmth now.

"Holy shit!"

Gavin snapped awake from his trance and looked up.

Michael stood at the edge of the shooting range, cheeks flushed a healthy red and with a spark in his eyes.

"I thought you just started!" he called over to him. "Didn't you say that you were still learning to shoot?"

"I am," Gavin told him, and laughing, Michael pointed to the target.

The arrows were embedded deep inside the wood in a neat circle, and the last one in his hand was begging to go right in the middle. He didn't even doubt that he would hit, he aimed and pulled on the string as quick as he could before hitting the bullseye.

Michael cheered, and a bit dumbfounded Gavin stared at the target.

Only slowly did he realize what had happened; every one of his movements had been so smooth and without a second thought that he had barely registered them.

His wish had come true and he could feel how the memory already settled in his muscles. It would adapt, no matter the bow he was holding.

But if that was working, if he could really wish for everything, then why wasn't his original one coming through?

Why wasn't he home already?

Something upset slammed into him, even though Michael came closer now and smacked him on the shoulder good-naturedly.

It should cheer him up, after all Michael was pretty darn cool and he always found himself looking up to the older boy, but right now it didn't.

When he finally looked up from his bow he found Ray as well.

Ray who stared at him so betrayed that it hurt.

 

It had been a careless wish and he regretted it quickly. Of course it didn't go unnoticed that he could suddenly shoot like one of the royal archers and he tried to miss in training but it just wouldn't work. He had to concentrate so hard to hit anything else but the dead center that it just wasn't worth the try and before the training had ended, he could feel the cold eyes of his trainer.

"That's incredible," Jack told him that evening. Training had ended and usually Jack didn't pick him up anymore. It wasn't far to the castle and most times Gavin stayed behind with Michael and Ray for a while longer.

He was here today though and Gavin figured it was because his trainer told Jack to come and see.

So maybe Gavin should have missed, but instead he couldn't help himself but play it all up.

He wanted to impress Jack with his new found talent but right now Jack didn't sound impressed.

No, Jack sounded confused even if he was trying to hide it.

"How did you do that?" he asked after a moment and took the bow from Gavin. He was looking at it closely, searching for a mechanism or something else and that hurt a little.

"I don't know," Gavin said carefully. "I just... I don't know. It's working suddenly."

"I see."

Jack didn't believe him, he could hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. Just like no one else believed him. There was ill will in the eyes of the other archers and hurt every time Ray glanced at him. Even Geoff doubted him, he could tell.

Michael was the only one still grinning and being happy for him even though it had dimmed down as well.

He was training even harder now and Gavin knew how truly talented Michael was. He had trained so hard for so long to get there and all Gavin had to do was wish for it.

It wasn't fair and now he felt guilty as well.

But now he couldn't give it back, and he was left wondering if he should wish for both Michael and Ray to be super talented to even it out.

In the end he didn't because he realized that it would be a bad idea.

So he was left in this strange limbo and felt just more out of place than before.

Ray was being distant and Michael so focused on his training that Gavin found himself walking back right after training.

He knew the other two were still on the other training field, but for today he had enough of evil stares. In his room he would be able to think some more and be at peace for a while.

Something heavy hit his shoulder and he flinched in surprise.

The stone landed next to his foot and left a pulsing red point on his skin that he reached up to touch. He half expected it to bleed but of course it didn’t.

The next stone hit his hip and his eyes snapped up.

There were a couple of boys a few yards away. They were bigger and older and bulkier than him and maybe worst of all they were laughing.

Two of them were bending down to pick up new stones, and before Gavin could truly understand what was going on a stone hit him in the face.

The boys were howling with laughter as he clamped his hand over his cheek. It felt hot and tingly, already swelling and in a sudden fit of anger Gavin snatched the biggest rock from his feet and threw it back.

It fell short because he wasn’t using a bow, because he sucked a rock throwing but he had resisted, even if it had been a pathetic little try.

Those boys gave an agitated snarl and then charged.

Gavin threw himself around and ran in the opposite direction. His heart was pounding in his chest as he still tried to catch up with what was happening.

He had done nothing to agitate those guys, he didn’t even know them! But he figured they knew enough about him that it didn’t matter.

He ran from the archery stand but didn’t know where to. A part of him wanted to turn around and run towards Ray and Michael, but then what? He would just pull them into this mess.

And he would never reach the castle, those boys had much longer legs than him.

Mindlessly, he ran into the next training field and pulled his bow from his shoulder. It was an easy motion, just like getting a new arrow was and he wouldn’t be able to flee anyway.

The boys stopped at the entrance, some to laugh at him and others looked more worried. It didn’t matter because Gavin was frozen in place.

There was a deep knowing in his muscles that if he let go of that arrow, that if he decided to shoot, he wouldn’t miss. No, he had learned which vital places to hit and he felt his hands aim at those on their own accord.

“No, no, no,” he whispered to himself in sheer panic. He didn’t want to kill, he didn’t want to kill, but he couldn’t get his arms to lower, to aim at the ground before their feet or that space between their heads.

But didn’t they deserve it?, he thought as the waves crashed in his ears. Shouldn’t they experience death first hand if they kept on making fun of him because of it?

Let’s see if they would come back, but he already knew they wouldn’t.

They would stay dead because that’s what people did!

An axe embedded in the soft ground between him and the boys and startled him.

Jack. It had to be Jack, and finally Gavin was able to lower his bow because Jack was good, and Jack was on his side.

Jack wouldn’t want him to do this.

He wanted to turn around but then another stone hit him, this time right in the throat.

Spluttering, he stumbled back and landed on his ass. The bow clattered at his side as he let it go to wrap his hands around his neck and gasp for air.

There were tears springing into his eyes at the sharp pain, but even with his blurry vision he could watch the boys back away, laughing and slapping each other on the back.

He watched them leave, wheezing and wondering what he had done to set them off. He didn’t even know them!

Someone walked past him, and it wasn't Jack. Even though those stubborn tears he could tell that this guy was way too small and Gavin quickly wiped his eyes.

He watched this boy bend down and pull out the axe but then just stood there. He didn't even look at Gavin and just seemed to ponder about what to do next.

It was hard to tell how old this new guy was because he was quite small for someone to pick up the heavy axe just like that.

In the end the guy sighed and finally turned towards him.

"You're that Child of Misfortune," was the first thing he said to him, and Gavin felt how he flushed a bright red.

He couldn't even say if it was from anger or embarrassment or hurt because it was a mix of everything.

It wasn't fucking fair!

He searched for his bow and tried to clamber to his feet. His knees were still shaking and he landed back on them and now he had to swallow down a sob.

"Then why even bother?" he snapped at the boy. Why bother reminding him as if he could ever forget? Why bother stepping in between them if he surely would have a grand time watching those boys beat the crap out of Gavin?

By God, it didn't even matter!

"Because you looked ready to kill them," was his answer, "and because I saw you with Sir Pattillo."

With Jack? It had to been one of the times Jack had picked him up or back when they had taken a look at the training field that first time.

"I'm Jeremy," said the boy next and held his hand out. For a moment Gavin was dumbfounded because he thought Jeremy was properly introducing himself. Then he realized that the other was trying to help him up.

He picked himself up, not trusting this guy a bit even if he was talking about Jack. That didn't matter, everyone knew Jack and this guy was training the axes. Of course he would know Jack!

"Did you ever see Mister Pattillo fight?" Jeremy asked immediately and let his hand fall again. Of course he didn't care about him.

"Jack is the best there is," Gavin told him gladly, "and you will never be better than him!"

Jeremy stared at him flabbergasted.

"Well... okay then."

There was something hurt in his voice, and Gavin relished in it. He threw his bow over his shoulder and stormed off.

He didn't want to stay there any moment longer because the upset was making his throat all tight, even more so when he realized that he hadn't thanked Jeremy. No matter his reason, Jeremy had helped him get out of that mess and now Gavin had just let him stand there without any proper words.

Fuck.

He ran right into the throne room, not caring about the court chattering in the background. It grew louder anyway, them whispering about him and he hated them. He hated everything here and he wanted to go home!

Away from mean look and mean words and mean people. Away from useless training and this strange wishes.

He was sure when he could just step back into his old home everything would go back to normal. He would be a normal child, a big brother, and nothing more.

That sounded nice.

"Gav!"

Geoff hurried down the two steps towards him and left his throne and the woman next to him behind. They had been talking by the looks of it, and now the lady seemed befuddled as she just was left standing there.

Gavin bet she wasn't used to it and he enjoyed it. The King would rather be with him than her.

Geoff's fingers were cold against his cheek and then his throat and in all his thoughts he had nearly forgotten about the bruises.

"What happened?"

He opened his mouth to lie but couldn't think of anything off the top of his head. Everyone in the room had now turned towards him and was staring.

Intruder.

Misfit.

Child of Misfortune.

"You should finally give that child away, King Ramsey," the woman next to the throne said and Gavin turned towards her. She was staring right back, not even backing down when Geoff looked up.

She must have been some high ranked Lady or something, otherwise she wouldn't dare to talk like that. Gavin didn't recognize her but he already despised her.

"You are the King of this kingdom after all," she continued, "not a maid. You simply don't have the time for this child."

"Don't be ridiculous," Geoff chided her, but he didn't scream. Gavin would have liked it more if he would scream at her.

"I'm not, your Highness. Even if this child was your own, it isn't your burden to take care off. Taking time out of your busy day to care about one that isn't your own is not your responsibility. We have trained staff for orphans."

Stricken, Gavin froze. He wasn't an orphan!

His eyes flitted to Geoff and quickly held onto his cloak. He didn't dare to speak up, fully aware of his place in this room.

"He has a maid taking care of him."

"Well, doesn't look like she's doing a great job of that. This child has no business being here when we're in the mid-"

"Enough!" Geoff finally shut her down, and even though it was to protect him, Gavin still flinched at the raised voice. He pressed himself into Geoff's side and pulled the green cloak around him as if he could disappear behind it.

"I allowed him to enter this room whenever he pleases! Do you doubt the decision of your King?"

There was a horrible pause and Gavin could feel how Geoff tensed before the woman finally spoke, "Of course not, my liege."

"King Ramsey." It was another voice, this time a man, but Gavin didn't dare to look up. Hidden behind Geoff's cloak he closed his eyes and wanted to be gone.

He shouldn't have come here, the lady was right. He had only brought trouble to Geoff.

"I have often brought this to your attention but pleas-"

"I don't want to hear it," Geoff snapped.

"Please, be reasonable. He came from the Nether and what comes out of there is broken and twisted!"

"Enough."

"To have him in the heart of the Kingdom, to have him this close to you, Your Hig-"

"I said enough!"

Something brushed against Gavin's shoulder and he flinched. He expected it to be more rocks, or some hands trying to tear him away but when he opened his eyes and the cloak was pulled aside, it was Jack.

"Come on, buddy," he whispered, and Gavin let him pick him up.

He was carried out of the throne room, but he could tell that those people weren't done yet. No, they were just getting started.

Outside Jack put him down, and a bit confused, Gavin looked up to him.

"Escort him to his room," Jack ordered one of the guards, and Gavin quickly held onto his sleeve.

"No, Jack!"

"Sorry, bud." He pressed a kiss to his forehead but freed himself from his grip just as quick. "I'll look after you the moment I can, alright? I promise, but right now I have to get back in there."

Jack was already back through the door and left him standing there as Gavin watched as the doors fell shut. From inside there were agitated voices and he knew they were talking about him.

Upset he wanted to run away, but the guard was already waiting for him and stood in his way. It was a bulky woman, but she at least didn't look at him like she wanted him gone.

Maybe that was why he just followed her. He knew he could run away and dodge her. In his time here he had learned about a few hidden passages in this castle and everything else Geoff had showed him.

Like this he just threw himself onto his bed and buried his face into his pillow. He wanted to scream and he wanted to cry but he did neither.

He asked himself why his wish didn't come true and why it was him that had died and landed him here.

They all acted like he had planned this, like he wanted to harm Geoff who had been so good to him.

It hadn't been his choice!

Turning his head, he looked out of his window and watched the clouds roll over the blue sky. It turned darker with time, a fiery red, a pale pink and finally a deep blue. Outside the torches would be lit in the city, and if he opened the window he would hear the noises from the kitchen.

His mother would hum while cooking und sometimes he caught the kitchen staff sing and laugh as well.

Things that had already become familiar to him since being here.

His door opened, but it wasn't Jack. It was Geoff, who threw himself next to him with a deep groan.

Gavin turned his head to watch him throw an arm over his eyes and take deep breaths. He looked exhausted, even more so than usually and Gavin quickly shifted over to cuddle into his side. It always made him feel better so he figured it would be the same this way around.

Geoff's heart was beating violently but calmed down with time, and Gavin half expected him to fall asleep. That would be fine, he wouldn't mind it.

But before either of them could drift off, Geoff lowered his arms and wrapped one around him.

"This day sucked," he proclaimed, and Gavin nodded.

"Yeah."

"It's like one of those days where you just don't want to leave the bed because it's probably better that way!"

"Are all those people mad at you now?"

Geoff huffed, a noise between bitterness and amusement. "They're always mad at me. It's kinda their job, but sometimes it gets to their head."

He raised his free hand just to let it drop dramatically. "I'm the King after all! I can do whatever the fuck I want."

He cringed and added, "Don't tell Jack I swore in front of you."

"Okay."

"But it still stands. I'm the boss! And you know what? That means we can do what we want!"

Gavin was pulled along as Geoff stood up and was thrown over his shoulders immediately.

Laughing he held on and didn't ask where they were going. He trusted Geoff even if he was carried through the castle, hanging upside down.

It made his head all funny and he couldn't stop giggling.

When he was finally let down, it was in Geoff's own private chamber and he was promptly thrown onto the bed. Gavin continued to bounce on it while Geoff searched through his wardrobes for whatever. Didn't matter because Gavin was pretty sure Geoff had the bounciest bed that existed.

He was wondering if he could do a backflip if he just tried hard enough when Geoff cried out in triumph.

"There we go! Come here."

Jumping off the bed, Gavin raced to where Geoff was kneeling and let the other pull a cloak around him. It was way too long and Geoff helped him roll up his sleeves but it felt very nice on his skin. Then Geoff pulled a scarf from his wardrobe and wrapped it three times around Gavin's neck. It still went to his feet, but Gavin didn't care. It was the single softest fabric he had ever touched and he quickly buried his face in it.

Geoff picked him up again, which was for the best. Gavin was sure he would trip over everything if he had to take a step himself, so this was fine. With his green scarf and the ridiculous long cloak he felt like a King himself and when he reached for the crown, Geoff didn't protest.

He just beamed at him as it sat crookedly on his head, and Gavin grinned back.

"Where are we going?" he asked finally, but didn't really care. As long as he was going there with Geoff it was all good.

"You will see in a minute," Geoff promised him and carried him past all those guards with their mean eyes.

Gavin wrapped his arms around Geoff's neck and pulled closer just to show them that they couldn't have this, that their King was his.

It was fun to be on the other hand of the stick for once.

Geoff carried him through the outer parts of the castle where some pathways were open to one side to look over the garden or the city beneath. Before Gavin had barey paid them any mind because the balustrade was usually too high up for him to look over, but now it looked nearly like from his window. It was exciting to see other parts now, but he could also feel the cold wind on his face. He buried his face deeper into his scarf and nuzzled against Geoff's chest to share their warmth.

With a chuckle, Geoff brought him to a pathway that Gavin hadn't seen before. It was a bit hidden and not as prestigious as the one they had followed before, so this was maybe for the servants. Sure enough one door to their right lead deeper into the castle but they went past it. To their left was a roof and part of the balustrade was gone so that they could step onto it.

Looking around, Gavin tried to orientate himself but Geoff helped him along, "This is the roof of the dining hall. Usually the maids hang sheets up here, but in the evening and night it's empty."

He carefully let Gavin down but left a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't run off or you will fall down. It's quite high."

"I won't," Gavin promised and looked around. If he listened closely he could hear some of the cooks chatting, but besides that it was very quiet. The castle was preparing to rest and the town below as well. Here they were closer and he figured that with the right light he could see even more. Like this he could just see the same torches as from his room.

"What are we doing here?" he asked and wrapped his too long cloak around himself. The silence was nice, but there was nothing here. He had figured Geoff was showing him something really cool, but if he was, he couldn't see what it was.

Geoff just sat down and gesticulated him to follow him, so Gavin quickly huddled at his side. The ground was a bit cold, but Geoff was very warm and he let the King tug at his cloak and scarf until Gavin was all wrapped up and only his eyes poked out.

Then Geoff pointed up and Gavin tilted his head to follow.

Above them were stars, so, so many. Gavin had seen them before of course, but had never taken the time to really look.

And the longer he kept his eyes on the darkness above, the more he could see that it wasn't really dark. That there were thousand of stars, millions! All with a different glow and if he looked deeper into the night there was a silver band dusting the sky and there was no more darkness left.

Gavin watched for longer, hoping to see more, but soon it got just overwhelming. Too much to see, too much to discover and he turned back towards Geoff. Geoff who wasn't even looking up but was watching him and only now pointed up.

"Did you ever learn about the night sky?"

Gavin shook his head. He was pretty sure neither his mother or his father knew about it. And even if his mother did know, his father would tell her no. It wasn't a useful skill, he would say. Not something worth knowing because it wouldn't make you strong, wouldn't serve this kingdom like he should.

But now Gavin was sitting here and the King himself was teaching him.

"I might be a little rusty," Geoff admitted. "I was really into astronomy when I was a kid, but then I had other things to take care of. I had to inherit so early after my mother died and..." He trailed off, and Gavin had never thought about that before.

How young Geoff was to be a King. Every time his father had told him about the King, Gavin had imagined an old man with a long gray beard.

Geoff wasn't old and didn't have a long gray beard.

"Why did your mommy die?" he asked, and Geoff smiled. There was something sad to it.

"She grew very sick, you know?"

"Like me?"

"Yeah. She fought for a very, very long time and the doctors helped a lot, but in the end she fell asleep. I wasn't... I couldn't be with her a lot even though I wanted to but I had to take care of the kingdom. She told me that was more important." He played with the end of Gavin's scarf, wrapped it restlessly around his wrist. "She was right of course, but sometimes I wished it was different. But we Ramseys have to look out for our kingdom first. It's been in our family for so long and I don't want to be the one who loses it."

Gavin nodded.

"That's why my court is rather strict with me and gets mad so easily. They think I'm still too young and I don't have the guidance of the Queen."

"They want you to give me away," Gavin said quietly. He reached for the other end of the scarf to play with. "Will you give me away?"

"I won't, buddy. Promise, okay?"

"Okay."

They smiled to each other before Geoff leaned back with a sigh. "Anyway, that wasn't what I was going for coming here. Just the reason why it's been forever since I watched the night sky. It's a shame, really."

"It's pretty."

"It is." Geoff pointed up and Gavin listened as he told him about the two bears in the sky. The small one and the big one. About Polaris showing the way for lost travelers and then Sirius who seemed to flash in different colors, the closer Gavin looked.

There was a green star called Vega and a red one called Aldebaran. Aldebaran was the heart of Taurus and followed the seven sisters Pleiades.

Regulus, the little prince and lionheart.

Gavin's head was spinning from all those stories above him and the untold ones that still lurked there. Geoff seemed to know them all but Gavin wasn't even sure if that was really possible.

It grew colder around them and below the torches of the city vanished one by one, giving up their light for the stars. Geoff pulled Gavin into his lap and away from the cold tiles of the roof. He wrapped his own cloak around him to share their warmth before pointing up again.

"The Twins," he went on and showed him two bright stars to their right. "The brighter one is called Pollux and the other one is Castor. As kids they were inseparable, but Pollux was immortal were Castor wasn't. So when they grew up, Castor died and Pollux was heartbroken. He begged and begged for his brother to return, but it wasn't possible. After all Castor was human and he had passed on. But after all of Pollux’ begging a God showed mercy to his pleading and made a deal with him."

"What kind of deal?"

"Pollux had to give up on this world and wasn't allowed to walk among the mortals anymore. For that he was to be reunited with his brother in the skies. Pollux agreed and left everything behind to shine as bright as you see him today. He became The Divine, watching over Castor, The Mortal for all eternity," Geoff explained and Gavin snuggled deeper into him.

"But they are still so far away from each other," he said sadly. "They can't even touch or play together. Aren't they upset that they can see each other but nothing more?"

"I don't know, bud. At least they know they are both out there and can watch over each other."

Thinking about it, Gavin nodded, "I guess. I hope Castor didn't forget about Pollux after he died."

"I'm sure they are fine."

"Yeah, I think so too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like Pollux' and Castor's legend, it's one of my favorites!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We will get you home, bud," Jack assured him as he rocked him. "But until then this is your home, alright?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late, I know. I would gladly tell you the reason but I'm not even sure.  
> I uploaded this on time yesterday and it took me a freaking hour because of some formatting problems. After it finally worked, I went to enjoy my weekend only to check on it today and see that this chapter had vanished?  
> There are still some weird formatting stuff in there but I've been trying to fix this for a long, long time now and it's after midnight and I'm tired.  
> Sorry guys.

Chapter 5

 

Gavin avoided the hands of the cook coming from him and ran for the window. Michael was waiting on the other side, and when Gavin didn’t quite make the jump, he tightly grasped Gavin’s scarf and pulled. Choking, Gavin flopped out of the window and landed on his back only to be immediately hurled up again.

A bit disorientated, he wobbled on his feet, but they had made it out of the kitchen unscathed.

“Come on!” Michael called and slipped his hand in his, pulling him along. “But Ray is s-”

“He can do it. Don’t underestimate him!” Gavin turned around as he was dragged away, still worrying but sure enough he heard an uproar in the kitchen and the next thing he saw was Ray vaulting over the window like it was nothing.

Gavin stretched his free hand out to pull Ray towards them because thanks to Michael they had quite a lead but he didn’t have to worry. Ray grasped his hand and then overtook them and was now pulling them along.

“They’re after us!” Michael squealed and actually jumped in the middle of his steps.

Gavin threw another look over his shoulders and sure enough two of the cooks were chasing after them, one of them even swung a rolling pin over his head. He should probably be intimidated by all of this, for sneaking into the kitchen and breaking the rules and now running away from trouble, but instead Gavin threw his head back and laughed.

The other two pulled on his hands and he knew he was holding them back and that they were both better trained than him, but right now he didn’t care.

They dashed through the garden and Gavin lead them through some hidden pathways to get away from the raging cooks. Geoff had shown him how to get around the castle quick and unseen, and for stunts like that it came quite in handy.

This way they reached the roof in no time at all and stopped to catch their breath. During the daytime the sheets of the castle were hung up to dry out here, and they carefully walked through that white maze until they found their free spot right at the edge of the roof.

Ever since Geoff had brought him here Gavin had found himself drawn to this place, even though Jack didn’t like him coming alone here. He had promised the Counselor to be extra careful and not get too close to the edge even though that was the true fun part.

Right now they settled two feet away from it though and giggled in mischievous company. Pulling his scarf off, Gavin rubbed his sweaty neck. The summer sun was beating down on them and it was actually way too hot for any scarf, but Geoff had given it to him and it was one of his greatest treasures. No way he would just let it gather dust in his room.

“Show us what we got!” Ray urged him impatiently. He hadn’t break a sweat on their flight and Gavin quickly opened the bag with their haul.

“Cookies for everyone!” he called and both Michael and Ray whooped as he shared them. He was about to close his bag again when his eyes fell on the book inside and he peeked up. “I nearly forgot. Ray, look!”

“This better be good,” Ray snapped at him for interrupted him in his meal, but Gavin just pulled the book out and held it up.

“You liked it so much last time and we didn’t have enough time to look through it all.” The cookie fell from Ray’s hands, much to Michael’s dismay who nearly ate shit on the ground to catch it, and he made grabby hands for the book.

Laughing, Gavin let him have it and watched as Ray skipped through the pages in wonder. He traced the pictures of the plants with the tip of his finger, muttering their names under his breath and Gavin sat back to watch him.

To be honest, he had brought the botany book in hope that Ray could help him with his search for his home because maybe that strange experts hadn’t, but she had been weird and rude. And Ray was his friend, surely he would try to help!

But now he was just happy because Ray was so excited about it.

“This is incredible,” Ray mumbled without looking up from the pages. “I never saw a book like this before.”

Perplexed, Gavin hesitated.

“I thought I brought the same as last time,” he said. He had explicitly asked for it but maybe there had been a mix up.

“Last time?” Now Ray blinked up to him, such an honest confusion in his eyes that Gavin doubted himself for a moment there.

Then Michael moaned loudly and they both turned around.

“They are still warm,” he told them and held his cookie up. “I’m going to cry, that’s the best thing I ever ate!”

Gavin shook the dark feeling off and grinned. Of course they were still warm, he had wished for a fresh batch. Only the best for his lads. “Glad you like them!”

“That was a great idea, boi!”

They high fived over Ray who was already back to the book, but that didn’t matter.

They munched their treats in silence and enjoyed the fresh breeze up here. Being so high up was nice, because from here they could look down on the busy city that couldn't see them.

On the courtyard below were maids and servants rushing around but neither of them bothered to look up. It felt like being a fly on the wall and Gavin enjoyed just watching them. It was like watching small pieces of someone’s life and figuring out their story.

Like that one maid with hair so blonde that it was nearly white and how she would blush whenever she came from the kitchen. The knight who hid in the shadows to have a quick drink, and Gavin always wanted to check on that corner and see how much alcohol was in that secret stash. Not that he would know what to do with it. Geoff had offered him his wine once but the smell alone had made him sick.

Sometimes sitting up here reminded him of watching the stars and how Geoff would know story upon story, no matter where Gavin pointed. Surely some of the stories were bullshit, he was pretty sure that those stars weren't called the big buttcheeks, no matter how much they looked like one. He just didn't have any evidence to prove Geoff wrong and he didn't dare to go into the library to ask for the big buttcheeks in the sky, even when Geoff would often encourage him to do so.

Ray next to him shifted and laid down onto his belly to better read his book, dead to the world for now. He had his mouth slightly open in fascination and he looked kinda funny like that.

On Ray's other side Michael laid on his back and was counting clouds. He had broken his cookie into little morsels and threw them up to catch them with his mouth. His hair was really red in the sunlight, and when the wind picked up the nearby sheets would hide him for a couple of seconds.

They somehow reminded him of his sisters in that moment even though that was ridiculous. The twins had still be very small when he had grown sick and they had been so different as Michael and Ray. No, they were always playing together and finishing each other's sentences. Sometimes he had been really jealous of that because he didn't know anyone around his age and didn't have someone to play with besides those two.

But the younger one, she had come to him with her drawn pictures and asked him to read her the story. There weren't any written words of course, but he had just figured something out. She had loved that, had squealed and hid her face when he told a ghosty story, but it had always been fun.

Suddenly he missed both of them with a stupid intensity which was funny; often those two had bothered him so much that he refused to play with them, but right now he would. He would play whatever game they wanted if he could just find them again.

"Hey."

Michael's voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he shivered for a moment. Whenever he tried to remember his home seemed so cold and far away and it made him sad. Now it took him a moment to recognize Michael who stood at the edge of the roof to look down.

"Jack said not to get too close," he told Michael quickly and Michael just pointed to the few inches between his boots and the ledge.

"I'm not too close." 

"I think you are."

Michael waved him off but didn't take his eyes off the ground below. "How high is this roof?"

"I don't know," Gavin admitted and popped the last bit of cookie into his mouth. He crawled closer now, just so that he could look down as well. It made him a bit dizzy looking down, but it was also exciting.

"You think if I jumped from here and land on my feet I'd break my bones?"

"Of course," Gavin insisted and quickly wrapped his arms around Michael's legs to keep him right there.

"Bullshit," Ray called from behind and kicked his own feet into the air. "You should totally try it out. I think I'll piss myself laughing at your damn stupidity!"

That made Michael laugh and he patted Gavin's head. "I won't do it! Promise! I still need those nice legs to kick people's asses!"

"What a shame," Ray mumbled and turned back to his book.

Gavin grinned at him before letting go off Michael to stand up himself. Now the courtyard seemed even further away and he shuffled closer to Michael.

"Why would you want to jump down there?" he asked nervously and Michael just shrugged. "Dunno. I think it would be like flying."

"More like falling and then crashing," Gavin muttered, but let Michael take his hand. For a moment he wondered if Michael would run and jump and Gavin wasn't quite sure if he would try to stop him or try and jump even higher. He was pretty sure that Michael could talk him into all kinds of trouble if he wanted to.

Thankfully Michael just took a step back and held on tight.

Now Gavin was the only one on the edge and Michael hadn't said a thing, but he understood anyway. Taking a step forward, he only stopped when he felt the ledge dig into his boots.

Like this it really looked like there was nothing beneath, just a lot of space before the hard ground and it was scary and new and exciting and he didn't know if he should laugh or scream. He didn't think about Jack, who had warned him about this very roof, and he didn't think about the throne room that was to their left from where both Jack and Geoff could watch them if they decided to look out, and oh God, how much trouble he would be in. But Michael held so tight to his hand and Michael was strong and kind and wouldn't want to hurt him, no matter what.

No, Michael would pull him back if he slipped off, and he trusted him enough to lift one foot and stretch it far away until it looked like he was stepping into nothingness. But there wouldn't be nothingness, there would be air, and he could walk on it.

Up and up and up, until he sat with the stars.

The sun was high above them and on the edge of too warm. Behind him Ray didn't bother with their shenanigans, too invested in his botany book to do more than kick his legs into the air, and up front Michael was grinning wildly at him and wouldn't let go, no matter what would happen.

Gavin balanced on the edge of the roof and Michael was right. It felt like flying.

 

Gavin ran from the castle as fast as his short legs could carry him.

The sun was setting in the west but still warm enough to tingle on his skin. It was autumn and at night he could already feel the first traces of winter. The trees on the castle ground were changing their colors and the garden became dull again, preparing to sleep before the next spring.

He had been here for nearly a year now, and with each fallen leaf he realized it more and more. A full year and nothing had changed.

No sign of his family or his home or of his wish coming true. No, just those angry people around him, staring and whispering behind his back.

Child of Misfortune.

Maybe he was. He was starting to believe it himself because it shouldn't be so hard to find his way back. More than once he had pondered of just slipping into his boots and heading off in the night, searching for something familiar in this big kingdom until he found his lake. From there it would be so easy to hurry to their little hut.

Of course he didn't do it, because no matter how frustrated he was, he realized how stupid it would be.

So instead he spent his days like always and already felt sick because of it.

Training bored him, but if he didn't go he would feel so lonely in his room, knowing that everyone else was busy. Also afterwards he would meet up with Michael and Ray, and that was one of his favorite things to do.

It was just the time of the year, he figured.

Geoff was busy with preparing the kingdom for winter and Jack planned some kind of festival. They barely had any time for him and he tried to understand, to not bother them because he knew they had no reason to even spend time with him in the first place.

It still hurt, because he liked them so. He wanted their attention and wanted to tell them about his day but they only met for short amounts of time a day and he never finished talking about anything that went through his head.

Today Jack had actually pushed everything aside to spent some time with him, maybe because he had sensed Gavin's unease. Jack was good at that, Geoff had assured him often and Gavin had looked forward to it but now he nearly regretted it.

Surely Jack didn't have any ill intent in mind when he had lead him into the conference room and Gavin had been excited at first, but now it felt like a lump in his throat.

There had been the map of the kingdom and Jack had told him that this would be his own. They would hang it up and everything.

Jack had also brought small wooden pins, sharp like needles and Gavin had pricked his fingers more than once. They had laid the map on the table and Jack had pulled out a list. It was a list of all the lakes that they had already checked and both of them had worked together to poke the pins into those places.

Jack was very quick but Gavin tried his best to keep up. There were just so many lakes on there, so many cities and places that it was a bit overwhelming.

When they were done they had stepped back and surely it was meant to show him how far they had come but Gavin couldn't get himself to smile.

Granted, there were a bunch of lakes they had already done, but he also saw the ones that were left. So many more of those blue patches on the map and like the first time he had seen the sheer amount of them, he had felt hopeless.

Not only that. He stared at the pins and tried to count them but couldn't really concentrate on it.

Not a lot, he knew that. Not a lot, and those were in a year. The search would slow down over winter again and would only continue in spring when the snow and ice was all gone. They searched so many lakes in one year - how many years would it take until they were through? And the lakes for now had all been relatively close to the castle, the rest was all further out.

How much longer would he have to wait to get back home?

"You still don't remember anything else?" Jack asked softly and he must have noticed his mood. "Their names?"

Gavin shook his head and felt stupid. He should know that, he knew he should. A part of him surely did, it was somewhere buried in his head but he just couldn't reach it.

Sometimes he didn't even remember their faces and then he would wake up, shaking and close to crying.

"I want to go home," he pleaded like Jack could change it with a snap of his fingers. He couldn't but at least Jack picked him up and held him close.

Gavin loved him for that.

"We will get you home, bud," Jack assured him as he rocked him. "But until then this is your home, alright?"

He wondered if that was true.

Geoff and Jack weren't anything like his father but he still felt very safe with them. Sometimes more so than he had in dark nights, all alone in the hut. The shadow of the trees outside his window had seemed long and dangerous, like claws or teeth.

Jack calmed him down and tried to cheer him up, but it didn’t quite work. Too soon the Counselor had to get back to his work, and even though Gavin could tell that Jack didn't want to, he didn't have a choice.

So now he was running away from the castle and away from that cursed map and those sharp pins. It wouldn't help to get his family back faster or show him an easy way home. Instead he scurried through the training grounds. He didn't really want to be seen by anyone right now and waited until he could pass by unnoticed.

Some students were still there to train; Gavin could make out Jeremy, who had some really funny hair. It looked like he had used the war paint to dye his hair instead.

It looked really icky and by the way Jeremy was scratching at his head, he already regretted it.

Gavin was on the way to the outer training grounds where he and the other two lads usually stayed if they didn't go into the castle to check on the garden or lounge on the roof. Usually they were peaceful, but once the grounds came into view, he could see that someone else was with Ray and Michael. At first Gavin was sure it was their trainer and held back to leave them to their private talk, but when he came closer he realized he didn't know the man. It surely was a warrior, he could tell because of the heavy armor he was wearing, and the stranger was talking and talking, down to Michael and Ray.

They didn't like it, Gavin could see that over the distance. Ray shied away, pressing close to Michael and Michael's face was bright red in anger.

"I'm just saying," the man said. His voice was booming over the court like he didn't care who listened. "You got a future with the warriors, Jones. But only if you make the right choice now."

If possible Michael's face turned an even darker shade of red, but he didn't yell. Probably because he didn't care, this warrior was above him after all. By the way it looked like that wouldn't stay for long.

"Don't throw your future away for that little monster in the castle." Gavin froze a few feet away from them and felt bile rise in his throat.

"It's bad enough that King Ramsey is under their spell, but we will protect him no matter what. It's just a warning from us all, Jones. Severe any bonds you have with that Child of Misfortune and while you're at it, ditch the loser as well."

He nodded towards Ray who flushed bright red in embarrassment. He twisted Michael's sleeve tightly and lowered his gaze in defeat.

"They're my friends," Michael finally managed to say. He was shaking from head to toe now and barely contained his anger.

"You will find new ones in no ti-"

"No!" Michael snapped at him and now his eyes fell on Gavin. Gavin didn't know why, he hadn't moved and was ready to just turn and run. Not into the castle and not here because it was safe neither. Just away.

But whatever Michael saw just made him shake his head.

"You don't get to decide what I do!" he yelled at the man, loud enough that Ray jumped. "I don't need your permission for my friends and you have no right to tell me what to do!"

"Jon-"

"Shut up!" Michael screamed and was instantly shoved roughly enough that he sat down hard.

"Hey!" Ray cried out, and Gavin ran those last few feet.

"Stop!" he yelled and surprised the man turned towards him. With a bitter satisfaction he saw how the man retreated a little from him and stood before Michael. "Leave them alone!" 

"Child of Misfortune," the man just spat. "Little demon brat infesting our castle!"

Gavin pressed his lips together because he didn't know what to say. He hadn't thought this through at all, and now this man towered over him, a sword at his hip that looked bigger and sharper than the training ones.

"What are you still doing here, clouding the King's judgment? Don't you realize that nobody wants you here?"

"That's not true," Ray peeked up behind them. He was shuffling his feet nervously but didn't back down, just looked up to the man with obvious fear. "I want him here. Gavin is my friend."

The man barely threw him more than a glare before he took a tight hold on Gavin's scarf, and he wanted to punch him for it. That was a gift from Geoff and he had no right to just touch it! "Go back to the Nether where you belong, demon!"

And he was so fed up. So fucking fed up with it all because it wasn't his fault. He hadn't chose this to happen and if he could he would change it but there was no going back now. There were just those assholes who judged him and now went after the few people on his side, and he was so sick.

Before he could think about it, Gavin kicked the man against the shins. It didn't do much, he wasn't strong and the other wore armor but it felt damn amazing to fight back for once.

That was until the warrior backhanded him with enough force to snap his head to the side and he stumbled over Michael's legs and fell to the dirt.

"How dare you, brat!" the man raged above him, and he could hear Ray gasp out little pleads to leave them alone, but now the man was going for him, for Ray, and Gavin felt more angry than he had ever before.

"I want you to stop!" he screamed and felt the water in his head and on the mark at his back, could hear the waves of the lake in his ears. "I wish you would disappear! I wish you would just be gone so that you would never find home as well! See how you like it!"

He had to take a breath and his throat ached and Gavin was pretty sure he had never screamed so loud before, but he didn't regret it. The man turned away from Ray to stare at him and he didn't know what he saw in his face, but he just spat at him before turning away. Without another word he left them alone and Gavin relaxed slightly.

Closing his eyes he let himself fall back onto the ground and tried to get his beating heart under control. He felt exhausted all of the sudden.

"Are you hurt?" Ray asked from above and Gavin wasn't sure who he was talking to so he opened his eyes again.

Michael nodded but there were stubborn tears in his eyes and he quickly wiped them away.

"I've been roughed up worse," he said. "But he might take the cake for worst asshole."

Ray gave him a shaking smile but wrapped his arms around himself. "Gav?"

"I'm okay."

His cheek was burning from the punch, but now that he dared to calm down a little, he realized that Michael had fought for him and even Ray had stepped up to defend him. Knowing that felt warm and he grinned even though he felt tears burn behind his lids as well. Just because this whole situation was so unfair and fucked up and hurt, but right now he felt blessed.

 

Later when Gavin sat in his room, he couldn't stop thinking about the encounter. Ray and Michael had retired rather early, obviously still shaken up about the whole thing and Gavin could understand them. It was exhausting even for him and he was nearly used to it, even if this one had been quite harsh.

Before nobody had attacked the people close to him, and that made a certain greed well up in his heart. Those were his friends and his Jack and his Geoff - nobody had any right to get close to them!

But both Ray and Michael had refused to agree with that guard and that felt good. The whole situation didn't feel as heavy because of that and so he sat on his desk and worked on a little present for them.

He wasn't in any way artistically talented but sitting here, drawing was somehow therapeutic. The brushes of the pen were calming and he tried his best to keep the lines straight.

It also helped his head, which had been strangely full after this whole encounter. Not only because of the many things to think about, it rather felt like someone had stuffed a pillow in there. A heavy exhaustion that wouldn't really pass.

It would after he slept, he was pretty sure but it was still too early for that.

He was having dinner with Geoff and Jack later and there was no way he would miss that for anything.

On his face was an angry red mark from where the warrior had slapped him and before he had stood in front of his mirror and poked at it. It stung but didn't go away, and he wasn't sure what he should tell Geoff and Jack. He could tell the truth and surely Geoff would send the warrior away, but Gavin didn't know their name or rank and he wasn't sure if he wanted that to happen.

Instinctively he knew that it wouldn't help his reputation here in the castle if he would make sure that everyone being mean to him could go, no. It would maybe stop some of the bullying, but those people would just become meaner and more secretive about it.

He didn't want them to, because he was already scared as it was.

So he had wished the mark away, just like he wished for the man to stop and now his cheek was all tingly.

He reached up to rub it now and it still stung but not so much anymore. Closing his eyes, he could hear the water in the bottom of his mind. By now he didn't know what that had to do with him getting granted his wishes but he figured it was something like a wishing well.

And he didn't even have to throw a coin into it!

Letting his eyes flutter open again, he was surprised by how dark it had become. The sun had been setting just a minute before but now there was only orange hues in the west.

Had he fallen asleep?

That was strange, he was still holding on to his pen and now his fingers were stained in gray from the lead. Even worse, he had drawn strange lines over his picture and he sighed defeated. He had ruined his present for Ray and Michael!

But no, that wasn't the picture he had tried to drown. In his picture the three of them had stood together but this was just random lines. Confused he pushed the page aside and froze. The page beneath was drawn over as well. Angry, dark lines without any sense and there were so many. So many pages, he had nearly drawn over his whole stash without him even realizing.

He pulled page over page up front before he just let them slip to the floor, searching for his picture.

Had he only dreamed it? Had he only drawn in his sleep?

But there it was, in the middle of the ruined pages and he pulled it towards him.

There was still Ray and Michael and himself in the middle. It took him a moment longer until he realized what exactly he had drawn. The two right by his side were obviously Michael and Ray but they had pigtails.

If Gavin had any colors he knew they would be blonde.

Not only that, he had written in big letter over the page, roughly enough to tear the paper at the bottom.

_You made him disappear._

There was a knock at his door and he dropped the page as if it had burned him.

"Hey Bud-"

Gavin spun around to stare at Jack and something must have shown on his face because he hesitated. But how could he not? He felt the color drain from his face and his heart was beating harshly in his chest. He hadn't written that. He hadn't drawn that either, but it was there and his fingers were stained black by it. Time had passed and he hadn't noticed and now it was time for dinner because otherwise Jack wouldn't be here yet.

"Gavin? Is everything alright?"

It wasn't and he opened his mouth to tell Jack exactly that but then he would have to explain and he didn't know how. How could he explain something that he didn't understand?

Jack's eyes drifted to the pile of pages on the floor and just like that it spilled from Gavin, "I knocked the pages all down. I'm sorry, Jack."

Jack threw him a funny look that only darkened when he realized that Gavin meant it.

"That's okay." he told him softly. "We can dust them off and you can use them again."

He nodded but made no move to do so. His hands were shaking and like this he could hide them behind his back but then Jack stepped ahead to do it and Gavin quickly stood in his way.

"I can do it," he assured him quickly. He didn't want him to see, he knew that much at least. "But right now I'm really hungry."

"Alright," Jack said slowly. He wasn't buying it, not at all but he gave him the benefit of the doubt. "Wash up then."

"Yeah!"

And when Gavin hurried to to the wash basin he threw a quick glance in the mirror. He was pale and looked guilty but fine otherwise.

The red mark on his cheek was gone.

 

Sitting on the roof, they watched the leaves fall from above. Before coming here they had jumped around in them to let them crunch beneath their boots, laughing at their own childish way. Now they rested in the setting sun.

It might be one of the last warm days of this year and as much as Gavin feared the winter, right now he didn’t think about it.

He kicked his legs and didn’t think about Jack’s warning. None of them did, they all dangled their legs over the edge of the roof but as long as they sat down it was all good. Also Michael sat in the middle of them and he would catch them in case they slipped off, Gavin was pretty sure of that.

Ray laid on his back, stretched like a cat in the sun and he wasn’t quite sure if the other hadn’t actually dozed off.

Gavin also felt tired. Last night he hadn’t slept too much even though he had felt exhausted. Coming back from dinner he had stacked the pages neatly before throwing them into his fire. They made him sick and nervous looking at them, so he sat right there until he was sure that nothing was left but ashes.

That also meant that his painting for Ray and Michael was gone and he was a bit sad about that but he could always draw something new. Seeing them with the blonde pigtails of his sisters had been the worst.

It was better like this.

Michael kicked his feet loudly against the wall to interrupt their nice silence.

“Not that I’m mad or anything,” he began, “just asking, but did you snitch to Geoff? About the guy from yesterday, I mean.”

“I was thinking about it,” Gavin told him, even though that wasn’t really the case. That had been one of his least problems yesterday. “But I didn’t do it. I dunno…”

Mostly because he had been ashamed, he figured. So damn ashamed.

“Really?” Ray threw in. He sat up now to peek around Michael. "But who was it then?"

"What do you mean? Did something happen?"

"Well, he didn't show up today," Michael told him and Gavin tilted his head in confusion.

"I didn't say a thing," he promised.

"I wonder if someone else said something," Ray said slowly but Gavin doubted that. He could count the people that were on his side on one hand and even if some others weren’t necessary angry with him like that warrior was, he didn't think they would walk up to someone and report the incident. Even if, he doubted it would do anything so severe as to suspend one of their warrior, if it did anything at all.

Thoughtful he leaned back and watched the sun set.

"Maybe he is just sick," he threw in but Michael shook his head.

"That guy, Sawyer, never gets sick. He's like one of the big guys, that's why this news travels fast," Michael explains and there was something in his voice that Gavin couldn't quite place. He figured it was a mix between hurt and shame. Hurt that one of his idols had only come for him for such a matter and shame because of how it had turned out.

Helpless as to what to do, Gavin just bumped their shoulders. He just hoped that Michael didn't regret standing up for him yesterday.

"Maybe we just scared him off," he offered half heartedly. "I'm sure he'll show up again."

 

Only that he didn't.

Gavin first heard the rumors from the maids as he hid on the stairs and in corners of the castle. How this warrior, this Sawyer, had just vanished into thin air.

Then he caught glimpses of Geoff worrying about it. He sent people out to check if a crime had been committed. If someone managed to sneak into the warriors room to kill and then drag him away it was a serious issue. Maybe it had been one of the other warriors in a rage. Witnesses had said that Sawyer had returned the evening before he vanished, brimming with anger before he retired.

Gavin knew it wasn't like that.

He sat on his chair and tried to read the book in front of him without ever turning the page. Geoff was talking quietly with a woman that wore the same armor as Sawyer and Gavin wondered if it was his wife or his friend or his boss.

He didn't dare ask and tried not to listen but the words bored into his ears.

He had made Sawyer disappear, he knew that. He had wished for it and so it had happened. He had wished him to a place where Sawyer would also never find his home again, but he hadn't meant it like that. Not at all!

He had been angry in that moment and had just hoped for some kind of understanding. Couldn't they see that he would also rather be back home than here? It wasn't his fault that he had died!

But this right here was and it curled heavy in the pit of his stomach.

He clasped his hands right beneath the table and whispered, "I wish he would be found again. I wish he can come back to his family, I didn't mean it like that. I'm really sorry."

A week later the message that they had found Sawyer's body reached the castle. Gavin had seen the letter in Jack's hand and had later solen it to read it himself when nobody was looking.

The body had been found on the edge of the desert, and Gavin had sneaked into the boardroom to check on his map. It took a long time until he even found a trace of a desert on there, it was barely in the border of the kingdom anymore. Just the tiniest of edge of the big desert that belonged to the country to the south.

It was impossibly far away and he searched for a city close by, but there were only small villages if at all. It might as well be the end of the world.

Nobody could explain how the warrior had gotten there in such a short time. All in all it seemed impossible. The letter had taken a week to arrive, and when the body was reunited with his family it was winter and the wind was icy cold.

Gavin watched from one of the towers of the castle how Sawyer was burned. The fire melted the snow around, but over here it still fell. Thick white flakes that he hated and feared at the same time.

He had snuck up here even though Jack had asked him to lay down and rest in his room. Jack was worried because Gavin was a bit feverish and weak because he barely ate anymore.

He couldn't eat anymore, not when he knew that it was his fault. Sawyer wouldn't be dead and his wife and his kids wouldn't stand there now, watching his body burn if it hadn't been for him.

Swallowing heavily, he ripped his gaze from the funeral and found the chapel down and to the left. He never went there, didn't like how cold and open it was, but the stained glass was pretty even in this harsh winter light.

His mother had taught him to pray before going to bed each night, but he hadn't done it in a long, long time. It felt like he wasn't allowed to anymore, but now he folded his hands and lowered his head.

"I'm really sorry," he whispered as the fire burned below him. Just thinking about it made his voice all funny, like something was choking him. "I never wanted this to happen, I was just angry and didn't think straight. I'll be more careful now. I'll be really careful what I wish for, I promise."

In his ears the water rushed against the shore of the lake. Somehow it sounded like his lullaby.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What's that on your back?" Ray asked and Gavin froze where he stood. His mark that he carried since waking up.

Chapter 6

 

Winter came and he hated it just like before. It brought bad dreams and horrible thoughts with the snow and made the search for his family nearly impossible.

Jack checked up on him each night, and even more so then the year before he felt like a baby.

There were nice things though, and it was mostly Michael who showed him. Michael, who somehow understood that he was scared out of his mind by all that white and the cold, but didn't laugh at him.

No, Michael took his hand as it snowed and brought him to a wide field outside of the city. A field where only the three of them could run around and leave their traces in the snow.

Michael showed him how to make a snow angel and how to make a good snowball that didn't fall apart like Ray's always did. They build the biggest and bestest snowman the kingdom had ever seen and even tried to build a house with snow, but that was too much work and so they left it half finished and used it as cover in their snowball fights

Of course Gavin had played in the snow before but never like that. Never with thick clothes and leather gloves to protect his hands. Never with friends around his age, and he screamed each time a snowball hit him even though it didn't really hurt.

They raced each other and even if one of them slipped and fell it didn't hurt, the snow too thick and soft.

One time they played until night fell and Jack came around to look after them.

It was the single bestest thing that ever happened because Jack wasn't angry at him, just worried. And upon seeing that they had just forgotten the time he agreed to stay just a bit longer. Long enough that Gavin could take his hand and show him around.

And Jack, lovely Jack, listened to him with all the patience in the world, even complimented their snowman that they had named Harold.

Ray and Michael eyed him nervously and didn't say much. They were kinda starstruck seeing the counselor of the King so casually, but Jack was very nice to them.

He even invited them all into the castle and sat them in one of the lounge rooms with their plush seats even though they crammed on the fur before the fireplace to get warm and sipped on their hot chocolate.

That night when Jack brought him to bed, Gavin was too tired to have nightmares or think for too long. Before he slipped into his deep sleep, he stood on his bed to wrap his arms around Jack and hold him as tight as he could.

"I love you, Jack," he told him, and Jack squeezed him back right away.

"I also love you, Gav. I love you very much."

 

Winter nights were clearer than those of summer, Geoff explained to him. Something about the wind and the temperature, but Gavin didn't really care. It was true, that was all that mattered as they stood on the roof to watch the sky. It was too cold to sit down and the snow made the surface all slippery, so they stayed far away from the edge and stared up.

It was scary, the brilliance of the night sky above them. There were even more stars, brighter stars, and Gavin fell silent as he tried to take in the sheer size of the sky.

In the end he just reached out to take Geoff's hand and held tight, too scared to end up like Pollux and Castor. Separated from any living soul and hung up in the night sky.

He didn't want to go away and something about that thought made tears well up in his eyes.

He didn't want to go away.

He wanted to stay.

Turning around, he wanted to tell Geoff, but his voice would shake and he would start to cry, so he fell quiet. Instead he just buried his face in Geoff's side and let the other's warmth flow through him.

He loved him in that moment, loved him very much, but he wasn't sure if he should. Both Geoff and Jack were so nice to him and had welcomed him into the castle, but it wasn't his place to be, everyone made very sure that he knew that. And if he ended up with the choice of going back home or stay here, he would still choose their little hut close to the lake, away from mean eyes and mean words.

But right here, on the roof with no one watching and just Geoff's warmth as the King told his stories, it was his favorite place on this world. If he could he would stay here forever where it was safe, and he knew if he'd fall asleep, Geoff would carry him somewhere warm.

Geoff wouldn't leave him out here in the cold.

 

Winter faded into spring, and spring became summer, became autumn, and it was like watching time fly by. A year was a long time, but it went by so fast that it felt hard to grasp.

Each day he would eat breakfast with Jack and Geoff and then focus on his studies. He got better at it and Jack said he was smart.

Sometimes Gavin would watch others train or join the archers, but it bored him quickly. Even if he hadn't shot an arrow in months it would hit true too easily. On other days he would wander through the castle or watch the sharp pins grow on his map.

In the evening they would meet on the roof, Michael, Ray and him. It was his favorite time of the day as they laughed and told stories and enjoyed the silence.

Before retiring he met up with Jack and Geoff again, granted they weren't busy, and all in all he liked his schedule. It gave him a safety he couldn't quite grasp, but over time he managed to relax, to try and ignore the mean glances he would get.

The next spring brought horrible storms with it. With rain and wind that howled through the castle hallways, sounding like voices that begged him to come closer so that it could show him something fun. Lightning would jump between the heavy black clouds and the thunder rolled above in waves.

Sometimes Gavin liked to watch the storm unfold outside his windows because he was in here where it was warm and safe, but when it got too loud he would hide in his bed until it passed or he fell asleep.

He was dozing off now as the rain hit his window in a fast pattern but the thunder had let up into low grumbles.

When there was a knock from outside he barely paid it any mind. Maybe something falling over or a branch hitting against his window. It didn't stop though, just got more agitated, and finally Gavin woke.

He sat up and stared at his door because in his tired mind it made sense that someone was knocking there but as he slipped out of bed, he heard his name being called from the other side. Turning around, he was just in time to see lightning brighten the world outside and silhouette the figure in front of his window.

He screamed as his heart stuttered and his feet wanted to drag him back beneath his covers. There was someone outside his window, something dark that demanded entry and he couldn't let it in, could neve-

"Gavin!" the voice called again and rapped more on his window. "Let me in!"

"Ray?" he whispered beneath his breath. It was Ray's voice, but he still couldn't move. He knew things that could imitate voices, that could lead you deeper down, and he didn't want to follow again.

"Gavin!"

Shaking his head clear from any lingering dreams, Gavin could finally move and walked to the window. This close he could finally see Ray basically hanging on his window sill and quickly opened the window.

"What are you doing?" he asked appalled, but Ray just reached out.

"Help me up! We can talk in a second."

Ray's clothes were drenched as Gavin clumsily pulled him through the window. Ray spilled into his room like a wet towel and stayed on the floor, laying on his back and gasping for air.

Gavin threw him a glance before looking out the window. No ladder or anything, just the outer wall, and he knew that Ray was athletic, but not that much. Most of all not in this weather, and he quickly pulled back as rain hit his face and the wind cooled his skin that was still warm from sleep.

Closing the window, he crouched next to Ray who looked pale and out of breath.

"How the frick did you climb that wall?"

"Didn't," he brought out and let his eyes drift shut. He was shivering and still in his training clothes. That was strange. "I used this secret passages you showed us until I was a floor beneath you. Just had to climb up from there."

"Still!"

Ray just shrugged and shaking his head, Gavin tugged on Ray's clothes. "Get out of those or you'll get sick."

"In a second-"

"Now." He got up to check on his wardrobe but all his clothes were tailored for him and wouldn't fit Ray, so he just shrugged out of his nightgown to throw at him. It was loose enough to fit him with no problem, and picking up some wood, he stoked the fire. Actually he had never done that himself, Volvy usually did, but he had watched her countless times and it didn't look too hard.

"What's that on your back?" Ray asked and Gavin froze where he stood. His mark that he carried since waking up. The mark that pulsed and grew sometimes, not only between his shoulders now but creating new lines and circles down his back. Enough that he could twist and see it without a mirror by now.

Once he had noticed he had made sure to hide it from everyone, even Geoff.

Now he quickly turned around and stared down at Ray who smiled unsurely up at him.

"I didn't know you had scars," he said carefully, and Gavin didn't know what to say. He just stood there and listened to his heartbeat while Ray awkwardly pulled on his nightgown.

He buried into it and something about that ripped Gavin from his thoughts.

Ray was still cold and miserable, and he pointed towards the fire before turning back to his wardrobe. He tried to hide his back in the shadows as much as possible as he searched for his training clothes. They were at least somewhat comfortable.

Grasping his blanket as well, he found Ray cowering in front of the fire now and carefully sat down beside him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, and Ray tried to smile. It failed spectacularly, a shaking mess that Ray quickly tried to hide.

"What? Can't I visit a friend in the middle of the night?" he asked with a heavy voice. "In books climbing through windows into their rooms is always considered very romantic, so I-"

His voice broke and Ray quickly turned away. Gavin watched helplessly as the other's shoulders shook and he realized that Ray was fighting not to cry.

"Ray?" He touched Ray's arm, but the other just curled around himself even more.

"I failed," he finally spat and sniffed loudly. "I fucking failed, Gavin. I failed the damn test and now I'm out! I'm fucking out!"

Test?

It took Gavin a moment until he remembered the tests all warriors and knights had to do in the beginning and end of winter. Michael had told him proudly how he had passed a few days ago, but when Ray hadn't talked about it, he hadn't paid any attention to it. The tests stretched over different days, so he figured Ray was still waiting for his turn.

"What do you mean, you're out?" he asked carefully and Ray barked out a laugh.

"Means I'm not a warrior anymore, not even one in training. Means I fucking get to pack my bags and go back home." He actually sobbed now. "I should actually start now. By the end of the week I'll be back in my village and become... I don't know, a farmer or something."

Shocked, Gavin stared at him as if Ray would just burst into laughter at his own joke. It wasn't a joke though, he could tell and something horribly upset slammed into him. Ray would go away?

No, he didn't want that!

"I should have listened!" Now Ray turned towards him and for the first time Gavin saw tears burn in the other’s eyes. "They told me I wouldn't pass this one. They told me last year but I figured... I figured if I'd just train hard enough..." He trailed off to reach up and rub at his eyes. He looked so young in that moment and Gavin realized that they both still were.

And he didn't know how to comfort someone, never had to, but he had watched Jack and Geoff enough to give it a try.

Scooting closer shyly, he lifted the blanket to pull it around him as well and brushed against Ray's arm.

"I'll talk to Jack," he promised. "I'm sure he can do something about that. Surely he can make you pass!"

"But what about the next test?" Ray choked out. He was full out crying now and desperately wiping on his face. "And the one after. I can't always cheat my way through that!"

Gavin fell quiet and knew that it was true. Also he remembered Jack words, how a warrior that wasn't on top of his game would one day fall on the battlefield because all of this wasn't a game anymore. No, Ray would sooner or later be out there, fighting for this kingdom, and there was a chance that he wouldn't return.

If he found someone who was better than him...

Gavin swallowed nervously and knew he could wish for a different outcome, could wish that Ray would be the greatest warrior beneath the sun, but he didn't quite dare. He had been more careful with his wishes, but it wasn't that. He remembered how betrayed Ray had looked at him once Gavin had mastered archery.

And it had only been fair, after all Ray had trained all his life for it and Gavin didn't think he would agree if he would just master the sword like that.

No, it was cheating and people would talk as well. How this boy who had failed came back a day later and aced every test.

Ray leaned against his shoulder and Gavin wrapped his arm around him.

"I didn't dare go back," Ray whispered. "Michael passed like everyone knew he would and he took so much time to help me along and I still failed. I still failed and before I went out I was so scared, but he assured me... assured me that it would be fine, that I would do it. I didn't. I failed horribly and if I go back I have to tell him... I have to tell him that it was all for nothing and then I have to pack my bags and go back. I don't... I don't want to go back. I want to stay."

"I want you to stay as well," Gavin told him and squeezed tighter. And he would make absolutely sure of it.

As they sat here in front of the fire with the storm still raging outside and Ray crying into his shoulder, he swore he would think of something. He was so close to Jack and Geoff, there had to be a way!

But it had to wait until the next day because Ray was exhausted. He had worked himself up about it all and would have nodded off right then and there, if Gavin hadn't dragged him into his bed.

It was easily big enough for both of them and Ray was asleep right away. Gavin laid next to him to watch him a while longer as he tried to figure something out. He didn't, not at first, but it was late. They still had time tomorrow, and he quickly slipped off as well.

Gavin woke because someone kneed him in the stomach. Grunting, he opened his eyes and looked down to black hair.

For a moment he froze in fear before he remembered the night before and realized it was Ray. As he relaxed, he took in his surroundings a bit better and yeah, they were still in his room and the early morning light flooded in through the window Ray had climbed in the night before.

Oh, and Ray had been so upset and lost, and Gavin wasn't sure if he had done a good job of comforting him, but at least he had calmed him down enough to get some sleep. And Ray was still asleep, head nuzzling against his chest and legs moving restlessly as if to search for something. Gavin stretched his own legs to get away but the bed was cold where their body heat hadn't reached and he quickly pulled his legs back up. Ray found them and tangled them with his and Gavin was trapped.

Well then.

Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he lifted his head but before he could fully wake up there was a knock on his door.

"Shit-" he whispered because that had to be Volvy to wake him up and the maid didn't wait for him to call, no, she expected him to still be asleep and Gavin quickly grasped the blanket and pulled it over Ray's head. The boy gave a spluttering respond and tried to sit up but Gavin pushed him down.

"Be quiet, be quiet!"

Then Volvy was already in the room and stopped, surprised to see him already sitting up. Usually Gavin had a hard time falling asleep and morning came too early, leaving him barely awake and groggy when she came in. It was hard to stay awake but a kick in the stomach helped.

Her eyes narrowed now and Gavin knew he looked suspicious, laying halfway on top of Ray who at least stayed quiet.

"What is going on here?" Volvy asked and that was more than Gavin got most mornings.

"Nothing," he said too quick and grimaced.

Her eyes darted around, trying to find what he was hiding, and Gavin never had the illusion that she was stupid, but now she appeared horribly clever. He just hoped she really didn't care enough.

"I can get dressed myself today," he assured her.

"Your clothe-"

"I'll just look for something."

"You're walking in the castle, you gotta be presentable."

He rolled his eyes. "I can do it, I swear!"

Her eyes searched one more time and he could basically feel how Ray held his breath.

"Fine, if you say so," she finally said and turned back towards the door, but not without pointing at Ray's training clothes on the floor. "Whoever is hiding in your bed better not make a mess."

Gavin stared at her as she left, stunned and a little amazed. There was no time to dwell on it because now Ray was fighting out of his confines until he broke through the blankets.

"Dude," he said, half impressed and half teasing. "You got someone who dresses you each morning?"

Blushing furiously, Gavin shoved him. "Of course not! She just puts out the clothes I am meant to wear!"

"Sure."

Looking around, Ray scratched his head and somehow managed to make his hair even messier. He stopped in the middle of it and Gavin could basically pinpoint the moment when he remembered what had happened yesterday. His whole form crumbled into himself and Gavin bit on his lip.

He still wasn't sure what to say and for a moment they just sat awkwardly next to each other. Then Ray shuffled to the edge of the bed.

"I guess I should go back," he mumbled as he got up. "I didn't get back into the barracks after... after yesterday, just walked around and stuff... Michael is probably super worried."

"Yeah," Gavin agreed carefully and with fake amusement, Ray shrugged his shoulders.

"I mean, if he's even a bit smart he will freaking know what's up. It's not hard to figure out and there have been people telling me that I'm not cut out to be a warrior for years. Maybe I should have just listened..."

He trailed off for a moment before he bend down to pick up his discarded clothes from yesterday. They were all dry from the fire now, but he made no move to wear them.

"I just... really wanted to make my family proud. We don't have a soldier in our family and it would have been a great honor. Also I wanted to stay with Michael. He's my only friend." He turned around to smile at Gavin. "At least until I met you."

Gavin smiled back. Under other circumstances those words would make him so very happy, but right now it didn't. It sounded like a goodbye ,and he didn't want that. Again he toyed with the idea of wishing for a different outcome but didn't quite dare. What if he messed up again?

This time it wouldn't hit a mean soldier, but Ray, and he didn't want to hurt Ray.

"I'll talk with Geoff," he offered and half expected Ray to refuse, but the other just shrugged again.

He looked out of the window, clearly thoughtful, but before he could say something, there was another knock on the door.

"Gavin?" Jack called and both of them turned around. "Are you ready yet?"

Gavin threw a quick glance to Ray before calling, "Come in."

Gavin loved Jack even more in that moment because he didn't even act surprised at finding Ray in his room even though he clearly was. He just hesitated for a moment before smiling.

"Good morning, Ray."

Ray relaxed slightly but still looked like he was debating to run straight to the window and jump out to escape this whole situation. In the end he threw a helpless glance to Gavin before offering, nearly like a question, "Good morning..?"

Jack gestured to the bed and Ray quickly hurried to sit back on it and hide in Gavin's side. He was watching Jack with big eyes and Gavin also wasn't sure what would happen next. He didn't think that Jack was mad though, and that was good.

"There were a lot of people searching for you," he just told Ray, who tried to appear even smaller. "I'm sure they'll be happy to hear that you are fine."

"I'm sorry..." Ray said quietly, and Jack nodded.

"Actually I shouldn't be surprised you're here. I just didn't think you'd get past all those guards."

Jack's eyes traveled to Gavin and for the first time there was something chiding in it.

"I guess Gavin showed you some shortcuts through the castle."

Ah, right. Those were secret. Gavin had forgotten about it, simply because it was so much easier to avoid evil words while using the secret passages and it was also faster. Not that it was the reason why he showed Michael and Ray. No, it was just cool and he had never really thought about it.

Hunching into himself, he lowered his eyes.

"Sorry..."

"It's fine as long as Ray understands how important it is to keep them secret. If word got out other people will use them, and not to see a friend of theirs."

"I won't tell," Ray assured him and Gavin was surprised how firm his voice was in that moment. "I wouldn't let anyone come close to Gavin or the King. I came here to protect this kingdom!"

The answer seemed to please Jack and he also eased up. Gavin took the opportunity to lean forward.

"Jack, does Ray really have to go back home? I don't want that! He can sleep here if that's fine!"

"Don't worry too much about that for now," Jack assured them and Ray peeked up. "For now, Ray, you should head back to your barracks. There's someone who's worried sick about you."

"I should have told Michael where I went. I just..." he admitted slowly. Gavin nudged him gently and only looked up when Jack's heavy hand settled on his head.

"How about you bring Ray back to the barracks but on the official way this time. Make sure he gets there safe and then visit us in the throne room. Geoff needs you for something."

"Yeah, alright."

 

The whole way through the castle Ray got more and more nervous. Gavin hadn’t known Michael for as long as Ray had, but he was pretty sure that the other didn't have to worry about a thing. Michael wouldn't be mad about him failing, but he would maybe kick his ass for just disappearing like that.

And sure enough, the moment they stepped into the barracks Gavin could hear him yelling before he even saw him. Ray ducked his head but Michael just hugged him furiously and looked even a bit like he was crying.

Smiling, Gavin watched the for a while before he remembered Jack's words and left them two to it. Michael had it under control and looked so relieved to have Ray again that everything else wasn't as important anymore.

It lifted Gavin's mood immensely and he skipped to the throne room. Jack had said not to worry about it too much and so Gavin wouldn't. Surely Jack would have a solution, he kind of expected one the moment he burst through the door, but at first glance everything looked normal.

Both Geoff and Jack were working quietly but the court wasn't around. The three of them were alone and when none of the two came out with an idea how to keep Ray with them, Gavin was sure he was in trouble. Probably because he had showed all those secret ways around, which was even stupider the more he thought about it.

Nervously, he shuffled closer, and it was Geoff who stood and held out his hand.

In the end Gavin wasn't quite sure how he got into this situation in the first place. He had expected a lot of things when he had stepped into the throne room but not quite this.

"But I don’t wanna learn how to dance!“ Gavin protested but held on tightly to Geoff’s hand. They stood in the middle of the throne room and was very glad that only Jack was around right now.

“It’s not about you learning how to dance, it’s rather about me not forgetting how to dance,” Geoff told him good-naturedly.

“Then why don’t you ask Jack to practice with you? He’s your counselor, he’s surely more suited for this kind of stuff.”

“No way! You really think I want him to step on my toes all the time?”

Gavin glanced down to where he was literally standing on Geoff’s boots and wondered if that was any better.

Geoff had just pulled him in and he didn't think he had a say in this.

"We will soon celebrate the beginning of spring and we will have the Queen of Rhyst over," Geoff explained and began to move his feet. Gavin held on tight to not get thrown off as Geoff danced slowly. "If she asks, I can't refuse to dance with her if I don't want to appear especially rude. So I have to practice again."

Gavin puffed out his cheeks but didn't talk back. Surely there were a lot of ladies out there who would love to practice with the king! But if he was being honest it was a bit fun to turn around and around like this. And he didn't really have to do a lot besides holding on and stay on Geoff's feet.

"I thought a King can do whatever he wants."

"I wish so, buddy. But I fear a King has to do what's best for the Kingdom and those two things don't always align."

"I see." He looked down to check on his feet and got a bit dizzy because of it. Geoff nudged him quickly enough.

"Always keep your eyes up here while dancing."

"I won't be dancing - you will be!"

"One day this might be useful for you!"

Gavin rolled his eyes but left it at that. It was a bit fun to dance around like that and in the corner of his eyes he could see his scarf swish around behind him. It reminded him off all the stories of princess with their long dresses and how they would look like fairies when they danced.

He couldn't help but imagine a whole hall full of those and Geoff in the middle of it, dancing with the Queen of Rhyst.

Surely there would be ballads written about it and so many stories to be told.

He briefly wondered if one day he would also dance with a princess with a long, billowing dress under the watchful eyes of everyone else.

"Dancing is one of the tools that a lot of people consider essential for kings," Geoff babbled on. "Dancing and fighting are both very similar but I don't think those are the important parts of being a King. What do you think?"

"I think there are way more important things than dancing and fighting."

"Like what?"

Gavin thought about that for a moment.

"I think a king should be smart," he finally settled on. "But not mean-smart. I think a king should be kind. Yeah, I think kindness is the most important thing."

"That's a good answer."

Thoughtfully, Gavin leaned ahead until he pressed his cheek into Geoff's chest. It reminded him of something that he rather wanted to forget, but it was still important.

"When I got out of the portal I talked to Lewis," he began, and could feel how both Geoff's and Jack's eyes turned to him. It wasn't something he liked to talk about but now he had to. "I asked him about the king, and the first thing I ever heard of you was that King Ramsey is kind. He was right."

Geoff stopped their dance, but Gavin didn't dare to look up. He just let go of Geoff's hands to wrap his arms around the other's middle and hold tight. After everything that had happened, it felt right to search for some comfort even if he felt awkward under their gazes.

Geoff's hand brushed against his hair before he began to dance again and for a moment they just turned in circles. The high windows of the throne room let spring light fall in and nobody was watching. Nobody was angry with him or called him names. There was just Geoff dancing with him and Jack a steady calm presence as he worked in silence.

It was nice like that.

"Kindness, dancing, and fighting are three things that a good king should learn," Geoff finally mumbled. "My mother taught me three more things a king needs."

"What things?"

"A sword, a shield and a mirror."

Frowning, Gavin tried to understand that. A sword and shield made sense but he couldn't really place the mirror.

"Is the mirror so that you don't go out with food on your face?" he asked in the end, and in the corner Jack snorted. Geoff also chuckled, he could feel it.

"Not quite. I'm not talking about things but people."

"That makes even less sense!"

"Okay, let me explain," Geoff offered and Gavin nodded eagerly. "The sword is a warrior. A soldier so strong that they take out any threat before I even notice it. Someone who protects not only me but the whole kingdom. The Shield is a knight. Someone I can trust blindly to watch my back, that protects this room and the halls of this castle from any harm that might occur."

"And the mirror?"

"The mirror shows me my own face. They are the closest to me and know me well enough to show me my own mistakes and stop me before I do something stupid. When you're king a lot of people try to twist the truth for you. They try to assure you that everything is alright or that everything is worse than it actually is to gain something. A mirror sets things right."

Gavin pondered over that for a moment before he lifted his head and looked at Jack. Jack was smiling to himself as he worked and when Gavin turned back around, Geoff nodded.

"Jack is your mirror," Gavin said slowly. "The soldiers protect the kingdom and the knights protect this castle. The mirror is just for you though."

"I guess you could say that," Geoff agreed. "That's something very important that you should keep in mind for later."

"For later?" Gavin asked confused. "I'm not a prince - I will never be a king who needs that."

Geoff stopped in his movements and fell silent. Gavin looked up to him, but Geoff's eyes were so very far away, and a bit lost he turned to Jack, but Jack was also watching Geoff thoughtfully. Finally the counselor shook his head and just offered, "It's good knowledge to have anyway, Gavin."

"Oh, okay. I'll keep it in mind then." He turned back to Geoff who let go and gestured to him to step down from his feet.

"Yesterday Ray failed to become a sword," he told him. "Jack asked around and his trainers said that Ray hadn't been cut out for it in the first place and only got so far because he really wanted to. His will was strong enough to carry him through all that training up to this point."

"He really wanted to become a soldier," Gavin said carefully.

"Jack said so, but I can't just allow him to continue training when he's not made for it. Soldiers put their life on the line and will lose it if they are not talented enough."

Gavin lowered his eyes but nodded. He knew that but that didn't mean he was happy with it. Maybe he should wish for Ray to get better, just a little bit...

"I can't let Ray become a sword, but I want to give him a second chance," Geoff continued, and Gavin quickly looked up again. "I’ll offer for him to become a shield, a knight that protects this castle."

"Really?" Gavin blurted out. "That means Ray doesn't have to go away?"

"If he chooses so."

Gavin grinned widely and grasped Geoff's hands. "I'm sure he will! He was so sad about going back!"

"Gavin," Geoff interrupted him. He didn't look very happy now, but strict instead, and Gavin's smile fell a little. "I want you to be honest with me. Jack told me what Ray said this morning, that he wants nothing to happen to you or me, but I want to hear your opinion as well. Do you trust Ray?"

"Of course," Gavin told him without a second thought. Everything else was laughable. Ray didn't talk behind his back even though it would be easier. Ray had protected him and stood up for him!

"Good," Geoff just said and let go of him. "Then tell Ray something else. If he is one of the top knights then I will hire him as your personal knight."

Gavin stopped in his motions and stared up to Geoff.

"My personal knight?"

Geoff's eyes darted over him and to Jack. Gavin also turned around just in time to see Jack stand up.

"You're not stupid, Gavin," Jack told him. "And you're not a little child anymore so I'm sure you understand that not everyone in here agrees with... with you being here."

He knew that. He had known that since the first few weeks he'd been here and still it was like a shock hearing it from Jack himself. Embarrassed, he averted his eyes even though he wasn't quite sure why. Of course Geoff and Jack knew about it, possibly knew more about it than him but he was still ashamed that they had noticed that he wasn't welcome here.

"We don't agree with that of course," Geoff said. "And if we have to I will punish whoever dismisses you again, but it's not that easy and we aren't always with you."

"So Ray is supposed to stay with me?" he asked slowly.

"Yes and I figure if you two are together then Michael won't be far away either. You said you trusted them and I will trust you on that."

Gavin fell silent as he worked through that. What Geoff and Jack were essentially saying was that he was in danger. That some people might at one point dislike him so much that they wanted to hurt him, and it wouldn't be the first time, right? But somehow he doubted that they were talking about a thrown stone or some mean words.

Still, this would also mean that Ray and Michael would be by his side, and most importantly Ray wouldn't go away!

So maybe that was the better way.

Smiling shyly, Gavin looked from one to the other.

"I'll ask Ray!”

 

 

Cute art by [Alex](http://haywoodyoucuddleme.tumblr.com/post/170428609973/but-i-dont-wanna-learn-how-to-dance-gavin)! Thank you!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I wasn't about to put this chapter up, simply because nobody seems to care about the story, which just leaves me with a bad feeling whenever I upload. Sitting there all weekend, hoping for some kind of comment is really no fun.
> 
> So this one goes out for Sarah, who liveblogs reading the chapter - thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The one who kills the King shall become the next one."

Chapter 7

 

In summer a girl was born to one of the ladies of the court. Gavin just saw the baby once as she was carried by her father out of the castle. He had to sit high up on the stairs and look in between the balustrade to get a glimpse of those small feet and hands. Hands that were balled into fists but always reached towards her father.

She was so tiny, nearly drowning in the blanket she was wrapped in, and he could hear her make little, funny noises with her mouth.

Gavin would love to come closer and maybe even hold her, but he knew he wasn't allowed.

He knew that the lady didn't like him and he was pretty sure she left to not be close to him, to protect her newborn daughter.

After they walked out of the gates, he never saw them again and after a while of sitting on the stairs, he got up.

 

Geoff had seemed a little down after all of that had happened, but Gavin didn't dare to ask if that lady had been mean to him. He was pretty sure he knew the answer.

At least he also knew what made him feel better after someone was mean to him, but Geoff didn't have time to play with him, so the least he could do is keep him company.

"Will you have a baby someday?" Gavin asked as he watched Geoff work. He stood next to the throne and watched Geoff write something down. He was pleased to notice that he could read it perfectly, even if he didn't know some words. His reading had become way better over time, and Jack's lectures turned to other topics, like politics and history.

"I fear I need two people for that," Geoff mumbled nearly to himself as he continued to work, and Gavin nodded. He knew that only a woman could have a baby.

"Will you marry a Queen then?"

He remembered how Geoff had danced with the Queen of Rhyst, a lot of people had talked about it for weeks but in the end the Queen had just gone back to her kingdom. Maybe they would marry at some point.

"According to my court I should," Geoff explained. "They are all nervous because I don't have an heir yet."

"So who will run the kingdom after you?"

"Well, I'm not just going to die right now," Geoff protested, amused, and finally laid down the feather to turn to him. "I still got a lot of time left to figure that out."

"Yeah!" Gavin grinned up to him and then climbed onto the armrest of the throne so that their shoulders could press together. Geoff was always so warm and he greatly enjoyed it.

Now the King tapped the feather thoughtfully against his chin.

"Did you know that a long, long time ago, back when the Ramsey's first took the throne from the horrible King Odwain, there was another rule."

"What rule?"

"The one who kills the King shall become the next one," Geoff told him, and Gavin peeked up at him. "So if a King or Queen didn't have an heir and they were killed by someone, this person would become the new King. That's actually how we got the crown back then!"

"Really? So your family killed the old King? That sounds mean."

"King Odwain was a really bad person though," Geoff said. "According to the history books he threw the kingdom in one of the bloodiest wars it had ever seen, trying to enslave people to work under him."

He laughed, "Apparently he believed that some people with marks had magic abilities and wanted all that power for himself."

"Are you talking about magicians?" Gavin asked eagerly.

"I guess so but don't take it too serious. That was a long, long time ago and they say King Odwain was insane in the first place. But the first Ramsey King was celebrated as a hero and you know what?"

"What?"

"His name was also Geoffrey," Geoff told him and tapped him on the nose. "I'm named after a hero!"

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

"That's so cool!" Gavin said excitedly and slipped into his lap to stare up at him. "Why aren't you a hero then as well?"

"What?! I am!"

Turning around, Gavin looked at the letter Geoff was writing and then back up to him. All of this didn't look very hero-like and Geoff actually puffed his cheeks up like Gavin often did.

"You little shit! I'll become just as good as a King than that first King Ramsey. No! I'll become even better, you will see!"

"I don't know... he sounds pretty coo-" He squealed when Geoff picked him up and stood.

"He maybe was, but I am cooler than him," the King assured him as he spun him around. "And don't tell me I'm not your hero! I think I was pretty heroic getting you!"

Laughing, Gavin thought back how Geoff had brought him here and gave him a room in the castle. How Geoff protected him from all those mean people even though they then got mad at him, but he took it as long as Gavin would be fine.

And thanks to Geoff, Ray was still here and training so very hard! He even looked more happier than before and Michael still took the time to help him along as long as it meant they could stay together.

Yeah, he figured Geoff was pretty heroic.

Leaning forward, he wrapped his arms around Geoff's shoulders and squeezed as tight as he could.

They stood there in the warm summer sun and, for once, completely alone in the throne room. Gavin loved it like that, without all those mean voices and when he had Geoff all for himself, head filled with all those stories Geoff seemed to know.

But this one worried him the more he thought about it and he couldn't help but squirm a little.

"So someone could just come in here and kill you?" he asked fearfully and buried his face in the crook of Geoff's neck. He didn't want that!

"Barely anyone knows that rule. It's just an old legend," Geoff assured him. "Also I'm pretty popular among the people - nobody would harm me."

Gavin hoped Geoff was right. He knew that Geoff was quite popular but he wasn't stupid. There were a lot of people in this castle who didn't agree with the things he did and got very mad easily.

"I still think you should get an heir just to be sure," Gavin mumbled. "And maybe so that I can play with them."

Geoff laughed but then fell silent. He held Gavin tighter and leaned his head against his hair. His scruff tickled his forehead but Gavin didn't mind.

"I don't need an heir," Geoff whispered. "Not if I have you, right?"

Gavin didn't know quite what that meant, but he liked the sound of it. It sounded like being home, and he closed his eyes, nodding.

 

Gavin didn't participate in training anymore, he didn't really see the point of it all, and with all the new lectures Jack was giving him, he spent more and more time studying. Still, in the evening he often walked to the fields to get his two fellow lads. They would meet up, grab something to eat and then head up to the roof until the sun set.

Now that Ray trained with the knights, Gavin usually ran into him first and it was always a joy. Ray blossomed in his new role now that he wasn't pushed around by bulkier boys anymore.

His agility helped him along as they trained and the more slender rapier fitted him better.

Gavin loved to watch and often Jack would come along. Geoff wanted to keep tabs on Ray's progress and when Ray would be ready, he would become Gavin's personal knight.

Knowing that made him giddy - he wouldn't have to walk the castle alone until one of the others had time. No, Ray would be with him most of the time!

But today he couldn't find Ray on the training field, even if there were others still training. He let his eyes travel over the other knights before shrugging. Ray had probably already finished and went to get Michael.

So Gavin walked past the other training fields, only stopping to take another glance at the archers. Neither of them acted like they recognized him and so he went on.

To his surprise there were no warriors left on the field, and a bit stunned, he stopped. He wasn't that late, was he? Sure, training was about to be wrapped up, but Ray and Michael always stuck around to wait for him.

Had he forgotten something? Sometimes the soldiers would spent a few days away to train somewhere else but he couldn't remember Michael saying something about it.

Unsure, he lurked around as if the other two would just pop out of thin air but it didn't happen. Had they missed each other and where they already on the way on the roof? Or maybe Michael had wrapped up and watched Ray train and Gavin just hadn't seen them?

He didn't think so but he still turned around to make his way back towards the knights.

There were still no familiar faces and now he really didn't know what was going on.

A bit lost he watched as the different groups started to wrap up, but he couldn't see Michael or Ray anywhere among them.

"Gavin?"

He was surprised to see Jeremy walking towards him. At some point during the years they had come to a strange kind of agreement, and when no one was watching, Jeremy would sometimes lift his hand to wave towards him. Gavin considered him as something close to a friend, even if they rarely talked more than a few words.

For Jeremy to come up to him and call him in plain view from everyone else it was strange and made something in Gavin's stomach churn.

"Have you seen Ray and Michael?" he asked and Jeremy paled.

"Haven't you heard about what happened?"

Gavin felt sick all of a sudden. Something had happened and in his head it was horrible. It was all those mean people who had finally turned away from him to hurt the ones closest to him. The mean people who would hit and kick at Ray and Michael with everyone else watching, but nobody would step up to stop them.

No, not for the friends of the Child of Misfortune.

Jeremy actually touched his arm and it only let more panic flood through him.

"Michael got hurt," he explained. "Some kind of accident while training or something. They brought him to the infirmary quickly and Ray went with them."

"Hurt?" Gavin asked confused. Michael? Michael was too strong to get hurt! "What happened?"

"Sorry, I wasn't there. I just heard about it." Jeremy shrugged a bit helplessly, but Gavin barely paid any attention to it.

"Thanks Jeremy," he just told him and spun around to run back towards the castle.

The way back seemed impossibly long and all along his mind mocked him.

Michael was hurt! That didn't seem possible because Michael would become the greatest warrior of them all! But he didn't doubt Jeremy and as he ran through the hallways towards the infirmary, he could soon see Ray standing in front of the door. He must have heard his steps because he looked up and something like relief flashed over his face.

"Gav," he said and caught Gavin's hand once he stopped.

"Jeremy said Michael was hurt," he replied and went for the door, but Ray held him back.

"We're not supposed to go in," he told him and pulled him back. "The doctor is still taking a look."

"What happened?"

"I don't know exactly. My old trainer just came around to inform me, but they wouldn't let me see him yet." Ray's eyes were big as he looked up to him.

"I heard it's something with his arm or so."

"His arm?" Gavin asked confused and stared at the door like he expected it to open. "But if it's his arm then it can't be too bad, right?"

Ray threw him a doubtful glance before sitting down at the opposite wall. Gavin debated to do the same but couldn't hold still. He walked up and down, waiting for any sign or answer. He wondered if he should call for Geoff because Geoff could just march in there and demand answers, but in the end he didn't.

The door opened and the doctor that he had seen before walked out. At first he looked just worried, but once his eyes fell on Gavin his face hardened.

"Must you bring misfortune even to the ones that consider you friends?" he asked so bluntly that Gavin just stared up to him, unsure as to what to say.

He hadn't even been close to Michael all day but he didn't dare to defend himself. For the first time he felt doubt in his own soul. What if it was true? What if he brought bad luck to those around him?

Geoff and Jack for having to stand up against all those who disapproved against him being here and Ray for failing at becoming a warrior. Now Michael getting wounded, but surely that couldn't be, right?

He would never want something bad to happen to the people close to him.

They were all so warm and kind - he didn't want that to stop!

With a dismissive glance the doctor left them alone, and still Gavin felt frozen and couldn't move a muscle. But Ray could and the other jumped to his feet and hurried past Gavin as if he hadn't heard a single one of this words or just didn't care. He tore the door open and Gavin shook himself.

"Michael!" he heard Ray call, and that was more important. He stumbled after Ray and his eyes instantly fell on Michael.

He was laying on the bed all the way in the back where warm evening light fell on him and the white sheets.

Ray reached him first and Michael's shoulders tensed, and once Gavin stepped close he could see that he was fighting tears.

"Does it hurt?" he asked quickly, and Michael pressed his lips tightly together and didn't answer.

That was fine, because Gavin could bet that it did. Now he could see Michael's right arm, but it was his wrist that was wrapped in clean bandages with four funny sticks around to hold it still.

Gavin didn't know a lot about medicine and such and wasn't sure how to make it better, so he just laid a hand on Michael's unhurt one and tried to comfort him.

Next to him, Ray was pale as a sheet but did the same and grasped Michael's shoulder tightly.

"Who was that?" he whispered, and there was something so angry in his voice that Gavin looked up. Michael just shook his head and Gavin quickly squeezed his hand.

"It will heal," he assured him and hoped he was right but it didn't cheer Michael up. No, he just shook them off and turned his back to them. He didn't say a thing or make any noise, just stared at the wall like it held all the answers.

Confused, Gavin tried to say something else when the door behind them opened.

"Out of here, Child of Misfortune!" the doctor called and grasped him by the shoulder, hard enough that it was painful. "Haven't you already done enough damage?"

"I-" Gavin began but Ray was quicker.

"Don't be ridiculous!" he yelled at the man, and when Gavin turned to him, he found him angrier than he had ever seen Ray before. "Gavin wouldn't want that to happen!"

It didn't matter because the doctor just pushed him away and before Gavin could fight back, Ray took his arm and pulled him out. Even Ray's grasp was tighter than before and he was shaking, even when they stepped out. Ray didn't stop there, he dragged him out, up towards a balcony from where they could look over the garden. Nobody was there with them, not this late and when Ray turned towards him, he looked so serious that it scared Gavin a little.

"It really wasn't you, right?" he asked and something so upset slammed into Gavin that for a moment he couldn't breath. Of course it wasn't him! Michael was his friend and he had looked so miserable in that bed!

It must have shown on his face because Ray's frown eased into something like a bitter smile.

"Of course not, sorry," he mumbled and finally let go of him.

Gavin had to reach up and rub the place Ray had held so tightly.

"In training we don't go for the wrist," Ray explained and now he was angry again. So much so, that he was shaking on the spot. "Because a broken wrist will never heal again, not right at least. And that fucking looked like a broken wrist if I’ve ever seen one."

"What do you mean?" Gavin asked. "It was all wrapped up and stuff. It didn't bleed anymore, I'm sure it will heal!"

Ray just shook his head. "If Michael gets lucky he will be able to move it again, but not without pain, and it will be weaker than before. He won't be able to hold his sword anymore."

Gavin stared at him in disbelief, but Ray didn't wait for him to catch his thoughts.

"We don't go for the wrists," he spat, and now there were upset tears in his eyes. "That's one of the first things you learn! Because if the wrist is hurt or broken you're out! You won't be able to hold a damn weapon anymore and everyone knows that! Everyone knows that you don't go for the wrist!"

He kicked at one of the chairs standing in the corner to enjoy the view and Gavin just watched with a stunned silence how it toppled over.

"Michael... Michael won't be able to hold his sword anymore?" he asked, confused, because that just didn't fit. That shouldn't happen, and becoming a warrior was so important to him.

"He's so fucking talented," Ray went on and he was talking himself into a frenzy, was kicking the chair again so it slithered over the floor. "It was clear the moment he could hold a fucking wooden sword that he would become a great soldier, and he worked on becoming one since then! I'm sure someone who was jealous did it! They are all fucking jealous, everyone of that bunch, and now they finally acted on it! They finally-" Finally Ray's words got stuck and his face contorted in something so upset and raw that Gavin couldn't take his eyes from him.

"This can't happen. Not to Michael..."

They fell silent and Ray tried to catch his breath again. His chest was heaving as he stared down to the chair he had kicked over before he reached up to rub his face.

"I never wanted anything to do with you because I heard the rumors. Because I knew you were the Child of Misfortune," Ray whispered and Gavin grew cold. "I would have never approached you and I would have kept far away because everyone told me to! But Michael... Michael said it was bullshit and you know what? I fucking trust him, okay? I trust him because Michael is brave where I'm not because I'm a fucking coward and talking to you in the beginning was like the bravest thing I've ever done in my life."

Ray looked up now and even though there were still tears shining in his eyes they were earnest and bright.

"Michael also said it was bullshit when I came to him after Sawyer disappeared," he went on, and Gavin fought hard not to flinch. "I came to Michael and told him that I was sure it was you. Because you screamed at him to disappear and then he did. I trust Michael, but I didn't back then. I know it was you."

"No," Gavin whispered weakly, but Ray wouldn't stop.

"I also know that you didn't want it. I saw how sad you were afterwards, how the guilt made you sick, and that reassured me. But now... please tell me it was an accident, Gavin."

He couldn't. Nobody was supposed to know because they would think him weird. They would know that maybe he didn't bring misfortune but something else, something that lurked deep inside the waters of his mind, and once they knew the real hunt would only begin.

But in front of him was Ray, and Ray was his friend. Ray was one of the few who dared to be around him even though he had his suspicions, even though he was scared. Gavin didn't want him to be scared, and it had been an accident, he never wanted that, and afterwards he had been so careful with his wishes!

He nodded, just once and really quick and felt a little better when Ray's shoulders relaxed.

"I thought so." Still, he was obviously relieved. "Can you... I don't know how you do it and I don't want to know, but can you use it to fix Michael?"

"It's dangerous," Gavin blurted out before he could really think about it, but this was something more serious. He had wished cuts and small bruises away, but never something so severe. What if he just made it worse?

"Please," Ray whispered and even though he knew now, he reached out to grasp Gavin's hands. "It's Michael!"

It was, and Michael was warm and loyal and always had his back. The more he thought about it, the more he knew he would help, but he was still nervous about messing it up.

"I know," he said carefully, and Ray squeezed his hands.

"Can I help?" he asked, and something about that made Gavin hesitate. He was shaking, he realized. He was shaking because he had been found out, and he had always figured that once that happened it would all be over. He would for sure be thrown out of this castle or used up, not that he knew what for. All he knew deep down inside was that he had to be very, very careful.

But here was Ray and Ray was a little bit scared, yes, but not only did he try to understand, he asked if he could help, and Gavin stared at him, stricken and confused before he swallowed.

"Don't tell," he whispered. "You can't tell anyone..."

"I won't tell," Ray assured him right away. "I promise, Gav! I promise on everything you want me to as long as we can help Michael! He worked so hard for this!"

Yeah, he had. Gavin knew even though he didn't know Michael for as long as Ray did but it was just so obvious.

"I'll do it," he found himself saying if only because Ray's face brightened up and then he was pulled in and crushed against Ray's chest.

"Thank you," he mumbled and Gavin squeezed back. He still felt weak, shaken and unsure because Ray knew. Ray knew and he had turned to Michael about it.

Even if Michael didn't believe Ray, he might after Gavin healed him.

Still, he wasn't scared and that surprised him. Ray had promised he wouldn't tell and he believed him. He also believed that Michael wouldn't tell either, and so Gavin buried his face in Ray's shoulder.

"You really can't tell," he said again. "They already... the people here already hate me and some of them might even hurt me, so if they find out..."

"I'm your knight," Ray told him and pushed him gently away to look him in the eyes. "Or I will be at some point if I train hard. That means whoever wants to hurt you will have to get through me!"

Gavin smiled shyly, and now it was Ray who beamed up to him.

"And don't you worry about Michael! If he's healed he will become one of the King's personal warriors! He will do anything to protect the royal family, and you are basically a part of it!"

Was he? The thought sent a red hot sting through him. Yearning, he realized. A deep want to be so important to Geoff and Jack that they called him family. That they considered him their... what?

He left the thought where it was, too scared to investigate further and break it. It was still too delicate, and now sometimes when he was thinking back to the small hut close to the lake he felt a strange feeling of loss. Not as painful as before though, more like a wound that wasn't healed yet, but on the best way to it.

"I can do it," he assured Ray with a bit more determination than before. "But not when so many people are around Michael."

"That's fine. We can do it tonight." Ray grinned up to him, but Gavin shook his head.

"I can do it but alone." He didn't want Ray with him during his wish, because Ray would ask questions and Gavin didn't know the answers.

Ray's smile fell, but if he was hurt he swallowed it down quickly enough.

"You sure I can't help you with something?"

"It's all good." He turned to head back down towards the infirmary to get a better look at things. If he had to sneak there during the night he had to make su-

Ray's hand grasped his and stopped him before he could go.

"Gav?" he asked shyly, and when Gavin turned to him, the other looked a bit pale. "King Ramsey's decision to make me your knight... was that your doing?"

"No," Gavin told him. "I was thinking of..."  _wishing_ "helping you but I didn't. Geoff and Jack came up with it themselves."

"Oh." Ray let go of him, but his smile was more earnest now. "That's good. That's... I'm really glad. I wanted to do it on my own."

 

Gavin laid awake that night and couldn't sleep. Once he finally got to lay down his mind had started spinning and wouldn't let him rest.

That was good, he wanted to use the night to sneak into the infirmary but that didn't change how haunted he felt because-

_ Ray knows Ray knows Ray knows and nobody was supposed to know nobody was supp- _

"It'll be fine," he told himself. "Ray has promis-"

_ Still. They will come now. They will come and take you and use you and make yo- _

"He won't tell."

_ Make sure he won't make sure he forgets wish for him to forget- _

"No."

_ Make him forget make him forget make him forge- _

Gavin pushed his hands against his ears to get the doubts to stop and for a moment he could just hear the rushing of his own blood. Of blood and waves, crashing against the shor-

_ Make. Him. Forget. _

He was standing in front of his mirror and didn't know how he got there but his heart was beating hard in his chest. He somehow expected to see it through his skin, how it pumped blood through his body with steady force.

Oh but it had stopped before, right? It had betrayed him and had just stopped.

Why?

"Because of the cold," he whispered and his breath was a pale haze. When he realized that he quickly shook his head. "No! That's not what happened. I was sick! I was sick and fell asleep! The fire was burning and it wasn't cold!"

Why would he be out in the cold when he had been so sick? He had been sick like Geoff's mother had been and she had also died.

Why had he come back then?

Did Geoff wish it was her instead?

The thought was so sudden that it hurt and Gavin let his gaze sink. Was Geoff regretting ever taking him in?

"No," he said to himself. Ray had said he was basically part of the royal family and he wanted to believe that.

"Geoff doesn't regret me," he told his reflection. "And I will trust Ray to keep this a secret. They are-"

What? He didn't know, not yet but it didn't matter.

He turned to his bed and found the glass of water Volvy always left in his room whenever he was here. His mouth felt so dry suddenly as if he had talked and talked, but surely it was just his nerves.

He drank something and then slipped into his boots.

It had to be the middle of the night now and he didn't think he would run into many people out there. No real need to sneak around, because even if there would be guards patrolling most ignored him, and even if not, he knew this place better than them already.

When he slipped out of his room the hallway was dark and he wrapped Geoff's scarf tighter around his neck. He stood there for a while and looked down to where Jack's room was. It was further away, not like Volvy's which was right beside his but even if she heard his door, he doubted she would care. But Jack? Oh, Jack might just notice that something was off.

But nothing moved, and when the darkness dared to stare back and pin him down, he shook himself. Turning around, he headed towards the stairs.

The few torches still lit showed him the way but even in the darkness he knew his way, ducking behind statues to move through secret passages and to hide away from the mean eyes of knights.

None of them noticed and he moved through the halls like a shadow until he reached the infirmary.

At this late hour the cold was more prominent and dared to settle in his bones. Autumn was close and that meant another year.

Another year without his home and with more funny pins to stab his map with. It had been a while since he went there to update the map, but he wasn't quite sure why.

A part of him didn't want to know where the knights had searched and another part just didn't care anymore. Sometimes it scared him to imagine the letter that would come, saying that they had found his home. It would mean leaving all of this behind. The mean people and the mean eyes, but also the other things.

Geoff and Jack and Ray and Michael.

Shaking his head, he stopped thinking about it. Sometimes that wasn't as easy but right now it was. He had more important things to worry about as he carefully opened the door to the infirmary.

Inside there were a few candles burning and he knew that one of the doctors would often come over to see after the patients.

Before, he had wondered if he could just make a wish from his room, but he didn't want to mess it up. No, deep inside he had known that he should be close for this.

Healing was something different, something out of their comfort zone, and it wouldn't be easy, no no.

So here he was and hoped that no doctor would follow him inside.

Besides Michael there was another bed occupied but Gavin paid it no mind. He walked silently through the shadows until he stood at Michael's bed. Michael was laying on his side, curled around his hurt hand like he was trying to shield it now when it was already too late. Reaching out, Gavin touched the gauze gently when he was grasped.

Michael stared up to him, his healthy hand tight around his own, and Gavin just stared back.

After a moment Michael's grip softened as he frowned.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered, but didn't let go.

Shit, Gavin didn't know what to say. He hadn't really expected Michael to be awake, but now he was and it was still Michael, only Michael. Usually when people grabbed him and asked him that, it wasn't nice, but Michael wouldn't hurt him, never.

"I've come to help," he told him, and Michael's eyes narrowed.

"To help?"

"Yeah."

Michael observed him for a while longer with distrust and Gavin figured that that was fair. After all it was in the middle of the night and he had no business being here, but then Michael let him go and leaned back into his pillow.

He didn't interfere when Gavin touched the bandages this time, just watched him with bright eyes.

"You can fix it?" he asked, something hopeful in his voice.

"I want to try," Gavin admitted and carefully took Michael's wrist in both of his hands. Still he didn't do a thing as they watched each other and he got a feeling that he was tested. He didn't know for what so he just stared back and waited for a sign.

"What are you?"

_ Child of Misfortune _

Gavin tried not to feel hurt by the question and smiled. It didn't feel real or assuring and he feared a bit like he made everything worse but he didn't know what else to do.

"I'm Gavin," he told Michael. "I'm just Gavin."

"Did you... did you really die before?"

"Yeah." Even though he wasn't sure, he didn't remember, didn't want to because the memory hurt. "On the day it snowed and I couldn't see the stars. It was very cold."

Thoughtful, he looked down to Michael's hand.

"It's not so cold here," he admitted. "But I'm still so far away from home. I don't belong here."

And even though Michael was obviously uneasy, was swallowing heavily and didn't dare to break their eye contact, something in his face softened now.

Gavin thought he might just love him for that.

"Alright," Michael whispered, and this time Gavin's smile was more genuine. He closed his eyes and wrapped his hands around the hurt wrist.

"I wish Michael's wrist would go back to the way it was before," he said, and it was so easy. Just a simple wish to change a life, and the power of it felt incredible.

Michael was still watching him when he opened his eyes, but when Michael tried to say something, only a groan escaped. He freed his hand from Gavin's and pressed it against his chest with a grunt of pain.

"It'll pass," Gavin promised him as he thought about the time his wounds and cuts had stung and tickled when he had wished them away. "Don't worry about it, Michael. Tomorrow you won't remember. Tomorrow you won't remember a thing about tonight."

"Wha-" Michael looked up to him but stopped. The color was draining from his face and when Gavin reached for him, he reeled back until he hit the wall. He would have slipped from the bed if it meant to be further away from him.

"Who are you?" Michael whispered with wide, horrified eyes and Gavin tilted his head nearly playfully to the side.

"What?"

"You are not Gavin."

That made Gavin laugh and he folded his hands over his chest. "Who else would I be?"

Michael didn't answer and chuckling, Gavin turned away. It was hard to catch his own thoughts when the waves in his ears were crashing so loudly and he knew he should go. He should go and lay down before it caught up to him and it didn't really matter what he told Michael or not.

Tomorrow he wouldn't remember.

He slipped out of the room and away into the shadows, still feeling Michael's eyes digging into his back, but he didn't worry for a bit. Closing the door he was back on his way and already looked forward to his warm and comfortable bed.

There was a distant exhaustion growing in his bones but he knew it would only grow worse with time. So he hurried back, avoided the guards like child's play as he walked deeper and deeper into the heart of the kingdom. If he really wanted to he could sneak into the King's chambers himself, but not tonight. No, tonight he even passed by Jack's door even though his knees were getting weak.

The last few steps through the hallway were excruciating and he stopped halfway to lean against the wall. From here he could already see his door, but it was impossibly far away with how heavy his breath was going. Like there was something heavy sitting on his chest and his lungs were filled with water. It spilled noises and words and melodies from his lips that he couldn't control and he reached up to cover his mouth. He wasn't sure if he could stop or control it if he woke someone, and Jack's room was suddenly uncomfortably close.

Gavin pushed himself off the wall and staggered towards his room. Just until there, he just had to keep going until he could close the door behind him.

Oh, but there was something digging beneath his skin. Sharp and precise and cold, severing skin and filling it with water.

Always so much water in the lake and in his head.

It wouldn't stop, not until it filled his everything, and he barely was able to open his door because everything was blurry.

No, not blurry. He saw so many things at once that it was hard to make out.

There was his room, tinted red from embers, and there was Michael. Oh, poor Michael who had been so scared even though there was no reason to be scared. After a few nightmares he would wake up and pick up a sword again.

There was more if he chose to look deeper.

His lonely bed where he would lay for days on days because he was sick. Nothing else to do but to look out of the window.

And of course the lake. He was looking down onto the lake and it was snowing.

Always snowing. It settled on his shoulders and in his hair like stardust.

_ Snowsnowsnowsno- _

Gavin startled awake.

Breathing heavily he looked around and found his room. It was still night but he felt more awake than before.

Had he dreamed all of that? Had he healed Michael or not?

No, he had most certainly moved because he wasn't in his bed. He was sitting in the corner of the room, next to his mirror, and had his boots and scarf on. He must have passed out it seemed, and with a groan he rubbed his face.

The movement tugged at his side and when he reached for it, the skin felt tender and thin. He crawled in front of the mirror and pulled at his shirt until he could see better.

The mark on his back had expanded again, this time coming from his shoulders and nearly all the way down to his navel. He followed this new line gently with his finger and felt the dark water shift beneath.

It didn't matter though, or at least not in his tired mind. It was just a mark, something he could hide easily, and if this was the price for Michael's future it was fine.

Everything was fine.

He pulled himself up and dragged his feet towards the bed to crash onto it. He fell asleep once his head hit the pillow.

 

The next morning Volvy had to shake him awake, something she never had to do before, and Gavin was pleasantly surprised that she seemed worried by that. She felt for his temperature and didn't only bring him fresh water but also a glass of juice that he gladly drank.

He still felt tired, but not as exhausted anymore, and he could barely wait to meet Ray and Michael. He even ditched his breakfast with Geoff and Jack to hurry down to the infirmary and he didn't think about Michael's horrified face from last night; it was barely more than a shadow, a hazy thought like nearly everything that had happened after he had stepped out of his room.

But he knew that he had healed Michael, and sure enough Ray already waited for him and hugged him tightly.

"Michael is doing better," Ray told him as if Gavin didn't know that. After all he had wished for it, but now Ray seemed to be a bit unsure about it. He frowned up to Gavin like he couldn't place his finger on it before letting it go.

Michael didn't say a thing either. He just grinned up to them and showed him his arm that was still wrapped in bandages but moved freely.

Michael didn't remember what had happened, and that was good.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your kind words last chapter - I was surprised how many readers I actually had. I never imagined such a response - thank you!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He cried because he was happy to be loved.

Chapter 8

 

The next years were strange. Gavin still didn't like winter and he figured he never would, but he wasn't frustrated by it anymore. Yes, the search for his home always slowed down during that time, but he found himself caring less about it now. Sometimes the thought of going away from here, of not seeing Geoff and Jack every day and not being able to play with Michael and Ray, scared him more then not getting back home.

He felt guilty because of it, yes, but he couldn't really bring himself to change it.

He loved his family dearly, the twins and his mother and his father, but the more time passed, the less he believed he would see them again. It was a strange kind of mourning, of letting go of that life and embracing this new one.

It wasn't perfect and he knew that. The people still stared at him and whispered mean things, but he grew used to it. Once he finally allowed himself to let it go he could focus on more important things.

Like how Ray tried his hardest to impress Geoff and become his appointed knight.

How Michael never looked back at that dark day when he had thought his career had ended before it even began and now just continued to push forward.

How Jack would teach him so patiently in things that he would have never learned or knew existed in his old life.

How Geoff was gentle and caring and protected him, no matter how many voices disagreed with him.

And Gavin loved them all individually.

He loved Ray for the urge to prove himself.

He loved Michael for his brutish kindness.

He loved Jack and Geoff for giving him this life, this opportunity, and the older he grew, he realized more and more how fortunate he really was.

Deep down he knew he wasn't like the others, that there was something off about him that made all those people scared of him, but he didn't mind as much. Not if this difference helped the people he kept close.

By the time he was fourteen he had daily lessons in war strategies as well as etiquette. Sometimes he followed Geoff out to go hunting, something that neither of them really enjoyed but was apparently tradition.

He read a lot, Jack insisted on it, and even though Gavin preferred the old tales of magic and demons, he also read the other lectures.

It was the education of a Prince, he knew that. It was hard not to notice after all the court whispered about it everywhere, but Geoff never officially declared it and Gavin was too unsure to ask.

However Geoff did give him a silver bracelet that looked like a miniature crown and Gavin wore it with great pride. He knew it must have cost a fortune and he spent hours turning it in his hands. The silver was thin but curved like waves and there were emeralds in the Ramsey colors embedded into it.

"I'm so glad you like it," Jack told him one evening over dinner. Gavin had played with the bracelet again, just couldn't keep his fingers of his pretty new toy, and now he quickly put it down.

"It's really beautiful."

"Jack made it," Geoff added with a full mouth and surprised Gavin turned to Jack.

"Really?"

"Well..."

"You forged it? How do you know how to do that, Jack?"

Jack shrugged but blushed and Gavin couldn't help but grin. Geoff next to him just grunted.

"You know how Michael is like really talented in sword fighting? Jack can do everything that he attempts really well, whether it's being a counselor or a blacksmith." Geoff rolled his eyes. "It's disgusting, really."

"A Jack of all trades then," Gavin quipped, and was amused how quickly Jack tried to change the topic after that.

The bracelet was one of his most treasured things and he always kept it close to him, but neither Jack or Geoff really said what it meant. Jack taught him and Geoff let him help with his daily work, but Gavin just wasn't sure.

Was he some kind of Prince? Geoff didn't have an heir and wasn't looking for a bride. Most of all Gavin wasn't his own flesh and blood, wasn't a Ramsey, and on some days that knowledge weighed heavy on his shoulders.

So he was caught in this strange limbo, and he figured the other two were as well.

He didn't dare to ask, fearing a rejection that would hurt more than any other mean word, but he could show them, right?

Geoff decided that the day Gavin had woken up at the Portal was his birthday, and in some way it was absolutely logical.

On the seventh one, he stood in the boardroom like he had on the first day arriving at the castle. He had been seven years old when he came from the portal and now he was fourteen. His whole life was clearly parted in two halves and he knew he’d continue to carry an invisible weight with him if he didn't make a decision soon. Maybe it should have been easier or harder to make a decision, but sometimes he just couldn't tell.

Staring up to the map, he knew how many hours he had already done that, trying to recognize one of those places or helping Jack to stick pins into lakes. They hadn't done that in a while and there was a list with new places on the table.

He left it there and instead stepped forward and started with one pin. It took a stupid amount of strength to pull it out, but then he let just let it fall. It clicked on the wooden floor and rolled for a moment before there was silence and he took on the next one.

He plucked them separately, savored and hated each time he pulled on them, but he didn't stop.

At some point Geoff had walked in, probably to look for him on his birthday, but Gavin didn't have the strength to face him. His insides were all tight, there was no room even for a deep breath as he pulled out pin after pin.

There were a lot, there were a million and they dropped at his feet to roll there uselessly.

He made absolutely sure to not forget even a single one but the map was huge and it took a long time. Finally only the upper ones were left and he had to stand on his tiptoes to reach them.

That was the moment Geoff finally moved. The King had probably watched him for nearly half an hour, but even now he didn't say a thing. Geoff just pulled out a chair and then helped Gavin to climb onto it.

Now he could reach even the upper ones and he plucked them like flowers until they were all gone. Then he stopped to stare at the map, riddled with tiny holes before he pulled out the ones holding the whole thing up.

The map fell on top of the pins with a soft whoosh and Gavin stood above and just watched it. He didn't know what to feel or do now; there was a horrifying hole in his chest, and for a moment he wanted to jump down and put it all back to where it was.

How could he dare to just give up like that? After all that work and time?

Surely his family was out there in that little hut, mourning him.

But here he was, mourning them in his own way and the hole burst into a sob that made his knees weak.

Geoff was there for that. Geoff who was crying as well, and that was still so strange to Gavin. His own father never cried, not once, but Geoff was a King and still did so. Gavin didn't think it made him weak, not at all.

They held each other tightly and without a single word spoken.

Gavin loved Geoff in that moment, loved him more than he had ever loved anyone, and he cried until no tears would come anymore.

He cried because he had lost and had gained at the same time.

He cried because this place was beautiful and dangerous and there were things inside him that he couldn't explain and that scared him.

He cried because he was happy to be loved.

 

Geoff let him join a lot of his activities even though Gavin wasn't quite sure he was any help at all. He tried to though, he even made notes to learn how to deal with things, but the more he thought about it, the scarier it actually was.

He shouldn't have to learn this because Geoff was there and would always be there, right? Gavin didn't need to know how to do that because Geoff always would. He didn't like the thought of him taking over just because Geoff was gone, so he shook it off. He shook it off and started to learn because it made Geoff happy.

Once he had followed Geoff as he traveled through the kingdom, and Gavin had watched the villages and bigger cities in wonder. The whole trip had barely taken a week, but he saw more than he had ever seen before. Until now he only knew their little hut and the castle, and he wasn't quite forbidden to leave but he knew that out there, where Geoff's protection wasn't all around, it was scary to be alone.

So he also stayed next to Geoff while they were out, quiet and in his best clothes. Only when Geoff went to visit some nobles did he stay behind with Jack, but that was fine.

After holding still and doing nothing but travel and listen, sitting down with Jack to play some cards was like a breath of fresh air.

Still, Gavin never followed Geoff out of this kingdom. Not at his short visit in Rhyst and not now, as he watched how the carriages was loaded with a thousand things.

"How long will you be gone?" he asked for the third time this week, but he still hoped for a different answer.

"Werrintal is further away, so I will travel for a bit," Geoff explained to him just as calming as before. "And then I will assure King Ingrar that we are allies even in this hard time."

Because King Ingrar's wife was very sick. Gavin had heard that she had been brought away together with their little daughter to a safe location but nobody really thought she would make it.

It must have been sad for Princess Claudia to be close but not able to help at all. He had felt so bad for her that he had asked Geoff to bring her a bracelet as a present from him.

Maybe it would cheer her up a little.

"So a week," he threw in and chuckling, Geoff ruffled his hair.

"Maybe a month," he told him again, and Gavin pouted.

"That's a long time."

"It'll be fine, buddy," Jack assured him. He stood at his other side and now pulled him in. Gavin quickly nestled against him because his clothes were nice against his skin and not scruffy like Geoff's traveling coat. "We'll make it a good time, alright? We can share Geoff's portion of the meal."

"That's good," Gavin mumbled, but couldn't quite enjoy Geoff's offended huff.

"Who knows, maybe by the time I'll come back Jack will already be King."

"You figured out our great plan," Jack teased, and this time Gavin also smiled. He felt bad about Geoff leaving. That would be the first time that Geoff was more than a few days out of reach. Yeah, he still had Jack, and Jack was wonderful and he was very glad that Jack stayed here with him, but it also left something uneasy in him.

Gavin really didn't want to be there in case the Queen of Werrintal did die. This Child of Misfortune stuff shouldn't spread to other kingdoms as well.

So Jack would stay with him because they didn't dare leave him alone. Now that he sometimes traveled through this kingdom, the people recognized them, and even though he didn't quite understand, he knew they were scared of him.

Scared that he would bring the misfortune he carried in his heart to this kingdom, but Gavin wouldn't let that happen. Even if something scary would happen, he would wish for it to go away. If it was war or sickness, he was ready for it.

But Geoff's kingdom was strong and prospered. They would be fine without Geoff around.

Didn't mean he had to like it.

"You'll be careful, right?" he asked. "You have to eat healthy so that you don't get sick!"

He didn't want Geoff to become sick, because wishing for health would always leave him exhausted. It would be worth it though.

Geoff's face softened and he opened his arms. Gavin instantly ran forward to bury his face into Geoff's chest and hug him tight. He didn't care if the servants or the maids could see, if he could he would just hold on long enough until Geoff decided against traveling at all.

"I'll come back sooner than you know," Geoff promised.  "And I'll be just fine. I'm already an adult, Gav."

Behind them Jack huffed amusedly and Gavin tried to smile.

Geoff must have pulled his Counselor in because in the next moment he felt Jack warm at his back before he was squished between both of them.

This time he actually laughed, but it came out like an sob and he knew he was being childish and ridiculous. He had to bite his tongue not to ask Geoff to stay, to plead and beg until Geoff would agree.

But what if Geoff wouldn't come back? What if Geoff would just disappear just like his parents had? Like he himself had.

One blink of the eye.

His hands clawed into Geoff's coat even when Jack let go and Geoff pressed a kiss on top of his unruly hair.

He didn't want this, didn't want it at all bu-

But Jack tugged on him and Gavin let go. He tried to be strong and keep his fear at bay, but it was hard. It was hard when Geoff cupped his face to press another kiss onto his forehead.

"Look after Jack and the kingdom while I'm gone," he whispered, and then he was gone. Was just turning around and Gavin wished he had said more, had said it all but neither of them had and so he didn't dare.

Jack took him up into the highest tower of the castle. He hadn't often been there because it was used by the astronomers, but now they could see for miles. They followed the carriage as it left the castle and then the city, and Gavin swallowed heavily.

"I'll need a lot of your help from now on," Jack told him. "But I think we can do it, right?"

Gavin looked up to him and Jack's face was so familiar and his eyes were so warm that it eased something in him. Still, he took Jack's hand to help him not be so scared.

"I think we can."

 

It felt strange not having Geoff around. Even though Jack and him nearly spent every hour of the day together, he still felt strangely lonely. Geoff was always around, was the thing. His presence just lingered in this castle, coming from generations of Ramseys that had walked the halls.

A part of that he took with him to Werringtal and suddenly all that mean looks scared Gavin again. Geoff had protected him, he knew that, and now he feared that Geoff had also taken that protection with him.

But Jack stayed close and they spent most of the days working on whatever they needed to take care off. They did so in Jack's or his own room where it was comfortable and familiar and Gavin was glad for it.

The throne room felt empty without Geoff and the throne loomed threateningly above him each time he entered to fetch something.

Jack would also make sure he didn't work too much. Sometimes all those letters and things he had to look after made his head spin and Jack would tell him to lay down for a minute or two. Jack also told him when to quit so that he could run out of the castle and down to the training grounds to meet up with Michael and Ray.

They also noticed his strange loneliness, but instead of talking like Jack liked to do, they just kept his mind off of it.

That was also nice and after a while Gavin relaxed and got into their new routine.

Still, neither of them were around at night. At night nobody stopped him from curling beneath his blanket and missing Geoff with a stupid intensity.

At night Geoff seemed impossibly far away and Gavin feared that he was gone. That Geoff had just run away from him or worse, that something had happened to him.

How would they know? How long would it take for that message to arrive here? Surely a long time!

Maybe Geoff was held captive in Werrintal, maybe he had grown sick while visiting the Queen and would now also die.

The thoughts alone made him sick to his stomach and if he managed to sleep at all, it was short and restless.

Volvy even started to bring him tea in the morning to wake him up and he tried to get cheered up through that.

If he had a choice, he would stay in his bed all day, trying to rest and getting swallowed in his dark thoughts. He knew it would be way too easy to forget everything around and just pity himself, but he couldn't leave Jack hanging.

So he drank his tea, got up, and dressed in his finest clothes to face the day.

 

Two weeks passed since Geoff left and Gavin slept a bit easier. There was a chance that Geoff was already on his way back or at least preparing to do so. Maybe they would soon get a message of the arrival of the King himself.

So when Volvy knocked on his door and stepped in, he woke up but felt more relaxed then he had for a while.

"Good morning," she greeted him while he still stretched. She had never called him by name or any title like some other nobles sometimes would, but Gavin didn't mind. That was better than the mocking voices of those people.

"Good morning," he yawned and watched as she put the cup of tea and his glass of water down before turning to open the curtains.

Gavin sat up and rubbed his eyes as the morning light fell in. It wasn't a lot, there were clouds to the west that looked heavy and dark and they would surely bring rain by the end of the day. Depending on how cold it was it might actually become the first snow of the year, and with a sigh Gavin kicked the blanket from him. Snow surely wouldn't help his horrible thoughts about Geoff.

He reached for his tea while he sat up groggily and took a sip before slowly putting the cup back down with a soft clink. Only now did he notice that Volvy didn’t move to his wardrobe as usually to pick out his clothes, no, she was still standing in front of the window and was watching him as well.

“Drink up,” she said softly while Gavin felt the bitter liquid settle in his stomach. It had burned all the way down and if he wasn’t so confused, he would cough.

“What did you put in my tea?”

“Something that should already be strong enough,” she explained and carefully came closer to crouch down in front of him. Her hands were cold as they wrapped around his and there was something pleading in her eyes.

“Drink up. If you drink all of it it will be over in a few minutes, alright? You don’t want to be in pain for days, do you?”

Gavin stared down at her and could only remember a handful of times being this close to her. It made his head spin.

“You… you poisoned me?” he whispered as if he wanted nobody else to hear.

“You clouded King Ramsey’s mind,” Volvy told him and actually reached up to cup his face. It was so strange for her to touch him that Gavin wanted to flinch back but the motion sent a twinge of pain through his guts. “I know… I know that you love him very much. I watched you for too long and I don’t think that you mean any harm, but you have to understand… There is something else inside you, I think. I can hear it rump around at night, talking and talking for hours. I don’t think whatever it is means well. Whatever it is, isn’t supposed to walk in this world and it most certainly isn’t allowed to take the crown next.”

Her eyes darted to the silver bracelet on his bedside table. It sat on a plush violet pillow, just like Geoff’s crown did.

Volvy let go of him, only to take the cup again and hold it up to him.

“I don’t want you to be in agony. So please, drink up. I beg you!”

He felt numb as he stared at her. Surely he must have been dreaming, one of his stupid nightmares he always had, but there was a fire in his guts. It grew stronger and hotter as the seconds ticked by and he didn’t wake up. No, he felt the saucer he still held in his hand and the cold spot Volvy’s hands left on his face.

There was a distant realization of hurt, something that dug deeper than anything else, because this was Volvy. They hadn’t been friends, far from it and he had never really believed that she liked him but it was still… it was still Volvy and she knew him for years. She had been one of the first people he met here, even before Michael or Ray, and she had been with him every single day.

Sure, they had rarely talked, but he had never believed that she… that she wanted him dead.

He felt stubborn tears in his eyes but before he could say something, a stab of hurt went through his middle.

The saucer fell from his hand and rolled over the floor as he doubled over. He only stayed on his bed because there was Volvy’s steady hand on his shoulder holding him up.

“Please Gavin,” she whispered and now he felt the tears escape. He gasped for air and watched them drop onto his lap. That was the first time she called him by name.

“It’ll be all over in a minute if you just drink it all!”

“You drink it,” he brought out. It was hard to breath but that actually sounded like a fantastic idea! The hurt was still there but now he felt betrayed. There was an anger that came sudden but with full force, like a storm in the night that would wake him. There was a swooshing in his ears and he couldn’t even tell if it was his own blood or the waves, crashing against the shore.

Oh, but when he looked up and saw how she paled she knew it was the later.

“You drink it,” he whispered again and Volvy got up. She nearly spilled the tea all over herself and what a waste that would be! But he figured there was also poison in his glass of water.

“It’s you,” she whispered and Gavin didn’t really know what she meant with that. He just nodded and slowly stood. It was hard, his legs felt weak and far away and the fire in his stomach flared up. It made his knees buck but he held on to his bedside table. There was a crash as he knocked something over, but he didn’t care.

“Gavin, you have to drink it! Surely you must understand no-”

  
“You will drink it,” he told her. She was cowering from him, pressed against the wall and the sunlight falling in was burning in his eyes.

“I really wish you would drink it.”

For a moment she froze completely before she slowly moved the cup towards her mouth. Her eyes were huge in horror but the hand holding the cup even had the pinky outstretched.

The picture made Gavin laugh. It sounded wet and hoarse but he couldn't stop.

His head was filled with static and water and right now this was the funniest thing he had ever seen.

“Drink up,” he croaked through his tears. He couldn’t tell anymore if they were from the betrayal or because he was laughing so much. “If you drink it all it will be all over in a minute.”

It was a long minute, he figured later.

Her eyes didn’t leave him as she drank and there was a voice in his head, telling him to not let her drink it all. To watch her bend and gasp some longer, but she had showed him her version of mercy and he would give it back.

He should go and search for help, should think of a way to get the poison out of his system, but he couldn’t move.

It was funnier to watch as first the cup fell and smashed on the ground and then how Volvy slid down as well. Her breathing was all fast and weird and she twisted and turned on the floor. With her arms wrapped around her middle, she curled around herself.

There was even something like foam spilling from in between her lips and Gavin wanted to clap and laugh because oh how funny this was! How endlessly funny!

When her breath made a funny little hitch and grew silent then, he couldn’t help but actually giggle. He shouldn’t, he knew that and quickly clasped his hands over his face, but it wouldn’t stop. Not until another pang of hurt hit him and his knees buckled. He barely stayed on his feet, but right, he should search for help. He had to call for someone.

Jack.

Yeah, he had to call Jack.

On shaky legs he dragged himself towards his door. The way seemed a lot longer than usually and he had to hold onto his bed and the wall to steady himself but his eyes were locked on the door.

He would get out… He would get out and cry out as loud as he could. Jack would hear him, some guard would hear him.

Anyone!

He fell against the door and now it was nearly impossible to breath. His knees shook and he was sweating. His insides were burning up, hot and unforgiving even as he pushed open the door.

“Help.”

It came out breathless and nothing more than a whisper as he stumbled out. He didn’t dare to let go of his door because he would drop down, he knew that.

But there were guards. They were a bit blurry because his eyes were steaming but he reached a hand towards them.

“Jac-”

No. There shouldn’t be any guards right here. They were down by the stairs and he would have to scream for them to hear him.

Also they didn’t look surprised about seeing him like that.

One of them just looked past him, into the room, and did he see Volvy? Gavin was pretty sure that he did and new rage flowed through him.

He would punish them all! He had done nothing wrong, he had do-

“For this kingdom," the knight said as he pulled out his sword. "King Ramsey shall forgive us when his eyes are cleared again, and even if not..."

"The King is mine," Gavin screeched, not bothering how their faces paled. "The King is mine and the King's Counselor is mine and not yours! Not anymore!"

The poison made his throat all tight and his voice sound funny. It felt like being choked but he forced the words out, needed everyone to know because the water was raging and he was raging and he wouldn't let anyone step in his way!

"The greatest warrior of this kingdom will fight for me and the fastest knight will protect me! They're all mine!"

A heavy hand grasped his shoulders and even the slightest push was enough to take him from his weak legs and make him tumble down. He laid on his back and breathing was getting so, so hard. The guards lured above him with their sharp weapons and scared eyes and in his ears the sea raged.

_ Wish, wish, wish, wish- _

But he couldn't. Couldn't grasp a single thought even though he knew he should. He should wish for them to point the weapons at themselves and he would laugh. Would laugh and laugh and laugh, the same way he wanted to laugh at Volvy as she had drank all her own poison. Oh, and how big her eyes had been!

The knight straddled him and was talking, was telling him something, but there was just the rushing water in his ears. Nothing more, always water, and it was so very strong.

An axe hit the knight in the head and the men slipped from him and Gavin started to crackle. It was just too funny, the surprised look on his face as he fell and if he had enough air in his lungs, he would laugh so loud that all the glass around would break.

He had always wanted to watch Jack fight, right?

And it wasn’t his big axe, he knew that, it was one of the smaller ones that he could throw, and Gavin had already seen them before but never like this. Never thrown at actual people, and now the second knight also went down, an axe right between his eyes.

Gavin spluttered out a laugh as h-

“Gavin!” 

The raging sea in his head calmed and he didn’t want it to. There was an abyss beneath.

“Buddy!”

There it was. Cold, black fear and suddenly he was acutely aware that he could die.

His throat was all locked up with something and he tried to turn around, to spit it out, but the knight was still halfway on top of him and he was too weak to shake him off.

“Jack,” he tried to whimper, but he couldn’t.

Then Jack was there and his hands were strong. They felt like liquid heat on his ice cold skin as he was turned onto his front.

There was foam dripping from his mouth and clogging up his throat. He tried to cough but couldn’t get his body to do so.

His stomach was cramping, his guts were on fire and he couldn’t-

Jack pried his mouth open and he hadn’t even realized that he was grinding his teeth. Not anymore, because Jack was so strong and nearly unhinged his whole jaw in his hurry.

Then he was throwing up.

It was like throwing up fire and the pain was mighty and traveled through his whole body. He wanted to curl into himself like Volvy had but Jack wouldn’t let him.

“It’ll be fine,” Jack told him, but for the first time in his life he sounded frantic. LIke he was on the verge of panic and it only fueled Gavin’s fear.

“We just have to… Just have to-”

  
Gavin wasn’t quite sure what they had to. It was hard to understand Jack. Maybe had to get it all out, that might be it. It didn’t even matter because he hung boneless in Jack’s arms and was cold and hot at the same time.

Jack was talking, was telling him to stay with him and Gavin wanted to. He wanted to stay here forever but he was drifting off and all of Jack’s calling and shaking couldn’t stop him from blacking out.

 

Where he was it was red. A red world with brittle stone on the ground. It could break easily if you did dare to do more than carefully set your foot on it. It was hollowed by the heat, the heat that was all around.

It came from the everlasting fires that burned since forever, the molten stones dripping from the darkness above, burning flesh and souls.

Before, way, way before when the portal was still open for everyone, those foolish humans had dared to look for treasures in here. There were some, of course there was. 

Some had even dared to stay here, to build fortresses against the horrors lurking in red shadows as if they couldn’t move in the fire and through walls.

But they had let him play for a while, right?

After that came those funny people who sent their children in here, hoping for abilities beyond their imagination. Sometimes they would grant those. They liked children because they were curious, even when they were terrified.

And monsters got children the easiest when they’re alone and scared. All their parents did was serve them up on a silver platter.

Still, the age of magic would find its end by their hands as well, and the deals that were made-

_ “You owe him! Heal him! Save Michael!” _

Ray?

_ “A life for a life.” _

Gavin’s consciousness floated but blew away whatever memories and thoughts had filled his head before. The voice had been familiar and so he remembered himself.

He was healing, a part of him realized that. In this red world he could get warm by the fire but that was wrong was wrong was w-

Volvy would stoke his fire, but Volvy wasn’t there anymore. He had made her drink the tea and she had collapsed.

He had also drunk the tea and had collapsed.

_ Jack. _

Jack had been there, right?

Yeah, Jack sat by his bedside and sang his lullaby. He would check on his temperature -  _ but hadn’t Volvy done that as well? But Volvy wouldn’t fit, Volvy didn’t belong in the picture and she was dead. She was dead because she had tried to kill him. _

No, Jack sat at his side, but Geoff was missing. Geoff was missing. Geoff had gone away, somewhere where he couldn’t reach him.

But Geoff would come back to check on him when he was sick in bed. It would be oh so cold but he would stand in his door, hand outstretched for him to take.

_ “Come with me, Gavvy.” _

_ “Where are we going?”  _

_ “The lake. You like the lake, don't you?” _

And it had been so hard to stand up. To move one foot in front of the other, but he would always take that hand. He wanted to be good so that his father was proud of him!

It had snowed. It had snowed so much.

It had settled on his head and his bare hands and his shoulders. It had snowed until he was all gone and no one could find him anymore.

 

Gavin startled awake.

He was staring up to some unfamiliar roof because he wasn't in his bed. He wasn't in his bed and his father wouldn't come in to take him to the lake, no, his father wouldn't know where to find him and he would be so mad.

So mad because Gavin hadn't stayed where he was supposed to.

Had he run away?

He didn't know, but the guilt and fear sat heavy on his chest. He felt sick with it, and when he turned his head, he saw that it was snowing in front of his window.

He began to scream.

“Gav- Gavin!”

The voice sounded as startled as he himself was and then he was shaken.

“Gavin, it's all good! It's me!”

A hand on his cheek, turning his head and then he was staring up to the twins. To the older one, the one who didn't like it as much when he read to her, but that was fine. That was fi-

“Gavin?” Michael asked again and gasping, Gavin stared up to him. His heart was pounding so hard that his field of vision seemed to pulsate.

“Michael,” he sobbed and then there were tears running over his face.

Michael seemed taken aback by that, but then he sat down next to him and pulled Gavin against his chest. It was warm like this. When he turned his back to the snow it always seemed so much warmer, and he let his eyes drift shut.

“It's fine,” Michael told him again, but his voice also sounded heavy. “You have been... you have been asleep for a long, long time. But you're awake now. You're back.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be away this weekend (VIP tickets for Hollywood Undead hurhur) but I'll leave with a blast? Yay?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I heard of a tea that helps to calm the mind down."
> 
> "I'm not very fond of tea anymore," Gavin admitted, and Jack pulled a face.
> 
> "Sorry, bud. I didn't think."

Chapter 9

 

He drifted between awake and sleeping a lot, but whenever he resurfaced he was never alone. Mostly it was Ray or Michael next to him, worried but always ready to talk a bit, to tell him what had happened.

Michael hadn't lied when he'd said he had been asleep for a long time.

The poison had wracked through his body and Gavin had tiptoed on the edge of death for nearly two days before his conditioned bettered.

He wondered if that had been the time he had been in the red place, when all those strange things had rushed into his head at once. Too wonderful and too much to truly grasp it all.

But in that place he had healed, he had stayed there while something else was in his body. Something else that had kept him alive.

He knew it was true in some strange way that he couldn't really explain, but it had saved his life.

After that he had slept a lot, nearly a week. More than once he had appeared awake but hadn't answered, Ray told him.

Gavin couldn't remember much about that, but the snow, oh, the snow had snapped him right out of his trance.

Now he grew a bit stronger each day, but he was told to stay in bed until his fever broke.

Jack visited him whenever he could which was usually late in the evening.

"I'm sorry. I was supposed to help you but now you have to do all of the work yourself," Gavin told him one day, but Jack just chuckled as he sat down besides the bed.

"If Geoff can do all of that then I surely can as well."

"True."

"How are you, Bud?"

"Getting better," he said, but didn't protest when Jack reached out to check on his temperature. It felt nice because afterwards Jack would always stroke through his hair.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Jack asked after a while, and Gavin thought about that for a moment. Everything that had happened was strangely far away, like it had happened in a dream, and when he tried to remember it hurt. He didn't want to think back because bad things had happened.

So many bad things.

"I don't know," he admitted and curled into himself.

Like Volvy had, right? Because of the cramps after she drank the tea.

"You were there," he finally settled on, and that memory in the end was nearly clear against everything else. Jack's hands on him, turning him around and picking him up. "You saved my life."

"I wouldn't go that far," Jack said, and Gavin looked up to him. The Counselor shrugged. "Isn't it rather my fault that Volvy got into contact with you? I told Geoff that you needed a maid."

"Oh."

"I could tell you that she was one of the best, that she worked with children before, and that's why we considered her," Jack went on. "She seemed most suited for this and in all those years... in all those years she took care of y-"

"Jack," Gavin interrupted him. "I don't blame you."

"You don't need to. I'll do it myself."

Pulling a face, Gavin sat up. His arms were shaking even like that, but he knew they would draw a bow just fine.

"I think... I think Volvy really felt bad about what was happening."

"She must have, after all she drank..." Jack trailed off and Gavin also pressed his lips together. She drank the poison herself. That wasn't what had happened. Or maybe it had, how could he really know?

All the memories were in bright colors and wrapped around each other. Loud and sharp thanks to the poison and the fear in his mind. But not only Volvy, also those two knights in front of his room. They had also wanted him dead, right?

Child of Misfortune.

And suddenly he realized why Michael or Ray were always around, why he was never alone when he woke up. Jack couldn't trust anyone else. They didn't know who else was part of this and who was on their side.

There could be more people after him, and the thought made him choke up.

No, he didn't want that!

He just wanted to stay alone, to live a bit! Was that too much to ask?

Now he was upset and Jack had to notice. He sat down on the edge of his bed and pulled him into his side.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into his hair. "Don't think about this for now. We'll... we'll fix this somehow. I'm just very happy that you're alright." He pressed a kiss against his temple.

"God, Gavin. When I saw you there on the floor... I thought my heart would stop. I didn't want to believe what was happening but if I had only been a minute or two later we might not have that much luck. You might have been dead."

The thought scared him, and Gavin wrapped his arms around Jack. He didn't want that. If he died he would go back and what? Would he had to start all over again?

Was he trapped in one big loop?

"And then you wouldn't wake up! Your fever was so high and you were in so much pain. I thought I would die as well. When Michael told me you had woken up, I was so unbelievably grateful."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Gavin pleaded and was glad when Jack stopped talking. He was shaking again but it eased when Jack squeezed him.

"Of course. I'm sorry."

For a while they sat in a comfortable silence and Gavin fought against sleep. He was exhausted, even if he hadn't done anything in the past days, but the doctor was saying his body was still fighting against the poison. Oh, and how whenever the doctor came in to check on Gavin Michael would stare at him. Fierceful and protective, like he wouldn't allow any wrong move.

And Ray who wouldn't leave his side and watched attentively whenever the doctor so much as touched him.

Gavin was very glad to have them around. Not only because they kept him company, but because he felt safe then.

"When will Geoff come back?" he asked after a while. His voice was heavy with sleep because Jack was carding his hand through his hair, smoothening it down and the rhythmic movements made him even more tired.

"He should be on the way back," Jack told him. "But the snowfall was so early that he will take longer. Werringtal lies higher up as well, they have horrible snow storms each year so he either travels really slowly or waits in Werringtal until it's safe for him."

"That makes sense. I don't want him to get into any danger." Or to get cold. If he got cold and fell asleep-

But on the other hand he wanted him here as well. Geoff would protect him and Geoff would be so angry at everyone. Surely those people had waited until the King was away to make a move, because without the King there was no one watching him, or so they had thought because they didn't know that each morning Jack came in to fetch him for breakfast. They had overlooked Jack and that had saved his life.

“Does he… know?” Gavin asked carefully and wasn’t sure which answer he actually expected. He kinda wanted Geoff to storm in here and scream at every guard and everyone else involved, but that would also mean everyone knew.

They probably did, now that he thought about it, and that filled him with a hot shame.

The people out there knew that some wanted him dead and who knew, maybe most of them even agreed. That was scary, and he buried his face in Jack’s chest.

Some of them had surely laughed, and yesterday Michael had been wearing a bruise on his cheek that he had seemed rather proud of. He had insisted that the other one looked way worse and Gavin had laughed, but now he was pretty sure that Michael had gotten into whatever fight it had been because of him.

That Michael had protected him, and as good as that felt, it also scared him.

He had only survived because of the few friends he had made in his time here, but what if the people who wanted him dead figured that out? What if they decided that to get to him they had to deal with those people around him first?

They wouldn’t turn against Geoff or Jack, surely not!

The King was still popular and by the words of Volvy and the two knights, Gavin was sure they thought they were helping Geoff. But what if they went after Michael and Ray next?

He didn’t want that!

“Geoff doesn’t know what happened,” Jack finally settled on. “I’ve informed him that you’ve fallen very sick and that he should return as soon as possible.”

“You didn’t tell him about the thing because it would make him emotional,” Gavin said. “And he makes mistakes when he gets emotional.”

“Exactly.”

Thinking about that a bit more, Gavin nodded. “I think that was the right decision. We can’t risk insulting King Ingrar leaving him alone in those hard times.”

Jack chuckled again and pressed so close to him that felt nice.

“Now you’re thinking like a King. But I also didn’t want Geoff to start running back here without actually thinking this through. They way is long and dangerous during this time of the year, so I assured him that everything that could been done has been done.” Jack shrugged. “I don’t yet know if the letter even reached him. The snowfall set in days ago and our carrier might be stuck somewhere.”

“But Geoff should be on the way back anyway.”

“Yeah. Who knows, maybe they’ll run into each other.”

 

Two days later Gavin was allowed to leave the bed. He felt way better but soon realized that he was still exhausted. By the time they made it into the throne room, he was out of breath and had to sit down for a while.

“That will pass with time,” Jack promised him. “You’ll get stronger every day.”

Still, Gavin decided to retire early. The moment they were done with their work he didn’t run out to meet up with Michael and Ray, but dragged himself towards his room.

Even on this familiar path Jack followed him, but Gavin was glad about it. He had the feeling that every guard and every maid and every servant they passed watched him. They watched him real close, and his heart was beating in his throat as he tried to stand tall.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Jack asked as they stopped in front of his room.

“I’ll be fine.”

“You know I’m just down the hallway.”

“I do know, Jack. Good night.”

“Good night, bud.”

He got a tickling kiss to his cheek before entering his room. Those past days he had never a moment alone, always someone watching him, and now being here with no one else was somehow thrilling. He let out a deep breath and he didn’t want to appear ungrateful, but he needed some time to think. It was hard to think about something so horrible when eyes were watching him.

And he didn’t have to fear this room, he was rational enough to know that. The room hadn’t hurt him and it could have happened anywhere else. He could be scared of people, but not of this place that had been his home for years now.

Still, it was eerie being in here.

The fire was barely more than embers, he noticed first, and it left the whole thing with a red hue. It reminded him of the red place in his dreams, but he shook it off.

There probably wasn’t any other maid that wanted to take care of him, not after what happened to Volvy. Jack might believe she had killed herself in guilt or to avoid prosecution and that was a good thing to think, nearly something nice, and Gavin wanted to believe it as well. But fact was, it wasn’t what had happened, and he was sure that most people thought so as well.

There had to be more out there who were familiar with the plan, he was sure of it. And they all would know that something had seriously gone wrong.

That was fine though; he was old enough to get his clothes and to stoke the fire if he had to. There was no need for a maid he wouldn’t trust in the first place, not anymore.

Still, someone had to be in here to clean up and keep the fire going. The curtains were drawn even though he could clearly remember how Volvy had pulled them open. The little nick nacks he kept on his bedside table were placed differently and he watched them for a while, frowning. Had he knocked them down in his headless flight?

He might have; everything was still blurry and hard to remember.

Volvy’s body laid right where it had fallen and his heart stopped. It was hard to see in the dim light but she was still curled into herself, holding her stomach, but the foam that had dripped from her mouth was of a pale yellow.

It was dry right now, breaking like old leaves as she tried to talk.

_ Child of Misfortune _

_ You made me drink it _

Gavin shook himself and the body was gone. Of course it was, the room had been cleaned, and did he really think Jack wouldn’t take care of it? That Jack would let him come here alone just to face what he had done?

Had he really made her drink it? Surely not, he wouldn’t want to hurt anyone and he had liked her. Had liked her since the beginning because of her funny name and how she would bring him water or juice in the morning.

Just this time it had been tea, and how bitter it had tasted.

Now he felt sick with guilt and fear.

The body was just a shadow in the corner and it would go away when he stoked the fire, but he didn’t dare to move. A part of him, a childish part, imagined that she had dragged herself beneath his bed with her grayish, brittle hands and would just wait until he came closer to grab his ankles.

But if he would just stand here some more she would lose her patience. She would crawl up to him in the cover of shadows and would try to speak.

_ You killed me you killedmeyoukilledmeyo- _

The urge to throw up hit him and he doubled over. His stomach cramped up like it had done with the poison and he tasted bile, but he didn’t dare to let his eyes leave the bed. Oh, she was just waiting for that.

Instead he swallowed until it passed and he didn’t feel as nauseous anymore.

Pulling himself up the door again, his eyes teared up, but he wiped it away.

She wasn’t beneath his bed. That didn’t even make any sense!

Still, he couldn’t come closer to check on it. Couldn’t take the few steps to the fireplace and stroke it so he’d have more light. He would have to crouch down with his back to the bed and skinny arms would wrap around his shoulders for sure.

They wouldn’t, he knew that because dead people didn’t move anymore, but then again he had been dead and he was moving just fine.

Opening the door, he nearly fell out in his hurry to get away and expected those two guards to be here as well. They weren’t, there was just Jack a bit down the hallway who seemed to be waiting, and Gavin ran to him.

Gavin ran as if the devil himself was behind him and threw himself in Jack’s arms, barely containing a sob.

He was so scared!

But Jack was there and Jack didn't laugh at him. He just guided him into his room and tucked him in, just how he’d done in the beginning.

 

He stayed with Jack a few days because his old room still made him sick.

He had gone in there with Jack the next day while bright light had come from outside, and of course there had nothing been there. They checked everywhere, in his wardrobe and of course under the bed.

Gavin felt stupid and ridiculous, but the fear wouldn't leave.

He couldn't help but check over and over again in every spot, but it didn't help.

Jack was already talking to him about getting him a new room and Gavin didn't fight it. He didn't want to bother people but he was very grateful for that option.

It wasn't the room, he knew that and tried to tell himself that, but it didn't help in the slightest. So he left it like that because that was easier than imagining that whatever made him so sick actually followed him around.

No, that was even worse.

But even at night curled up next to Jack it wouldn't leave him alone. Volvy's eyes that had been so big and they always seemed to linger in each dark corner. He woke quietly, and even though he was wrapped in blankets and Jack was like a furnace next to him, he felt ice cold.

"If there anything I can help you do to sleep better?" Jack asked three days later, and Gavin just smiled up to him. He felt tired and heavy from the short, horrific nights, but that wasn't Jack's fault.

"I heard of a tea that helps to calm the mind down."

"I'm not very fond of tea anymore," Gavin admitted, and Jack pulled a face.

"Sorry, bud. I didn't think."

"It's all good," Gavin assured him and nudged his side. "Also I'm pretty sure that I'm only sleeping at all because of you."

That was probably true, but he knew it couldn't stay like that. He couldn't sleep with Jack all the time, he wasn't a small kid anymore.

Hopefully it would change once the new room was ready for him, but they had decided to wait for Geoff on that. After all it was his castle and he would know best which room would fit him.

And it wouldn't be that much longer anymore. They had already gotten a message from him saying that he would arrive in the next days.

Gavin could barely wait.

But for now he stayed with Jack and was very grateful.

They had just come from his old room so that he could get some new clothes. Not even at that easy task had Jack left his side, and that was good.

Now he carried his clothes towards Jack's room and thought out loud more than anything.

"Maybe the lullaby would help like back when I was a child!" 

He was kidding even though he wouldn't mind Jack singing it to him again. Mostly late at night when he laid next to him, shaking and terrified, but he was too shy to wake the Counselor and ask for it.

He was too old for that!

Jack gave a thoughtful hum but surely he would agree, it was Jack after all!

“Which lullaby?”

Gavin faltered in his steps and then laughed shyly. Jack also smiled, albeit rather confused like he had missed something, and it hit Gavin then.

Jack had no idea what he was talking about. 

“The lullaby,” he said weakly, and Jack just shook his head.

“I don’t kn-”

“The lullaby! The lullaby, Jack! You know the one!” he insisted and let his neatly folded clothes fall to grasp Jack’s sleeve. “That’s not funny, Jack!”   
“Gavin, calm down!”

Gavin tried to. He pressed his lips together and tried not to gasp for breath. It was hard because something dark curled in his chest, a hollow knowledge that he tried to push away.

“And now tell me which lullaby you mean. I know a bunch.”

But Jack should know which one he meant, after all he had sang it a hundred times to him.

“My lullaby,” he brought out and clawed into Jack’s arm.

“Your..?” Jack fell silent and thought hard, Gavin could basically see the cogs turning and he had to remember. Surely Jack would laugh and slap his forehead for forgetting something so important. Any second now.

“It’s been a while,” he said insisted, apologizing. “Could you give me a hint?”

No!

No, Jack had to know it! Jack had to remember the winter nights when Gavin hadn’t been able to sleep with him by his side. Jack had to remember how he had sung the song over and over again and how he had never grown tired of it. 

Just like his mother had, and his mother had never forgotten even a single word.

And this was Jack! Lovely, considerate Jack who could read him better than he himself could. Who was the King’s mirror and knew the names of all the places in this kingdom!

Surely he couldn’t forget something like that?

“Gav?”

He realized he was shaking and he held on tight to Jack’s arms and forced himself to calm down. Just enough to get air into his lungs to hum the song.

Just like in the beginning before he and Jack had sat down to write the words down.

He stopped even before the first verse was finished and just stared up to Jack.

Jack didn’t recognize it. Even if he had forgotten the lyrics, surely the melody would jock his memory but it didn’t.

He acted like he had never heard it in his life.

“I’m sorry,” Jack apologized when Gavin let go of him and took a step back. “I really don’t-”

“No,” Gavin interrupted him. He didn’t want to hear it!

Had he imagined it? Or did he mix up this life and the one from before? No way, Jack had sung that lullaby to him for sure. Night after night.

How could he forget that?

“Gavin-”

Jack’s hand reached for his shoulder, but Gavin slapped it away without thinking. Jack froze and Gavin also did. He didn’t want to hurt Jack, but right now he was so angry at him. He could feel it bubble up in his throat, no matter how guilty Jack looked in that moment.

Turning around, Gavin ran.

He didn’t know where he was going and also ignored Jack’s calls for him, but how could he stop?

The anger bubbling up in his throat was dangerous, like always when he was angry.

_ “I wish you would disappear! I wish you would just be gone so that you would never find home as well!” _

_ “I really wish you would drink it.” _

The thought that he might just blurt out something like that, most of all towards Jack, was terrifying. It was better to run away. Run away until that anger was gone, but it was already collapsing. He could feel how it vanished, crashing into itself and now his throat felt tight because he felt hurt.

Hurt that Jack had forgotten something so important to him, something that he had thought they shared. 

It had meant so much to him back then, even today, that he knew he would always treasure the memory, and he had thought Jack would as well.

Maybe not, maybe it had been a burden to him instead?

No, it was Jack! It was Jack and he loved him so much that it hurt even more. Jack who had saved his life and always made sure to spend as much time with him as he could.

It had to be… it had to be a mix up!

Maybe his fucked up memories were screwing with him again!

He stopped when his lungs were burning and wasn’t quite surprised to find himself next to the roof. He hadn’t planned to come here, but sometimes this place helped him think.

It was too early and the sheets were still up, a forest of white that was perfect to hide in. He stepped into the maze, and some were still damp when they brushed against his skin.

He only stopped when he was sure that he couldn’t be seen from the hallway again and looked around. The sunlight that filtered through was soft but also looked like a winter morning. The thought made him shiver, but he fought it down.

If he would go towards the edge and sit down it would all be better and he would be able to think. But standing there, in the middle of all the white he couldn’t even tell in which direction he should go.

That was stupid, he knew this place like the back of his hand and still he didn’t dare to go another step.

So he just sat down where he stood because it didn’t even matter. Burying his face in his hands, he tried to think.

So Jack forgot the lullaby, big deal. He shouldn’t be a baby about that!

But Jack wouldn’t!

“People forget things,” he whispered to himself. “That happens. It’s been years.”

Not Jack. Not with this.

The sheets whispered over his back like fingers, gentle but insistent.

Like Michael had forgotten when he healed him? How Ray couldn’t remember that he had figured Gavin out?

But that had been part of the wish right? When he had fixed Michael’s wrist it had just been… collateral damage!

Wasn’t this as well?

Gavin froze and the fingers danced over his neck, damp and cold. He didn’t even slap them away.

“Like a wishing well,” he mouthed and wrapped his arms around himself. “But I don’t throw in coins. I don’t throw in coins, right?”

He wasn’t a naive kid anymore, he knew that everything needed payment. That if you wanted something you would have to pay, if it was gold or a favor, it didn’t matter.

Sure, there were people who had enough kindness in them to help out for nothing in return, but they were rare even in this world, and he didn’t think anything out of the red place would have such a big heart.

No.

“What do I pay?” he asked and reached up for his shoulder. There was a new mark wrapping around his upper arm, just shy enough that he didn’t have to worry when wearing short sleeves.

That wasn’t his payment, right? That was… was like-

_ My mark. The mark of a contract. _

Like when Geoff signed something. He had watched it a thousand times, on paper or on his own skin. It was just an agreement, nothing more.

“What do I pay?” he asked again and heard the waves in his head. It seemed to match the movements of the sheets around him.

_ I deal in memories. _

Gavin swallowed uneasy, “Memories?”

_ Never yours, of course. What use would a granted wish be if you wouldn’t even be able to remember it? _

“The memories of others,” Gavin whispered.

_ Only those you own, naturally. You can’t sell what isn’t yours. _

The ones he owned? When he realized, he grew cold.

“The memories I made. The memories of me.”

He lifted his head because there was a movement in the sheets around. It could be Jack searching for him, or a maid checking on the sheets. Even a knight who was here to finish the job, but he knew it wasn’t.

The sheets moved like waves, unnaturally and he curled into himself. He was scared to see what it was but knew he had to. The wishing well which he had paid such a high price without noticing.

_ While healing Michael I took his memory of it as payment. It was better like that for he had seen me. I also took Ray’s to save ourselves. _

“What else did you take?” Gavin asked carefully. He followed the waves as they circled around him. Nothing that blocked out the sun or threw a shadow, but with enough mass to move the sheets.

_ Small things for small wishes. Barely anything you would notice. For big wishes on the other hand… _

“The lullaby. You made Jack forget the lullaby for-” he broke off because he knew, didn’t he?

“I really wish you would drink it.” The words tumbled out of his own mouth and he quickly clasped his hands in front of it.

_For your survival. For our survival. Don’t you think a song is a more than reasonable price for that? _

Was it?

He couldn't even tell anymore, his thoughts were racing, trying to catch up.

His big wishes, his big wishes were the dangerous ones. Not when he wished for a fresh batch of cookies, but when he wished for someone to disappear.

“Sawyer,” he brought out, muffled through his hands. He didn’t think it mattered, the water could hear him think. “What did I…”

_ Meeting Ray and Michael. _

No!

_ Didn’t you already know? Have you ever heard them mention it? _

No, but that could be for a lot of reasons, right? But the book… the botany book he had brought Ray and Ray hadn’t even recognized it, no matter how excited he had been the first time around.

He sat there, stunned as he was circled. The sheets brushing against his skin really felt like fingers now and maybe they were. Even though he didn’t think that whatever it was really had fingers or was humanoid in the slightest.

_ Healing exhausts us. We’re not made for that. _

Yeah, he had noticed that.

“Can I give those memories back? Can I wish for them?” he asked carefully. His brain was twisting and turning, trying to find a way out.

_ You can’t reverse payment. Even if you could, I would have to take other memories and I might not be as grateful as I’ve been until now. _

No, of course not. He hadn’t really believed it would be as easy. He was playing with something that he didn’t even understand. Something he had played with for a long time, never thinking about the consequences.

“Will you… if I stop wishing…” Because he could. He could stop wishing and live with what he had.

_ Don’t bore me. _

That was a threat, and Gavin felt a shiver work down his spine. He sat there and tried to catch a glimpse of this… this creature when he heard another noise.

Steps close by and he didn’t know if he wanted to be found or not.

“How can I stop this?” he asked quickly and looked for a shadow. “Can I wish for this all to stop?”

_ This ability is part of our contract. If you chose to stop this we shall both return to the Nether. _

“I would die…”

_ A memory of a lullaby for all you can wish for. Believe me, dead boy, you’ve made a good deal. _

“But in the en-” Someone darted through the sheets and he flinched. The voice vanished and even though he had barely caught a glimpse of this person he knew it was Jack and right now he really wanted not to be alone.

“Jack,” he cried out even though his heart beat so violently that surely he must hear it.

The steps stopped, then returned, and soon enough Jack appeared in between the sheets.

Gavin lifted his arms in a weak question and Jack was there, pulling him up from the floor.

“You scared me, buddy,” he scolded him. “You know it might still be dangerous going anywhere alone!”

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whined and buried his face in Jack’s shoulder. “I know… I just-” He tried to come up with an excuse but found no words. He just tried to hold as tightly as possible in case he was swept away.

“God, you’re shaking and you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Jack mumbled and Gavin nearly laughed out loud. “Are you alright? I’m sorry if I said something wrong before.”

Gavin quickly shook his head.

“It’s not your fault. I was just… I must have mixed something up and didn’t think straight an-”

Jack let go of him to cup his face and Gavin fell quiet. Jack was searching for something in his eyes, was looking way too deep, and even his rough but familiar hands couldn’t calm him down. He feared that Jack would find something, something that Gavin hadn’t seen either but knew he wanted to keep hidden.

Still, he couldn’t look away or avert his eyes. He owed Jack that much.

“I am truly sorry if I forgot something that meant a lot to you,” Jack assured him and Gavin had to fight back tears.

“It’s alright. I was just confused.”

“You can teach me that song if you want an-”

Gavin shook his head wildly because that thought terrified him. Maybe that was against the rules, maybe then another memory would be taken, but also it wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t be as precious as back in his first year here, when he had been so lonely and scared.

No, he wasn’t a little kid anymore.

So Jack had forgot the lullaby, but did that really matter? He had known it when Gavin had needed it most.

Maybe the waves were right. Maybe the price wasn’t as high. It had just scared him.

“I’m just tired,” Gavin said, and Jack nodded.

“Of course. I should have let you rest more after everything that happened.”

“No, I-”

But Jack interrupted him again, “Take this day off and lay down. You barely got any sleep those past nights and it’s taking its toll.”

Maybe Jack was right. He was exhausted and if he finally managed to rest, surely he could look at this more clearly.

So he took him up on the offer, figuring even if he couldn’t sleep, he could at least mull this over some more but the moment his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light.

He fell in such a deep sleep that he didn't even dream his so confusing dreams and only woke up when someone moved next to him.

Instantly he sat up with a heavy pounding heart and expected Volvy to wake him up. He had overslept which he rarely did, but she would also bring him tea. She would bring him tea and make him drink it an-

"It's me," Jack assured him and blinking against the sleep, Gavin recognized him. He sank back into the bed, breathing heavily, and only now Jack dared to touch him. Maybe because before Gavin had slapped him away and he was still sorry because of it.

His heart calmed down after a while and when he looked around, he realized that it was dark outside.

"How long have I been asleep?" he asked.

"You slept the day away but don't worry, I'll let Michael and Ray know so they wouldn't wait for you."

"The whole day?" He made a move to sit up without really knowing why. It was night and there really wasn't much he could do now. Still, he had responsibilities he had to take care of, work Geoff had left him behind, and that could help take some weight off of Jack's shoulders.

"That means you needed it," Jack just told him and pushed him back down. "The body takes what the body needs and you obviously needed sleep. It's too late to do anything about it anyway, so you might as well make sure you get some more so that you're well rested tomorrow."

Hesitating, Gavin nodded and settled back into bed. Jack followed soon after and even know he had been so fast asleep before, now he couldn't close his eyes.

He stared up at the ceiling and watched the little light of the moon travel over it. Next to him Jack fell asleep quickly and the deep breaths were comforting.

It had been a rough time for both of them, but at least he didn't have to carry a kingdom.

Though, nobody had tried to kill Jack so there was that.

Gavin smiled bitterly and waited a bit longer until he was sure Jack wouldn't just wake up when he stood. He wasn't even sure why he sneaked out of the room in the first place, he just knew that thinking about something so heavy was hard to do next to someone else, even if it was Jack. Some thoughts were meant to be thought in silence and solitude.

So he wandered through the cold corridors and kept to the shadows. He didn't trust the knights, not after what happened, and he wouldn't know what he would do if they cornered him now.

Wish for them to stop, probably, no matter the payment.

Because maybe the voice was right. What was the memory of a lullaby against not dying on that day? It was barely payment, no matter if it hurt. The lullaby didn't even matter so much, it was just the fact that Jack had sung it to him when he needed it most.

But the more he thought about it, he knew that even that wasn't too bad. Because Jack was still willing to stay with him when he needed him to.

That was what mattered, right?

And Ray and Michael forgetting how they met wasn't that bad either. They were still friends.

"But you're severing the bonds," he whispered to himself. "With each memory they forget they remember less of me."

Mostly small things if he was willing to believe the voice. His favorite color or what he liked to eat. That was fine in itself, but didn't it sum up?

Wouldn't he in the end become a stranger altogether?

He had wished for so many small things in all those years. That they had a lot of fun on a trip or that a meeting he was invited to wouldn't be as boring as he feared.

Useless things that only benefitted himself and that he could so easily lived without. Foolish little things, and he didn't even know what he had sold for that.

In the end... wouldn't they all forget about him?

Wasn't it possible that he wished for something so big that the people around him would just forget him?

He imagined Jack just brushing past him without a second look in the halls or Michael who wouldn't come over to tease him.

Strangers.

Or rather he would be the stranger then because his memories would still be right where they belonged.

"I just won't wish for anything anymore," he promised himself. "All the people live like that and I can do it as well. Just because I can do it, doesn't mean I have to!"

Only in emergencies, right? He could wish for something then, he just had to be very careful but he could do that!

Still, he couldn't forget the words of the voice.

_ Don't bore me. _

He didn't quite know what that meant but it didn't matter. He wouldn't let anyone take away the people he loved so much, even if there weren't a lot of them. Whatever the voice had prepared for him, it couldn't be worse than that.

Yeah, he would just not wish for anything anymore!

He balled his hands to fists in resolve and that felt good. Having a plan felt wonderful and right now he didn't feel helpless.

No, he could get this under control and then nothing about him would be forgotten, least of all himself. So he had made some mistakes before and had sold things he hadn't meant to, but besides that it was fine.

He had noticed soon enough to avoid any lasting damage.

Now he felt lighter and could breathe again. He actually grew a bit tired as well, the heavy mental exhaustion catching up to him and cuddling into Jack's side sounded like an excellent idea.

Before he could find his way back though, he heard a commotion coming from the entry hall and he froze where he stood.

A break in. Bandits or protesters. People out for him and maybe even for the crown or the riches of the castle.

He sneaked closer, ready to dart away into a secret passage close by if he saw or heard anything out of the ordinary. Then he would wake Jack and Jack would know what to do.

Crouching down behind the balustrade, he looked down into the entry hall and was instantly greeted by a gust of cold wind. The huge doors leading into the castle were open and brought snow and cold inside.

Even at this ungodly hour there were servants and knights hurrying around, but before Gavin could panic he heard Geoff's voice. Quickly Gavin stood to see better and found Geoff at the foot of the great staircase, talking to a very important looking knight.

The king's hair looked disheveled and his clothes were rumpled from the long journey, but he was back. Geoff had returned and Gavin hadn't really expected the relief he felt flowing through himself.

Sure, it was late and Geoff looked tired, but it was him, for sure. There was snow in his black hair and he was just shedding his heavy winter coat as the doors were closed to keep the cold out.

It was Geoff and he had returned to him!

Gavin stepped forward, ready to call out for him when the fear settled back in his chest. What if Geoff wouldn't recognize him?

Just glance at him and frown.

But then Geoff spotted him and there was no hesitation, not for a single second. A smile stretched over his face as he lifted his hand to wave.

"Gavin!"

Geoff recognized him! Geoff still remembered him and Gavin stumbled towards the stairs in his hurry to get to him.

"Geoff!" he cried out, because all was good. Geoff and Jack were still around and Michael and Ray as well. Whatever they had forgotten wasn't so significant, and they could just make new memories, right?

All that mattered was that they were still together like this.

He flew down the long staircase before flinging himself right into Geoff's arms. He didn't care if people were watching and that some of the people might actually be after his life. Geoff didn't even know what had happened!

But Geoff caught him and even though he had to be heavy, he spun him around like back when he had been a small child.

"What are you doing awake?" Geoff scolded him a little, but there was no heat in his words. He seemed rather glad to see him again. "Shouldn't you be resting up and not wandering through this cold castle?"

"I missed you," Gavin just blurted out and when they finally stopped spinning, he pulled himself close. Geoff felt cold from coming outside and that was unusual. But Gavin had also felt cold coming here first and Geoff had let him in, had given him roof and bed and a fire to get warm by.

So he tried to hold him so much tighter, to give Geoff as much warmth as he had received himself as if that was even possible, but Geoff just chuckled, and maybe that was enough.

"I missed you as well, buddy. I missed you so much."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just started the last chapter of this story - super excited for it!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Follow me."
> 
> "Where are we going?"
> 
> "The lake. You like the lake, don't you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my name is Jenny and I love horror stories. Sometimes I try myself on scary scenes and that's what happened

Chapter 10

 

When Geoff found out about what had happened exactly, he grew furious. Gavin had never seen him like that before, and it was actually scary. He was screaming and raging to a degree that would make Michael pale.

He sent people away, a lot of them. Everyone who had ever badmouthed Gavin had a talk with him and it was disheartening to see how many people that were. He saw a lot of them for the last time that day before they were thrown out of the castle. Some even went on their own accord, but he tried not to think about that.

Instead he went up in a tower together with Michael and Ray and furnished his new room.

The only way up here was up the staircase, and the whole thing was also bigger. His bedroom was separated from another room where they sat right now, pushing love seats around the fireplace. There was even another small room with a bed, reserved for his appointed knight.

“This is like a suite for a Prince,” Michael observed as he was checking on the room.

Gavin chose not to answer and rather concentrated on laying the fur down in front of the fire. It felt very soft and he sat down on top of it instead of one of the actual seats.

Both Michael and Ray had their weapons on them. A slender rapier and a broadsword. Usually they put them down if they brought them at all, but even now they wore them.

“Do you guys remember how we met?” he blurted out finally. He had carried that question for a long time now but hadn’t found a good time to ask it. Not that this was one but he was just tired of it.

“Are you kidding me?” Michael huffed. “I was like four years old or so. I don’t even remember what I had for lunch yesterday.”

Figured.

For a moment Gavin felt crushed, but then he forced himself to smile because it didn’t matter. It was still his Michael who was here, who finally put the heavy sheath of his sword down to throw himself onto the seat with a sigh.

But in the corner where his bookshelf stood, he saw Ray. He had checked out the books but lowered the one in his hands now thoughtfully.

“On the training field, I guess,” he said carefully before putting the book back. “Why are you asking?”

Gavin shrugged. “I couldn't remember either. It just came to my mind.”

With a nod, Ray walked towards him. He had grown, even if he was still the smallest of them and in his dark knight uniform he looked strangely mature.

Gavin wondered if that was the same with all three of them.

“Who cares though,” Michael asked. “It doesn’t matter, does it? Dwelling on the past won’t bring you shit. I do remember that I kicked Ray’s butt in training every day though!”

Ray threw him a glance before putting a hand on top of the hilt of his rapier, a silent threat. Michael just laughed at him, making him snort as well.

They all knew who would win that fight.

Michael had quickly proven his talent while growing up and Gavin knew that Geoff had an eye on him.

Still, Gavin couldn’t help smiling as well. Sometimes Michael had a way to simplify things that he had over thought in his head for hours just like that. It was refreshing.

“Things will change anyway soon enough,” Ray threw in as he stood between the two of them. “I’m nearly done with my training and Michael will probably finish earlier than most warriors as well. After then we’ll see what the King has in mind for us.”

“Well, you will stay by Gavin’s side,” Michael said. “I’ll go wherever King Ramsey wants me to. And Gav? Gav will become the Prince!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Gavin told him, and Michael opened his mouth to talk back before he also fell silent.

With a sigh, Gavin realized he had killed the mood again, something that he caught himself doing more and more those past weeks. He couldn't help it, the words just slipped out before he could help himself and hey, maybe they were just going to forget it!

He huffed unamused and touched the cold silver of Jack's bracelet. He had found it in his old room, carefully placed on the small pillow next to his bed, and couldn't remember if he himself had put it there or not.

An arm wrapped around him and when he looked up, Michael had sat down next to him and was pulling him in.

"You worry too much," Michael told him, but he wasn't trying to tease. He sounded earnest and a bit worried.

"I know what happened... what happened was horribly fucked up, but that won't happen again because Geoff won't let anyone he doesn't trust absolutely close to you. Also Ray will be around from now on, and if he doesn't protect you, I'll kick his ass!"

"Don't worry about that," Ray said before crouching down in front of them. "As long as I'm your knight nothing will happen to you."

He looked Gavin straight in the eyes, and Gavin was a bit taken aback by their loyalty. It tightened his throat but made his heart grow, and he didn't know how to react. Blushing, he ducked away and heard Ray chuckle.

"I have to admit I’ve had some meetings with Jack those past week," Michael threw in and now Gavin looked up again. Meetings with Jack? He didn't follow Jack on every step but usually knew what he was up to but this was news to him.

"Asked him how many guards a King and stuff usually has, and Geoff has like four personal ones, along with Jack of course who can hold himself. But two are like the minimum and shit. So I kinda offered to become your secondary guard."

Now Gavin sat up and shook Michael's arm off of him.

"What? But I get Ray!"

"I can't be with you all the time," Ray told him. He didn't seem surprised at all, so he was already in on it. "I have to sleep and there might be the possibility that I might grow sick. There has to be a backup."

"Wha- but Michael!" He turned back towards the warrior. "You wanted to be a soldier, you wanted to be out there on the battlefield an-"

"Wrong, I want to protect the kingdom and the king," he said nonchalantly and shrugged like this wasn't that big of a deal. "That's what I'm doing with that. I'll protect the next King until he is ready to take the throne."

"But I'm not the next King," Gavin started to protest when Ray lifted his hand to stop him right there.

"Everyone knows it," he simply said. "And I'm not gonna lie, not everyone agrees with you or truly trusts you, but they trust Geoff's judgement. And if Geoff will say that you are the right one, they will agree."

Again Gavin found himself fighting down a blush.

"But Geoff has never said a thing, that's what I mean!" he finally brought out and now both of them seemed surprised.

"What?"

"Really?"

"Really," he muttered and crossed his arms. "I'm not sure if he has anything planned with me or is just being nice, alright?"

"Well, he teaches you in the same way a Prince does. You even represented the kingdom when he was out even if there was like a week where you just laid around, lazy. But I'll let that pass because of that whole poison thing."

Gavin glared at Michael, who just shrugged.

"Geoff really hasn't said a thing to you?" Ray threw in. "I figured it was just a well known secret that you weren't allowed to tell us yet."

"No way, you'd be the first to know."

Michael smiled, pleased at himself, but Ray still watched him thoughtfully.

"I'd just ask Geoff what his intentions are."

"I can't ask a King to be his Prince when we're not off the same blood," Gavin huffed. "Maybe he plans to marry and get an heir for himself. Do you have any idea how awkward that would be?"

"Don't ask the King then. Ask Geoff. Like he would laugh at you."

Ray made it sound so easy, and maybe it was. Geoff probably expected him to ask at some point, but he didn't dare. Even today he was clearly aware of where he had come from and there was not one drop of royal blood in him.

Ray was right, Geoff wouldn't laugh at him for wanting to know but what if he would? Just thinking about it made him want to get swallowed up whole.

"Anyway," Michael interrupted his thoughts. "Sounds all very Prince-like to me, but whatever. Important is that you stay safe. That's what we are here for."

"You guys are rubbish,” Gavin pouted even though he couldn't help but be happy deep inside. He had amazing friends and couldn't help but be eternally thankful for that.

So he let Michael pull him in and also didn't save Ray when he was squished into his other side, no matter how bony he was.

Michael squeezed them both tightly and laughed as they tried half-heartedly to escape.

Like this it seemed ridiculous to think they would forget this.

 

"What's Ray's favorite color?" Geoff asked the moment Gavin stepped into the throne room.

"Ray's favorite color? Why?"

"Just answer."

"Shouldn't you be working?" Gavin asked confused and tried to catch a glimpse on the letter Geoff was writing, only to be quickly shoved away.

"This is working. Just answer."

"Red is his favorite color," Gavin told him as he stepped towards the windows behind Geoff to maybe get a chance to check out the letter after all. But for now he watched the maiden putting up the sheets on the roof. They were nearly done and they looked like pure white wings in the wind.

"And he likes flowers you said?"

"What are you doing?" Gavin asked and tried to glance over Geoff's shoulder, but the King hid the letter quickly. So he promptly started to climb onto his back, trying to reach it.

"Nothing, nothing!" Geoff assured him and tried to shake him off, but Gavin hung on for dear life.

"Show me!"

"This is not how to treat your King, Gavin! My royal back!"

"Show me the letter, Geoff!"

Instead Geoff shrugged him off and with a shriek Gavin rolled over. Of course Geoff caught him before he could hit his head on the floor but his wildly kicking feet hit the table in front of them and knocked it over.

They both froze at the crash and the spilling ink but before Gavin could apologize, Geoff started to tickle him and he cried out with laughter.

"Stop! Stop, no, Geoff!"

But Geoff didn't stop, not even when the guards checked on the noise. He just wrestled Gavin to the ground, tickling his sides and avoiding his long legs.

Only when he deemed him punished enough did he stop and shush the guards away to pick up the table himself. Gavin watched him, laying on the ground and trying to catch his breath, but he couldn't hide his smile.

"Did Michael tell you about what he offered me?" Geoff asked as he gathered the pages from the ground.

"Yeah."

"I will agree to it."

Now his smile fell and Geoff picked up on it.

"Tell me what's on your mind."

"I fear this is not what Michael really wants," Gavin told him. "He said he doesn't mind but I don't want to be a bother."

Geoff stopped what he was doing and turned towards him. He looked down thoughtfully at him before he reached out, and even though his hand was sprinkled with ink, Gavin didn't hesitate to take it.

He was pulled up but Geoff didn't let go.

"You're not a bother," he told him, and Geoff's eyes were impossibly blue in that moment. Gavin tried to look away, anywhere else because they were too intense, but Geoff's free hand laid on his cheek and stopped him. "You have never been a bother. I know that you worry about a lot of things right now, but that's not one that you have to, alright?"

"Alright," Gavin whispered, and he wanted to believe it. He really did, because it was a doubt that he carried with him for so long already.

Maybe Geoff could tell because he leaned his forehead against his, and that was nice. Standing here before the throne so close it felt right.

"They call you Child of Misfortune, but that's bullshit because I feel very fortunate that I got to know you, Gavin."

Taken aback, Gavin didn't know what to answer. He just knew that his throat was tightening and if he would try to say a thing, it would come out all weird.

It got even worse when Geoff took a step back and let go of him to observe him closer and he didn't want that. Shyly he ducked away, but then Geoff started to laugh.

"Oh God, please hold still."

"Wha-"

Geoff booped him right on the nose, and for a moment Gavin stared at him, absolutely sure that the King had finally lost his damn mind. Then he could smell the ink and reached up to touch it.

His cheek was covered in it and his nose now as well, and Geoff was doubling over in laughter.

"Just so you wait!" Gavin cried out as he jumped towards the spilled ink, because that was easier than to think about an appropriate answer that would mean half as much to Geoff.

"What did you guys do?!" Jack yelled when he stepped into the throne room ten minutes later. The table stood upright again and most of the papers and reports and letters were back on it, but no one had bothered with the ink. Quite the opposite, because Gavin was pretty sure he had a highly detailed dick on his forehead, but he had realitated with cat whiskers on Geoff's face, together with a good portion of ink in his mustache.

They grinned at each other, sitting on the floor like children, and everything was good.

 

Ray's new cape was of the brightest red Gavin had ever seen, and Ray was so excited by it that both Gavin and Michael couldn't help but laugh at him. Ray didn't even care, his cheeks were nearly as red as the cape.

"Hold still," Gavin laughed as he tried to close the cape with the fitting brooch. There was a beautiful rose engraved on it, and thanks to Ray's fidgeting around he had already pricked himself twice.

Now he finally closed it and took a step back.

"How does it look?" Ray asked and turned on the spot as if he was wearing a damn ball gown instead of his usual black uniform together with the cape.

Michael made sure to whistle from his place from the armchair and Gavin clapped.

"Red suits you," he assured him, and Ray beamed at him.

They were back in his new room and finally Gavin could hand out the presents Geoff had prepared for the other two. His strange questions two months ago had been especially for that.

Now that Ray was his personal knight, he spent even more time with him, and Gavin surely didn't mind at all. It was different, certainly, but not too much.

Ray would wake him in the morning like Volvy had, only that he made a point to kick Gavin to the ground in case he refused to get up. Something that Volvy most certainly wouldn't have done.

At least he didn't try to kill him, so Gavin figured he could live with the kicks.

Ray barely left his side until the evening, only sometimes heading to training if he was sure that Gavin was safe in the throne room and only in the evening Ray would retire to the small room in Gavin's chamber.

Around that time Michael would take over, staying awake through the night, and when Gavin couldn't sleep he would sit with him in front of the fire.

They were ready to protect him against everything life dared to throw at him, and it was only fair to get them some gifts.

Now as Ray sat down, careful not to rumple his new cape, he turned to Michael. Michael who had his sheath leaned against his favorite armchair and was probably just a second away from jumping out and go off to the training field. His new weapon was also a broad sword as before, but now with a blue hue in it.

Gavin had watched as Jack had crafted it and he had explained that he had used diamonds. Those rare gems made the steel more durable and sharp. A warrior that took care of such a weapon would never need a new one.

Gavin had never seen a weapon like that before, but he knew how rare diamond weapons were in this kingdom.

From the way Michael had stared at him in disbelief when he pulled the sword out of its sheath, he had no reason to tease Ray at all.

"Mogar is still a stupid name," Ray said now, but Michael didn't even look up from his new weapon.

"Ray is also a stupid name, still I hang around you."

Ray pouted and crossed his arms.

"I'm glad you like your gifts," Gavin chuckled and sat down in front of the fire again. He prefered the fur to the armchairs because it was warmer here. Sometimes he felt horribly cold, and he knew it came from the mark. The branched off lines got cold as ice at times, even more so the more time passed.

He hadn't made a wish, not a single one since he had found out what his price was.

That was nearly a year now, and sometimes he could tell that the voice was angry.

_ Don't bore me. _

He didn't give a fuck if he bored it or not. He wouldn't sell more, he was way too scared to lose something irreplaceable.

"You know fully well that we would love those," Ray told him. He had opened the brooch again to look at it more carefully and his finger was carefully following the lines of the rose.

"Well, I hoped so."

"It's really funny that they call you Child of Misfortune, but because I know you, I can sit here on my ass at night and get one of the greatest weapons the kingdom has to offer," Michael said blatantly, and Gavin felt his smile freeze.

He tried hard not to tense but it was hard with this topic. He hated this name, had hated it since the beginning, but the worst was when someone who meant so much to him said it. Of course he knew that Michael didn't mean it. Not like that, he was just making a joke and actually tried to dismiss the whole thing, so Gavin tried to relax.

"Only the best for my lads," he managed to say a bit shakily, but the words were there and when he looked up, he found that both of them were watching him. They could tell he was uncomfortable and Ray seemed ready to change the topic, but Michael was faster.

"It's true though, isn't it?" He sat up and leaned ahead, eyes wide in wonder. "That you died and came back."

"Michael!" Ray hissed, but Gavin just stared up at him.

They had talked about that before, he was pretty sure Michael had asked him that question already, because Michael was more brusque and Ray wouldn't dare in fear of being insensitive. Maybe it had been too long ago or it was something that Michael had forgotten.

Surprisingly, Gavin found that he didn't mind the question too much coming from Michael.

"It's true," he agreed easily. "I fell out of the Nether portal one day and was... well, reborn, I guess."

Michael hummed thoughtful and even though Ray still scolded him silently, he also listened intently.

"So how did you die before?"

Granted, he should have seen this question coming and what rather bemused him was Michael's straightforwardness and maybe the way Ray dropped his brooch and barely caught it again.

"Michael Vincent Jones!"

"Don't full name me!" Michael protested as he shrugged his shoulders. "Gavin knows that he can tell me to shut up if he doesn't want to talk about it, but the only one being a bitch about it is you."

"Yeah because surely that's a comfortable topic to talk about!" Ray huffed angrily at him, but Gavin just laughed.

"It's fine, Ray. It really is!"

"I get to tell what's fine and what's not!"

"I'm the person in question! Also the answer will be super lackluster anyway." Turning back to Michael, he shrugged a little. "Sorry, but I can't really remember much about what happened before. I was sick though, so that's most likely it."

Michael thought a bit about that before leaning back into his armchair.

"That's really lame."

"Sorry, boi. Next time I'll try to die more dramatically."

"Appreciate it."

"Oh God," Ray groaned and rubbed his face, making the other two laugh.

Gavin retired soon after, pretending to have a headache, but the two saw right through it. Michael looked guilty and Ray couldn't help himself but glance at him scoldingly.

They were worried that Michael's prying had hurt him, but that wasn't quite the case. The question left him thoughtful and he wanted to be alone for a while to think about it.

His past had always been a weak spot for him, overshadowed by his urge to return home and missing his family. Now though he had left that behind, had mourned, but most of all had made his decision that no matter what, he wanted to stay here. Even with being constantly on edge around strangers or guards, it had become his home, because through it all there was Geoff's power and Jack's steady hand that protected him.

Now laying in his bed he could hear Ray and Michael talk in the next room, and their voices also assured him. Those two were also ready to protect him, and what more could he ask for?

So he laid on his bed and stared up towards his dark ceiling and listened to them. They were talking low enough that he couldn't understand, but he knew that Ray was scolding Michael, and it was comfortable just knowing that they were close. Like this he dared to delve down further, to look at something so tender that he always retreated quickly when he touched it.

_ "So how did you die before?" _

The memory was there, he knew it because it was always in the corner of his eye in nightmares. Because there was a voice, another voice, in the back of his head before he drifted off to sleep. So familiar but nearly a stranger at this point.

_ "Come with me, Gavvy." _

He had been sick, yeah, and that had been such a logical and easy explanation that he had clung to it. People did get sick, Geoff's mom had grown sick and died, so it could easily happen to him as well, right?

But there was the lake, the lake that was partly frozen over, and with his fever he shouldn't be anywhere close to it.

What had he done there?

_ "Follow me." _

_ "Where are we going?" _

_ "The lake. You like the lake, don't you?" _

"No!" Gavin blurted out. He opened his eyes, hadn't even realized he had closed them and the snow was gone. The snow was far away in the past and his heart was pounding so loud that he couldn't hear Ray or Michael anymore. Holding his breath, he waited for it to calm down until he could hear their hushed whispers again.

"I don't want to think about it," he whispered to himself and turned onto his side. Why would he want to remember? It didn't matter anyway but it did, right? It mattered a great deal because it was his past and one day he would have to let it go. Why not now when he was in his room and safe? When he just had to raise his voice and be surrounded with people that loved him.

He pulled the blanket tighter around himself and licked his lips.

"You're here, aren't you?" he whispered and fell silent then, waiting for an answer. He didn't think he would get one and realized he had just asked to be polite which was funny thinking about. The voice was always with him no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. It was nestling between his shoulders, in the heart of his mark.

He knew it was the place where the devil was supposed to sit, and Gavin swallowed loudly.

"Did you kill me?"

His eyes flitted to the dark corner behind the door but of course there was nothing. It was stupid anyway, he didn't think the voice had killed him back then. The voice didn't call him Gavvy.

"You know what happened to me. How did I die?" Because the voice had been there? No, he didn't think so. Rather because the voice saw a lot and knew even more. Why it sat between his shoulders out of all people he didn't know.

His eyes were still locked on the dark corner and only now did he realized he did see someone standing there.  _ Something  _ at least, and his heart picked up speed. He tried not to be scared but failed right away because something was in the shadows, something was part of the shadows and could move around freely wherever the light couldn't quite reach.

It was watching him from there, maybe curious, but most likely bored.

It was the same presence as back on the roof as it had swept between the sheets without him seeing.

"Ray," Gavin whispered. He should scream it, because Ray would charge in here and throw the door open. The light of the fire would spill into the room, not reaching that dark corner right there, but at least the bed and as long as Gavin was in the light he was safe, right?

But Ray didn't hear, and with Gavin's blood rushing in his ears he couldn't hear the other two out there anymore, but why was he panicking anyway? He had asked a question, so he had to prepare for the answer.

The figure moved, not towards him, but up. It stayed hidden throughout and Gavin had a hard time following it. It clawed through the shadows until it reached the ceiling and lingered there for a second, before crawling further upside down, and now it was coming close, way too close, and closing his eyes, Gavin pulled the blanket over his head.

It wouldn't help because under here were shadows and everywhere was shadows and it could reach him here. Could sneak beneath his covers and sit on his back right between his shoulders.

He laid there and listened, for the ticking noises of spider legs, for something breathing heavily or the eternal moment before whatever it was would let go and fall from above onto his bed. For Michael and Ray's voice just a few steps away and he should call. Should scream and let the light burn the figure away, but then it grew cold.

It grew cold enough that his breath hitched and then came out as fog. Cold enough that he curled into himself to preserve some warmth as the lines of the mark spilled ice into his body.

Gavin couldn't see but he knew that his fingers would grow pale and then a funny purple.

_ You froze to death. _

"At the lake," Gavin added softly.

_ "You like the lake, don't you?" _

There had been someone faceless who beckoned him to follow. Who told him to sit down and wait underneath the tree, and Gavin had begged not to be left alone. But there had been no mercy, not beneath the tree and not on the way there, where he had stumbled through snow so high that it reached his knees.

_ You sat there and waited until the snow covered you. After you fell asleep you just slipped away. _

Gavin felt stupid tears burn in his eyes and thumbed them away. His throat felt tight, but he wasn't surprised, no, not really.

His next question should also be clear. Who was this faceless person? But he didn't ask because he knew the answer and didn't want to know at the same time. The voice wouldn't let him hide away anymore though.

_ Your father wanted you dead. _

"No..."

_ Your father sent your mother and sisters out and then came for you. He asked you to come along but didn't even help when you fell down, he wouldn't even look at you. Just told you to sit down in the cold and wait. _

_ "You stay here." _

"Please don't leave me alone," Gavin whispered, and he could see him now. Could see him stand above him, so much taller and stronger then he would ever be. A face he knew so well, but after all these years nearly the face of a stranger.

_"Be a good boy," _ his father told him but didn't even look at him. Didn't dare to face him.  _ "You can watch the lake. You like to do that, right?" _

Gavin closed his eyes and felt tears run down his face. He curled into himself and tried to get warm, tried to feel something again like back when he had been so small and sick.

It wasn't working yet again.

_ Your father wanted you dead because you were weak and sick. Just another mouth to feed, one too many for him to afford. _

"Please stop," Gavin whimpered.

_ It's actually funny. Usually someone would go for one of their daughters, wouldn't they? Most of all in times like this when all he could do was marry them off later, while a son at least could bring home some coins. _

But he had adored them. His father had adored the twins and had brought them to bed to tell them stories or sat down to play with them. Gavin had seen it one too many times when he lingered in the small hallway, listening to laughter and peeking around the corner.

_ I wonder why he hated you so. _

The voice sounded curios now, nearly teasing and Gavin pressed his lips together. It was enough, he didn't need to know more.

_ Actually I know why. You weren't strong, you didn't show any talent, and when he looked at you he just saw his very own failure. Truly, what a sad excuse for a man. What a sad excuse for a son. _

Gavin sobbed. He had tried to keep it in, locked it up in his throat because he knew he shouldn't show any weakness, but it burst out now. He could basically feel how it bemused the voice because he had made it angry, had bored it. He had tried to be defiant with something that was so much stronger than him and now he had to suffer the consequence.

_ What's really interesting though is why your mother never looked for you. I wonder if she knew. _

"Please don-"

_ Nobody ever came looking for you. _

"Stop!"

He sat up in bed in a fit of anger and a hurt that went too deep to heal. He sat up because it was enough, more than enough and anymore might just break him. He was ready to raise his voice and tell it to fuck off because it enjoyed hurting im so, but then he didn't dare open his mouth.

Now, here where he had lost the safety of his covers, the figure was absolute. The figure was the shadows around and the darkness outside, it was all around and not even a single ray of light came from beneath the door.

No, in that moment the voice was darkness, and he feared when he opened his mouth it would crawl inside and nestled in his heart and soul and lungs.

It was strong, he had never doubted that, and even more so now as it pressed him down, forced him to lay on his back with his mouth shut and his limbs useless.

_ Are you angry, boy? At me of all things? _

It cackled, a sound that would haunt his dreams from now on.

_ I wasn't the one who lead you out into the woods and left you there to die. I was the one waiting beneath to catch you. I gave you unspeakable power when you were powerless. I granted you your deepest wish when you had nothing. _

"You did not," Gavin spat. He tried to fight against the grip around, to lift his hands and tear at the darkness. "You did not! I wanted to go home! I wanted to see my family and instead you brought me here where people hate me!"

_ Wrong. _

His arms were still pinned at his side, unable to lift even an inch as the darkness bore down on him. He could feel its breath on his face.

_ You wished for a family, yes. A family that loved you and protected you and played with you. I gave you all that and so much more. _

Deep down he had known that. Deep down where the memories were hidden he had understood at some point that he hadn't wished for the twins. That he hadn't wished for his mother and least of all for his father, who he feared so much.

He had wished, yes.

He had wished and had gotten Geoff and Jack. Michael and Ray.

A home.

Fresh tears came to his eyes and he could do nothing to stop them like this.

The darkness was all around, was in him and flowed through his veins. He had agreed to something that he still couldn't quite grasp and while the voice had granted his wish, he had to pay. He had brought whatever it was out where it sat on his back.

"Mahr!" he gasped out and for a moment he could move, for a second he lifted his arms to push it off because it hadn't seen this coming, but he had read about it in one of his countless books. "Nachtalb! Demon of dreams and wishes!"

_ Calling upon my name and power once again, foolish boy? I am all and see all through a thousand eyes at night and can give you the most pleasant or most atrocious dreams and thoughts. I see your deepest desire and give you the power of Gods for such a laughable payment. Humans have done the unspeakable to get their wishes granted and you just have to utter a single sentence! _

"I don't need your powers anymore! I'm not willing to wish for anything more and lose what I have. I have paid for what I've gained so far, so now leave me alone!"

_ No can do. _

His arms were pinned down with such force, that he feared they would break like sticks but before he could scream in pain, the Nachtalb settled on top of him. Not between his shoulders but on his chest this time and Gavin's last breath hitched.

He would cave in, his whole body would just cave in under the weight. A weight that wouldn't let him raise a finger or close his eyes. His lungs would just crush and his heart would stop and there was not a single thing he could do to stop it.

_ Your soul is mine for eternity. You sold it the moment you allowed me entry. _

He hadn't known! He hadn't know though and he had just been a child, afraid and lonely and cold! It wasn't fair, he hadn't known what he did! He had just wanted to go home!

_ I will not allow you to be ungrateful! _

And then he was sinking. The enormous weight was pushing him down into his mattress but even more, it felt like he was swallowed whole by something that he couldn't even see. The darkness was omnipresent, was all around and was tearing at him, wouldn't let him go like tar. Something sticky that would suffocate him and fill his insides until even his eyes were dark.

And beneath, beneath was this red, red world just waiting to catch him. To keep him trapped forever there in between the heat and the fire and the pain of so many.

He knew he would be welcome there, welcome with open arms as if he'd returned home.

He didn't want that home.

A scream ripped from his throat as he slipped. He screamed as loud as he could, tried to throw his head back or move his arms to the edge of the bed. To find something to hold onto as he slipped away into the shadows but he couldn't move. There wouldn't be anything strong enough to hold onto anyway, he knew that. Even when his fingers could travel and search like spider legs, he wasn't strong enough to stop the pull.

There was a crash, somewhere far away. Outside of this world of darkness and fear, and he remembered the room beyond. The room he had sat with the other two an aeon ago. Where it was warm by the fire and their laughter ruled.

Had he left it minutes or years ago? He couldn't tell anymore.

"Michael!" he cried out. Screamed it at the top of his lungs, half insane by fear. "Michael! Help me!"

Something pounded close by. The door. Something was pounding at his door, and Gavin fought to keep his head from submerging.

"Get me out! Get me out!  _ GET ME OUT!" _

His name. Michael was screaming it and for a second Gavin could see him, was watching through thousand eyes in the dark as Mahr did. Saw how Michael was pale in shock as he threw his whole weight against the door. Over and over again because it wouldn't budge, not an inch even under all his strength. And there was Ray, stumbling out of his room and maybe together, maybe together they co-

Gavin slipped under, slipped into the darkness and through his bed into the beneath. Into the nothing that spilled into his still screaming mouth and filled up his throat, down into his lungs.

He woke with a gasp and turned onto his side, everything just to get away. His fingers searched for his blanket and couldn't find it, so he just curled into himself. Curled into the tightest ball possible to hide away.

Sobs shook his whole body and he was crying with such force that he thought only small children were capable off. Still, each noise was ripped from him and he couldn't stop it. Would never be able to, not with his heart fluttering like a small bird and not with his stomach churning like this.

He expected Michael's voice to reach him any second, his warm hands hurling him up and Ray right by his side. He hoped they would hold him tight and not let go, never again but it didn't happen. Nobody came, and maybe he hadn't screamed, maybe it had all been a dream.

His stomach clenched and he knew he would throw up. Not that it was a surprise really.

Turning around, he pushed himself up and was horrified by the wet feeling around his hand. How it sank a little but not into a mattress, of course not.

He coughed but not much came. Foam, mostly like back when he had been poisoned but this one was darker. Yellow bile and something darker. For a second he was sure it was blood but then he finally realized what he was looking at.

Not his bed but earth.

Wet, cold earth and his hand was sinking into mud to hold his torso up.

Gavin coughed a few times more before he wiped his mouth and dared to look up.

He way laying under a tree and only it's wide branches had saved him from the snow for now. There were more trees, a hundred of them and his heart didn't even have a chance to calm.

He was in a forest somewhere, a forest he didn't recognize and couldn't see the end of. Not even in the coming dawn and now he felt the cold creep into his bones. He was still clad in his nightgown and bare feet and started to shiver the moment he noticed.

"Where am I?" he whimpered, but nobody answered. He was here alone.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Mahr or Nachtalb is a creature out of european folklore.  
> Those creature are said to wander in the night, slipping inside houses through keyholes to sit on sleeping people's chests. They bring nightmares (german: Albträume), night terrors and sickness with them, often bothering their victims until they're completely exhausted.  
> In some areas the Nachtalb is believed to be the devil, sitting on people's shoulders to wait for them to go to sleep to feed off of them again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I was a child,” Gavin snapped and he felt backed into a corner. Felt like an animal that had been trapped for too long, and with it came anger. “I was just a fucking child back then!”
> 
> Are you still a child?

Chapter 11

 

Gavin loved cats. Mostly because they were cute and soft and purred when he got to pat them, but also because his father assured him they were useful. They didn't have any animals, not in their little hut, mostly because his father didn't like animals. The cat came from the forest, a small and thin thing, but his father didn't scare it away like he usually would. As hungry as the cat was, they were eager to catch any mice in and around their hut, and so they were allowed around them.

As long as they did their work, they could stay, his father had told him.

Gavin named the cat Lilly and one day when his father was working and his mother out in their little garden, Lilly snuck inside, something she was most certainly not allowed to.

Gavin had sat on the floor to play with the twins, but just like that their attention was all on the cat and they had petted her until she had to be hoarse from purring so much.

When his mommy came in to see them all in a heap on the floor around the cat, she had caught Lilly quickly and threw her out.

They all had to promise not to tell Father so they wouldn't get in trouble for being so careless and letting an animal in.

At the castle were a lot of cats for the very same purpose. Gavin had often watched them laying in the sun or hiding in the grass, eyes wide and tail swishing as they waited to pounce on the next mouse moving.

Neither of those cats would allow him to pet them or lay close enough to hear them purr. Once he moved and they noticed him, they disappeared with a hiss, and he had been quite sad about it.

Now as he sat beneath the tree he was watching a bird, a sparrow probably. Even though it could fly, it hopped around searching for food but kept a close eye on him. That was fair, besides the birds he seemed to be the only living being here.

Birds were also cute, he figured. This bird here had black eyes and pretty brown and black feathers that glimmered in the early light of the day. It didn't sing but Gavin knew that it could.

He also liked birds, he decided. He liked birds because even though this bird was so close and small and helpless, he wouldn't be able to catch it. No, the moment he moved so much as a muscle it would fly away, never to be seen again.

Every bird he knew was like that, uncatchable.

He could wish to become one. Then he could fly high up above these trees until he could see the towers of the castle again and then he could fly there. He would be able to sing for Geoff or Jack and in case there was any danger, he could just fly away, only to return when it was safe again.

Yeah, life as a bird sounded easier, but he wouldn't be able to talk or laugh with the others. So maybe he could wish for wings like a bird to return home, but the thought alone was laughable.

Even Geoff would find him weird then and probably would send him away.

Besides that, he didn't knew how to return home.

The sun was rising behind him, meaning he was looking to the west. He couldn't know that the castle was in that direction, nor if he came from any of the other ways. Around him was a fine layer of snow and beneath mostly mud, and even though his feet were dirty, he couldn't make out any trail going to this tree.

No, he had traveled through shadows and that meant he could be anywhere right now.

The thought didn't let him move, or at least he told himself that. It was easier to just sit here, leaned against this tree and not move an inch. At least there wasn't a lake to look at, right?

It was cold though, and in his thin nightgown he was shivering. He had his hands jammed in his armpits and his legs pulled against his chest and it was still cold. He could barely feel his feet anymore.

_ What would your father think, seeing you like this? _

"Leave me alone," Gavin whispered and startled the bird nearby. It flew away, and he felt stupidly lonely without. "Haven't you done enough?"

_ Your father was a sad creature. Always talking big in front of your folks, to make you believe how great he was and of course you ate it all up. Too young to understand, but your mother, oh she knew. She was a smart woman but that didn't matter much. Not for him at least. The least he wanted was a smart woman that showed him all his shortcomings, so she didn't. Mostly to protect you kids, but she didn't like her husband very much. _

Closing his eyes, Gavin let his head fall back until it hit the rough bark behind him. He didn't bother fighting against it, the voice has showed him that it was futile.

_ Granted, there wasn't much to like about him. A big mouth that only told lies for his sake. Going around and telling everyone he was working for the king, but oh what a joke! Of course it made sense in his tiny brain! All work served the King in some way, even that of a lonely woodworker! _

The voice, Mahr, cackled again, a sound that made goosebumps creep up Gavin's arms.

_ Oh but your father wished he would be more! He wanted to become a soldier, did he ever tell you that? Probably not, because he failed. He had the brutish strength, everyone could tell you that, but not the discipline that comes with it. He dropped out faster than your sweet Ray did, but of course it wasn't his fault. Nothing ever was, that’s just how it is with cowards. If he could see you now though, working so closely with the King, sleeping in chambers as big as your little hut has been, what would he say? Would he be proud? _

That sent such a surprising pang of hurt through his chest, that for a moment he was sure someone had stabbed him. 

“My father wasn’t proud of me for even a second in my life,” he whispered, and what had he done? Tried so hard to make him proud, to make his father see that he could do better. Pathetic.

_ Best archer in the kingdom, close enough to the King that you are basically the Prince. Yeah, I think he would be proud. _

“Is this meant to make me feel better?” Gavin asked and let his eyes drift open. Above him he could see heavy clouds peeking through the treetops. It would snow later, of course it would. Snow was the way bad luck came to earth.

_ I just want you to imagine him crawling back to you. Telling everyone how you’re his son. Wouldn’t that be fun? _

A grim smile appeared on Gavin’s face even though he didn’t think it would be fun. Too many questions would come up, too many feelings, but he didn’t want to dwell on it too much. It wouldn’t happen anyway but if, he hoped that he could turn away and tell Geoff that he didn’t know this man.

Yeah, that would be fun.

“You stay here,” a voice said loud and clear, and Gavin jumped. He sat up and then immediately struggled to get away even if it meant pulling himself through the mud.

His father stood next to him and still didn’t quite dare to look at him. Gavin stared up to him, to the short brown hair and worn clothes. He couldn’t see his face like this and he was glad for it.

“Be a good boy. You can watch the lake. You like to do that, right?”

A question, because he didn’t know. An assumption because the twins loved coming to the lake to play.

Gavin pushed himself further away, trying to hide behind the tree because he knew it wasn’t real. That it was Mahr, and sure enough the voice came just a heartbeat later,

_ So you can move. You didn’t back then, just sat there and waited to fall asleep. _

“I was a child,” Gavin snapped and he felt backed into a corner. Felt like an animal that had been trapped for too long, and with it came anger. “I was just a fucking child back then!”

_ Are you still a child? _

He froze and felt the rage dim a little as he realized. 

Mahr had sat him right beneath this tree and he hadn’t moved. The voice didn’t even have to tell him to stay there and there wasn’t even a lake to watch because it wasn’t needed.

He had just sat there and waited to fall asleep.

“I’m not,” he whispered because he needed to hear it. “I’m not a child anymore. I’m…” he trailed off to reach for the silver bracelet, but it wasn’t there. He had put it on the small pillow next to his bed, but he knew it was waiting for him. Instead he let his hand travel further until he could feel the rough bark of the tree.

He used it to pull himself up and winced when his legs tried to bug. There were pins and needles beneath his skin from holding still for so long and his feet were numb but he was standing.

Braced against this tree, he was surprised how small his father was. He was still taller and broader than him, yes, but wasn’t towering above him like in his memory.

Just a man in the end.

Pushing himself off the tree, Gavin made some unsure steps forward. He must have looked like a newborn foal because his blood was just starting to circulate but he used the other trees around for help.

After a few steps though, he stopped and turned back around.

His father was still standing there and now he could understand Mahr. What a sad man he was. With the same green eyes as him, but oh, they were so much paler. So much simpler and realizing that, the anger came back.

“I was just a child!” he screamed. “I was  _your_ child! Your own flesh and blood!”

He bend down and buried his hands in the mud until he found a stone. He hurled it towards him and it went right through his father’s chest just how he had expected, but that didn’t matter.

He searched for more, for everything he could throw, for a fucking bow and an arrow, so that he could make sure to hit him right between the eyes.

“I was your son!” he cried out. “I was your son and your shortcomings weren’t my fault! I was just a kid and you left me here to die!”

He screamed as loud as he could. 

He screamed even when it made birds fly up into the world and let snow fall.

He screamed because he was alive and his father was left somewhere in the earth to rot.

Throwing himself around, he began to run. In no direction at all, just anywhere. Anywhere was better than sitting there waiting to fall asleep.

Even when stones dug into the heels of his bare feet, even when low hanging branches scratched his skin.

“There was never any chance to find them, was there?” he gasped out as he tore through bushes. “They were dead this whole time. They were all fucking dead!”

The twins and his mother. Most of all his father.

He had this thought for a while, had always pushed it away even though when he thought rational it made sense.

His father had always told him he was working for the King but when Gavin woke up from his death, Geoff had been such a new, young King. He had carried the crown for not longer than two summers at this point, and before his mother had ruled. Queen Ramsey had ruled for a long time before the sickness had suddenly taken her, Gavin had learned that in his lessons, but his father had always talked about a King, never a Queen.

Geoff’s grandfather then?

Not that it mattered. It wouldn’t even matter if it would have been the hero King with the same name as Geoff or even King Odwain.

None of this fucking mattered because his family was dead and gone. Rotting somewhere and nothing more than bones at this point.

Gavin stumbled and fell down, only to scramble up again. His feet were bleeding sluggishly but he didn’t feel it.

He felt hungry of all things and that made him laugh out loud. Running like this, the cold was still settling in his bones but he fought against it and now he was hungry! Hungry of all things!

_ You can wish for a feast to appear right in front of your feet. _

He knew.

_ You can wish for this whole forest to disappear so that you can find your way home. _

He knew!

_ You can wish for King Ramsey to step from between the trees, like he had waited for you there all this time. _

His heart yearned for this. To crash into Geoff and never let go. Hold on to his hand until they were back home. He could have that, he knew. All he had to do was wish and he could have it all.

But that was what Mahr wanted and Gavin wasn’t that naive.

He stopped running when his legs shook too much and the hunger had turned into a gnawing hole in his stomach. He was gasping for breath but his throat was so dry and raw that it hurt.

Crouching down on the forest floor, he took a handful of snow to stuff into his mouth. Even with his hands muddy it was his only water source for now and he was muddy and dirty all over.

A part of him knew that he had to rest, even if it was only for a bit but while sitting here, the cold settled back in. He was sweating and even though his cheeks burned from the exertion it wouldn’t help.

The forest looked the same as before and he might as well not gone a step at all. Only that his father wasn't there anymore. No, he had left him behind.

Still, the forests of the kingdom were huge, and depending on how deep inside he was, he could walk for weeks at a time. Most of all because he didn't know which way to go.

He figured Mahr wanted that, wanted him to make a wish after boring them for so long.

“Why me?” he finally asked, something that maybe he should have asked sooner. Still, as he thought about it, he had asked that before. Just not the right person.

“Why give me such power? Back then I was only a child, I could have… I could have done horrible, horrible things.”

He could feel the Nachtalb now, felt Mahr sit on his shoulders like an old familiar scarf.

_ When humans die their souls escape into the place that you call The Nether. There they fall asleep and finally pass on, at least most of them. Some are stubborn though and try to escape. _

“Through the portal. There have been reports about people coming back.”

_ Exactly. They are granted the chance to escape through the portal but not many do so. The Nether is vast and dangerous and most give up before they come even close to the portal. Others who are just powerful enough make a deal, like you did. _

“A deal with the devil?”

_ Demons. That’s the name you humans have given us. Creatures of magic, Fey or Yokai, whatever you prefer. I heard it all. We can’t live in this world, not anymore, not without a host. _

“So I brought you out. I took you with me in exchange for… my wish?”

_ For my gift. You called me demon of dreams and wishes and that wasn’t quite wrong. I was born from desire. I can give you the world if I chose to. _

“You must be powerful then,” Gavin said and could feel Mahr smirk against his neck. That was strange, he was pretty sure the demon didn’t even have a mouth and he quickly had to reach up to rub the spot.

_ Some say all-powerful. There was times and places where I was called God by simple minded beings. I beg to differ. _

Pushing himself off of the cold ground, Gavin went on. He didn’t run anymore, didn’t have the strength to it.

“That still doesn’t explain why you chose me as your host,” he said. “So many people die each day and I’m sure not all just pass on without a fight. I’m surprised I didn’t.”

_You wanted to go back. You searched for a way to go back to that tree and the lake. After all, your father had asked you to wait there. _

Gavin’s heart sank as he pulled himself up a steep path. The ground gave a little beneath his weight and he had to reach for a branch to steady himself. So dependable.

_ There are other humans, humans who refuse to pass on because they have unfinished business in this world. They become lower-demons, usually not strong enough to even possess a human mind. _

“Ghosts? I’m not a ghost though.”

_ I didn’t say that you are. You are of the third kind. You are a host that was handpicked. _

“Handpicked,” Gavin called out. He spun around as if he could face Mahr but it only made him slip and sit down hard on the wet ground.

“What do you mean with handpicked?”

_ Just as I said, boy. Let's say you are a good candidate for a host. _

“What does that mean!” he demanded. The thought scared him, somewhere deep inside it was a primal fear even though he didn’t even begin to understand.

_ Because of your soul. A soul travels, a soul grows, and a soul isn’t just yours even when it is. Before it settled in your body it knew magic, could wield it, albeit not very well. Most of all though, your soul has already been bound to The Nether before. _

There was a soft warmth around his wrist and when Gavin looked down, he cried out in shock. There was something wrapped around his left hand, a thin string that surely hadn’t been there before. It glowed violet and looked like it was fused with his skin. On top was a neat little bow and from his pulse point there were the two ends, only that they didn’t end. They seemed to stretch to somewhere to his right and disappeared between the trees.

Gavin reached down to pull on them but then froze.

He couldn't tear it off, not without ripping off his bare skin from his bones.

“What does that mean?” he cried out and once he blinked, the string was gone. Only that he knew that it was still there but he couldn’t see it. Not without looking through Mahr’s eyes.

This time the voice didn’t answer, and maybe Gavin didn’t want it to, maybe he was fucking sick of this conversation.

He was drained, emotionally and physically and he was god damn tired of all of this!

“Bullshit!” he spat and got back onto his feet again. They didn’t even hurt anymore, too numb from the cold and he knew he had to find someplace safe soon. “This is all… this is all bullshit!”

He would climb this hill. He would climb this fucking hill and from up there he would be able to see the castle or at least one of the villages around. He would take a fucking landmark as long as he knew where he was!

Mahr surely knew, Mahr had brought him here, but he highly doubted that the demon would help him here. Now, Gavin could feel them sitting on his shoulder, grinning.

They wanted him to make a wish and he feared that he wouldn't have a say in this. If Mahr brought him out far enough, dropped him somewhere deep into the woods he wouldn’t be able to make it home on his own. Not without water or food, not without a way to stay warm.

The nightgown he was wearing was thick for winter but most certainly not thick enough for a stroll in the forest. It was wet from the snow and dirty from the mud. Some places were even ripped, but still it was all he had for now.

Digging his hands into the ground, he pulled himself up further but had to rest once he was up this ledge. He was out of breath and there were dark spots dancing before his eyes.

It wasn’t that much further though, but even now he could feel that this was futile. Looking around there was nothing but trees, no sign of life besides some birds and a deer in the distance.

_ Make your wish. _

Gavin snorted but there was no amusement in his voice.

“So it’s futile no matter what, right? I won’t reach any kind of civilization?”

_ You bored me. _

“Fuck you.”

There came no answer but he figured it wasn’t needed. He believed Mahr and knew that the demon could tell. This whole thing was just so he would make a wish again but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be smart about this.

_ A single sentence and you could wake up in your own bed right now. _

“Shut up and let me think.”

As easy as it sounded, just making him appear back in his room had to be a big wish, right? After all, Michael and Ray would know that he was gone and surely had alerted Geoff of this. The whole castle was probably looking for him, and he couldn’t just appear in the middle of it. Who knew, maybe all the guards would have to forget that they searched for him in the first place?

No, he couldn’t risk the price for that.

He could at least wish himself into a village close to the castle and could pretend that he’d been abducted in the night. Could say he had freed himself before long and had run back.

That would work, but he didn’t like the teleportation aspect of it. That wasn’t something that existed in this world and surely that meant the memories taken would be big.

He didn’t want to come back only to have no one recognize him.

Looking around, he searched in between the trees for any sign of humankind. Wood was a important resource, something that this kingdom used plenty to build and for trades. Not as much as Rhyst, he knew that, but still.

They traded a lot with the desert kingdom Agptek for minerals or exotic fruits. Surely there had to be a camp of woodworkers close by, a village not further than a few hours. People.

Licking his lips, he took a deep breath.

He didn’t want to make a wish, or rather, he didn’t want to pay the price of one. He nearly wanted to beg Mahr to take something unimportant, a small detail of a memory, but he knew it didn’t work like that.

“I wish that someone would find me,” he whispered and felt Mahr perk up, “and that they would help me get back home.”

Some worker who had ventured too far off the path, a hunter looking for wildlife who could escort him to the next village. Anything that was at least halfway realistic.

He heard the horse before he could see it and turned around. There was a lonely horseman making their way through the forest, not a hunter but a traveler judging by the clothes. and Gavin smiled bitterly.

“If I would have waited just a minute longer would they have also passed through here?” he asked but Mahr refused to answer.

For a second he wanted to beat himself up over it before he stopped. What was the point? He couldn’t know and whatever he had sold, was sold. At least this traveler was sure to help him and not abduct him for real once they found out who he was. Or even worse, kill him to apparently help this damn kingdom.

Gods, did Geoff think that was what had happened? That he was dead somewhere, so they were searching for his body?

Gavin shook himself and instead got to his feet. They buckled, and he knew he couldn’t go on any further. He would be surprised if he got down this damn hill in the first place.

“Help!” he called but his voice was too thin, too weak.

Swallowing, he cupped his hands in front of his mouth and tried again.

“Help! Please!”

The traveler looked up, searching for the source of his voice, and Gavin began to wave wildly.

It was a man; he could tell now that the traveler shrugged his hood off and stopped his horse.

The relief that Gavin felt by that alone made his knees weak, and he sat down, laughing. God, what a picture he must be!

His laughter shook him until he felt tears burn in his eyes. Pressing his dirty fists against his eyelids, he swallowed them down, because not yet. He didn’t have time for that, he had to keep a cool head.

“Boy?” the traveler called and wiping his eyes, Gavin looked up. The man was riding closer to him, not away like many others probably would. “What are you doing in a place like this?”

For a moment he didn’t know an answer, hadn’t thought so far, but something about that man sobered him up and made him calm at least a little.

His eyes, Gavin realized. The same blue eyes as Geoff, just a bit colder, but similar enough.

“I got lost,” he finally said and tried to smile. “I got really lost.”

 

"You killed a squirrel," Gavin asked in disgust as he watched the little, skinned body of the animal. He had to turn away once the man started to shove a stick straight through it or otherwise he would throw up his intestines.

"You want to eat or not?"

That made him shut up because he really, really wanted to eat something. Even if it was a poor little squirrel.

"I wasn't quite prepared for a second mouth to feed, alright?"

By the looks of it, he wasn't prepared for much at all. Gavin had watched closely as they had settled down and had seen how little the man was carrying. A bit of dry meat and a waterskin, a blanket that was now wrapped around him, and that was about it.

Oh, the sword of course. A sword and a bow that the man hadn't let out of his eyes yet.

Ryan Haywood, that's how he had introduced himself, and Ryan didn't trust him. That was fair, he must have looked pretty strange standing there and it wouldn't be the first time bandits had tried something similar.

Ryan looked like he was still expecting an ambush by the way he wouldn't let go of his sword and scanned the area, but even with all his distrust he had stopped.

Because of the wish? Gavin couldn't quite tell yet but he let his worry go for now.

All he knew was that Ryan had wrapped him in a blanket and had started to make a fire, which granted was fucking genius. Gavin hadn't thought about making a fire in the first place, not that he would have really known how to.

Maybe fire was a much more useful gift then getting his wishes granted. At least he wouldn't be so cold all the time then.

"You can look again," Ryan told him and when Gavin turned back around, the squirrel was speared above the fire.

"Poor squirrel..."

"His name was Reggie and he deserved it," Ryan told him.

"What has he done to deserve this?"

"He looked damn delicious."

Gavin smiled carefully and Ryan returned it. He finally seemed to relax a bit more.

"This is not some kind of... trick, is it?"

"No, sir," Gavin assured him. "I'm just really fortunate that you have found me out here."

"In these woods? You're damn right you are." He sat on the opposite side of the fire from him, but at least sat the sword at his side. "Are you going to tell me the truth at least? What were you doing out here, Gavin? And don't give me the crap that you were lost because dressed like you are and in this weather, there is no way you made it this far."

This far?

"Where exactly are we?"

"I asked first."

Shit. It would really help to know where the fuck he was. By the sound of it he wasn't in the woods around the castle. It wasn't uncommon that people got lost in them for a day or two, but Ryan acted like he would be long dead if that was the case. It was winter though, so maybe it was because of that.

Frowning, he figured he could open up a bit more. This man had been sent to save him after all.

"I was... abducted," he lied and wanted to flinch how ridiculous it sounded, but Ryan just nodded.

"I figured something like that. How did you get away?"

"I ran. I ran as far and as fast as I could."

"Any chance they are still around?"

"I don't think so."

Ryan fell silent as he thought about that and Gavin took some glances at him. Besides the eyes, the first thing he noticed was how tired this man looked. Pale, but not like he was sick, rather like he hadn't slept well in some time. Blonde and with a strong jaw, but his clothes were well-worn.

If they were so far out why was he traveling alone? Without proper supplies at that.

The sword he carried was hidden in a sheath so Gavin couldn't really say a thing about it's worth, but the bow was simple and not very durable.

"Are you the boy of some noble?" Ryan asked finally and nodded towards him. "The stitchery on your nightgown is of some very high quality."

"Oh, I..." he traveled off, unsure of what to say.

"If those bandits wanted to exchange you for a ransom, they should have taken better care of you. Broken things don't bring as much money."

Broken? For a moment Gavin wanted to grow angry, then he realized how he must looked. His feet were a mess and his hands not much better. There were scratches all over his body, and a little self-consciously he wrapped the blanket tighter around himself.

"If I bring you back will I be paid well?" Ryan asked nearly nonchalant and Gavin wanted to laugh bitterly.

"Don't worry about that. Geoff will make absolutely sure of it."

Ryan nodded again, satisfied with the answer and checked on the poor squirrel between them.

"Where should I take you then?"

"The castle," he said carefully and sure enough Ryan's eyes snapped to him.

"Of Werringtal?"

"Wha- no! What would I want to go there?"

They stared at each other and slowly Ryan leaned back.

"You really have no idea where you are, do you?"

"I told you!"

"How long did those bandits have you?"

Gavin opened his mouth but didn't know what to tell him. Was he that far away from home?

At least Ryan gave in and spared him the lie.

"We're on the border to Werringtal."

Gavin stared up to him before smiling unsurely.

“The border is nearly a week away,” he explained carefully, but Ryan just shrugged.

“Hence my question how long you’ve been gone.”

Only since this night, right? But of course he couldn't know that, it seemed like time and space weren’t in his control anymore. Since how long was he gone then?

Yesterday? A week? Or had he been dragged under for decades like back when he was in the Nether?

The thought that even if he would get back nobody would be waiting for him anymore, that nobody would be left made him sick. It was the same, wasn’t it? The fucking same as before.

He felt Mahr’s presence and had to fight not to scream, but the demon sent something through that felt nearly calm. He wasn’t sure what to make of it so he just shook his head a little helplessly.

“I don’t… I don’t really know, alright? I just want to go back home.”

For the first time something soft crossed Ryan’s feature and let off of him.

“Of course. It will take us a few days but I’ll get us there.”

“Get me there as soon as possible and I’ll make sure that you’ll get compensated hugely for your troubles,” Gavin assured him. It looked like Ryan could use the coins and sure enough, the man smirked.

“You better hold to your promise on that one.”

“Don’t worry. I will.” Or rather Geoff would. If he hadn’t forgotten about him.

Gavin took a deep breath and tried to keep calm, to not panic. He couldn’t know, not yet and for now all he could do was get back home again.

“Eat your squirrel,” Ryan told him and held the stick under his nose.

Gavin couldn’t help but grimace at the look of it, but at least it smelled better now and he felt how his stomach grumbled.

“Was it really called Reggie?” he asked as he took the stick and tried not to think about that poor little animal.

At least his question made Ryan huff in amusement. “Can’t tell you. Didn’t have a conversation with them before I killed it.”

 

It took them nearly the whole day to get out of the damn forest, and that was on horseback. Gavin didn’t even want to know how long he would have had to search for a way out to see anything other than trees, but probably too long. He didn’t think he would have made it that far, not in the cold and not without any food.

“You really have no idea how lucky you truly are,” Ryan told him. He sat behind him on the horse and Gavin tried very hard not to burrow into the other’s warmth. Even with the blanket wrapped around him it was cold. “We’re in the wilderness between the two kingdoms and the only people usually coming through here are hunters. But even they won’t go here during this time of the year, because if starts to snow here, it won’t stop so soon. I think even the closest road is impassable in winter and most who try won’t do it again.”

If Gavin was alone, he would ask Mahr if that wasn’t a bit too much and overdramatic, but way more interesting was another question.

“Why were you out here then?”

Ryan stiffened and Gavin threw him a glance over his shoulder. “I’m guessing you wanted nobody to see you leaving Werringtal?”

“It would appear so,” Ryan told him carefully, and Gavin let it go. It didn’t matter anyway, and he wanted to try and stay on Ryan’s good side.

Around noon he dozed off. It was no real surprise after all the shit that had happened since he left his warm chamber to retire, but he had fought it for as long as he could.

This all felt like a nightmare. The darkness and waking up alone, being somewhere far away from any other human soul, and now this long way back home.

Geoff and Jack had to be so worried, but not only them. What had happened to Michael and Ray?

Michael had been in front of his door, trying to get in, and his screams had even alerted Ray.

What had they found once they finally got the door open?

An empty bed and nothing more. No open window and no other way out.

It must have been horrible, to hear him scream like this, only for him to disappear as if he’d never been there in the first place. Oh, and how guilty both of them would feel! As if they had any chance at all to save him!

How had they even tried to explain what had happened? They might as well tell Geoff that the ground had opened up and swallowed him whole and fuck, that was pretty close to the truth in the first place!

God, what a fucked up day.

By the time he woke up again, the sun was setting and they were closing in on a village down the road. At least the forest was finally behind them but it couldn’t be for very long. When Gavin turned around he could still see the trees in the distance.

“Back with me?” Ryan asked above him, and Gavin quickly sat up. He had slumped into the other while sleeping.

“Sorry,” he croaked and pulled a face as his throat hurt.

“All good. You looked like you needed some rest.”

He was handed the waterskin and drank greedily. Shit, if he could he would go right back to sleep but he rubbed his face thoroughly to wake up. He wanted to curl his arm back around himself to preserve some warmth when he hesitated.

There was a new line of his mark; of course there was because he had made a wish, but this one went down to his elbow. Not so easy to hide anymore.

He quickly pulled the blanket back around himself so Ryan wouldn’t see it.

“We need supplies,” Ryan said as he pointed towards the village. “I’m guessing you don’t have any coins to pay for them on you, do you?”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“Figured.”

Ryan actually sounded worried about that and it only hit Gavin slowly that this would be a real problem. He never had to worry about money, not while growing up under Geoff’s hand, and before, with his own family, he had been too young to really understand. But other people had to, and Ryan obviously as well.

He had not much on his person, something that Gavin still found ridiculous. Traveling through such wilderness with so little!

On the other hand he wasn't one to talk, he only had what he wore and that was about it. Not even a ring or any other knicknacks they could try to sell.

"We can hunt for food," he offered weakly and looked up to Ryan who remained silent, before he nodded slowly.

"I'm not a hunter but it doesn't look we have much of a choice. We gotta get you clothes first of all, it's way too cold for you to travel like this." He threw him a short glance, "Couldn't you get kidnapped during the summer?"

"I'll try to do better next time," Gavin shot back, and with a huff Ryan turned his attention back to the road.

"At least they didn't break your spirit."

Gavin gave an unsure smile and hoped that he was right about that.

"I can help with hunting," he offered.

"No offense but what you nobles call hunting parties isn't quite the real deal. We don't have any dogs to lead us or enough men to corner a boar or deer."

"We don't need a boar or deer for us though, I can hunt small animals!"

"Says the person who was nearly ready to starve than to eat a damn squirrel just because I named it."

Gavin flushed a little.

"I did eat it though!"

"And nearly threw up twice."

"But I ate it!"

Ryan sighed loudly. "Did you ever hunt anything before? Because eating something to survive and killing something for food are two very different things, you know?"

"Well... no, I haven't." Mostly because he had always refused to follow Geoff when he had to go onto one of his hunting trips. It sounded horrible to kill an animal for sport, and he feared he would start to cry or throw up in front of the court. That wouldn't quite help his reputation. "But I'm willing to help if it means we can get home quicker."

"The coins you will get me are enough help, believe me."

Gavin rolled his eyes and let the topic go. He didn't want to be in debt to Ryan and he didn't want to be the fucking damsel in distress even though he clearly was. Also Ryan had a bow, and even if that weapon wasn't as impressive as his own at the castle, he would know how to use it. And maybe then Ryan wouldn't treat him like a child anymore, a vibe Gavin was getting here for sure.

While Ryan ventured into the town, Gavin walked down to the small river next to it. It was still freaking cold and the thought to let water anyway near his skin sounded awful, but one glance at his reflection changed his mind.

He could under no circumstance go anywhere looking like this. It was a miracle that Ryan didn't run off the second he had seen him.

His face was smeared in mud and dried blood. There were cuts all over his cheeks and down his neck and his hair stood in every which way. He must have ran a hand through it because there was also mud there, making it stick in gravity defying angles.

His hands were even worse, with a thick layer of mud that had at least protected him from some damage, and up his arms were bruises and of course his new tendril of the mark.

Pressing down on it, the skin still felt a bit tender and the black water beneath shifted. Trying to wipe it away was futile and still he found himself scrubbing with the cold water.

Ryan had given him the blanket and Gavin used it as a makeshift towel as he began to wash himself.

Nothing about the whole thing was perfect and he didn't look that much better afterwards but at least not like he had been dragged through the dirt all the way here.

"Look at you, you actually have a face," Ryan teased when he came back. "And some color in your cheeks as well. Like this you look nearly like a human, albeit a very dirty one."

"If you ever come into my situatio-" he was interrupted by a roll of clothes thrown against his head and he struggled to catch them.

"Your father better pay good because that was about all my money," Ryan told him and now there was something sharp in his voice.

"I told you not to worry about it," Gavin assured him again and also decided against correcting him. It was better if Ryan believed Geoff was his actual father. "Now if you could turn around, please?"

The clothes were too big and scratched on his skin. It was a stark contrast to his usual prestigious clothing that felt like fine sand or satin.

But they were by miles warmer than the ripped and ruined nightgown he had on before and he burrowed into his icky cloak as if it was his lifeline.

"I'm done," he said as he stood and walked towards Ryan.

The man nodded and went to lead him back towards the village when Gavin stepped ahead and grasped his sleeve.

"Ryan... thank you very much, for all of this," he mumbled unsure. "There was no need for you to... to help me. And even if, you spent so much on me already and if there's any way I can help..."

Again that strange soft look on Ryan's face and then the first real smile Gavin had seen from him.

"You're barely more than a child, of course I helped you," he told him and with some hesitation he reached out to ruffle his hair. It was still wet from the water but Ryan didn't seem to mind.

"I do have a boy myself and if he'd gone missing, I would hope someone would come to help him."

Gavin returned the smile carefully.

“Are you on the way to visit him?”

Ryan let go of him and just as quickly he closed off again. The smile gone and the easiness in his posture vanished as well. 

“We shouldn’t lose too much time,” he told Gavin and made his way towards the village. “If you got everything you need now, we should keep going.”

“I- yeah, okay.”

He followed quickly, a bit taken aback by the sudden shift of mood, but he let it go. All in all it wasn’t his problem and Ryan had no reason to tell him a single thing about himself. Where he had come from or where he was going was none of his concern.

Ryan would bring him to the castle and after that their ways would separate again.

The village was small, barely more than a handful of houses and a few animals. He couldn’t even see a marketplace, and that made him wonder where Ryan had gotten the clothes in the first place. 

Before he could ask though, he noticed two guards leaning against a house. Talking among themselves while watching over the village and the familiar green of their armor assured Gavin a little. 

Those were Geoff’s people, he was sure of it and for a moment he played with the thought running to them. Surely they knew about his disappearance and would arrange everything to get him back home. 

He didn’t manage a single step before the doubts creeped up to him. The guards of the castle weren’t really fans of him, but he didn’t know how the guards further out thought about him.

All he knew was that he was far away from the castle and far away from Geoff’s protection and with shaking hands he searched for the hood of his new cloak. He quickly pulled it over his head and as far as possible into his face.

It smelled musty in here and his breath seemed to be very loud, but he didn’t want to risk getting recognized. Not here, where it was so easy for everyone to turn a blind eye and surely those people could easily tip Ryan off to just leave without him.

From the shadow of his hood he saw how Ryan turned towards him, obviously having noticed his movements before he looked back around. He must have found the guards and it didn’t take much to put two and two together on that.

“I’ll take that we should keep away from any villages or cities in the close future?” he asked carefully and Gavin nodded.

“I’d appreciate it greatly if that could be arranged.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look what the cat dragged in.  
> It's a Haywood, always too late to the party


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you afraid of the dark?

Chapter 12

 

“I need to rest,” Ryan told him, and Gavin jumped in surprise. By now they had traveled in silence for the most of the time, since there wasn’t much to talk about besides the occasional thing they saw.

Thanks to a clear sky and the retreating full moon they were able to ride through the night and Gavin hoped they had cleared some distance in that time. Even though he had fought it, he had dozed off a couple of times while Ryan had stayed awake, so it seemed reasonable that the other was now tired.

They were out in the open, following a street made out of packed dirt that left them looking for miles and Gavin had kept his eyes on the horizon, waiting to catch the first glimpse of a castle tower, even though he knew they were still way too far away.

“Of course,” he finally answered and slipped from the horse once Ryan stopped it. Ryan followed him down before nodding towards one of the scattered trees on the field.

“I’ll lay down and sleep, which means you have to stay awake and keep watch.”

“I understand.”

Ryan threw him a disbelieving glance but didn’t say a thing. He just got his blanket and laid it down before beckoning Gavin over.

“We use this trees shadow as a clock, okay? Once it reaches me it should be noon and you’ll wake me.”

Gavin nodded and without another word Ryan laid down and turned his back to him. Gavin watched him for a moment longer before turning away. For a moment he just stood there, unsure as to what to do before he turned towards the horse.

It was a pretty animal, granted no purebred, but Gavin didn’t care. It carried the both of them and he reached out to pat its soft nose. It huffed loudly and he smiled and started to rub it down.

It had also worked through the night only to get him home and he appreciated it. At the castle he would make sure to search for some nice apple and sugarcubes for it.

Out here though he had nothing but his hands, but the mechanical motions were relaxing for both of them and he allowed himself to not think for a while. He had thought about a thousand things already and his head was swirling from it.

When he was done, he sat down beneath the tree and watched the horse eat at the grass. It didn’t look very appetizing, all wet and cold, but it didn’t seem to mind.

At least it wasn’t snowing anymore, and with the winter sun to his left it was nearly warm.

Ryan seemed to think so as well, he was already asleep and in the silence Gavin could hear him breathe slow and steady.

It somehow reminded him of Jack and how he had spent the first few weeks after the poisoning in his bed. When Gavin hadn’t been able to sleep, he would listen to him breathing and search for his warmth to assure himself that he wasn’t alone.

With a sudden intensity, he missed Jack so much that it felt like a kick in the guts. He couldn’t wait to set foot into the castle again and he wondered how far he would come before Jack reached him. Jack would for sure pick him up and spin him around and hold him close. All while blabbering about how sorry he was, how he had missed him and how he was never again allowed to do something like that.

Gavin would make absolutely sure to never do such a stunt again because it had scared him. God, it had scared him to the bone, and imagining him walking back through the huge doors was way better than to think about his current situation.

Geoff..? Geoff would maybe cry, depending on who was around, but yeah, he might just burst into tears upon seeing him.

Geoff would want to tear him away from Jack and maybe succeed at some point if Jack felt generous enough.

Yeah, Geoff would also hold him close and pick him up, no matter how tall he had grown, and that was good. Not that he would admit it, but right now he wouldn't mind being with one of them. Not at all.

It was a nice thing to picture, but the more he thought about it, the sadder he got, and he quickly shook it off. It was too early to dream about and too easy to get lost in.

Shaking his head, he snapped back to attention and kept a lookout.

There was some movements in the bushes ahead, nothing big so most likely an animal, and Gavin got up slowly.

The sword was always next to Ryan's side; even now he could see how he had a loose grip around it, but the bow was still fastened to the saddle. It wasn't Ryan's favorite weapon, that much was true, but Gavin was just fortunate to have it.

He loosened it quickly and got one arrow out as well. He didn't need more.

Knocking the arrow, he walked towards the bush and sure enough a scared bunny tried to make their escape. He got them mid jump, right in the head and let the bow sink.

It felt strange, even though he hadn't hesitated but he had never killed an animal before. They needed food though and it was fine then, right? It wasn't for sports or fun or because he wanted to be cruel.

They were hungry and the bunny had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And still he found himself guilty as he picked them up by the ears.

"I'm very sorry, Mister Bunny," Gavin mumbled and tried hard not to look into their face. "I hope it didn't hurt to mu-"

He trailed off when he heard the telltale noise of horses and looked around.

He hadn't moved far away from Ryan, but from here he could see a bit better down the path they were going to take and saw two horsemen making their way towards them. Nothing unusual about that, they came upon other travelers here and there, but Gavin waited until he could make out their uniforms.

They were knights, dressed in black but with the green sigil of the Ramsey kingdom on their chests and shoulders.

Messengers.

He slowly retreated back towards Ryan and threw the bow over his shoulder.

Messengers didn't usually mean trouble, but he didn't want to risk it and quickly pulled the hood over his face. Most likely the two horsemen would just pass them by with not so much as a nod but every knight around made him nervous these days. He realized that he was getting ridiculous, even paranoid but he couldn't help it.

The few people he trusted weren't around and it made him jumpy.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder what message they were sending and to whom. To the villages they had passed by, or were they even on the way to Werringtal? It could even be that they were to inform the people about his disappearance, which would at least mean that he wasn't gone for too long.

He busied himself with the bunny, tying it to the saddle as he watched the knights come close and only turned towards them when they actually stopped.

"Travelers," the woman called loud enough to make even Ryan behind him stir. "Do you come from afar?"

For a moment Gavin didn't know what to answer but Ryan was just sitting up, obviously confused by what was happening and so it was on him.

"From Werringtal, my lady," he told her and tried to stay in the shadow of his hood.

She nodded and he relaxed slightly. He didn't know her from the castle and she didn't recognize his voice.

"We are ordered to inform every soul we meet that our King Geoffrey Ramsey has lost something very dear to him," she explained and Gavin felt his heart clench. Geoff...

"What is your King looking for?" Ryan asked from behind and was followed was such a detailed description of Gavin, that it made him blush beneath his hood. From his feet and up to his nose, even an accurate account of his nightgown he'd been wearing.

Nothing about his mark though and that made Gavin actually think. Did Geoff not mentioned it for his own safety? Maybe some people out there really didn't know that he was marked by the Nether or had forgotten about it. What a strange thought.

As he listened with lowered head, he also wondered what Ryan thought now. If he was staring at him, already pondering what to do.

If he wanted he could just pull Gavin's hood down and shove him towards the knights. It would mean less work for him and Gavin was sure Geoff would still reward him greatly. The knights would most likely bring him back home in a hurry, they wouldn't dare to go against a strict order from Geoff. Geoff would also reward them greatly.

But Ryan did neither, just listened in silence and finally said, "We'll be sure to keep our eyes open."

"King Ramsey sends his gratitude."

Gavin watched them ride on, off to the next village for sure but couldn't bring himself to relax. Ryan wasn't stupid and it really took no genius to figure out this puzzle, so he just turned towards him, waiting.

"Didn't tell me that you were the bastard Prince," Ryan just said and Gavin raised his brows at those hateful words. At least something new.

"Haven't heard that name yet," he admitted, and Ryan just shook his head.

"Clearly you haven't been in the streets of Werringtal. King Ingrar informed everyone about King Ramsey's bastard child that cut his visit short because he fell sick."

"I see."

"What surprises me is that you didn't run towards them," Ryan said with a gesture towards the knights. "And you also avoided them in the last village we were in. Seems a bit suspicious."

Gavin’s face hardened and he tried to turn away, but Ryan’s hand shot out to grasp his wrist and stop him.

“Don’t touch me!” Gavin snapped at him, but his struggle was useless. Ryan easily overpowered him and it sent a bolt of panic through him. He knew he wasn’t strong, he was damn well aware of that fact, but he feared the reminder that he couldn’t fight anyone off.

“What game is this?” Ryan insisted to know. “If I lose my fucking head bringing you back, it would be damn nice to know beforehand!”

“What? Of course no-”

“Then why not go with the knights who are sent out especially to search for y-”

“Because I don’t trust them!” Gavin blurted out. “Because I wasn’t sick! I wasn’t sick while Geoff was in Werringtal!  I wa-"

"What then?" Ryan interrupted him, now also pissed off, and that scared Gavin even more. People usually didn't yell at him and he didn't know how to deal with it. "Were you just a brat missing his daddy? Couldn't take him being away for more than a we-"

"Geoff is not my father!" Gavin screamed into his face and tried to free himself from Ryan's grip again. "He is not my father and you stop calling him that! I won't allow it!"

Ryan pulled a face and finally let him go. He looked nearly disgusted by him.

"Ungrateful brat."

Something in Gavin froze. The self control he had build up thanks to Geoff and Jack, the careful grip on his temper around others and the knowledge that he represented the kingdom in some way - in that moment it didn't matter.

"King Ramsey took you in and took care of you. I heard the stories and you go an-"

Gavin punched Ryan in the face with all his strength. The older man fell silent, and that was nearly funny, it was damn well hilarious, and he hurled back his arm to strike again. To hit all those who had talked badly about him or Geoff and Jack because of him. All those hateful words and mean looks he had received.

This time Ryan caught his fist and twisted it, making tears sprang to his eyes.

"He's not my father." He tried to kick Ryan's knees but the other shifted out of the way. "Geoff is nothing like my father! My father just left me behind!"

Had left him behind to die. God, he had just been a child!

Ryan pushed him away and Gavin stumbled back until he sat down hard. He would have gotten right back up and charged again if Ryan hadn't spoke, "Ever thought that your father maybe had a good reason?"

Gavin froze in his motion as horror filled him. He stared up to Ryan, not believing that he could say such a thing but if anything Ryan just looked pained.

"No," Gavin whispered carefully. He was trembling, he realized. Fighting against the urge to think about it, to find a valid reason. He didn't want to sympathize with someone who had just left him to die afraid and alone. Didn't want anyone else to sympathize with him either.

"Nothing... nothing could excuse-"

"Maybe he had no other choice but to leave you?" Ryan offered as Gavin picked himself up. "Surely he didn't want to."

Ryan sounded like he wanted to reason with him, like he had to apologize on the behalf of his father, but Gavin could just shake his head.

"I will never forgive him."

"If he could explai-"

"No!" Gavin snapped at him and pushed his hands against his ears. "I don't want to hear this anymore! He doesn't deserve forgiveness! There is no excuse for what he's done!"

Ryan reached out for him, touched him and wouldn't let go. He tried to tear at his arm, get him to listen, but Gavin didn't want to. Those new thoughts made him sick and he was scared. So goddamn scared of thinking even more about what had happened.

But Ryan was insistent and in the end Gavin twisted just enough to bite into the other's arm.

Ryan gave a surprise yelp but finally let him go and Gavin quickly retreated, out of reach.

They watched each other and Gavin couldn't read the other's expression. He just knew that his own heart was pounding so hard that it hurt and that he couldn't take anymore of those disgusting words. He didn't want to, he refused to listened and let it poison his mind.

He barely knew Ryan, but in that moment he was sure he could hate him even if he had saved him, had protected him until now.

Without another word he turned away and began to follow the path. He wasn't willing to spend another minute with the other man and if that meant walking the whole way back to the castle, then so be it.

He should have just wished to wake up in his bed again, pretend all that had happened was nothing more than a bad dream but instead he had called out for help. Had relied on others like so often instead of fully using his own powers. Fuck the payment, fuck Ryan - all he wanted right now was to be home. Back in the castle where Geoff would be Geoff, and that was good. He didn't want Geoff to be anyone else, because he was a far cry away from being like his father. No, his father had been horrid and now he was dead.

Just bones and dust somewhere like he deserved, because he had left Gavin to be nothing else.

And if Ryan thought that could be excused, then maybe he deserved the same.

His heart calmed down a little as he walked and deep inside he knew that Ryan had no idea what had happened to him, that he surely hadn't thought of something so horrible as what had happened, but right now that didn't matter.

That didn't fucking matter right now because thinking that his father... that his father had a reason, had an excuse for what he had done and that maybe there had been people out there who agreed with him... God, it made him fucking sick.

For a moment he was sure he had to actually throw up what little he had in his stomach, but Ryan could probably still see him from wherever he was and Gavin just wanted to get as far away as possible right now. So he held his head high and moved on.

He didn't get too far before he heard the noise of hooves and tensed up. It was Ryan and he really didn't want any more discussion about this or even worse. Now that Ryan had figured out who exactly he was he might take him as a prisoner to get some ransom or sell him to the guards. Whoever paid more.

Thankfully that would be Geoff.

Gavin prepared himself to run away if he had to but then Ryan rode past him. Didn't even throw him a look as he rode down the road, and Gavin stopped to watch him.

Somehow... somehow he hadn't expected that. But what did he know? He didn't know a thing about Ryan, where he was heading or why he was so far away from home, and he honestly didn't quite care.

All he had to do was get home. It was a long way and he knew that, he wasn't even exactly sure where he was but he had some time to make a plan. For now the only thing he could think of was to reach the next village and probably steal a horse. Only until he got to the castle. Afterwards he would make sure to return it and pay the owner.

Not a brilliant plan but for now all he had.

Wrapping his arms around himself, his hands brushed against the bow on his back, and that was at least a start. He was growing hungry and his little bunny friend was on Ryan's saddle, so he had nothing else and didn't know enough about fruits and berries to search for them. He probably wouldn't find a thing, after all it was winter.

It didn't matter anyway because he didn't bring any arrows, had just taken one for the bunny and had the left there. So he might as well just throw the bow away.

Instead he just went on, hood pulled deep in his face and listened to the waves in his ears. The waves of the lake where he had died and Mahr sitting on his shoulders.

_Wish to be home, otherwise you will walk for weeks._

"Then I shall do that."

_You're awfully far from home, dead boy._

"And who's fault is that?" he asked. "I made my wish and it got me to here. I can do the rest myself."

_Don't you want to be home?_

"Oh, I would actually love to! If it wasn't for you, I would still be, so don't bother me about it anymore!"

His demon fell silent and Gavin thought about what a funny picture he must be. Walking on his own alongside the road, talking to himself. Jack had often warned him not to get too close to people like that but oh, what would Jack say seeing him now?

He didn't want to think about it, just went on, and it was nearly nice. The sunbeams were warm on his skin and reflected on the snow patches here and there. But when the sun set way too soon the cold came back. There was no village in sight yet and again Gavin wished for other powers. Fire, or anything else that wouldn't leave him so cold.

He hated the cold.

Wrapping the cloak tighter around himself, he forced himself to go on even if it meant traveling through the night. He was hungry and thirsty and tired but standing still or resting could mean to fall asleep and he didn't think he would get back up then.

There was barely any light left when he saw someone else again. A traveler coming towards him on horseback, and only when he came closer did Gavin recognize Ryan.

He stopped in his path until Ryan reached him and looked up to him in confusion.

Ryan looked positively awkward, like he wasn't even sure himself what he was doing but then he just nodded towards Gavin's shoulder.

"I noticed that you still have my bow."

Gavin breathed out slowly, a cloud of white before he carefully shrugged the weapon off. He had no intention to steal and it wasn't of any use to him anyway, so he handed the bow over.

Ryan fastened it back onto the saddle but made no move to ride away. Of course he hadn't come back for a simple bow, not after at least three hours.

So Gavin waited for whatever would come and Ryan fidget around a bit, making his horse restless.

"I don't know your situation," Ryan finally began, "so I shouldn't be the one to judge so quickly. It's your choice if you forgive your father, but there are always reasons why things happen. I truly believe that."

"Doesn't mean that those reasons are the right ones," Gavin said. "Not all reasons excuse the actions."

Ryan thought for a moment about that before he nodded.

"I guess you're right."

He reached out his hand to help him back up but Gavin hesitated. It was foolish not to take the offer and still...

"What other choice do you have but to trust me?" Ryan asked. "The knights are everywhere, searching for you, and I didn't get it at first, but they harmed you back then, right? That's why King Ramsey had to leave Werringtal. I'm guessing they wanted you gone because they didn't agree with having a bastard Prince."

Gavin lowered his look and felt hot shame creep up his cheeks. He didn't want people to know, that even in the castle he didn't truly feel safe.

"It's really nothing new," Ryan offered. "Study some history books and I'm sure you'll find enough people who tried the same with the other kings before you. There is no way to please everyone, and if it's the wrong people that dislike you, they will take drastic measures to fix you."

Ryan leaned ahead, hand still outstretched. "You grow up in the eye of the public. I mean, even I heard about you and I'm not even from here. The voices of the ones that dislike you are always the loudest. It's your choice to hear them or not."

"That's not so easy," Gavin mumbled.

"Life never is," Ryan told him. "But even so you want to go back home, right?"

Gavin hesitated for a moment when he realized that he had a choice here. He could very well go somewhere else where no one knew his face and his story, but even now he realized that was no question.

Even with all the things wrong at the castle, there was so much good there as well that he wouldn't let it go for anything at all.

"Yes," he agreed and reached out to take Ryan's hand.

"Then let's get you home."

 

Three days later Gavin saw the castle emerge from between the mountains and a strange kind of melancholy came over him. He was nearly there, nearly home, and it felt good.

The next day they rode through the town and Gavin kept his head lowered and hidden behind his hood. He had never been out in the city alone, usually he was with Geoff, but people sure would recognize him. They knew him well enough and he was a bit scared by that, couldn't tell what they would think of him coming back.

He didn't really want to know the answer to that.

Before the huge gates of the castle, they were stopped by the knights there and Gavin slipped off the horse.

"What do you want, travelers?" the knight called, but before he could answer, Ryan behind him said,

"We wish to see King Ramsey."

"The King isn't taking any audiences during this time."

"He's searching for me," Gavin said and knew that the knight recognized his voice before he shook the hood off. He could see it in the other's eyes, how they narrowed upon hearing him. "Bring me to him, Liam."

For a moment nothing happened and nobody so much as said a word or moved, but Gavin still stood tall. He had learned that feigning confidence was mostly enough even when a part of him feared that he wasn't recognized at all. That he had been forgotten at all and would be sent away.

But then Liam slowly lowered his head in a bow.

"Welcome back, Sir."

 

They were allowed entrance in the castle and Gavin moved through the familiar hallways with his head held high. He knew he must look like a mess. Traveling for so long would leave everyone exhausted and there really hadn't been a way to properly wash himself. He felt itchy and gross and probably smelled like it as well.

There was a murmur around, he could see maids running and trying to catch glimpses. Surely a messenger had already be sent out to inform Geoff of his arrival and Gavin couldn't wait to see him again.

How long had he been gone?

"A noisy castle," Ryan said quietly, and Gavin threw him a short glance.

"Geoff always said it was rather lively."

"That's basically the same."

Gavin smiled but didn't bother to answer. They reached the throne room and the knights in front opened the door for him. And then he was back home, in the same sun filled room of his childhood.

The room he spent so much time in every day and it felt like a dream.

There was Geoff on his throne and even wore his crown and Jack was by his side. The court was around but not everyone. Gavin could just see a handful of them, all staring at him now. He figured they had been called here just a minute before.

Geoff didn't call him or run for him. Jack didn't pick him up and spin him around and self-consciously Gavin stopped halfway towards the throne.

In front of the court he didn't dare to speak freely, to run and jump at Geoff, and that must be the reason, right? They must play it up for the court.

But Geoff's eyes barely traveled to him before going over his shoulder and then Gavin remembered Ryan.

All in all he had forgotten about the other after he set step into the throne room, but now Ryan came up by his side and bowed his head.

"King Ramsey."

"What's your name?"

"Ryan Haywood, your highness."

"How come you have my missing Prince at your side?" There was a sharpness in Geoff's voice that Gavin didn't quite recognize but he barely paid it any mind. Prince; Geoff had never said it so blunty, had never truly talked about making him his heir, but now he said it so easily. It left him confused and unsure, like he had walked into something that was nearly reality but not quite.

"I found him on my travels and brought him home," Ryan assured him without lifting his head.

A memory, he must have sold something, changed a tiny bit and that was why-

"Is that so?" Geoff asked with the same cold voice, and then he looked at Gavin.

It was then that he realized that Geoff was worried yes, but beneath was anger. A fury that he could barely contain, because he thought Ryan had done him harm. That Ryan was the one who took him and now wanted to exchange him for ransom.

"A strange thing to do. You could have just handed him over towards the knights I had sent out especially for that purpose."

Ryan opened his mouth but stayed quiet. He threw Gavin a look, asking for help, and finally Gavin could shake off his unease.

"Ryan helped me, Geoff," he said. "He did help me and meant no harm. I vouch for his words."

Geoff relaxed and his eyes softened as well. Still he sat above them and for the first time since all those long years, Gavin saw Geoff as a King. As someone mighty and powerful, who could chose over life and death with a gesture.

Geoff wasn't just the one to play with and tell funny stories.

Of course he had known that and had even seen it during their time working together but then he had always stood on the other side. Stood behind Geoff instead of in front of him.

But he still stood by Geoff's side, right? That hadn't changed at all.

He didn't know and he felt so exhausted that his head was spinning. He reached up to touch it and nearly missed Geoff beckoning him closer.

Walking up to the throne should feel familiar, but everyone was staring at him, even Jack was watching him like a hawk. It was nearly uncomfortable. Something had to be off but he couldn't tell, couldn't make the change out.

What had he sold?

But then Geoff's fingers brushed against his cheek and wandered to the nape of his neck to pull him in. They leaned their foreheads against each other and Gavin let his eyes drift shut. This simple motion calmed his uneasiness, because no matter what, he still had this, right?

He had this and was at home, what more could he possibly want?

"Are you alright?" Geoff whispered and Gavin felt the breath brush against him as he nodded.

"Did this man hurt you?"

"No, what I said was true. He helped me."

Now it was Geoff who nodded and when he let go, Gavin stood again. It was Jack who stepped up now to put a warm hand on his shoulder.

He knew that everyone was still watching him but like this he didn't mind anymore. Not at all because he could lean into Jack's touch and Geoff's protection was still around.

"You should rest," Geoff ordered and before Gavin could protest, Jack tugged on his arm and lead him towards the doors.

A bit confused, Gavin looked around and caught Ryan's eyes. He wanted to say something, to demand to stay here because leaving Ryan alone here seemed unfair, but Jack was insistent. Also Geoff would mean no harm for Ryan, so he really shouldn't worry.

Gavin watched the throne room for as long as he could but once the doors fell shut behind them, he was pulled him a hug. It was the warm, fierce embrace he had expected in the first place, and he burrowed into Jack.

They didn't speak, just held onto each other, and Gavin tried to swallow past the lump in his throat.

He was home. He was finally and truly home, and this was Jack. His Jack who didn't budge for a second, who didn't let go and didn't pester him with questions. Who knew that right now he just needed the reminder of what home really meant, that it hadn't been a long dream he had suddenly woken up from.

No, home was here and it was as warm and wonderful as he had remembered.

Jack pressed a kiss against his hair even though it was filthy.

"Are you hurt? He didn't harm you?"

"I'm fine," Gavin assured him. "Ryan helped me."

"You can speak freely here, he's inside there and can't harm you anymore."

So that's why he had been separated from Ryan. He guessed it made sense in case Ryan had threaten him but thankfully that wasn't the case.

"I wasn't lying," Gavin told Jack as well and pressed his face into the other's shoulder. "I really didn't. Ryan meant well, please don't harm him."

"If he brought you home then of course we won't harm him. He shall have everything he deserves."

"That's good because I kinda promised him that."

Jack chuckled and let go of him. Gavin held on for a moment longer before he realized that he was being clingy. Jack had to go back in there and help Geoff out, and he should probably follow along to make sure Ryan got his reward, but Jack shook his head when Gavin walked towards the throne room and held him back.

Confused, Gavin looked up to him but before he could ask, Jack was waving someone closer and Gavin turned around.

"Ray," he called out and was torn between running to his friend or staying close to Jack's warmth.

Ray gave a tight smile but he looked pale. Gavin figured the other hadn't slept much in those past days as well and had probably beat himself up about what had happened. As if it was Ray's fault! He wouldn't have been able to do a single thing!

"I'm very happy that you're back," Jack told him and Gavin turned back towards him. "We were... Gods, we were so worried about you! The things we imagined that had happened and-" Jack stopped himself and shook his head again. He squeezed Gavin's arm.

"But that doesn't matter right now. We'll talk and figure things out but not now. You really look like you need to rest and that comes first."

Another kiss, this time to Gavin's forehead, and he held Jack close for a moment longer, enjoying the familiar feeling before he let go.

"Rest now."

"Are you sure?" Gavin asked. He was tired but if it was needed he would stay and help out.

"It's all good. Don't worry about that for now."

Jack looked up, something strict in his gaze that Gavin barely recognized and it took him a moment to realize he was looking at Ray. Ray who gave a short nod and lowered his head, and Gavin's heart sank.

Had those two fought? Maybe they had blamed Ray for not looking after him enough, but Ray had been there, Gavin had seen him for a moment, Banging on his door, asking for entrance. Michael as well.

He opened his mouth to tell Jack just that before he realized what else he had to explain then. So many things, a thousand things he wasn't sure about himself. And he wasn't even sure if he wanted to talk about it, how he was meant to explain his disappearance into thin air. His past. His demon.

He closed his eyes and again Jack squeezed his arm.

"Rest," he ordered again and this time Gavin nodded. He could clear his head then, figure out what to say and what not.

Also he was tired. He felt terribly tired after all this time. They had traveled for five days with barely any rest and not a lot of food or clean water. It had taken his toll on him and the thought of his warm room with a nice bed sounded like a fairytale.

So he didn't protest and just followed Ray towards his room.

He felt the beginning pounding of a headache and reached up again to rub his forehead. Yeah, a nice long nap would work.

"I asked the maids to prepare a bath," Ray said when he opened the door for him and Gavin wanted to cry. Now that he thought about it a hot bath was even better.

First of he felt and was filthy after all this traveling and it would hopefully manage to get rid of the cold inside his bones. A cold that had nestled beneath his skin that he had to burn out.

"Thank you."

Sinking into the hot water felt like being born again. Gavin didn't even wait before diving down to wash his face and hair. Anything to get off the itchy dirt on him and when he finally scrubbed himself clean, he leaned back. For a while he enjoyed the silence of his mind, knowing that he was alone but Ray was outside, waiting for him and keeping him safe. There were no thoughts, even though there was enough to think about but he wouldn't let it settle.

His sudden return, how worn down Geoff and Jack had looked and how worried they had been, how Ray's guilt that came from him in waves and how silent his friend had been.

Ryan.

He hadn't even thanked him, had just left him behind there. Ryan would probably stay the night though before he continued his travels, so maybe he could see him tomorrow.

Everything could wait for tomorrow when he could think clearly again.

There was a knock on the door and Gavin jumped. He blinked his eyes open and sat up in a hurry. Had he dozed off? The water was certainly cooler than before.

"Your food is here, Sir," Ray called from outside, and Gavin frowned.

Sir?

Ray didn't call him Sir normally, only to mock him, and he didn't sound very amused.

"Thank you," Gavin told him before climbing out of the tub. He felt better now that he was clean and warm but now Ray was on his mind.

Was that because of his wish? Had he sold one of Ray's memories?

The thought made him shiver but he pushed it away. Maybe it was different. Jack had looked at Ray so strictly, maybe he had scolded Ray and told him to be better.

Yeah, that might be it. Ray just wanted to be more like an appointed knight and it would take some time until he would open up again.

That wasn't ideal but something that Gavin could mend.

He got dressed in fresh clothes again, layer after layer to keep the warmth of the bath for as long as he could. When he stepped out he was pleased that Ray had stoked the fire and even more so when he could smell the food.

Some minced meat of sorts and after eating nothing but poor small animals it made his stomach growl. At least he didn't know the animal before.

He couldn't sit down on the fur close to the fire like he usually did and eat properly, so he sat down in Michael's favorite chair and watched as Ray placed the food in front of him, still so horribly silent.

"Ray?" Gavin asked carefully and the other nearly jumped at being addressed.

"I'm sorry," Ray just answered and Gavin frowned. He caught Ray's wrist when he tried to step away.

"It's not your fault. What happened..." he trailed off, unsure how to explain but Ray didn't even lift his gaze.

"You can't just say that," Ray said calmly. "I am here to protect you, but in the morning you were gone and I hadn't noticed a thing. I should have."

The morning? No, that didn't fit with what happened, but Gavin kept his mouth shut at that. Maybe Mahr had changed their memories about what happened, they had done that before when he had healed Michael. It had been to protect them from being found out, and it might be the same here.

That could make things at least a little easier.

"Still," Gavin insisted, because this right here was more important for now. "There would have nothing you could have done."

"There should have been." Ray gently freed himself from his grip and went to get him his cutlery.

"I don't blame you," Gavin assured him but it didn't reach, he could tell.

"You don't have to. A lot of people including myself do already." Ray placed the cutlery down and then took a quick step back before Gavin could grasp him again. "Please enjoy your meal, Lord Ramsey."

Gavin felt himself grow cold again but before he could come up with a response, Ray had excused himself and took his post by the door, like normal appointed knights would, and Gavin just started a little helplessly after him.

He should go after him, he knew. Face Ray and figure out what exactly was going on. Geoff and Jack obviously hadn't been pleased with Ray and most likely Michael as well but both of them knew that Ray or Michael hadn't wanted that to happen and by how run down Ray looked it was clear that it had worn him down.

Maybe that was the reason why Ray was still here in the first place? But where was Michael?

Surely he had to barge in here in the next second and even if he got a scolding it wouldn't stop him from... well, from being Michael.

But he didn't come, and so Gavin turned back to his food. The appetite had left him, but once he started to eat, he couldn't help but wolf it all down. Not after all this time being hungry.

He ate everything, up to the last morsel, and afterwards he felt heavy in a good way. If possible, it made him even more tired and he got up with a sigh. A warm bed and some sleep, and afterwards things would be more clearer.

But once he opened the door to his bedroom, he hesitated. It was too dark in there even though the curtains were open, but somehow the window wouldn't allow the light to fall in. It was a dim twilight even though the winter sun was bright today, and he knew it was Mahr.

Mahr who had also come home with him and was now nestling back in dark corners and shadows all around. Hopefully to rest for a while because they had been entertained enough but probably not for long. No, never for long and Gavin just couldn't get rid of them.

The shadows shifted as if something was moving past the window but there was nothing he could see. It was Mahr though, hanging from the ceiling right in front of him, close enough that Gavin could feel their bitter breath if it had one.

_Are you afraid of the dark?_

"No," Gavin shot back because that was the only right answer. If he should show any weakness Mahr would dig into it without a second thought.

_You should be, dead boy. For I am darkness._

"You mean no harm to me," Gavin said and hoped he was right. "You need a host to walk on this plane of existence."

Mahr cackled again, that same noise that made Gavin shiver but he tried to fight it down. He stepped through where he could feel Mahr and his marks lit up cold. A coldness so deep that it spread through his bones and the nice warmth from the bath was gone again. Even in all his layers he wanted to shake, and he did.

He crawled beneath the blankets in all his clothes and buried into his pillows. The was fear in his heart that the ground would open up and swallow him again. Down and down into the shadows until he was gone again but it didn't happen.

Not for now at least.

Gavin closed his eyes and fell asleep.

He fell into a sleep so deep that it felt like dying. There was blank nothingness, no dreams of any kind and no Mahr sitting on his shoulders to push him down.

He was still tense, somewhere subconsciousness. He woke no matter how quietly Ray opened the door to check on him only to sink back down when he realized he was safe.

When someone stepped into his room, he startled awake, but he was shushed again. There was a hand stroking his cheek, softly and without hurry, and he knew it was Geoff.

His heart yearned for the King right there and he wanted to truly wake up, to tell Geoff so and all those other things, but his eyelids were heavy and his body as well.

So he laid there as Geoff joined him and didn't protest or help in any way when he was pulled closer. He just buried his face in the crook of Geoff's neck and let Geoff manhandle him until he couldn't slip away so easily.

That was alright, even more so when a kiss was dropped on top of his hair, and so he fell back asleep.

This time he didn't wake in fidgets, just rested numbly because Geoff was there. Geoff was there and would protect him from all evil, even from Mahr. Not even the Nachtalb could stop Geoff from doing that, and so he slept.

Only when Geoff moved to get up did Gavin wake and instantly bury his claws into the King.

_Mineminemin-_

Geoff gently tore his hands away and pressed a kiss to the back of it before sitting up. He was talking with someone, and it took Gavin a moment to recognize Jack.

He fought to wake up more clearly and when he finally blinked he could see both Jack and Geoff. They were hugging each other tightly in front of the bed and Gavin smiled upon seeing them.

"We got him back," he heard Geoff whisper. "He's back home."

He was loved. Truly and unconditionally, and maybe he realized this for the first time right now. It pushed Mahr away and made his heart swell instead as he got up and hugged both of them as well. It was so easy how they fit together, how both Geoff and Jack pulled him in and he was home.

He was truly home.

 

"We have so much to talk about," Geoff said. "And I have no idea where to start."

They had relocated to the main room where the fire was burning and it was warm. They sat around it and Gavin wondered where Ray was. If he was in his little room, listening in or not.

It didn't really matter because he had his hands clasped in his lap and his mind felt strangely clear.

"We still don't even know how you got out of this room without anyone even noticing," Jack began. "I had a talk with Haywood, we both did and he told us he found you on the border to Werringtal. Is that true?"

Gavin nodded and both Geoff and Jack threw each other a long look before Jack reached out to take his hand.

"Gavin... that's not possible. You were gone for five days, the time it took Haywood to bring you here and that was very quick in the first place. But there was no time for you to even get there in the first place."

It was night now and the only light source was the fire. Gavin could feel Mahr lurking behind his back, hiding in his shadows, but oh, they were listening. He was sure if he would let the demon take over, they would present him fitting lies.

"I traveled through the shadows," he said instead and felt Mahr crowd into him, tearing at the back of his head. "Nobody could see me leave my room because I didn't. I disappeared there and appeared at the border of Werringtal."

He looked up and wasn't quite sure what to expect. For Geoff to roll his eyes probably and tell him to stop kidding or Jack who would tell him that it wasn't possible, as if he didn't know that.

But they didn't, and instead Jack just squeezed his hand.

Gavin swallowed but forced himself to go on.

"When I came out of the Nether I bought something with me. I didn't realize it at first. I was stupid, I figured things like that were normal, but they aren't. Normal people can't do the things that I can, but I was stupid and didn't understand even though I should ha-"

"You were a child," Geoff interrupted him, and Gavin fell silent.

Yeah. Yeah, he had been a child and children were easy to manipulate when they were scared and alone. He had been both.

"What did you bring with you?" Jack asked, and Gavin barely dared to look up to him.

"A demon."

He gently freed his hand from Jack's to pull up his sleeve. The new tendril of his mark seemed even darker in the little light as it curled down his arm.

Jack slipped from his chair to kneel in front of him and take a closer look. He didn't hesitate to touch it, to feel its texture. The rotten water beneath his skin.

"Does it hurt?"

Gavin shook his head and Jack pushed down a little harder on it.

"It's ice cold."

Because Mahr was angry. Of course they were, they didn't want anyone else to know, but Gavin was tired of playing this game.

Geoff touched the place right between his shoulder and Mahr was gone. Was just blown away like that, and surprised, Gavin looked up to him.

"Does it come from your mark?"

"Yeah."

Gavin got up and they stepped away to let him have some space. With shaking fingers he pulled his green tunic over his head and all those other layers he had hid beneath before turned around. It wasn't really necessary anymore, there were lines cutting towards his front and over his shoulder, but on his back they were more prominent as they tangled together in a picture of pure mania.

Gavin pressed his shirt against his chest and knew Geoff and Jack were staring but he didn't dare to check on them. He stared into the dark corners of the room, facing Mahr who lurked there, brimming with anger.

Somehow that felt good, payback for what the demon had put him through those past days.

"I should have told you sooner," he began. "Back when I noticed the mark change for the first time, but I didn't... I feared you would believe them all. That I was a Child of Misfortune and you would give me away."

Mahr moved and Gavin watched them crawl up the walls. They came closer until they hung from the ceiling right in front of him.

He stared into the darkness of the room and knew it stared back.

Someone touched his lower back and it made him jump. When he turned around, Jack was looking up at him.

"We all knew that you carried this mark but we didn't check up on it. It was easier to just pretend you were a normal child. We're just as much to blame." His finger brushed over one of the lines and he frowned.

"But we hadn't expected something so severe."

"I'm sorry," Gavin whispered but Jack just reached up to squeeze his arm.

"That demon," Geoff threw in, "is it around?"

"Always."

"Can you ask them something from me?"

"I can hear you just fine, King Ramsey," came from Gavin's mouth, and he clasped his hand over his mouth in shock. He stared down at Geoff and even Jack had flinched back and wasn't touching him anymore.

Mahr was inside him, he could feel them at the back of his throat. They tasted stale and dirty and he had to fight the urge to retch.

Geoff got up to tower over him and took hold of his shoulders. Not forceful but very gentle, and Gavin was glad for it. The touch grounded him and didn't let him panic.

Geoff was here and Mahr was powerless against him, even though he couldn't yet understand why.

"I'm talking to you now," Geoff said carefully.

The waves started in Gavin's ears again, crashing against the shore. It was deafening in its intensity, bubbling up in his chest and filling his head.

Geoff narrowed his eyes as he stared Gavin down. He reached up and let his fingers brush just beneath Gavin's eyes before cupping his face.

"What would we have to do for you to leave this child alone?" Geoff insisted and kept his gaze even though other people wouldn't be able to. Gavin doubted that Geoff was looking into his eyes in that moment.

"That isn't up for debate," he heard himself say and his hands flew out to grasp Geoff's tunic and hold tight. His heart was beating away in his chest, trying to get Mahr out.

"My entity and the body of this dead boy are entwined. I allowed him to live again, so I will stay with him until his soul fades out."

Geoff nodded slowly before turning towards Jack. They exchanged some looks and Gavin wanted to try and read them but he couldn't get his head to move.

"Then I have to thank you," Geoff finally said, and Gavin could feel the surprise run through his veins. It wasn't his own. "This boy has become someone that we all hold very dear and we only got to meet because of you."

Gavin threw his head back to cackle. It was a horrific sound and Gavin tried to grind his teeth to stop it but couldn't.

"You amuse me, King Ramsey. But your soul always has."

Geoff's grasp around him tightened and Gavin was glad for it. He was bent backwards until he feared his spine would just snap in two.

"A soul meant to lead, and it always does." His head lolled until he looked down at Jack. Jack who was still kneeling at his feet, something so furious and protective in his face that it warmed Gavin's heart. "Always followed by a soul that has yet to lose its kindness. Both such rare traits; truly you are meant for greatness. This boy as well if you just let me."

"We fear that you will hurt him," Jack said and even though he was shaking in anger, he forced his voice to be calm.

"No harm shall come to my host."

With that Mahr was gone and it felt as if Gavin's strings were cut. He crumpled into himself and it was only thanks to Geoff that he didn't crash to the floor. Instead he was lowered carefully until he sat down and could wrap his arms around himself. He was shaking uncontrollably and this time not because of the marks.

It was the horror of being controlled by something else and that he couldn't fight against it. There had been nothing he could have done besides watch, he hadn't even be able to shut up the words coming from his own mouth, and it was horrifying to think about. The taste of dirty water was still at the back of his throat, and he gagged, doubling over as his stomach protested.

Nothing came out even though he wanted it to. He wanted all of those bad things to get out of him, so he could just be himself but he wasn't sure if that was even possible anymore.

A warm hand laid on his back, right over the mark and made the urge fade. It let the coldness retreat slowly and Gavin slipped to the left against Jack.

"Mahr is scared of you," he mumbled without much thought. "Both of you."

He wasn't sure why but he knew it was right. Because darkness feared light and light feared darkness. It was as easy as that because he had seen it in both Geoff's and Jack's eyes. How scared and disturbed they were by the voice coming from him.

And hadn't they every reason to be?

The thought made tears sting in his eyes because he didn't want that. He didn't want Geoff or Jack to be scared of him, he didn't want Ray to be so distant, and he wanted Michael to burst through that door without knocking, even if it was the middle of the night. Most of all he didn't want a demon sitting on his back, drowning him in dirty ice water and spilling lies out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry," Gavin sobbed and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm truly sorry. I didn't want this to happen! I didn't know! I didn't..."

He was pulled in by Jack and crushed against his chest.

"We'll fix this," he promised. "But first we have to talk."

"We need to understand this to fix it," Geoff added and sat down besides them. Gavin looked up to him and Geoff reached out to rub tears from his cheeks.

"Explain what you can and then we'll fix it. I promise."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final is near!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How do you define the word ‘father’?”

Chapter 13

 

"Look at you," Ryan said as he noticed him. "You really are a Prince after all."

"It appears so," Gavin replied, amused. He figured with his heavy green coat and silver jewelery he made quite a different picture than back when Ryan had found him.

Two days had passed since he'd come back. Two exhausting days full of talking and talking and talking. He felt hollowed out for spilling so many things even if it was towards Jack and Geoff. It wasn't a bad feeling per se, not after being so full with horrible thoughts and dreams.

They would return over time, but he had made a start.

All of that had occupied his mind so much that he barely had time for anything else, like worrying about Ray's distance or Michael's absence. He would take care of that next, but before that he had searched for Ryan.

He had been on the lookout for him, fearing that the other had already left but he was here, watching over the training knights. Ray was among them and Gavin kept a bit back to not be seen so easily. He should be in the throne room where it was safe after all and not wander around carelessly.

"I'm surprised you're still here," Gavin admitted. Ryan had also washed up and shaved, he even was wearing new clothes, so he must have already gotten his reward.

"King Ramsey told me to stay as long as I'd like. I’ve never been in a castle before, so I figured I'd take the chance to look around," Ryan told him, and Gavin nodded. Geoff had told him about that; he and Ryan had been in a long meeting yesterday, talking about what had happened.

"If you want to this can be your new home," Gavin offered. "I know that you lost your old one. You can't return to Werringtal anymore without being executed."

Ryan's shoulders tensed for a moment, but then he just smiled sadly.

"I figured news traveled fast but King Ramsey surely wasted no time."

"It helped me to understand things more," Gavin explained and stepped closer. "Why you helped me and why you acted the way that you did. I don't judge you. Geoff told me you killed a man who threatened your wife and family. There are many lesser reasons to kill."

"I don't regret it," Ryan said and braced his elbows on the balustrade separating them from the training fields. "I kept my family safe through that action, and if given the choice I would do the same again. The only thing I do regret is not being able to go back."

"You had to leave them behind to avoid execution."

Ryan nodded. "King Ingrar isn't known to show mercy, so pleading with him was worthless. I was lucky to get away and only because I fled through the thickest of forest. I didn't expect to find a living soul for quite a while, but I stand corrected." He threw Gavin an amused glance and Gavin smiled back.

“You took a life but you saved one as well. That makes it even,” he replied, and Ryan huffed.

“I don’t think that’s how it works but it’s a nice thought.”

“I’m really thankful that you brought me home, Ryan,” Gavin said earnestly. “Without you I would have died in that place and nobody would ever have found me. Geoff would have turned the whole kingdom upside down looking.”

“King Ramsey loves you very much,” Ryan told him quite bluntly. “It was adamantly clear by how thankful he was.”

Gavin smiled to himself at that. Even after everything, after what Gavin had revealed two days ago, Geoff hadn’t faltered. Hadn’t even doubted him or asked him to leave. No, Geoff had accepted him for what he was and was doing everything to help him.

“I love him very much as well,” he admitted and fought the blush a little. He quickly hid it behind his green scarf. It was stupid, but he couldn’t remember ever say it so casually.

Ryan was still watching him and wanted to say something, but then just turned away. It took no genius to figure out that the other wanted to ask about their relationship, mostly because Gavin had been so vehement about Geoff not being his father before.

It was all a touchy subject but also a point why he had come out here.

“I also wanted to apologize about screaming and well… punching you.”

“I wouldn’t really call that a punch,” Ryan waved off, and Gavin snorted.

“Listen, I got you good!”

“You surprised me and that was about it.”

Rolling his eyes, Gavin let it go and also watched over the knights without really seeing.

After his talk with Geoff about Ryan things had been clearer. Ryan had to leave his family behind to save himself, to spare his two children the horror of seeing him hang, and now he could see their stupid fight in a different light.

_"Ever thought that your father maybe had a good reason?"_

Back then he had been foolish, his own memories too fresh in his mind to stop and try and see it from a different point of view. The same went for Ryan of course, and that was why they had clashed.

“Your children will understand why you did what you did,” Gavin said carefully and saw how Ryan tensed. “They will understand that you had to do it, and like this they at least know that their father is out there and not dead. They will surely forgive you.”

For a while Ryan didn’t answer, and Gavin didn't quite dare to turn and try to read his face. It seemed to private to pry into it, and it would also be fine if Ryan didn’t want to comment on it at all.

Gavin had said what he had wanted to and so it was fine.

“Thank you,” Ryan finally settled on. “I hope you’re right.”

“I think I am. I shouldn’t have judged so quickly.”

“The same goes for me though. I don’t know your situation and it wasn’t right to just jump to conclusions.”

Gavin shrugged a bit helplessly. That was still a touchy topic, something that he didn’t have the time to sit down and think about yet. He should, but he also feared what he would discover.

His anger towards his father had vanished and all that was left was a deep hurt. The question why.

One day he would dwell on it because he had to face it, otherwise it would eat him up from inside. He would and then sit down with Jack and Geoff to figure things out further. They were good at that, he knew,but right now that was maybe a bit too much. First they had to figure out the mess with the demon, and then they could deal with this.

For now it was his little secret, a rotten egg he kept hidden and avoided breaking open.

Not after the tumult of the last week.

“Are you sure… that you can’t forgive your father?” Ryan asked tentatively. "It might mean a lot to him."

"I don't think he would care," Gavin laughed even though it squeezed his heart. "Also he's not even alive anymore."

"Does that really matter?"

That made Gavin think. He leaned his back against the balustrade and looked up to heavy white clouds that would bring more snow soon.

"I guess not," he admitted. "At least not to me. If he's alive or not doesn't change what he has done, and I won't forgive him anyway."

"That's harsh."

"I guess I come after him then," Gavin joked, and then when he saw how Ryan threw him a unsure glance, he added, "My father left me to die."

It came out so blunt that even he himself was surprised by it. It was meant to be joking, a tease so that Ryan wouldn't know that it was true, but his voice had cracked in just the wrong moment and he felt himself pale.

He hadn't even told Geoff or Jack about this and now he had just blurted it out.

He wanted to laugh, to wave it off but Ryan was now staring at him, eyes wide, and it was already too late.

Fuck, how was he so careless? He barely knew this man but it had just tumbled out of his mouth.

"Truly that's not something to be forgiven easily," Ryan just said. His shock seemed already forgotten and there was barely any pity in his voice. Still, Gavin felt awkward and fought against the will to run away and hide.

"Actually I think I'll have to agree with you on that one. You shouldn't forgive him at all and he should be glad to already be dead, because otherwise King Ramsey would make sure of it."

That startled a laugh out of Gavin, but yeah, somehow that was a nice picture. Geoff protecting him from his own father sounded great.

“Yeah, I guess.”

He pushed himself off the balustrade, ready to hide back inside the castle and kick his own ass but he didn’t get as far before Ryan cleared his throat.

“He’s not your father then.”

“Excuse me?”

“I understand now why you said that King Ramsey isn’t like your father and I agree. But a father is someone who gives you life. This man lost that privilege in that very moment.”

Gavin had stopped in his tracks, but now he wished he had gone on. The words confused him and when he opened his mouth, he didn’t even know what to say.

Ryan could probably tell because he just shrugged. “Just a thought.”

“I- yeah,” he stammered confused. “Thank you, Ryan. I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

“How do you define the word ‘father’?” Gavin asked and leaned back in his arm chair. Ryan’s words had hit him and just wouldn’t let him go. He had other things on his mind, more important ones but those words were mocking him.

“Sir?” Ray asked, and Gavin pulled a face.

“I told you to cut the crap.”

As usual Ray didn’t took notice of that but at least came closer. Yesterday he had just stood by the door all day, quiet but attentive like a shadow.

“What is a father?” he asked again, and let Ray the time to think about it.

They were in his room and until now he had looked over some documents like Geoff had asked him to, but he couldn’t really concentrate on it. He would love to act like it was just because of Ryan’s words, but it was also because Ray’s quiet presence. Usually he didn’t mind it but with the new distance between them it stood out like a sore thumb.

“I want to say that a father is the one who made me, but I figure that’s too easy,” Ray finally settled on.

“But isn’t that exactly it?”

“I guess, but…” Ray bit down on his lip, trying to find the words. “I mean, of course it is but there are like different forms of it. Like there can also be a father figure, right? And that doesn’t have to be the same person as your father. Actually, it usually isn’t.”

“That’s true…” Gavin mumbled thoughtfully. “But a father is more important than a father figure.”

“Is it though? I would say that is for you to decide.”

Gavin hummed and turned back to his papers without really seeing. A father figure, sure, he had heard and read that word before but he had never really thought about it.

Now he wrote it down at the bottom of the page, really tiny and put a circle around it. A powerful word, for sure. The exact definition was easily to look up, but maybe he should figure that out himself.

He tapped his feather against his chin when Ray spoke up again.

“The one who raised me. Yeah, I think that’s my definition of a father,” he said carefully. The knight had wandered towards the windows and was now looking out. Gavin could see in his reflection how concentrated he was. “Did that answer help you?”

“It was a very good answer. Thank you, Ray.”

The knight smiled at him and Gavin smiled back until the other turned away. It felt strange to be so formal with Ray, but the thought about digging deeper into that issue made him nervous.

He had made a wish but didn’t know the price yet. Mahr was fairly unhelpful with it all; the demon remained silent like they had for most of Gavin’s life, and usually he would welcome it with open arms, but the not knowing made him restless.

Michael.

Michael had forgotten something about him because otherwise the other would be here. He didn’t believe that even a scolding form Geoff or Jack would keep him away, no way.

Yeah, something between him and Michael had shifted, and he was scared to figure out what it was.

Maybe it wasn’t the only thing as well because Ray was positively acting weird, but Gavin wasn’t quite sure how to find out what exactly had changed.

He could hardly walk up to them and ask what they had forgotten.

Ray still remembered him, that was a fact, and it was a good one.

The knight still stood at the window, and in the setting sun his cape was bright red. He also still wore the rose brooch because it was throwing a glare onto the wall.

Ray still wore his gifts and was beside him, so it wasn’t all bad.

“Where Geoff and Jack very angry with you when I disappeared?” he asked carefully and Ray tensed immediately. That was fair, it was a very abrupt change of topic.

“They were rightfully furious at me,” Ray told him. “But it was obvious that in the end they were just scared. They were endlessly scared when I informed him that you weren’t in your room anymore. I didn’t get the worst of it though, Michael took most of the blame.”

“Michael?”

“Well that’s the reason why he isn’t here anymore, isn’t it? You disappeared in the night. It was his responsibility to keep you safe.” Ray frowned at that before shaking his head. “I don’t agree with it though. I was awake as well, we were talking and it was at least an hour before I retired again after your bad dream.”

Now it was on Gavin to frown. “My bad dream?”

“Don’t you remember?” Ray asked. “You had a nightmare and woke screaming. Michael nearly ripped the door out of its hinges to get to you. I don’t blame you though, you were pretty out of it after we calmed you down.” He laughed, embarrassed. “It was actually a bit scary. I couldn’t sleep afterwards, so I sat up with Michael for a while.”

Mahr. That had to be Mahr’s doing, either they had changed the memory of both Ray and Michael of that night or the sinking through a bed had been an illusion on his part. Something to keep him submerged while Mahr took over and put on a show for his two friends to get them to calm down.

Now he couldn't help but imagine that happening before. Who said it hadn't? He couldn't remember this scene either, so who knew what else had happened while Mahr had taken over?

Volvy had mentioned that she had heard him rump around in the night.

Gavin bit down on his lip and looked back up to Ray. Ray who looked so worried but before he could say something, Ray shook his head.

"He's not even using his sword anymore. You know, the one you gave to him."

"But he loves Mogar," Gavin mumbled, and now Ray looked up. He was surprised that he knew the nickname of the sword, Gavin realized and had to force his face to stay neutral.

His head hurt suddenly.

"I'll fix it," he just said. "I'll talk with Geoff and Jack and Michael will be back here with us, don't worry. It wasn't his fault and not yours as well, I don't want you to think like that."

"You disappeared without a trace right underneath our noses after the King asked us to watch over you. We don't even have a clue how you did it. So blaming ourselves is all that's left."

Ray turned towards him now, something nearly challenging in his demeanour and Gavin knew he wanted to know how he'd did it. Of course he did, and Michael as well, and the whole damn castle.

It was something else to admit what had happened to Jack and Geoff, to try to explain and it had taken him a long, long time to get there. But he trusted them, they were his family and wouldn't sent him away.

Under normal circumstances the same would go for both Ray and Michael but the sudden distance made him unsure. Ray had suspected him before and had been right. It hadn't drove him away but it had made him worried. He only relaxed after he'd forgotten about it.

But now Ray was distant, wasn't quite his Ray anymore, probably because something was missing.

Telling him about what was going on was sure to scare him away.

"You can trust me," Gavin said carefully. "You can trust me when I say it wasn't your fault."

 

"Did you three have a fight?"

Gavin jumped a little. He was standing on the edge of the training fields and had tried to psych himself up to talk with Michael, but had frozen right here, watching him. The fear of rejection was burning low in his guts and he hadn't even noticed Jeremy walking up to him.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you and Ray and Michael always hung out together. You were barely apart but now..." He gesticulated a bit helpless between Gavin and Michael. "I don't think I’ve seen you guys talking for days."

Gavin sighed. What should he say to that? It was true after all.

He turned to Jeremy and wondered how long it had been since they had talked as well.

Now that he thought about it it had been quite a while. Jeremy had joined the warriors as far as he knew and was mostly stationed at the outskirts of the castle, a place that Gavin rarely visited now that he was more busy with helping Geoff.

It was a bit a surprise how much the other had shaped up in that time, still rather small but certainly bulky, with arms that could easily hurl an axe. His hair was cut short now and Gavin liked it better than the time Jeremy kept on changing the hair color whenever he saw him around.

"I don't really know," he admitted. "Things are difficult."

"I asked Michael what was going on," Jeremy said but couldn't even finish talking before Gavin grasped his arm tightly.

"Really? What did he say?" he asked, too eagerly and Jeremy stared up to him. Fuck, he sounded nearly like he was begging but he didn't care. Any hint on where he stood with Michael was welcome because if he went down there and Michael didn't even recognize him, he wouldn't know what to do.

Jeremy laughed a bit awkward.

"It's Michael. He told me to fuck off and worry about my own business."

"Of course he would," Gavin groaned. What had he expected? Michael to just spill his heart like that? He wasn't even sure how close he and Jeremy were in the first place.

"But he searched for you when you disappeared," Jeremy added. "Up and down the castle and through the night. Nobody dared to stop him because he would just snap at them, even at Ray. He turned the castle upside down and then went towards the city." He nodded towards the thick walls separating them from the city beneath. "Don't know what went down there but in the end Ray dragged him back. Those two were restless."

That made Gavin smile and he turned back around to look at Michael. He was currently sitting a bit away from the other warriors and taking care of his sword. It was a normal one, certainly not Mogar, and at first Gavin had wanted to drag Mogar out here and throw it in front of his feet, but he didn't know where Michael kept the sword. Also breaking into his room and searching for it was horribly rude. Not to forget that the sword was heavy and Gavin wasn't confident in his ability to get it all the way here in one piece, and even if he did, he would be so out of breath that he wouldn't get a word out.

That would be way too awkward.

"I mean the whole castle was restless. King Ramsey made sure of that," Jeremy added. "We had to search every nook and every corner we knew of but Ray and Michael were two of the few who really searched, you know what I mean?"

He did. Neither Jack or Geoff had said something about it and Gavin hadn't asked but he was sure that not everyone had been so heartbroken about his disappearance as the King had been.

"I'm sure some were rather happy that I was gone."

Jeremy nodded and even though he felt hurt, Gavin appreciated his honesty. He wasn't stupid, he knew that people disliked him.

"I overheard some rather disturbing talk during that time," Jeremy told him. "They made bets on who had done it and how instead of searching. Some pretended they had taken you but I don't think they have the needed brain capacity to do more than tie their own boots. One approached Michael," Jeremy huffed halfway amused and halfway annoyed, "told him what a good job he'd done to make you disappear and stuff. Michael wasn't happy."

"What did he break?"

"Just that guy's nose. He got lucky that Michael was exhausted."

Gavin snorted and Jeremy smiled at that.

"I broke someone's leg actually. It was quite a nice kick on my part, if I dare say so myself," Jeremy told him rather proudly. "But she deserved it. I don't like people slacking off at work and if it's something so important like finding someone lost it's even worse. The way she talked didn't help either."

Perplexed, Gavin stared down at him. He had expected it from Michael and Ray to defend him while he was away, but certainly not from Jeremy.

Sure, when he was younger and was hanging out at the training fields they had sometimes talked, but now that he was mostly occupied within the castle it was rare enough to even see Jeremy. There was no reason for the other to be nice to him.

Maybe Jeremy saw the surprise in his face because he laughed, "Don't look at me like that. It was King Ramsey's orders to search for you, so we have to obey. Also by the sound of it you needed help and we warriors are meant to help the people in this kingdom. That's our role after all."

He shrugged, now a bit embarrassed. "But also because I didn't want something bad happening to you and nobody else should as well. You did nothing so terrible that you deserved how some... how some people talk about you. This whole Child of Misfortune thing is a bunch of bullshit. I know, I believed it back when I was a child but I was that; a child. I believed in the freaking tooth fairy, okay? But at one point people have to start thinking and develop an opinion on their own." He put his hands on his axes. They hung from a belt by his hips, three on each side and kinda like Gavin knew Jack carried them. They looked frightening sharp.

"I mean, I get that a lot of people apparently can't get themselves to do it, but really? Why would you bring misfortune to anyone? It rather looks like you're the unfortunate one."

"Sometimes it feels like that, yeah," Gavin laughed but the words had warmed him. He had always considered Jeremy as the closest thing he had to a friend besides Ray and Michael, but hearing him say that meant an awful lot. It actually made him hope that there were more people like that out there.

"Thank you, Jeremy. Really."

"No problem." He smacked Gavin on the shoulder with enough force to make him stumble and then laughed. "And now go and talk to Michael. He's too chicken to do it himself."

It gave him the confidence boost he needed and he waved Jeremy goodbye as he walked over the training fields. Some people were turning their heads and started that all familiar whispering, but here and there were once who raised their hands in greeting.

Gavin wasn't sure if they were mocking him or not, but he was representing the royal family in some way and so he greeted them back.

Michael had noticed the commotion and was sheathing his sword when Gavin walked up to him.

"Michae-" he began but didn't even get to finish before Michael dropped to his knees and bowed his head.

"Lord Ramsey."

It sent a strange thrill through him. On one part if Geoff would ever offer him his name, he would proudly wear it, but neither Michael or Ray would ever have to use it. For them he was Gavin, always had been, and he liked it like that. No mean names, no titles - just Gavin.

Whenever they called him Lord Ramsey now it saddened him. He didn't want to lose the closeness they had before.

"Don't kneel," Gavin whispered. "Please stand. You have no reason to kneel, warrior."

"I should have protected you but I-"

"It wasn't your fault," Gavin interrupted him, "and I don't blame you for it. I hope Ray let you know."

And he also hoped that Ray had also told Michael that he was being honest. He hoped he had said it enough times that Ray himself had started to believe it.

Maybe he had because even though Michael hesitated for a few moments, he finally got up to stand in front of him.

"Where is your sword, warrior?" Gavin asked him, hoping to at least get a smile out of Michael but the other remained stoic.

"This here is my sword. I don't deserve any gift of yours."

"It is my gift for you. You received it because I found you worthy of it," Gavin insisted and thought back to that evening. How happy and excited Michael had been about the diamond sword. How he couldn't take his hands from it.

"After what happened-" Michael began but Gavin just shook his head.

"I told you already not to worry about it. There was nothing that you could have done."

"Then I should have been better," Michael said bluntly, but there was something self-loathing hidden in his words that Gavin didn't like.

For a moment he didn't know what to say and feared that Michael would just turn around and leave, but then he reached out his hand, like he had planned in the beginning.

"Will you pick up that sword again, warrior?" he asked. "Your post is still abandoned, and in all honesty, it's kinda boring without you there."

Michael didn't smile and Michael didn't take his hand like he'd imagined, and the uneasiness from before dared to take over again. What if Michael refused? He hadn't actually imagine that because it was Michael bu-

Michael's hand encircled his wrist and then gently turned his hand around. He could break it just as easily, could probably break his whole arm, but Gavin let him. He watched with bated breath as Michael bowed this time and pressed his lips against Gavin's cold fingers.

There were people whispering around, not about him for once, but about Michael; Gavin himself didn't know what to say. It was a gesture meant for royalty, a gesture that he had seen quite a few times when people approached Geoff. Not towards him though, never.

But here was Michael and now he let his forehead rest against Gavin's hand, a warm point of contact.

"If you wish to give me a second chance I will gladly take it, Prince Gavin," Michael said and his breath warmed the tips of his fingers. For a moment Gavin wanted to pull back because Michael hadn't whispered it, no, everyone close enough had clearly heard him and was now whispering more agitatedly. But he couldn't, because he knew how rude it would be and he wasn't angry or embarrassed.

Thet gesture and those words had moved him and he tried to answer, but didn't trust his voice.

At least Michael finally looked up and in his eyes he caught the sun, fierce and warm and loyal.

"I will gladly protect you with my life."

 

"Memories are something very important. They make us remember and reflect on moments that we keep close to us, no matter if they were good moments or the bad ones. Memories shape us, they comfort us or scare us. They teach us. The sum of our memories make us who we are," Jack had told him and Gavin had sat next to him, scared because he had lost something so very important.

"But what you have to keep in mind, Gavin, is that you haven't forgotten. Ray and Michael have. I forgot the lullaby but we haven't forgotten you. I do believe that each person you get to know and make memories with, will have a special connection in your heart. Something that you will recognize. A color, a scent, a feeling that you associate with them. It's unique and very precious, and I may not know a lot about demons or magic but I don't think this demon is able to take memories."

Confused, Gavin had looked up. "Bu-"

"This demon is taking those feelings, the colors of the memories. How can it take the memories if you still remember it? I may not remember the lullaby but it still exists. Ray and Michael can't remember how they met you but you still met! It did happen, we just lost the connection to it!"

"What's the difference?"

Jack had taken his hand in his, squeezing it and it that moment Gavin was sure he had understood. Jack wasn't a color or a scent to him but Jack was warmth and comfort. Home.

"Maybe you just have to remind us of that connection, but I'm not sure because even though you sang it to me, I don't remember the lullaby. It did remind me, however, of how much it means to you ,and I know it wouldn't be the same when you taught me again, but it would still bring us closer."

"I don't think I understand..."

"This demon took something important," Jack explained. "But it can't stop you from making new memories. Michael and Ray are still right at your side, all you have to do is bring them closer to you again."

So here he was, sitting in one of his armchairs and playing with the cards in his hands. It was around a week after he had asked Michael to come back and once he retired he could hear Michael and Ray talking with each other. Laughing and teasing like before.

But whenever he was in the room they were professional and polite to him, trying to make him as comfortable as possible.

"I'm not tired yet," he finally managed to bring out and it made both of them look up. He felt a bit bad about that; Ray was about to retire after this long day and Michael had just come in, but he couldn't wait anymore.

"Would you guys mind playing some cards with me?"

They threw each other a look and Gavin didn't want to read their faces. He feared they would be confused or even annoyed by that but he knew they wouldn't refuse.

"Of course, Sir."

So they sat around the table like they had countless times before and played a game they had thought of themselves. That more than anything made him relax because they still knew the rules. They knew the rules of this dumb game that they had thought of during childhood, something that probably wouldn't make any sense for anyone else but them.

Still they played it, and maybe they couldn't remember him sitting down with them, scribbling nonsense rules down, maybe in their mind that spot was empty, but it had still happened. It had still happened because they were playing it now, more awkward and quiet then before and he was pretty sure that Ray tried to let him win, but it was a start.

It was a start that Mahr didn't like because he could feel his demon, heavy on his shoulders and trying to reach into his head. It was gnawing at the crown of it and it hurt. It was punishment for trying to get back what he had sold, but he swallowed it down and ignored it.

Jack was right; the other two were still here and he was as well. He had been their friend and he would work to gain that place again because the foundation was already there. Ray had become a knight because of him and Michael was able to hold his sword again.

Those things had happened and they weren't lost. He just had to strengthened their bonds again.

  


 

 

Amazing fanart by [Coralnoodle](https://coralnoodle.tumblr.com/), thank you so much!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week we'll head straight into the final, whoot!
> 
> \--
> 
> Also I had to discuss with a woman called Missus Mahr at work and it was the weirdest thing


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack's hand slipped down to the spot in between his shoulders and it always felt like a weight was lifted. It scared Mahr away, that raw love he could see in Jack's eyes, and he took a deep breath to steel himself.
> 
> "You're right where you are supposed to be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the final, enjoy your stay ♥

Chapter 14

 

In the first days of spring Geoff fell sick. It wasn't a big surprise, considering how humid and cold it was outside, and he was far from being the only one who laid down.

So Gavin and Jack took over for a week, and by now they were such a good team that Gavin didn't even worry too much about it.

He took care of searching for accommodations for Ryan and was quite happy about it. Ryan had finally decided to stay for longer, even though Gavin knew that there had been some people who had taken Ryan aside and told him all kinds of horrible things about him, how he had infiltrated this castle and brought nothing but misfortune. Some people even blamed Ryan for bringing him back, and still Ryan stayed.

Ryan was a fun guy, so nobody really protested, and Gavin had watched him more than once as he was out on the field, training with Michael, and to his surprise, with Jeremy.

"They seem to get along just fine," Gavin told Ray one day and was surprised that the other pouted.

"It appears so," he just said and Gavin couldn't help but grin. It was obvious that Ray was jealous. He couldn't yet tell if it was because Michael found another friend or because he wanted to get close to Ryan himself.

Geoff returned and things went back to normal. When Gavin sat down to show him his work, Geoff took his time to look through all of his reports and Gavin stayed, anxious for the judgement. But there were only some things that Geoff pointed out, nothing big, just a point of view Gavin hadn't considered, and when Gavin went to note it down Geoff touched his arm to stop him.

"Good work, buddy," he told him so earnestly that Gavin had to swallow.

His cheeks were flaring up, not because he was embarrassed but because he felt proud.

"I guess I learned from the best," he finally said, and Geoff lifted his eyebrows.

"Jack?"

"Absolutely Jack!"

Geoff laughed and pulled him into his side. He laughed so hard that it shook Gavin as well and he fell in, happy right where he was.

Not even a week later and Geoff was bedridden with a high fever.

This time the panic nearly consumed Gavin whole.

"I can make for him to be better," he said frantically, walking up and down in his room. "He'd be back tomorrow and all would be good. I shou-"

"Gavin," Jack interrupted him but he could barely listen. Geoff had grown sick just like he himself had all those years ago, just like Geoff's mother had before, and they had died. They had all died and Geoff would die as well.

There was no way that he would not.

Maybe it was Mahr's doing. Yeah, now that he thought about it it surely was! Mahr had grown bored again and now they would force Gavin to make a wish again. A big wish because healing took a lot, he knew that. He would have to heal Geoff and all would forget him.

Geoff and Jack wouldn't know him anymore an-

Jack caught his arm and pulled him to a stop.

"Gavin," he said more forceful now. "I need you to calm down."

"I should go to Geoff right now!"

"No, you shouldn't."

He was pulled to sit next to Jack and couldn't help but shake from head to toe. Geoff would die. Geoff could already be dead and he hadn't done a thing. He hadn't tried to help an-

"Yes, Geoff is sick but he only has a fever. You wanna know why?"

"Because Mahr. Because they go-"

"Because he's an idiot," Jack interrupted him gently and Gavin looked up.

"What?"

"Geoff is an idiot, you heard me right. He's been sick before but he wanted to come back as soon as possible. The doctors told him not to and I did as well but he didn't listen. So now his body demands the rest that Geoff denied him."

"No, that's no-"

"Sometimes things happen, Gavin. And if those things are bad that doesn't mean that it's your fault, alright?"

Gavin forced himself to take a deep breath. He knew in theory that Jack was right but he couldn't get his head to shut up. His thoughts were aimless and confusing but always ended the same; with Geoff dying.

It was so horrifying that it felt like his chest was squeezed until it would just break apart. He would just tear open from the inside and spill all that rotten water.

"But everyone will think so," he whispered. "They will say that it was my fault that Geoff is sick. This will only bring restlessness into the kingdom."

"The people don't know yet," Jack assured him. "And they don't have to because when Geoff comes back in two or three weeks things will go back to normal. Until then we will take over and assure that everything's running smoothly. Will you help me with that?"

"Yes. Yes, of course I will. But Jack-" Gavin broke off and felt lightheaded suddenly. Like his head was just filled with damp air and nothing more, and he pressed his forehead against his knees.

He was blowing things out of proportion, he knew that, but he couldn't stop it. There were so few people he could trust, that he considered close, that he got the feeling that they were all vanishing one by one.

Ray and Michael were slowly getting closer to him again, but not as fast as he would like them to. He wanted them to go back to the way they had been before.

And now Geoff-

It left him restless, like he was standing on shaking ground that was slowly sinking and falling apart.

"Geoff doesn't want you to make a wish," Jack added. "And for the matter, I don't want you either. Geoff has the best doctors with him and just needs some rest. There is no need for you to do something so drastic."

“But what if Geof-”

“But what if you sell something very important to get Geoff back on his feet a week earlier? You can’t take these things back, Gavin. You know that better than anyone else." Jack squeezed him against his side, warm but unrelenting. "I'm sure Geoff appreciates that offer but for now there's no need. Also we can just use it as a last resort in case his condition really worsens, okay?"

Yeah, that sounded better. Sounded like a plan. Jack always made great plans that usually turned up right in the end. Taking a deep breath, Gavin nodded.

"Okay, we can do it like that."

 

Jack's plan failed at step one because Geoff wasn't back on his feet in the next week, not even the week after. His fever didn't grow worse but also didn't better, and over the days he grew weaker.

Step two failed as well because at first there were rumors being whispered in the corridors, and then later everyone seemed to know about the King being sick. It even reached the other kingdoms, and that was probably for the worst.

Rhyst and Werringtal offered their help, but it was the others that made Gavin worry.

He sat in Geoff's room and held the newest reports in his hands. It was hard to read them because his hands shook so much.

"They say Fieldhollow is thinking about going to war against us," he whispered and couldn't understand how Geoff just scoffed.

"They just want to show that they have big dicks," Geoff waved off. "Their people expect them to threaten us because we could never agree on a proper trading bill. Just because they're pissed at that doesn't mean they will follow through."

Gavin pulled a face but put the letter down. Geoff sat propped up on a couple of pillows, and like this he looked relaxed and not like he was sick, but Gavin knew that was only because he had rested all day. There was a tremor in his hands from the fever that tried to hollow him out and he averted his gaze.

He didn't like to look at it.

"What if you're wrong?"

"I'm not," Geoff said easily, and when Gavin threw him a sceptical look, he sighed.

"Believe me, Gav. Our army is strong and our kingdom way bigger than Fieldhollow. The losses on both sides would be fatal and just because I'm bedridden doesn't mean this kingdom is as well. I can still make decisions like this and even if not, you and Jack are more than capable of taking over for me. Let them flex their muscles; as long as we remain calm it will be them who look foolish in the end."

"Alright," he said carefully. "I hope you're right. I don't want a war."

"Nobody wants that and it won't happen. You know what the actual threat is, don't you?"

Gavin looked down at the report before he folded his hands above it.

"The people," he answered. "The people are already restless as they are, and any news of a war threat will only make it worse. We can't even go out there and tell them that Fieldhollow won't do it because that would just make us look cocky and piss Fieldhollow off." He bit on his lip, thinking hard.

"We should just let it play out, I guess. In case Fieldhollow actually make any threats Queen Belatrice of Rhyst and King Ingrar of Werringtal will stand behind us. Fieldhollow will not dare to go against such a force."

Geoff nodded along and that calmed Gavin down. Now that he thought about it, it made sense.

"Rhyst is bordering on Fieldhollow. If they'd dare to attack Queen Belatrice could fall in from the totally opposite side of us with her troupe. That would be fatal for Fieldhollow."

"Exactly. Fieldhollow is actually in no position for a war, not with Belatrice hovering over it like that. She is quite a badass woman and would not hesitate to attack them. I'm pretty sure she is waiting for an opportunity like that." He pointed at Gavin with a strict expression. "Remember to always stay on the good side of someone like her. They are valued allies but terrifying opponents."

"Is that why she was here that often?" Gavin asked and thought back on how Geoff and the Queen had danced. He had only heard rumors but people had described her as beautiful. A small but lithe figure with an ocean green dress that contrasted nicely against her dark skin.

Gavin wished he could have seen her up close.

"Of course."

"I thought it was because you had a thing for her," he admitted and Geoff rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't quite what she was looking for."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that she likes woman."

"Oh," Gavin said and tilted his head to the side before a grin stretched across his face. "That means you tried to flirt with her!"

"What? Don't be ridiculous!" Geoff snapped at him, which was already answer enough. Laughing, Gavin let it go and turned back to the actual topic.

"So we just tell the people that Fieldhollow would be foolish to attack us with such powerful allies at our side!"

"No," Geoff told him right away.

"Why not?"

"You tell me."

Groaning, Gavin let his head fall back and stared up at the ceiling. But he didn't protest otherwise and rather mulled it over in his head. In the end it wasn't that hard to figure out.

"It would make us appear weak," he finally said. "Makes us look like we couldn't take Fieldhollow on our own."

"Exactly that."

Gavin groaned again and reached up to rub his head.

"Why are things so complicated! We have the upper hand in this whole thing but we can't tell that to our people to calm them down! That's stupid!"

Geoff chuckled when he pouted up to him and scooted a bit aside to pat the mattress next to him.

"Come up here and I'll help you along. It's not that easy to figure out but we can work it out, okay?"

“Sure.”

It was only an excuse to share the warmth of the bed, but it wasn’t like either of them minded. Geoff lifted the blanket and Gavin only hesitated to kick off his shoes before he climbed in. Propped up against the pillows he felt like a little boy again, waiting for Geoff to tell him another exaggerated story, but that wasn’t quite it. Back then Geoff wouldn’t scoot down to lay his head in Gavin’s lap with a sigh, obviously exhausted even from their talk, and Gavin fought to keep a straight face.

He could wish that away in a second, could help Geoff back to his feet and have him back on his throne the next day. It would be so easy and had he any right to hesitate? Geoff had allowed him to stay here and had basically raised him.

Now it was his turn to help and still he didn’t do it?

Ungrateful.

“So what do the people want?” Geoff asked with a sigh as he finally settled down.

“Safety,” Gavin answered right away.

“True, but that will be threatened by Fieldhollow. What else?”

Gavin bit down on his lip to think and tried to imagine being in the shoes of those people out there when he realized that he was basically in the same boat. What they needed and he desired were very closely related.

“Stability. The people want to know what they can expect.”

“Exactly,” Geoff agreed and squeezed Gavin’s knee. “The people are used to this in this kingdom. Since we Ramseys took over, we’ve avoided conflict if possible and made sure to keep this kingdom healthy and secure. The worst that happened were natural disasters but there is nothing we can really do against that. In the close future people will be scared of two things: the war and my health. Worst case scenario would be me dying and the kingdom standing there without a leader. We would get invaded and claimed by another kingdom.”

Gavin’s hands tightened around each other and his stomach was in knots. Hearing Geoff talk about something so terrifying like that so casually made him sick.

“You won’t die,” he whispered. “I’ll wish for your health before that happens.”

“And I appreciate it, Gavin, but the people don’t know that.”

Geoff turned his head so that he could look up to him and suddenly Gavin understood where he was going. He quickly avoided Geoff’s eyes and felt his heart slam in his chest.

“We have to keep their mind off of the war and give stability to this kingdom,” Geoff went on and laid a hand on Gavin’s cheek to make him turn his head again. “If I have an heir they won’t worry so much about me anymore, because even if something dared to happen, the crown would be safe. It might even be enough to scare Fieldhollow off because they know the army is in capable hands.”

“You don’t have a heir though,” Gavin said slowly, but Geoff just shook his head.

“I always did.”

“But you never… you never said it, so I wasn’t sure…” He trailed off but couldn’t escape those blue eyes. They made him restless, but Geoff was basically pinning him down so there was nowhere to go.

“I didn’t think it was needed,” Geoff finally said. “But I realize that this wasn’t fair to you. I'm sorry."

A bit helpless, Gavin just shrugged. To some degree he had expected this talk to happen, but not... not under these circumstances. Not with Geoff laying in bed, thinking about ways to lessen the impact of his own dead.

Not that it would happen, Gavin would make absolutely sure of that because he owed Geoff that much at least. And still, he had expected to sit down with Geoff and Jack one day, talking this thing through. He would have time to think about it then. Time he already had, sure, because he had known for years, but he hadn't been forced to think about it, so he hadn't.

"They won't accept me," he said carefully. "The people. They don't like me, they think I'm a Child of Misfortune and probably assume that you're sick because of me. I'm not even entirely sure if that isn't the case."

"Don't be so dramatic," Geoff told him bluntly and flicked his forehead. "Also screw the people. Let them bitch all they want about that if they really think that's the worst case. The other options would be the threat of war, so I don't want to hear any whining about that."

His face softened though, probably because he could feel how Gavin squirmed.

"Also you're not that unpopular as you think among the people. I know you had some bad... experiences with the more radical ones, but the others? Many have forgotten about what happened all those years ago and sure, a lot about you and the Nether will come back once we announce our decision, but it might even protect this kingdom. Make others fear attacking someone who came back from death once before."

"Maybe," Gavin agreed, but wasn't quite sure if Geoff was right. Or rather if he was okay with it. The Nether was still a touchy subject to him and he had been glad when all those ridiculous rumors had calmed a little over time.

Now they would come back full force, all those hateful words and cold glances.

"Still, the people might even rise against me. I'm not popular like you, Geoff. Not even close. What if we don't have to fear Fieldhollow, but an uprising instead?"

"You think too lowly about yourself. Always have," Geoff said softly, and Gavin felt himself blush.

He turned away and grasped for the sheets.

"I'm not sure if I can do it..."

"Jack and I will be there. It's not like you will be King right away, you will be my heir and will hold court sessions and be able to sign important shit. You know how this works."

"But I will be King one day," Gavin whispered and suddenly that sounded horrifying. Being a Prince was one thing, in his eyes it meant being something close to Geoff's son. A King though? A king was something completely different.

"Yeah," Geoff agreed, and his blue eyes were bright and determined. "And I don't know a single person in this kingdom who is more suited than you."

 

Gavin felt ready to throw up. He was waiting in the small hall in front of the balcony and was restlessly turning his hands around each other. Beyond the huge doors he could hear voices murmuring, ominous and maybe angry. He wasn't quite sure if he even heard right or if it was his nerves.

It probably was, at least he hoped so.

The balcony stretched out over a huge courtyard beneath and was used for important announces. Then as many people as possible from the city would gather and listen. In his time here Gavin could remember three times he had waited in this hall here and listened to Geoff talk to his people.

It had always filled him with pride to watch Geoff like that. With his crown on his head, standing tall about so many people and letting his voice carry.

He always looked divine in those moments, like nothing could shake him up and he had everything under control.

Today Geoff wasn't here though. He wasn't even awake.

Before getting dressed Gavin had looked for him, but he had been in such a deep sleep that he hadn't dared to disturb him.

Now he missed his assuring words, missed his guidance.

Sometimes he had imagined this day, the day of getting announced as the heir to the kingdom, as a Prince, but Geoff had always been by his side.

Geoff would have stood next to him, tall and proud, and would know exactly what to say. Geoff would take the crown and sat it on his head.

Gavin wanted it to be that way, but it wasn't and he just had to suck it up.

He also wanted Ray to be there, probably wanting to practice every move of the ceremony, but there would also be Michael. Michael who would throw an arm around him and pull him in, laughing because he made such a huge deal over a fancy new hat.

Both of them were here of course; they hadn't left his side since he'd stepped out of his room, not with how busy the castle was. Maids and servants and knights and visitors all hurrying around and Gavin felt restless with all those eyes on him, all that whispering going on.

But Michael and Ray didn't approach him and kept their distance, and he was both glad and unsure because of that.

Standing here he felt endlessly alone.

Jack was around but he was busy with making sure that everything would run smoothly. He didn't have the time to calm him down.

Once again he wanted Geoff right here.

"Well you look well fancy!"

Gavin turned around to find Jeremy standing behind him, all dressed up in his soldier armor and with razor sharp axes on his hips. Still, Gavin tried himself on a smile because nobody else dared to approach him in here and that didn't help to keep his head off of everything.

"Thank you," he replied and reached for the chain fastener that held his cloak together. It was golden and heavy on his chest.

"I actually don't like it. It feels like I can't breathe because of its weight."

"I don't think that's the fault of that little thing," Jeremy said nearly easily and Gavin scoffed out a laugh.

He felt ridiculous dressed up like this, with all this gold and emerald and smaragds. Only the cloak, he liked that one. It was warm but soft, green with golden stitchery, and whenever he brushed against it the feeling reminded him of Geoff. It was basically the same cloak Geoff often wore, and that was at least a little comfort right now.

"What are you even doing here?"

Jeremy looked up surprised by that question and Gavin bit his tongue, hoping the other didn’t think him rude. It was a valid question though because Jeremy was stationed on the outer wall and usually not inside the castle, least of all in the best guarded room right now.

“Jack asked me to come in as a guard,” Jeremy explained. “I figured he had acted on your order.”

“He didn’t,” Gavin admitted, but couldn’t stop smiling. Jack knew he wasn’t very comfortable around a lot of people, so he searched for the few he trusted.

“But I’m very glad that you are here though. Thank you, Jeremy.”

Now it was on Jeremy to smile, nearly shyly, and suddenly Gavin wished things had played out differently. He could easily picture Jeremy as a child, running around with the three of them, causing chaos and hiding away on the roof.

In his studies Gavin had come across the theory of a multiverse, that everything was possible in some way. He was sure there was a world where Jeremy was as much a lad as he was.

"Gavin," Jack interrupted them, and when Gavin looked up and see him dressed in his most prestigious clothing the weight of today crashed back down onto him. His shoulders slumped visibly and his heart picked back up.

He didn't even see his crown, hadn't until now, but those past days Jack had been so busy with preparing everything for this moment.

"It's time."

Gavin swallowed heavily and turned back to Jeremy but Jeremy was already on the way to the doors, ready to guard them. Before he could feel lonely, Jack's hand laid down heavy but warm on his shoulder.

"There's nothing to be scared or nervous about," he assured him and Gavin fought the urge to laugh. There was every reason for that but it didn't matter, right? He couldn't back out of this anymore.

Jack's hand slipped down to the spot in between his shoulders and it always felt like a weight was lifted. It scared Mahr away, that raw love he could see in Jack's eyes, and he took a deep breath to steel himself.

"You're right where you are supposed to be."

"I hope you're right," Gavin whispered.

"Did you never listen to Geoff? I always am right," Jack teased him, and Gavin laughed. He was pulled into a brief embrace before Jack stepped back to check on his clothes. When he was done he nodded towards the huge doors leading towards the balcony, and Gavin hesitated. He threw a look over his shoulder, hoping to find Geoff. Geoff who would charge through that door, protesting that they had started without him, but of course he didn't come. He would be too weak for that anyway and it made his heart heavy.

He should wish-

"Geoff is here in spirit," Jack told him, and Gavin scoffed.

"I checked and he was asleep."

"So he could be here in spirit obviously."

Gavin snorted and turned back around. At least that was a nice thought to hold onto and there were Ray and Michael in front of him, waiting to pull of the door. They had been quiet today, leaving him his space, and he still didn't know if he welcomed it or not but what mattered was that they were here.

That Ray looked nervous but determined while Michael smiled at him and even winked.

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all.

He nodded back at them and watched as they pulled open the doors. A wave of noises swept in immediately, voices over voices and the rustling of bodies that were packed into a too small space. He couldn't see them like that, would have to step towards the edge for that but he could see the crown resting on a display. The gold catching the sunbeams beautifully and blindingly bright.

"Your people are waiting for you," Jack next to him whispered and he nodded.

With one last deep breath he stepped ahead to face his people.

 

When all was said and done it was well into the night and Gavin felt exhausted. He said his goodnights to Michael and Ray before sitting down heavily on his bed. He felt weird all over, like he'd been flayed alive even though nobody had even dared to touch him. No, after the crown had placed on his head, he had felt like he was being contaminated. Everyone was staring but nobody really dared to come close, to touch or talk.

Even Jack held back in the following celebrations, standing by his side but nothing more.

So Gavin had sat there for hours, watching people celebrate him and listening to their conversations later when they had dinner. He hadn't really been able to get anything down, his stomach twisting in knots the whole day and night now he wished he could throw up if it meant getting rid of that feeling.

Instead he began to undress, nearly mechanically slipping out of his shoes and folding his new cloak. He piled his jewelry on top of it and then sat back down to reach up for his crown.

The weight still felt unusual and heavy, and as he held it now in his hands the gold felt cold.

He thumbed over the curves of the material and couldn't help but smile. There had been too much on his mind before, but now he realized that the waves of the gold were the same as with his bracelet. He had always thought it looked like a little crown and maybe he had told Jack just that at some point or Jack had known since the beginning, because this crown was the same, just made out of gold and smaragds.

It was beautiful, yes, but the longer he watched it, the heavier it felt.

Your Royal Highness, people had called him. Prince Ramsey, others, and wasn't that a stark contrast to the usual Child of Misfortune?

It had been in their eyes though, in their fake smiles. He had seen it in way too many faces when he had stood on that balcony, how they were unsure and scared and distrusting.

They hadn't forgotten who he was and where he had come from, no matter how much Gavin had hoped for that. No, they knew about it as well as they ever had and even if some may have forgotten about it, they had been gladly reminded on the market or the next pub or simply on the street.

Child of Misfortune.

Demon Brat.

Bastard Prince.

He hurled the crown back to throw it against the next wall before he hesitated, if only because it was Jack's design. Instead he let the crown fall onto his bed and folded his hands in his lap.

Who was he to get angry about it anyway? How could he be sure they weren't right? He was pretty sure they were!

It had never been about a throne, not even once. All he had wanted since coming from the portal, since being born, was a family. There had never been a crown in that wish, never all those jewels and responsibilities.

There had been a mother by his bedside, singing his song, and his siblings to play with until they were hoarse from laughing. There had been a father who was proud for who his son was.

That would have been enough, and still here he sat now, a kingdom at his feet that hated and feared him.

"You got what you wanted in the end," he whispered and turned away from the big window in front of him. He searched for the dark corners where shadows festered but couldn't find the Nachtalb. Beneath the bed then.

"That's why you chose me, right? I don't know why you thought this small child would end up as a Prince, you couldn't even know that I would end up in the castle but maybe you did. You said that you were powerful, and I guess there's some of you in every person, if you truly are the demon of desire. Maybe you can see enough, maybe you could read what Geoff wanted and what I wanted and knew that it was a perfect fit. Maybe what you said about souls was true and me and Geoff met before, in another life. I don't know, but here I am now."

He touched the crown at his side, let his fingers travel up and down the waves that had crashed against the shore of the lake. They always seemed deafening in his ears but he knew they hadn't been back then. No, the lake had been mostly frozen over and it hadn't been very windy on that fateful day. But it had been what he had listened to as he fell asleep. That and the snow falling down down down on top of him. Covering his lap and shoulders and head until there was nothing left.

Now he sat in this castle with more power at the tip of his finger then he really knew what to do with. And this demon lurking beneath his bed that could easily grab his ankles now and pull him under.

Not that Mahr would, not now.

"I was wondering why you wouldn't push me to wish. You always did before for the smallest of things, but not after Geoff fell sick. Geoff could already back on his throne, and all of this? All of this could have taken a few more years until it happened. You could have easily waited that time, but I guess you grew bored or whatever. You'd think that someone as old as you would have more patience."

He huffed, unamused.

"Does this at least mean that Geoff will get well now? Are you casting that sickness on him?"

Mahr didn't answer, just lurked beneath him, and with a tired sigh Gavin let it go. He felt too exhausted after everything that had happened those past weeks, but knew if Geoff wouldn't get better soon, it would only become harder.

Now that he was the heir to the throne, maybe Mahr wanted Geoff to be gone so that he could take over, but Gavin wouldn't allow him that. If Geoff's condition had worsened by tomorrow he would make his wish, no matter the consequences, because he couldn't be king yet. It was too soon but he also feared what would happen should he ever take the throne.

If this had been Mahr's plan since the beginning then surely the demon had planned something bad, something that Gavin didn't want to be a part of. This country was his home, and maybe he wasn't loved by the people but Geoff loved this kingdom enough for both of them.

Gavin wouldn't be the reason he lost this home.

He opened his mouth to tell Mahr just that but knew that the demon could probably read his thoughts and he wasn't really in any condition to fight with them tonight.

Instead he got dressed in his nightgown and was ready to retire when he saw the scarf folded on a chair. He picked it up and buried his face in it.

After all these years the fabric was worn and probably didn't fit a Prince anymore, but he had refused to let this thing go. He remembered the evening Geoff had wrapped it around his neck to protect him from the cold and afterwards they had gone and watched the stars. How brilliant they had been above them, sparkling in all those colors.

Back then the scarf had been his most cherished treasure because it had been soft to the touch. Those times were long gone but that hadn't changed. Even with the crown resting on his bed and the heavy cloak right next to it, it was the scarf he wrapped around himself before he crawled beneath the sheets.

It was a reminder of a simpler time, where he could just spent time with Geoff on that roof and talk. It was always nice listening to Geoff's millions of stories without any worry in the world.

No crown or jewels or thrones. They had just sat there, packed up against the cold. Just Gavin and Geoff, not the King and his heir.

Mahr was crawling out from under the bed now and up the walls. Gavin didn't bother to turn around and keep an eye on the demon, he was simply too tired for it.

Actually he had planned to visit Geoff after everything had been done, tell him about the celebrations and how he felt, but right now he wasn't sure if he wouldn't just burst into tears. He felt ready to do it, with the familiar scarf wrapped around him and a demon lurking from above.

Instead he pulled the blanket over his head to keep everything else out and fell asleep.

 

Morning came too soon, and when Ray knocked on his door to wake him, he wanted to burrow back into bed and not face the world. It was a luxury he didn't have anymore and with a sigh he stood.

He got dressed in his pristine clothes and even wore some of the jewels again but he didn't place the crown on his head, not yet. Instead he slipped on the silver bracelet he loved so much and then wrapped the scarf around his neck. Both things that served as a reminder as to who he was.

There was a knock on his door and when he looked up it was Jack that stepped inside.

"Good morning."

"Morning," Gavin said, smiling.

"How are you doing, bud?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "Kinda wanna throw up and go back into bed, to be honest."

Jack chuckled and Gavin scooted aside so he could also sit down on the edge of the bed.

"It's kinda like a déjà vu," Jack told him. "On the first day of his reign Geoff told me the same. Actually, thinking back to it Geoff actually did try to hide away in his bed and I had to drag him out."

Gavin smiled at that imagine, but he could understand it. Right now he wished for nothing more than to turn back around and pull the covers over his head.

"Granted of course, he had just lost his mother," Jack went on, more sober now. "They didn't give him time to mourn because there was none. He had to take over the kingdom right away. Back then it was a hard time for him, he was only a few years older than you, but he managed."

Reaching out, Jack took his hand in his big ones. "Just how you will. I will help and Geoff will help and once Geoff feels better he will take over. You can do this."

"But Geoff had been prepared to take on his role since childhood," Gavin whispered and was surprised when Jack chuckled.

"Haven't you as well? Geoff might have started a year or two prior but you were the faster learner."

"He's a Ramsey though," Gavin whispered. "He's named after a great hero. It's in his heritage, it's in his blood. He was meant to rule and next to him... next to him I'm just," he trailed off before shaking his head, "I'm just Gavin. I'm clearly not a Ramsey."

Jack fell silent for a moment before he squeezed Gavin's hand. "Are you worried about how the people looked at you yesterday?"

"They seemed afraid. They didn't trust me."

"Would you believe me when I told you that they looked at Geoff the same way when he was crowned all those years ago?"

"I'd think you'd just wanted to cheer me up, Jack. I appreciate it but I'm no-"

"It's true though," Jack interrupted him gently. "Geoff was so young and being a Ramsey didn't change that fact. His mother had passed so quickly and the people were not certain if he was ready to take the throne. They looked at him the same way as they looked at you yesterday."

"How did Geoff make them stop?"

"He proved to him that he can do it. Just like you will."

Gavin's shoulders slumped, because as nice as Jack's words were, he couldn't be sure if he could really do it. If he failed this kingdom, if he failed Geo-

"Also what makes you say you're not a Ramsey?" Jack asked him and Gavin looked up in surprise. Wasn't it obvious?

"Because I'm not," he said simply but Jack just chuckled.

"What did they call you yesterday? All those people called it up to you once that crown sat on your head. Prince Ramsey. Over and over again."

He flushed but Jack wasn't done.

"You're worried because it's not in your blood and I understand that. But it doesn't have to be. Greatness isn't in a name or in blood. It gets formed over time and settles right here." He laid a warm hand over Gavin's chest, right where his heart was drumming again. It had stopped before, when he had slept in the snow, but it was beating steady now.

"Everything around here has formed you, Gavin. Your hardships have left their scars as they should, your friends helped you mend those scars, and little by little you've overcome so many horrifying things.  You're very, very strong and you've only grown stronger over the years. I've watched you grow and form and become and it’s left me unbearably proud." His hand traveled up, settling on Gavin's cheek where he thumbed tears away.

"On that day me and Geoff arrived at the portal and we saw you... I knew that Geoff wouldn't be able to let you go. I also knew what responsibility we would carry with that decision. How much we would form you, and I gotta be honest, we did a better job with you then I'd expected."

Gavin barked out a laugh but his voice was wet and heavy.

"I'm just scared, Jack."

"And you have every right to be but you can do this."

Gavin was pulled in and he hid his tears against Jack's chest. One of the safest places in this world.

"You were raised a Ramsey, you were raised for this, and I truly believe that you were born for greatness."

Squeezing his eyes shut, Gavin wrapped his arms around Jack and held a tight as possible. His chest was full with warm sparks, with stars that formed pictures in the distance and told countless stories.

"I love you," he whispered. Something that he should say more often, something that never seemed enough even if he'd say it like a mantra. He owed everything he had, everything he was to Jack and Geoff, and he would never be able to repay this debt.

"I love you too," Jack promised into his hair. "We'll get through this together. You're not alone in this."

Jack sat the crown onto his head just like the day before. It was heavy, yes but Gavin managed to look up afterwards. Yesterday he had feared his head would just fall off, crushed by the weight.

He stood and Jack grasped his face. In that moment he looked hopelessly proud and Gavin feared he would start crying again but then they pressed their foreheads together.

"Lets go," Jack whispered and Gavin nodded.

"Yeah."

 

Stepping out of his room, he felt a bit stronger, and then Ray smiled at him as well and it made him think that maybe he could pull through with this. He looked around for Michael but the other had probably retired after the day yesterday and staying up all night, but he knew that Michael was on his side.

They made their way to the throne room and he held himself tall as he walked through the corridors. The crown on top of his head made him look taller and the cloak swooshed behind him.

The servants all looked up and then bowed their head when he passed by. That felt weird but he didn't say a thing. As a child he had always wondered why Geoff didn't tell the people to stop bowing, he didn't think it was needed but, now he was beginning to understand. It wasn't like he wanted to show them their place but maybe rather to remind them of his place. That he also deserved respect.

So he kept his eyes in front of him and let them bow.

Upon entering the throne room, the court awaited him and whatever chatter had been in the room fell silent. They all stared like they had so often before. Distrustful eyes and mean tongues he knew since childhood but he wouldn't let it get to him, not on such an important day. If he showed weakness today he would have already lost.

Also Jack and Ray were both behind him, having his back, and that gave him the courage he needed to walk up to the throne.

The windows behind made light fall in and cast a shadow that Gavin had to step into as he walked up the two steps before stopping in front. He had sat there before, of course he had, after all he basically grew up in this room, but Geoff had made sure that he never under any circumstances did so when the court was in. They didn't need any more mean voices.

Back then he had played King even though his feet hadn't been able to reach the floor. Mostly though he had sat in Geoff's lap.

A rustling behind him made him turn around. It was the court kneeling for him. Every single men and woman that had ridiculed him, had called him names and wanted him gone. They all bowed their head now one by one while he stood above them.

Like this he couldn't see their faces, but he didn't care.

Only Jack and Ray were left standing, looking up to him and Gavin had to fight to keep a straight face. Now they also dropped to their knees and hid their faces.

Gavin reached for the armrests and held his head high so the crown wouldn't shift as he sat. This time his feet reached the floor.

  
  



	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray went rigid and his other hand came up, searching for him as well. He nuzzled into Gavin’s hair and whispered, “I don’t remember.”
> 
> “It’s okay,” Gavin answered, crying. “I’ll remember for both of us.”

Chapter 15

 

"Well look at you, handsome," Geoff greeted him when Gavin stepped inside his room. It sounded weak and raspy but they both had to grin at each other.

"Sorry that I didn't come by yesterday. I was beat," Gavin told him, but Geoff just shrugged.

"I figured as much but Jack already told me all the dirty details, so you don't have to bother with that." Geoff sat up with a grunt and beckoned him closer. "Show me that crown of yours."

"What? You didn't see it before?"

"Not on your head!"

Chuckling, Gavin sat down on the edge of the bed and let Geoff check him over. He still felt ridiculous dressed up like that and couldn't wait to get out of this clothes. He felt like they added ten pounds to him.

"Look at you," Geoff whispered more earnestly now. "Weren't you just a little boy like yesterday?"

"That was hardly yesterday," Gavin reminded him but sometimes it really felt like it. Time seemed to fly by and he wasn't yet sure if he wanted that.

Geoff just hummed in agreement and patted the space next to him like he always did when Gavin was in here. Gavin had actually waited for that and he stood back up to get rid of his boots and the heavy cloak. The crown he sat down more carefully next to Geoff's, and something about that picture made his throat tight.

He quickly turned away and instead crawled into Geoff's bed. He was instantly tugged in and curled into Geoff. Here nothing bad could happen and for a while he could be a child again like all those years before. It wasn't the same as before though. When he nuzzled into Geoff's shoulder it smelled like salve and the skin was unnaturally warm. The fever just wouldn't break.

"Jack said you did good yesterday," Geoff said and wrapped an arm around him to trace circles onto his back. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there. I was looking forward to that day."

"I wanted you to be there as well," Gavin admitted. "But that is not as important as you getting healthy again."

And he hoped Geoff would soon, otherwise he wouldn't care what everyone said. He would wish for it.

"I will, don't worry. I just need this fever to break down and then I'll be back on my feet. Promise." He pressed a kiss to the top of Gavin's head and Gavin let his eyes slip shut.

"How was your first day?"

"Exhausting."

"And the court?"

"Unusually quiet," Gavin recalled. "Besides that Larson guy. I think he wanted to test me, but I beat him to it."

"Larson was always an asshole," Geoff said. "Glad you put him in his place. That's my boy."

Gavin smiled at that and again he wished that Geoff had been there. He kept that to himself though.

"Will it get easier?"

"Things always do. As long as you stay hardworking and patient it will turn out fine."

"Okay."

Geoff's hand traveled up to play with his hair and Gavin felt how it made him drowsy. It was such a familiar motion and here in this bed it was warm and safe, everything he had ever wanted.

"Rest now," Geoff whispered, and he should. The day had exhausted him and tomorrow wouldn't be better but he would push through. He had to.

But no matter how tired he was, it was Geoff who drifted off first. The hand in Gavin's hair stilled and then slid onto the pillow and soon only Geoff's breath ruffled his hair. Sometimes it came out in harsh pants, as if Geoff had run a race, but today it was calm.

Gavin wanted to pretend it was because he was here.

Geoff felt warm and feverish as he pressed his cheek against his chest but his heart was beating. Steady and clear and that was a good sign. He just had to believe in it.

It should be easy to fall asleep right now, after all the bed was familiar and the day had been long, but he still waited. Waited until the shadows crawled deeper into the room until there was only a small island of light around the fire. It didn't quite reach them here on the bed and Gavin looked deep into the shadows.

Mahr didn't push him to make a wish and Gavin wasn't stupid, he knew exactly why. With Geoff gone he would be King just a day later, and the more he thought about it, the surer he was that it was Mahr's goal. What he really needed to know was if Geoff really was sick... or if all of this was Mahr's doing in the first place. If it was, he would make the wish right here and now, because if Mahr wanted Geoff dead then he wouldn't count on the demon's mercy.

But there was no shadow sitting on Geoff's chest, no demon cackling around his head, and Gavin relaxed a little.

He had hoped for that. Mahr was powerful, there was no doubt of that, but the demon had their own set of rules. As long as Gavin wished for it nearly everything was possible but he hadn't, not this time. So Mahr was still only a demon of desire, of dreams and wishes - but not one who could conjure sickness. Surely there were demons like that, but not Mahr.

So it was just a sickness, something that would heal with just enough rest.

The best doctors of the kingdom were around and Gavin trusted them and just in case they failed, he was still here to wish it better.

 

By the end of the week Gavin had received two gifts. The first was from Queen Belatrice of Rhyst and was a beautifully crafted dagger. The blade was silver but interrupted by red vein-like decorations. Only when he looked closer he could make out the rubies inside.

It was somehow disturbing but too pretty to just put down, and Gavin found himself picking up the weapon over and over again to study his own reflection and let his finger follow the veins. At least until Jack saw it and was so awed by the craft that he took it to study it closer.

The second one was a letter from King Ingrar, assuring him that Werringthal would help wherever they could until King Ramsey was back to full health. All Gavin had to do was send word in those hard times.

That was reassuring. but more interesting was the glass dome that he also found in the box. Inside was a single flower with big orange petals. It seemed to float inside but no matter how Gavin turned the dome, he couldn't make out any strings holding the flower up.

On the underside he found a small note and he gently peeled it off.

_ A flower to protect you from evil. _

_ \- Princess Claudia of Werringthal _

That made him smile and he remembered the bracelet he had sent the Princess back in her hard times. It was a nice gesture from someone he had never even met and when he brought both of his gifts back into his room, Michael and Ray watched them in awe.

It was one of the few times when all three of them sat around the fire, just talking without any worries about anything at all. Later both gifts found their places in his room.

At night it was reassuring to know that the dagger was just beneath his pillow and in the morning the sun caught beautifully in the flower, making the petals glow.

Gavin thought of the flower as he stood in the throne room a week later. The sun already stood high and even though the beams were warm on his skin, he still felt cold. His stomach was twisting and turning as he waited for the sign.

This was one of the things he feared the most, the private talks with his people. He had pushed it away for as long as he could, but he knew that it wasn't fair. A lot of those people had waited weeks for an audience with the King and there would be a line waiting for him. All with their very own hopes and problems and concerns.

He would have to decide then, to make the right call and he had watched Geoff countless times during those session and it had always looked so easy. Now he could feel the weight of the responsibility and he feared this moment. Feared that people would get angry with him, would yell and call him names no matter the crown on his head and he wouldn't know how to reply.

He had seen that happen with Geoff before but Geoff had just told them off, had even thrown some into the dungeons for a day or two. All so they could learn their lessons, and nobody had bat an eye on it. Geoff wasn't considered cruel but Gavin feared that if he would do something similar to that, the people would talk differently.

Jack's hand brushed against his arm and Gavin looked up. That was something he had to consider. Jack was here and Jack was his Counselor. In case he didn't know an answer he could always turn to him.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Not really, but I don’t think that will change.” He took a deep breath and fought for a smile. “But I can do it, Jack.”

“I know you can.” He squeezed his arm. “Then I’ll let them know and lead the first inside.”

He watched as Jack left the throne room and went to sit down himself. He at least wanted to greet those people like a King if he didn't feel like one.

"Don't look that nervous," Ryan told him. "You deserve respect, and if they don't give it all you have to do is demand it."

"It's not that easy," Gavin said.

It was still an unusual picture to see Ryan in the throne room, but Gavin had invited him here after all. One of his first changes had been to exchange the guards around him. Ray was always with him now and Jack as well, and still Gavin couldn't shake off the looks of the guards by the door, watching his every move. Geoff trusted them and that was fine, didn't have to mean a thing though. Geoff had also trusted Volvy.

So Gavin had demanded someone he trusted in here as well, and because there weren't many people around who fit that criteria, he had asked Jeremy and Ryan to take turns.

Jack wasn't happy with that decision, far from it. Jeremy wasn't so much a problem, but Ryan was. The man could use a sword but wasn't formerly trained and Jack feared he would choke in a tense moment.

Gavin wasn't very worried about that. Something about Ryan made him trust the man and he enjoyed his company. There was a raw honesty that he admired. As if Ryan didn't care what the world thought about him, but maybe he was just a man who had lost so much that he didn't care about many things anymore.

A part of Gavin was desperate to find out what it was exactly.

"Just remember why you're here," Ryan went on. "All that happened to you has lead you right to this moment and this place."

"Are you trying to say that things happen for a reason?"

Ryan shrugged. "Before I wouldn't have because I didn't believe in crap like that, but then I fled through one of the deepest and darkest woods to and managed to find a boy that was lost there. That boy turned out to be a Prince and now I'm standing in a throne room. So yeah, I'm inclined to say that things happen for a reason."

Gavin laughed and Ryan actually appeared to be a bit embarrassed by that.

"What? You have a better explanation?"

"A wish granting demon," Gavin prompted drily only to watch as Ryan rolled his eyes.

"I just wanted to cheer you up but I guess fuck you too." Then with a glance to Ray, he added, "Your Highness."

Snorting, Gavin reached out to pat Ryan's arm.

"Sorry. I truly appreciate it."

He quickly threw a look over his shoulder but Ray had remained calm. Gavin had noticed that before, whenever Ryan was around Ray was even shier then usual. Which meant quite a bit considering that Ray barely talked with him anymore when Michael wasn't around. At least not properly.

Michael was more open to just hold a normal conversation with Gavin, but Gavin told himself to remain calm. After all, that was the same as when they were kids.

After Geoff was better and things had calmed down....

Now Ray's eyes just followed Ryan as he returned to his place next to the doors and Gavin had to fight not to chuckle.

He wasn't quite sure what exactly it was about Ryan, but it made Ray react as starstruck as he had been with Jack or Geoff in the beginning. It was endearing and Gavin would make sure to wrap them both in a conversation some time, to at least give them a starting point.

It was rare enough that Ray reached out to other people, and if he wanted to get closer to Ryan, Gavin would be glad to help.

The heavy doors opened and he sat up straighter in his seat. For now he could only Jack but he was clearly giving instruction to someone before turning back towards Gavin. With a shared nod, Jack gave a sign and then returned to Gavin's side, only stopping briefly to squeeze his shoulder.

Jack was here. In case anything happened or he didn't know the answer or solution to anything, he could turn to him for help and Jack had done this for years. He just had to trust him and soon he would fall into his rhythm and things wouldn't be half as bad.

A woman stepped in soon after. She was tall but with a bulky build and big hands. A farmer by her appearance and her clothes, but someone higher up, otherwise she wouldn't be here. So not a worker, maybe the owner of some property.

She was nervously playing with the fabric of her skirt which Gavin found at least a bit reassuring before their eyes met from across the room. Her hands stopped to grip the skirt tightly and something so dark flashed across her face, that Gavin was taken aback.

Disgust, he realized. Seeing him disgusted her.

It made his heart sink but he tried to fight it down. She had made an appointment with Geoff and had waited a long, long time due to his sickness for this day, and then she wasn't even faced with the King himself. That could be a reason, it probably was.

She was pissed because of that but Gavin just had to show her that he was also capable of handling business.

"Missus Lorraine," Jack greeted her, and Gavin made a mental note to remember her name. Geoff was good at that; sometimes Gavin had been sure he remembered the name of everyone in this kingdom, which was of course bullshit, but he could play it well.

“How may we help you today?”

Her eyes traveled to Jack but flitted back to Gavin for a second. Then she finally kneeled down and Gavin was glad for it. He wasn’t sure if he would dare to remind her to show respect, not with how dry his mouth was.

“I actually have a question for you, Lord Pattillo. If that is allowed?” she said and even though her voice sounded a bit nervous, she appeared calm.

Gavin threw Jack a quick glance, who seemed just as surprised but then nodded.

“Of course, go ahead.”

She took a deep breath and kept her head lowered.

"Lord Pattillo, you have always put our kingdom first and helped King Ramsey make the best decisions," she began and already Gavin got a bad feeling. "Up to the day this child appeared and you allowed them entry into this castle."

Gavin sat up straight but felt like his lips were sealed shut. Jack next to him seemed taken aback as well, but there was something dark coming over his face that Gavin didn't recognize.

"We forgave you for that," the woman cried out. "Some even figured you were doing it on purpose! That you did so to keep this child in check but now... now you let them take over this kingdom!"

"The person in question is right here," Gavin blurted out before he could stop himself. His hands were holding so tight to the armrests that he feared he would rip the fabric apart. This right here, this was what he had feared would happen.

Even now the woman barely glanced at him before turning back to Jack.

"Are you under their control as well? I feared we only lost King Ramsey but for you to lose your mind as well, Lor-"

Gavin was on his feet before he even realized it. The motion was so sudden that he nearly lost his crown and even the woman startled to a stop.

Behind her Ryan shifted and placed a hand on the hilt of his sword, but his eyes were on Gavin. One word from him and the woman would lose her head, Gavin knew that. Whether Ryan or Ray did it he didn't care, but it gave him a rush of power that felt foreign.

"Enough," he finally said and tried hard to keep his voice controlled. "I will not allow you to speak so disrespectful with Lord Pattillo!"

"Gav-" Jack began but the woman interrupted him.

"They're a dark spirit, a ghost that wants to cloud your mind! Please Lord Pat-"

"You can speak to me if you have something to say!" Gavin cut her off and finally she turned to him. There was an ugly snarl on her face, full off fear and hate towards him.

His heart beat too hard to think and his thoughts were racing, not able to catch up. There weren't a lot of people who managed to enrage him like this but she certainly did. That blatant disrespect not only towards him but towards Jack as well left him shaking with rage.

"Child of Misfortune!" she spat at him and it was like a slap in his face.

"Don't you dare call me that!"

"I'll call you however I fucking please, dem-"

He marched towards her. Jack's hand tried to stop him but he shook it off and walked down the two steps.

She made a strange noise, nearly like she was choking on something, and scrambled to her feet. But she didn't run, just glared at him but maybe she had realized that running wasn't possible. Behind her Ryan had stepped in front of the doors and she wouldn't get passed him.

"Curse of this kingdom!" she screeched but it was hard to hear, not by how the water pulsed in his head.

Mahr was cackling again, overshadowing even Jack's calls but the demon was strong in that moment. Sitting on his shoulders, Gavin could feel their weight and if one of the others would just look close enough they might be able to see the shadow.

"I said enough," he reminded her but already knew that it was futile.

"Go away!  You've done enough damage already! Turning against the only person who ever wanted you just for this throne!"

Something in Gavin snapped, he could basically hear it. All his fears and worries and this little voice in the back of his head, asking  _ 'what if she's right?' _

And maybe the woman could tell as well, could see it in his eyes or watch Mahr's grin grow impossible wider. Gavin didn't know and he actually didn't care.

"For the throne?" he asked, poison dripping from his lips. "Foolish woman! I would sell a thousand of these fucking chairs if it would help Geoff! I never meant to hurt a single person and least of all him! I owe him my life!"

She stared up to him and for the first time he realized that he was taller than her. When had he grown up?

It made him falter a little and this little weakness was enough.

Her arm reeled back and he knew she would punch him, but he couldn't move to stop her. No, because she thought he would hurt Geoff and there were others who thought so as well and that hurt. That hurt more than he could take.

Her hand stopped before it made contact and Gavin blinked in surprise.

She still stared up to him so very hatefully, but her sneer had fallen to something fearful, and only now he realized there was a blade pressed against her throat.

"Think about this very hard," Ray next to him said and Gavin had never heard his voice so deep, something dark in it. "Because whatever you touch him with I shall cut off without hesitation."

Her hand shook and she thought about it. Thought that it might just be worth it and Gavin could feel the anger pouring from her. But now he could also feel Ray right next to him, his body warm but pulled tight and ready to bring his rapier down.

Gavin hadn't even heard him come closer, didn't know if he had been right next to him the whole time but it held the waves at bay.

She lowered her hand and Gavin relaxed.

"I mean no harm. Not to this kingdom and not to Geoff," he promised, but knew it wouldn't reach. She was too far gone for that and still he had to try. "All I want is to-"

She spat in his face and he fell silent. He could feel her salvia trickle down his chin and hear Ray growl in his ear.

His knight tensed but didn’t bring down his weapon. Gavin was glad for that, because deep down he knew it would be wrong. 

Instead he took a deep breath and gave a small shake of his head. Ray understood and slowly lowered his rapier, but didn’t leave his side. That was good, because with Ray next to him he felt a little stronger.

“Are you done?” he asked coldly, and her eyes narrowed. “Was that all you came to talk about here? Surely not, seeing as you waited so long for a meeting with King Ramsey. I meant to apologize for the long wait but you wouldn’t even let me start before you attacked me like that. Are you going to tell me now what your actual problem was or do you want to wait until King Ramsey is back to discuss it with him?”

She thought about it; he could basically see the cogs turning in her head, and he was slightly surprised by it. He had expected her to dismiss him and only return when Geoff was back on the throne. Granted she already was lucky enough, a lot of other Kings would have killed her already, but Gavin felt no need for that. 

Letting her live after all of that would say more than he could ever himself. He would let her go home and let her twist the truth to her friends all she wanted. Fact was that she was still alive and he had let her go without a single scratch.

“My well,” she finally said. “It collapsed two months ago and we tried to repair it but it just won’t hold.”

He nodded once.

“I’ll send someone over tomorrow,” he promised. “They will take a look at the damage and will know what to do. I apologize that you had to wait for something so severe.”

She sneered up to him but he didn’t rise to it. That had been easy and he knew Geoff would have made the same decision. She knew it as well.

“Anything else?”

“Never,” she snarled.

“Then I hope you have a safe journey back, Missus Lorraine.” He turned away, marching back to his throne with Ray right behind him, covering his back. 

“That doesn’t mean I’ll accept you!” she cried out, but that was fine. He hadn’t expected a thanks or an apology. He just expected her to storm off like he heard her do now and didn’t even bother with an answer.

Only when he heard the doors close did he reach up to wipe his face.

It was dead quiet in the throne room and he kept his head cast down but there was a brush against his arm. It was Ray’s hand, nearly shy but there to comfort him, and that meant a lot.

“Gavi-” Jack began, but he just shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about it or even think about what had just happened. He didn’t want to know if Jack thought he did good or not and what he should have done differently. He was already fed up with it but steeled himself.

Sitting down on the throne, he didn’t even dare to look up to Jack, just kept his eyes on the door, kept his eyes locked with Ryan. At least Ryan gave him a small nod and Gavin dug his nails into the armrest until his knuckles turned white.

“Send in the next one, please.”

 

Later, when he sat in his room he enjoyed the silence. The whole day he had to listen on and on to people who brought forth their problems. Cattle that had fallen sick, bandits that apparently roamed the forests and blatant lies to get some coins out of the new Prince. 

None of them had raised their voice though, nobody had so blatantly disrespected him like Missus Lorraine had, and he figured that was at least one good thing. 

Instead he listened to the silence, only interrupted by Ray moving through the room like a shadow, and watched the setting sun outside. It painted everything warm and gold and orange, a bit like the flower next to his bed, and he liked those colors. It also brought shadows though, and he also watched them grow in the corners of the room where the light didn’t reach anymore. 

He wondered in which Mahr nestled right now, behind the door or under the chaise lounge Gavin was sitting on. Maybe his own shadow for once, gnawing on his ankles.

“Are you done?” Ray asked quietly and Gavin looked down towards the table. He hadn’t even touched the food, but by now it was all cold.

“Yes, thank you.”

Ray began to clear the table and Gavin watched those talented hands stack plates. It was a waste and Gavin felt guilty. A maid should do this, not his personal knight, but he didn’t trust the maids. He didn’t trust a lot of people.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, but Ray just shook his head.

“It’s alright, Sir. I understand why you wouldn’t be hungry after such a stressful day.”

“That’s not…” But he just trailed off, his shoulders slumping. He felt exhausted but too strung up to sleep. Mahr was just waiting to sit on his chest, making him replay today over and over again.

Gods, he was so tired.

“Thank you,” he finally said. “For this morning. For standing next to me.” But most of all the touch. That small touch of comfort that Gavin hadn’t expected from Ray, not with how far away the other sometimes felt. It had meant more than Gavin could truly grasp.

“I’m your appointed knight,” Ray told him. “So of course I was with you.”

Gavin nodded and watched as Ray brought the plates away and knew he would then call for a maid to get them back into the kitchen. Then he would as always keep for himself, shyly watching over Gavin in case he needed something at least, until Michael came in. Michael always made him relax but Gavin wasn’t sure if he could wait for that.

“Ray?” he asked and was surprised how tight his voice was. Ray noticed as well, his eyes wide in alarm when he turned towards him. “Can you sit with me? Just for… Just for a bit longer?”

Ray’s eyes softened a little.

“Of course, Prince Gavin.”

“Not… not Prince, okay? Please?”

He was begging, he knew that but just for a moment he wanted to pretend that things were back like they had been before. He had lost Ray and Michael to some degree and he just didn’t have the time or strength to work on getting them back as quickly as he wanted them to.

But right now he wanted to play pretend.

Ray didn’t answer but came closer with his quiet steps. He sat down opposite of Gavin and pressed his knees together. Obviously awkward and unsure, and Gavin’s heart sank.

He lowered his gaze and wished things were different, wished that Ray would throw himself next to him so that they would touch. Nothing big, just a bit of warmth.

He felt cold after today and lonely. Lonely because Michael and Ray were distant, and lonely because he hadn’t quite dared to look Jack in the eyes the whole day, fearing his judgement. Lonely because Geoff hadn’t been with him and he needed him so.

Gods above, he was a pathetic picture to look at.

“This woman was wrong,” Ray blurted out, and when Gavin looked up, his cheeks were bright red. Still, he pushed through. “I meant to tell you that the whole day but I didn’t quite dare, I guess. But she was wrong and you were right. The way you handled her was right, at least as far as I can judge. You didn’t have to use any violence, just your words and that’s… that’s a good thing.”

Ray shrugged, clearly nervous under Gavin’s gaze.

“And in the end you handled her business. You didn’t hold a grudge against her, just kinda told her what’s going on and then you were all professional like that. That was good.”

“Thank you, Ray. That means a lot,” Gavin told him with a tired smile. “I just hope that the people will agree to that, but Missus Lorraine surely will turn the truth into her favor so I’m not sure…” He trailed off and felt a pounding headache behind his eyes.

Falling silent, he tried not to think about the possibilities. That woman could go out there and tell whatever she wanted. There had been nobody that would stop her and Gavin didn’t know if he should even try.

Ray stood and Gavin wondered if the other would walk away now. Would just leave him here because he had said what he wanted to say but then Ray sat down right beside him.

The chaise lounge wasn’t that big and so their arms pressed together and he could feel how stiff Ray was, how nervous.

“I don’t believe what they say about you is true,” Ray said carefully and kept his eyes on his own knees. His cheeks were aflame but he forced the words out anyway.

“You truly love King Ramsey and he loves you. Everyone can see that with one look, and I think… I truly think that this woman saw it as well today. She might not believe her own two eyes but it will at least make her think. That’s a start, isn’t it?”

Gavin nodded. There was a lump in his throat and he didn’t dare to answer. He hoped Ray was right.

“King Ramsey’s sickness has not benefited you,” Ray went on and curled his hands around his knees. “Quite the opposite. It’s just another burden on your shoulders.”

He turned towards Gavin to say another thing but stopped in shock.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped my boundari-”

“No,” Gavin said and reached up to wipe at his tears. “No, Ray. It’s just… just good to hear that.”

Ray’s eyes widened a little and he raised his hand, unsure how to comfort. Gavin made the choice for him and leaned against him. This close he could feel how Ray froze before he slowly let his arm wrap around Gavin’s shoulders.

It felt nice like this, being this close after all this time even if he was crying quietly. He had missed the feel of Ray, the feel of red. Such a bright color for such a deep mind.

“I said it because I truly believe it’s true. King Ramsey made the right call to make you his heir, after all you studied for so many years. I watched how you learned an-”

Ray stopped himself and Gavin could hear how his heart picked up a beat. Ray was confused, like he didn’t know what he himself was talking about, and Gavin quickly wrapped his arms around the other, fearing he would get up and leave.

“This reminds me of the day you failed the warrior exam,” he whispered, and instantly Mahr was there. They lurked behind his back, worming their way beneath Ray’s arm to get closer, and Gavin closed his eyes.

“You were so sad and scared and you sneaked into my room. You came through the window and were soaked to the bone. You were crying so much.”

Mahr plunged their teeth into Gavin’s skull, sharp and needlelike and Gavin jumped. It sent a flaring pain through his head, a punishment for him but at the same time Ray tightened his arm around him.

“We sat in front of the fire to talk, just like now and later you slept in my bed because it was late and outside there was a storm raging. The next day-” He winced as Mahr clamped down around him and felt fresh tears shoot into his eyes. He pushed on because his face was pressed into Ray’s chest and he could hear the other’s heartbeat.

“The next day you agreed to be my personal knight.”

Slowly, Ray turned his head and his breath ruffled Gavin’s hair. For a long time Ray didn’t speak and Gavin waited, breathless. He felt like Mahr was as well, the demon slowly sinking back into his shadow, waiting.

“I don’t…” Ray began and then shook his head. He sounded confused but at the same time pulled Gavin closer as if afraid. “Gavin, I don’t remember. I don’t know but on that evening… on that evening it was so cold until there was this fire. The fire was warm and the clothes… there were different clothes and they smelled like-”

Ray went rigid and his other hand came up, searching for him as well. He nuzzled into Gavin’s hair and whispered, “I don’t remember.”

“It’s okay,” Gavin answered, crying. “I’ll remember for both of us.”

 

There were a lot of people asking for an audience with him. They just didn’t seem to stop coming, no matter how many hours Gavin sat there and listened.

None of them were as bad at the first lady, none of them screamed at him, but they didn’t have to. Gavin could see it in their eyes, the disapproval and fear of him.

He figured it would stop hurting at some point but it didn’t, not really.

He did fine though, at least Jack assured him, and he held onto that.

The court sessions weren’t much better. Countless hours sitting around and talking over nothing. The court would trick him, try to get him to agree to something he didn’t even want to, but they were good with their words and he was tired. Sometimes he noticed and called them out, often it was Jack who stopped him to think about it some more.

Gavin was pretty sure it was a game to them. To confuse him enough with big words and big talk that he didn’t know what to think anymore.

Sometimes they laughed when he asked for someone to clear a subject up or turned to Jack in confusion. He could hear them barely stifling their laughter, watched how they threw each other disbelieving looks or rolled their eyes. It always left a hot shame in him, no matter how often Jack assured him that it was fine.

He was barely seventeen, he wasn’t as experienced as them all and just got a kingdom thrown at him; of course he was going to ask. It was good that he did it so often, for his age he did excellently.

Gavin hoped Jack was right.

He just knew that he felt hollow out and devoured whole. All those people staring at him, expecting him to do great things but all waiting for the fall.

There was a week where he didn’t visit Geoff and wasn’t even sure why. He longed for him, missed his guidance, but he feared Geoff would look at him the same way as everyone else.

He slept in fits, interrupted by horrible dreams, and one time Ray actually raised his voice at him. It surprised him so much that Ray screamed at him that he had just stared.

But no matter how flushed Ray’s face was, he didn’t back down and demanded for Gavin to finish his plate. 

He figured he hadn’t eaten properly in quite a while.

At night when he couldn’t sleep he sat up with Michael. That was his favorite time of the day because there wasn’t much talking or listening. Often they just played cards or another game, silent for hours and the next morning Gavin found himself tucked in on the chaise lounge, at least halfway rested.

 

On the day he made the wish there was a wood carver in the throne room. It was one of the last people Gavin would welcome today before he was ready to retire and his head was already pounding away.

But this man stood out to him, mostly because he was carrying a small basket.

“Prince Ramsey,” he greeted him and kneeled. There was nothing mocking in his voice or in his eyes, and Gavin was so taken aback that for a moment he didn’t know what to do.

“I brought gifts.”

“Gifts?” he asked confused. He hadn’t gotten any gifts since taking the crown besides the ones from Rhyst and Werringthal. But that wasn’t quite true, right?

There had been that little girl in the streets that one time he checked on the market place with Jack. The girl with the blond hair pulled in a ponytail that had reminded him so much of the twins, that his mouth had grown all dry. Her eyes had been wide upon seeing his crown and then she had bowed her little head.

She held out a stone for him, smooth from water and shimmering in different colors. A treasure for a child.

Gavin could still remember hunting for stones like this for hours, dashing through streams to get one before Ray.

He had kneeled down in front of her and she had laid the stone right in his palm.

“Is it a charm?” he had asked without really knowing why, but she had nodded, eyes earnest.

“For good luck,” she told him, and he had kept the stone. It was still in his pocket and he found himself playing with it from time to time.

Now the man before him held out the basket and Gavin wasn’t quite sure why, but he did get up from his throne.

Instantly Ray was at his side, following as always like a shadow.

For once Gavin nearly told him to stay back because he really didn’t think this man had any evil intent in mind, but he didn’t. He had learned his lesson over time.

“My wife grew sick with a high fever a year ago,” the man explained to him and then laughed, embarrassed. “This is probably very stupid, after all you got the best doctors around here but just in case… those herbs helped her sleep better. I figured it might help King Ramsey getting better as well.”

In the basket laid bundles of dried plants that Gavin didn’t recognize, but by the way that Ray perked up, he figured it was something special.

“You burn them,” the man went on. “The scent helps sooth the mind. If this really helps please just let us know. We have tons of it. Me and my kids made sure that we planted it on every inch  of land we could to help her.”

“Thank you,” Gavin finally brought out and took hold of the basket, but the man wouldn’t let go. He watched him over the handle before whispering, “I would never trust something coming out from the Nether.”

But there was no anger or hate in his voice.

“But I am willing to trust someone who was raised by King Ramsey, and I’m not the only one who will. You seem like a good boy.”

Gavin smiled and was finally able to take the basket. He pressed it against his chest where his heart was beating violently.

“Thanks. I try.”

“That’s all you can really do.”

 

That evening he placed the basket on the desk and instantly found Ray swarming around it. He gave him permission and he went through the dried leaves.

By the time Gavin had sat down on the other side, Michael had joined them as well and there were neatly stacked rows on the table.

"What's that crap?"

"A gift for Geoff," Gavin explained to Michael and watched with a chuckle as Ray organized the plants. "Is it anything valuable? Will it help Geoff?"

"It's nothing he doesn't already get," Ray told him. "But those plants are quite valuable and take a lot of care and time. If he really grew them himself, he did a great job."

"I guess I should have asked how his wife was doing. I was just a bit surprised," Gavin admitted and looked up when Michael handed him the basket.

"There's something else in here. Probably for you, Sir."

Intrigued, Gavin peeked inside and then couldn't help but smile. It was a doll made out of straw, clearly done by a child, but that just made it more charming.

"That's cute."

"It's supposed to be you," Michael pointed out. "Look at that big no-" He stopped himself, eyes widening in shock and even Ray looked up.

"I'm... I'm very sorry, your Roya-"

"It's fine!" Gavin interrupted him quickly and took a hold of Michael's wrist. "I'm serious! It's okay, Michael! I know that you're joking!"

But Michael still looked quite taken aback by his slip up and even though that hurt, Gavin felt a sliver of hope in his chest. That was a step forward, right? A week or so ago, Michael wouldn't even dare to think such a thing.

But before he could dwell longer on that, the door was thrown open so suddenly that he jumped. Not only that, Michael was on his feet in an instant, drawing Mogar and Ray jumped over the table, all so that he could pull him up and secure him behind his back.

Disorientated, Gavin suddenly found himself behind a wall of his friends and wasn't even quite sure how he got there in the first place.

"Ray, Michael - out of here," Jack bellowed, and that was strange enough. What was even stranger was Ray's grip that tightened and the fact that neither of the two moved.

They just stood there and Michael still had his weapon out like he was ready to launch himself at Jack. Jack didn't appear surprised by that, looked pissed off instead, and he held the door open.

"I won't say it again!"

And they still didn't move even though it was clearly an order. Instead they both turned towards him as if to ask for his permission instead.

"It's fine," he finally brought out, still a bit disbelieving at the situation. "It's Jack, of course it's fine. "

And then because he felt like he had to make sure they understood, he repeated, "It's Jack."

Ray gave a nod and let go of him. There was a soft red mark around Gavin's arm where he had pulled him and confused Gavin began to rub it as he waited for both of them to leave them alone.

Jack's face was pulled so tight and he didn't relax even when the door closed behind Michael, that Gavin felt how his heart sank.

"I have to make the wish," he whispered because that had to be it.

Stepping over the straw doll and around the table, his cloak made some of the herbs fall to the floor but all Jack did was stare at him.

"It's Geoff, isn't it?" he insisted and now reached for Jack but the other was faster. Jack's big hands grasped his upper arms tightly and held him at an arm's length, his eyes boring down into Gavin's.

"Nobody can make you do it," he just said and Gavin's stomach clenched.

"Geoff?" he whispered and Jack nodded, slowly.

"His condition took a turn for the worse. It has for the better part of the week but he didn't want you to know."

Gavin felt how his breath caught in his throat and he was ready to run to Geoff right in that minute but Jack's still held him tight and pulled him back.

"Nobody can make you do it," he repeated as if that was an option. "Geoff made that absolutely clear and I agree with him. You don't ha-"

"Of course I have to!" Gavin interrupted him and tried to struggle free. It was fruitless because Jack was so much stronger than him. "It's Geoff! It's Geoff, Jack!"

"I know but the payme-"

"He and you gave me this life! So I would trade whatever I own for you both!" Gavin insisted, and when he realized he couldn't get out, he took a hold on Jack instead. "I've decided that since the start! This was part of the agreement! We said I would wish him healthy when his condition worsened!"

"That doesn't mea-"

"I'll do it gladly! Jack, I owe you as much, I owe Geoff as mu-"

"No," Jack finally interrupted him with all the calm he usually displayed. But his hands shook where he pulled Gavin closer until they could press the foreheads against each other.

"No Gavin. You don't owe us a thing."

Gavin shook his head vehemently but Jack wouldn't let off, just kept him close.

"We don't talk..." Jack began, "I mean, we talk lots. About the kingdom and politics and other stuff, but the important things, the scary stuff... we never talk about. Like how we considered you as the heir for longer than you can probably imagine and we do that because we're cowards, but Gavin... Gavin, if you chose to go out there, I need you to know that you are my son. You are and you have been for a long, long time."

Gavin tried to take a step back, to look Jack properly in the face, but he was too close and Jack wouldn't let up. But he had to, had to know if Jack was lying because that wa-

"And it's the same for Geoff. I know that it is and we should have told you that sooner, but we didn't because we were afraid. I am not even sure what I'm scared of but I need you to know that."

He squeezed Gavin's arms, his breath harsh but warm. "And that means you owe us nothing. That all we did, we did gladly. You have no responsibility, so you can decide what you do."

Jack was giving him a way out and he appreciated it, but it was a path that Gavin hadn't so much as considered.

"I made this decision a long time ago and there was never any doubt in my heart," he just said.

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"I am. Now let me go, Jack."

He did, Gavin could feel the other's grip slacken and the moment he could, he wrenched himself free. He was on the way to the door to storm out when Jack caught his arm again.

Gavin didn't struggle, just turned around and for a long moment they just watched each other and it made Gavin remember the weight of what Jack had just admitted. That he was their son.

It was something he had long since yearned for but now that they stood here, he didn't know what to say. It should be easy, the agreement was clear in his mind, but he couldn't get it to roll over his tongue even though he desperately wanted Jack to know.

But Geoff was there in the back of his head and he felt Mahr and felt the waves crashing. The demon was ready and he was as well, and wouldn't it be horrible to let Geoff wait any longer?

Still, Jack deserved so much better than a rushed flight.

What if there wasn't any chance after this?

"I won't forget," Jack said as if he had read his mind. "I won't forget you, Gavin. That's absolutely impossible. You can't forget someone who shaped you to such a degree, and you did. Having you here made me a different person and that's all the proof I will need."

"Jack..." Gavin whispered and now there were tears in his eyes. His chest felt tight and heavy but warm.

"I promise. No matter what it takes I will remember." He turned Gavin's arm until he could gently tug on the silver bracelet, a near exact copy of his crown. "Just show me this. Show me this and I will know."

Surging forward, Gavin threw his arms around Jack and was promptly taken from his feet by the other. He also held as tight as he could and he wanted it to be true. It had to be.

"I love you," he cried and Jack pressed a tickling kiss against his temple.

"I love you too."

And he showed it because after a last squeeze he let go. He didn't push Gavin away but also didn't keep him right where he was. No, he allowed him the choice, and Gavin smiled through his tears.

"Thank you," he mouthed before turning around.

He barely wasted time to wipe his eyes before he stormed out of his room and down the hallways.

The way to Geoff's chambers was one he had walked over a thousand times in his life and he knew each and every step. The steps up and up and up until he was at the top of one of the towers of the castle, a small torture after a long day, and now endlessly long. There were echoes following him and he knew it was Ray and Michael without turning around. They had waited in front of his room, not letting him out of their sight, and of course they would follow him even now. He appreciated that, felt stronger by their presence as he finally reached the top.

There were guards and doctors and maids, all rushing around. A chaos contained by the space in front and in Geoff's chambers.

There was blatant fear in some of their faces, and that was all he needed to know.

"Out!" he bellowed and didn't shrink back when they all turned to him. "I want all of you out of my sight!"

They just stared and only some of the maids made moves to get past him and down the stairs but there was an angry sneer on the faces of some to the guards and of course the doctor. The doctor that had hated him the moment he had stepped beneath his eyes.

But he didn't care because his crown was golden and sat on top of his head.

"That is an order!"

"Why? You wanna finish what you started, you fil-" the doctor began before his breath caught. Michael had stepped up and had bodily thrown him into the wall, a hand resting on Mogar's hilt. He didn't speak, not even when the doctor gave a scared little squeak.

It was all that was needed to make them move and Gavin stood strong and tall as they pushed past him and down the stairs until only the three of them were before were up here, in front of Geoff's door.

"Make sure that nobody follows me in," he told them and they both nodded, a grim expression on their faces. Something was off about them, he had noticed it before when Jack had stormed into his room, but there was no time to figure it out now. Geoff came first and he would never forgive himself if he wasted this precious time.

"Thank you," he said before slipping into Geoff's room and locking the door behind him.

It was quiet in here and after all that chaos and heavy words; it felt deafening, like an invisible weight right on his head, but that might as well have been his crown.

He walked over the fur, remembered how he had curled up on there with a blanket, as Geoff told stories. Sometimes just to watch Geoff work or the rain against the windows. Even the snow didn't seem as scary in this place.

Because this was Geoff's realm and nothing bad could get in here. Only that he had brought the bad himself, it curled around his shoulders and in his shadows, ready for this moment.

Geoff laid in his bed just like he had those past endless weeks. The blanket was pulled up tight, nearly covering him whole like a shroud. He wasn't dead, Gavin could see his chest rise and fall at an alarming pace, and when he got closer, he could nearly pretend that he felt the heat from Geoff's fever. It colored Geoff's face a bright red while he was pale everywhere else, pale and clammy as he was burning up from inside.

He didn't look up as Gavin entered like he usually did. Nothing could usually stop him from that, from greeting Gavin after a long, exhausting day and listening to how the court sessions went or what else had gone on. Even during his sickness Geoff had been involved as much as possible with his kingdom, but even though his eyes were slightly open, he didn't even turn his head.

No, he just stared up to the ceiling and didn't seem to notice him.

"Geoff?" Gavin asked carefully. He sat down on the edge of the bed and here the fever was omnipresent. It came from Geoff in waves and Gavin took his hand in his, holding tight.

"Geoff, it's me."

Geoff didn't answer but did squeeze his hand softly. But he was weak and it took no genius to figure out that he was losing a very important fight right here.

"It'll be fine. You'll feel better soon," Gavin promised. He had expected even a sliver of doubt, but now that he saw Geoff laying here like that, there was none. He was right where he was supposed to be.

Geoff blinked and looked like he wanted to say something, but then his eyes just traveled up the wall. Gavin followed his gaze and then smiled.

"Don't worry, that's just Mahr," he assured Geoff. "They will heal you even if it's not in their nature."

Geoff shook his head softly and then turned towards him. His eyes cleared and suddenly they were piercing and blue and awake, a look that Gavin hadn't seen lately.

"Don't do this, buddy," he said, his words barely more than a breath. "They're tricking you."

"I know. But I'm already too far down to stop it anymore," Gavin told him, sadly. He looked up to the corner where Mahr was nestling right now and saw bright white eyes glow back at him. It made a shiver run down his spine but mostly because it scared him that Mahr had to take such a physical form in preparation for this wish.

Healing wasn't in their nature, he knew that, but he hadn't quite realized how much power this might cost.

A big wish then, and knowing that weighed heavy on his heart.

He would lose, yes. He would lose things that were irreplaceable but was that price too much in exchange for what he could gain? Wasn't he only paying back a fraction of what he owed?

It was stupid to be sad about this when he had already made his choice, but he couldn't help himself.

"When I was a kid my father didn't like me very much. I understand why now, even though I don't agree," he began and turned his back to Mahr. This was for Geoff, something he knew he needed to share. "But back then I always wanted to impress him and be good. It never worked and when I fell sick he asked me to come along with him." He laughed, embarrassed but Geoff's eyes were still attentive and didn't strive to the demon hanging from above. "We walked for a long time or at least that's what it felt like. It was hard for me to keep up and walking was so hard... but I did it. My father took me to this lake and then asked me to sit down and wait. So that's what I did. I sat there and waited until I feel asleep. I waited until the snow took me and I died."

Geoff squeezed his hand gently and Gavin smiled at him.

"My father wanted me dead, so I died. But then I was reborn and you and Jack became my new parents and I was very, very fortunate for that."

"I don't want you dead," Geoff wheezed out.

"And I don't want you dead either," Gavin told him nearly playfully, but his stomach was in knots. His voice was starting to shake even though he didn't want it to. He had made his choice and the time for weakness was long over.

Geoff tugged again and Gavin laid down in his bed like so often before. This time though his crown slipped from his head and hit the ground heavily. There was an arm wrapped around his shoulders and this close he could smell the balm and sweat and sickness on Geoff.

"I want to do this, Geoff," he whispered as he nuzzled into his shoulder. "I owe you this."

"You don't."

"I do."

Geoff breathed out heavily, enough to ruffle Gavin's hair and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"I love you, Gavin."

"I love you, Geoff. Please let it be enough..."

"Don't worry," Geoff assured him. "It's plenty. I won't forget you."

Gavin tried to feel reassured by that, but there was a dark knowledge in his throat that made breathing hard. So instead he surged forward and pressed a kiss against a feverishly warm cheek.

They laid like that for a long time and even though Geoff fought to stay awake, Gavin could tell he was slipping off. He wanted him to, was humming his lullaby under his breath just like Jack had done all those years ago.

He hummed it until his throat got sore and only after he was absolutely sure that Geoff was asleep, he opened his eyes again.

Mahr hung above them, covering them like the night itself. They were hungry.

"Don't forget me," Gavin mouthed into Geoff's skin and held on tight to his hand. He feared it might be the last time he could do this so carelessly.

"Mahr," he said now, louder than before. But even though he was addressing the demon, he kept his eyes on Geoff and Geoff alone.

Mahr was grinning, could obviously already feel the wish in his mind and was delighted by it.

_ A daring wish, dead boy. It will cost you greatly. _

He knew that and he was ready to pay.

Closing his eyes again, he tried to only feel Geoff. The feel of soft clothes, sprinkled with nice scents. Of sleepy eyes and stories. Always stories that had opened Gavin's heart and settled his mind somewhere where it was calm and quiet so that he could finally sleep.

The feeling of home.

"I wish for Geoff to have a long and happy and healthy life."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter remaining - aaaaaah! 
> 
> And I'm going to see Starset live next week, can you believe that?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But how can we be sure that Pollux or Castor are truly happy?"

Chapter 16

 

Gavin rolled the pawn in his hand, feeling the smooth surface. His chess pieces were made out of marble and surprisingly heavy for such small things. As a child he had always been afraid to let them fall, but never enough to stop him from picking them up and admiring the details.

The dark pieces, the ones Ryan were setting right now, where made out of dark wood that had a tint of red in it. They weren't as heavy as the white ones but when they stood in the sunlight like this, they felt warm to the touch.

He had always liked them most.

He stopped rolling the pawn around and moved to place it but still couldn't bring himself to do it. All the other pieces were already in their rightful places but he just couldn't set this last one.

When he had learned to play chess, he had sacrificed the pawns first. They weren't important after all, the weakest pieces in chess, but with time he had learned to think things through.

Yes, sacrifices were necessary and often unavoidable and yes, it was better to lose a pawn then a bishop, but that didn't mean he should just throw pawns away like that.

If they managed to last, to squeeze through all those defenses and behind enemy lines to reach the other side of the board, they could be one of the most valuable pieces. They could become anything he wanted them to be, nestled deep in the heart of the enemy and ready to strike.

A swift knight, a straight forward rook or the powerful queen.

Never a king though.

"Gavin?" Ryan prompted and Gavin startled out of his trance to look up.

They were in his room in the late evening and the sun sunk low. But the rays were still warm on his face, even blinding him a little, but he didn't bother moving away.

He was tired after today and sitting here playing chess with Ryan was a welcome distraction to his busy days.

If it would only work.

Ray was lurking at the door, silent as a shadow but still carrying his rapier. He rarely put it down anymore, not even in here.

"Sorry," he mumbled and finally put the pawn on its rightful spot along the others in line.

Ryan threw him a worried glance but stayed quiet and waited for his move.

It should be easy, it was the first move after all, and there wasn't all too much of what Gavin could do and still he stared at the board. His mind was full of static, and even though deep inside he knew where he wanted to move his pawn, he couldn't quite get his hand to move.

It had been a long day.

Now that Geoff was back on the throne, he had to slowly fill him in in all that had been happening. It was a lot, weeks full of information, and Gavin often felt like his brain was squeezed out soon after he began.

Geoff was patient though, dutifully noted everything down and then asked which tasks Gavin wanted to take over or not.

Gavin knew that one word from him and Geoff would take it all, wouldn't even protest, and it saddened him.

"Ga-" Ryan began and Gavin forced his arm to move. He moved his pawn up before Ryan could prompt him another time. It was a sluggish move but that didn't matter.

Since he and Ryan had started playing he hadn't won once. In his current condition he wasn't much of a challenge but he was pretty sure that Ryan would win anyway. He had more experienced and it had been a while since Gavin played. Still, it was a welcome act before he would retire and try to sleep.

After making his wish he felt sluggish and sick. He had slept through the first day and only woken up the next to eat.

It had drained his powers just like he had expected it to and it had all been well worth it, after all by the time he was ready to leave his room again, Geoff was getting stronger by the day.

It was Mahr that worried him now.

Mahr who wouldn't let him rest, who would sit heavily on his chest whenever he tried to lay down. An invisible weight that wouldn't let him breathe right, that startled him out of sleep with horrifying nightmares right behind his eyelids.

Mahr that made every drink taste stale and metallic and made food twist his stomach.

It was all in his mind and Gavin knew that. The water was water, the same he had always drank, and the food was fresh and the best in the kingdom, so he forced it down.

But against the long nights he couldn't do a thing. That was when the Nachtalb reigned and he was left at their mercy.

He grew weaker with time but apparently it wasn't fast enough. Mahr was waiting, was chewing on his head and left angry red scratches all over his body. Sometimes the demon pressed so deeply that Gavin could watch his flesh yield until blood pooled beneath the skin. Pretty, bloody marks that went well with his others.

Mahr was wearing him down, day after day, and he was growing too tired to fight back.

He realized that Ryan was staring at him while he just stirred numbly at the board in front. It was probably his turn but he couldn't think of what to do, how to win and turn it around if he couldn't even think straight.

"You want to talk?" Ryan suddenly blurted out, and looked so sheepish when Gavin looked up, that he couldn't help but smile.

Usually they sat here in silence or made some small talk about their days, but he could tell that Ryan had wanted to ask that for a while now.

“What about?” he asked and pushed another pawn ahead, knowing it would get taken out next turn.

“About what the fuck is going on here,” Ryan just said. “I can’t really tell what it is but I know that things are off since Geoff recovered. The way they treat you, and I know you are…” he trailed off, confused as to how to describe it and Gavin waited patiently. In the end Ryan just gesticulated towards the crown sitting next to Gavin.

Bastard Prince.

“Submissive. That’s what they are,” Ryan nearly spat, but wasn’t quite happy with the word. It wasn’t right but Gavin figured it was good enough. “Maybe I can’t judge because I haven’t been here for long and certainly not in the throne room, but it takes no genius to figure out that things aren’t right. I don’t really take you for an evil mastermind but whatever is getting playe-”

Gavin’s arm shot out and he put his knight down noisily, making Ryan fall silent.

It wasn’t his turn and it wasn’t even an allowed move, but Gavin just let his finger rest on the head of the horse and waited.

It took a moment before Ryan slowly turned his head, his eyes traveling from the knight on the field to Ray. Ray who had crept closer in his silent ways, hand still on the hilt of his rapier that was partly drawn now. It threw a warm reflection towards the wall as the blade caught the sunbeams.

There wasn’t anything left of the nervousness that Ray usually showed around Ryan, something that Gavin had nearly considered as a small crush at times. No, his face was blank and Ryan noticed as well.

He was staring up to the knight, and under under circumstances that might have been hilarious, but Gavin found no humor in it.

“I guess that’s checkmate,” he just said, and that made Ryan turn back towards him. But he didn’t go for him, no, he traced the crown of his own king before slowly laying him down.

What followed was a deafening silence and he couldn’t help but laugh at it.

“That was a rather… insightful match, Ryan,” he said and could basically watch as Ryan tried to work through this all.

Granted, it would be hard to believe even if Gavin had the choice to just spell it out for him but even if he had the chance he wasn’t sure if he would.

At least Mahr seemed to be amused by his antics and after a while in which Ryan didn’t even move, just stirred at the downed King, Gavin prompted, “I think I’ll retire now.”

Ryan’s eyes finally rested on him before they flitted to Ray who was still looming close by and hadn’t moved a muscle.

Finally Ryan stood, but still hesitated.

“I will see you in the morning.” It was a question with a hint of worry in his voice and again Gavin smiled.

“Of course you will.”

He watched as Ryan left the room and Ray slowly let go of his rapier.

“Play with me, Ray,” he ordered.

“Of course, Sir.”

He waited until Ray was at the table, ready to sit down before he shook his head. “Never mind actually, I don’t want to play anymore.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Michael should be here soon.”

“Yes, Sir. Any minute now.”

So they waited in silence and Gavin thought back to the time where Ray would've just sat down with a sigh and start a conversation. Or told him to fuck off because he wasn't as good in chess and Gavin would usually win.

Maybe he would try anyway, would pick up Ryan's pieces again and join a playful match, because deep inside Ray was many things, but mostly ambitious.

After all those years he was a far cry from the boy in the rain, rattling on his window to come inside.

That memory appeared to be from another life, a timeline that had been brighter than this one here.

Gavin didn't think Ray remembered that day at all.

Michael entered with a knock and a quick bow. He didn't pull Gavin from his favorite chair and throw him to the ground to sit down himself, just waited respectfully at the door.

They didn't see each other a lot anymore. Each evening Michael would join them here but Gavin would soon after retire, hoping to get some precious hours of sleep.

Michael didn't barge in when he talked or fought with Mahr in his room. Not anymore.

The moment Gavin entered his chambers he was locked away from the outside world with Ryan being the only breath of fresh air he usually had.

So Gavin headed into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. He didn't have to wait for long and then he could hear the voices.

It was Ray and it was Michael, talking with each other. Quieter to not bother him, but with the usual colorful banter. He missed this, missed it dearly, but it had been a relief when he had discovered that it was still there.

Behind closed doors, whenever he wasn't around, it would resurface. The old Ray and the old Michael and he loved them both, loved them very much.

They hadn't changed, only around him and outside when they thought he wasn't around or not looking he could watch them and pretend to be with them like that.

Now he let his head hit the door he was standing behind and closed his eyes. It was hard to make out the words but the up and down of their voices was nice anyway. Sometimes he hoped to catch his own name between them but by now it hadn't happened.

It was like he didn't exist when he wasn't around, like he was carrying something dark. Like smoke or fog or a sound that made those close to him switch into something that he hated.

Submissive, Ryan had called it, and he still thought that it wasn't quite the right word, but close enough. His own little army.

Ryan was different, he thought Jeremy was as well. Gavin had tried it out a bit but it wasn't hard to figure out.

It was his wish, the very first one.

He had wished for his family, for someone who loved him and protected him and played with him. He had gotten all of that and Mahr couldn't take that anymore.

His sisters in the form of Michael and Ray.

Geoff and Jack as his parents.

And he didn't doubt that they all loved him. Deep down inside that was still there, burning bright but just not strong enough.

They also protected him, that was inevitable. They always had, from mean looks and bad words. Even now they did in an overbearing way that he just couldn't take.

They played, oh yes. They played their own little fun game that he had long gotten tired of.

That was it.

That was his wish granted and over time Mahr had chipped everything else away, bit by bit.

There was just one other thing that stayed the same, no matter how much he wished for or sold.

The crown on his head, the place in this castle.

Even through all that had changed that had stayed. Not once had a forgotten memory shaken up where Geoff and Jack saw him or taken away from his place as the heir of the crown.

Not even now, when he was barely recognized by them anymore, did they take it from him. As if they were sure the stranger he was to them was fitting for such a high title.

At first he was just sure that they hadn't forgotten that. The endless hours together in the throne room and the countless lessons but now he thought different.

Gavin had picked up his crown from where it had laid next to him and now here alone, he let it fall carelessly.

It was still Jack's work, but that was the only part that he loved about it. The golden waves weren't his but Mahr's.

Mahr was after the throne. They had tucked Gavin away in the castle, protected by everyone that mattered and had made sure he wore a crown at the end. That's why even though the others around him were barely more than empty shells, they still considered him as the Prince.

That's why Mahr had never pushed him to heal Geoff because if he hadn't, he would already be on the throne. Not that it mattered, he could order Geoff to step down any time and he would. By now Gavin was pretty sure he could tell them whatever and they would.

Whenever they saw him all that was in their head was love and protection.

Such a shame.

Now Mahr would wait and bide their time until it was time to take over. Gavin didn't think they had made Geoff sick, because Geoff was part of his wish and Mahr couldn't take him back. No, he had to fulfill his part of the deal as well.

So they would just remain until Geoff had to step down or die but that didn't mean they would sit still and let him be in peace.

No, now that they got everything in place, they went for the last thing they needed, and that was him. It was his body and the control he had over it.

Mahr wanted him gone, his ghost or soul or whatever it was. Because once Gavin was gone, they would nestle in the body of the Prince and would rule this kingdom eventually.

Gavin wasn't sure what the end goal to that was, but he knew he couldn't let that happen.

It was a game for Mahr, because they sure as hell didn't need any more power than they already had. But sometimes they came out to play a bit with mortal souls, and somehow Gavin had managed to get into their clutches this time around.

So maybe they would just go and throw this kingdom in a horrible, bloody war or go mad and beheaded whoever looked at them the wrong way.

Or they would go and become the kindest and most generous ruler out there. They were a wish granting demon after all.

But Gavin couldn't risk finding out.

He didn't know how to stop it anymore because Mahr was doing everything to weaken him and wear him down.

No sleep and no play made him a dull boy.

Still, there was some time left to figure things out. He just didn't know where to start.

Ryan and Jeremy. Maybe they could help, but he didn't think Mahr would allow him to quietly explain what the problem was.

The foe was in Gavin's head and he couldn't get it out of there. And they were growing stronger.

His eyes must have drifted shut but he jerked awake when he began to slip. He was still leaning against the door, Michael's and Ray's conversation drifting to something quieter, but he didn't think that a lot of time had passed.

No, when he checked on the window the sun was just setting drenching everything in golds and red, but it didn't reach this room.

It hadn't for a long time.

No, here darkness reigned, a heaviness that was Mahr themself, and Gavin could feel the bright white eyes that sometimes stared outside from his own on him.

Waiting, lurking and hungry.

_ Are you afraid of the dark, dead boy? _

"I'm not afraid of you," Gavin whispered and hoped it was still true. He thought that Mahr might just know more about that because the demon smirked. Gavin could feel it against his whole body, the cruel joy behind it all.

He tried to shake it off and stepped right through. There was a resistance and he hoped he was only imagining that it grew stronger each day, but then he dropped onto the bed.

It was soft and wonderful but Mahr was waiting. Waiting until he was nearly drifting off to settle on his chest and press new scratches into his skin.

 

The days after he healed Geoff were a mess of blurry exhaustion. He slept a lot, but he wasn’t alone. There were Ray and Michael around, he could hear their voices even though they weren’t talking to him. They did make sure that he ate and drank though until he grew strong enough to stand again.

Geoff wasn’t back on his throne yet, still getting swarmed by doctors that surely were wondering over his sudden recovery, but it wouldn’t take much longer. Soon Geoff would get tired of their play and would tell them off.

Gavin could visit him, he figured it was expected from him. Stepping beneath the eyes of the doctors could be amusing to say the least. They weren’t stupid and had to know that he had something to do with the sudden recovery. One of them actually came to his room one morning, but he let Michael send them away.

Still, he didn’t visit Geoff. He feared that the King would look at him and sent him off, claimed he didn’t know him.

He wasn’t sure if his heart could take that.

And he had sold something, something big because of his wish, but he had known that beforehand. He had decided on that because deep down he had known that Mahr would have forced him to wish more and more until they got to this point.

Why not just do it at once and at least assure that Geoff would be alright?

It may not have been the best solution or even smart, but his heart was tired of pain and losing and it was a little comfort.

Jack didn’t visit him in all that time and Gavin spent hours playing with the silver bracelet. Turning it around and around until he feared he would wear the metal enough that it would give.

_ "I promise. No matter what it takes I will remember. Just show me this.” _

So he got dressed and headed out of his chambers. He knew he would find Jack in the throne room, taking care of the kingdom and there was a little hopeful voice in the back of his head.

Maybe he was just busy. Too busy to come and visit, and so he had sent Michael and Ray to take care of him. Maybe that was what was happening, maybe when he stepped through those heavy doors, he would be pulled into a hug like always. Because Jack gave the best hugs out there and he had grown up spoiled rotten by them.

But upon entering the throne room he was met with not only Jack but also the court. They bowed their heads once they noticed him, all of them, even Jack, and Gavin knew he had lost.

Sitting on the throne, he bided his time, turning the bracelet round and round, and Jack had to see it, had to know.

But he didn’t say a thing, so Gavin didn’t as well. He just sat there, the heavy weight of the crown on his head and the heavier bracelet in his hands.

When he could finally dismiss the court and it was only him and Jack left, he felt ready to combust. To just shatter into small pieces, never to be whole again.

_ “Show me this and I will know." _

He placed the bracelet right in front of Jack and stepped back, waiting.

For a moment Jack just watched it curiously before looking up to Gavin as if he expected an explanation. Gavin didn't give one, just hoped against hope as Jack carefully took the bracelet in his hand to study it more closely.

In the back of his head Mahr was angry, their mocking tone not quite able to hide that.

_ You sold it. You sold it and got your wish granted for it. I can't allow you to go back and try to retrieve it. _

"I made this," Jack said slowly, making Gavin perk up. He watched as Jack turned the bracelet just as carefully as he usually did, thumbing at the edges and the small scratches from years of being worn.

"You did," he told him, ignoring the teeth of the demon bearing into his skull. "You made it for me. It was a present."

"I don't... I mean, I recognize my own work but I don't remember making this."

"Because you don't remember me," Gavin whispered. He stepped ahead and wrapped his own hands around Jack's. "Can you try?"

Mahr was pressing against his chest now, making breathing so much harder but Jack was looking at him. Jack was truly looking at him as if to try and figure him out, the distance in his eyes gone for the first time since that day.

And Gavin hoped that this would actually work because Mahr could take memories, could alternate them and maybe, just maybe they could control other people as well. At least to some degree because there was desire in every heart but this was Jack. It was Jack and Mahr had feared him for his kindness.

"You forgot about the lullaby," Gavin continued. "But that doesn't mean you didn't sing it to me in the first place. That's what you said, right? That the memories are still there somewhere, Mahr just severed the connection to them. Because those things did happen, I was here and you were here. You thought of me when you made this bracelet and you thought of me when you sang that lullaby. It's still there somewhere."

It had to be.

He squeezed Jack's hand like the other had so often done to him as Mahr clawed at his chest, but he could withhold that. Because there was something in Jack's eyes, something that saw him and tried to find that connection.

The scent or color or feeling Jack associated with him.

"You said you loved me," Gavin whispered, tears in his eyes. "You said I was your son. Please tr-"

He had always known that Mahr was strong, had felt it more than once, but he hadn't just believed that it was that much.

Mahr ripped him right from his feet and crashed him into the floor. It punched the air right out of his lungs and when Gavin tried to gasp for more, Mahr sat above him, white eyes staring down and a form as huge as shadows were deep.

They crawled into his mouth, down his throat and filled his lungs. Filled until there was no air left, until they felt like they would burst, and he reached up, scratching over his neck to get it out.

Suddenly he was younger and back in his first room. Volvy's poison was burning in his guts, was clogging up his throat and he couldn't breath. There were men above him, men who wanted him dead but Jack had come. Jack had come to save him and he did so again.

It had to be Jack's hands that turned him around and Mahr spilled from his mouth.

Gavin convulsed, was retching to get the demon out, but knew it was futile.

All that splattered onto the floor was black liquid, the same that was resting beneath his skin and filled his mark. Corpse water from the lake he had watched until he had fallen asleep.

It filled his inside now, filled him to the brim and he would never get rid of it.

He still tried, hacking up more and more while Jack held on tight but didn't call him Buddy. No, Jack didn't card through his hair and didn't shush him. He was holding him, making sure he didn't slip, but that was just Jack's kindness.

The kindness he would show to anyone who he would find like this.

When only drops were coming, there was a grotesque amount of liquid on the floor. A puddle of dark water that didn't belong, and it disturbed Gavin greatly because he knew that wasn't all. That was far from all and inside of him nestled so much more.

Jack still held him and Gavin searched his warmth, the comfort that was always there because he was shivering. His mark was burning with ice, freezing him down to the bones and he closed his eyes, fearing drifting off.

_ You sold it, _ Mahr whispered in his ear.  _ So now it's gone. _

 

Jeremy lowered his axe once he saw him and it buried itself deep into the packed dirt, a bit too close to his feet.

"Holy shit," Jeremy finally managed to say, and Gavin agreed.

He lifted his hand a bit sheepishly to give him a quick greeting. "Hey Jeremy."

"You look like shit," Jeremy cried and was already on his way to him, but before he could reach, he blushed heavily. Probably realizing what he had said and to whom.

"I mean... I'm sorry but-"

"No, I guess you're right." Gavin shrugged. He hadn't seen Jeremy in a while because it was hard to get out of the castle. There was always someone around, Ray or Michael, and no matter how eager they had been to get into all kinds of troubles before, they weren't keen to let him out of their sight.

They had to protect him, even if it meant holding him prisoner in his own home.

The only good thing was that Ray apparently forgot about all those secret passages Gavin had showed him as a child. He had managed to slip away, only for a while, and now he didn't know what to do with this newfound freedom.

Finding Jeremy out here had been a welcome surprise.

"What is going on?" Jeremy asked and this time he touched him. A hand around his arm as if to keep him from being blown away. "Who did this to you?"

He couldn't tell him that it was his head that didn't allow him to sleep or to eat properly, the demon sitting on his shoulder, but before he could think of an excuse, Jeremy's eyebrows pulled together.

"Ray or Michael would never allow this," he insisted angrily. "They haven't told me about that. They always say that you are fine but busy an-"

"Have you talked with them lately?" Gavin asked, intrigued.

"I mean, yeah, usually when we run into each other or so but that's only for a few minutes at times."

"What did they tell you?"

A bit helplessly, Jeremy stared up to him because that wasn't what he wanted to talk about but it was the easier topic.

"Stuff about the castle. King Ramsey's quick recovery and how hard you and him are working. Stuff like that but certainly not-" He gesticulated towards Gavin and he wondered what word was in Jeremy's mind to describe him.

He probably didn't want to know.

"That's good," he muttered to himself. So it was just like he had thought, when he wasn't around Michael and Ray were the same as usual. Just like when he left the room in his chambers.

To some degree that was very cathartic to know.

"Prince Gav-"

"How are you doing, Jeremy?" he interrupted him again. "I would like to sit down somewhere and just have a nice little chat if you don't mind?"

"If that makes you tell me what the fuck is going on. I'm getting really worried here." He sounded so honest and it made Gavin smile. He wouldn't tell him, no, but actually talking with someone without the watchful eyes of others sounded nice. Even if it would just be about the weather or such, Gavin didn't really care.

They didn't get that far, and he should have known. As a child he had known the rhythm of Michael's and Ray's training by heart, had run out here to meet them and end up on the roof, but he hadn't thought about it today.

He could see Michael in the distance, coming towards the entrance of the castle to wash up and eat and finally come straight to Gavin's room. Just like every evening.

"Do you know Ryan, Jeremy?"

"Ryan?" Jeremy echoed confused before his gaze cleared. "Ryan? The guy who brought you back? Of course I do! Did he do that to you?"

"No! Gods no, Ryan actually is quite a close friend to me at this point. At least I think so. No matter how tough he acts, I don't think he could hurt a fly." Gavin laughed but, it got stuck in his throat. Michael had seen him now and was stomping towards him so he had to act quickly. Only problem was that he didn't even quite know what exactly he was doing here. Why bring Jeremy and Ryan together? It didn't even make any sense to him and would make even less to either of them.

All he did know is that both of them hadn't forgotten him. Jeremy clearly remembered him and Ryan as well, and both knew him well enough to know that something was up.

"I think you and Ryan could make great friends," he said carefully and watched Michael come closer.

Jeremy also turned around now and had to recognize Michael.

"Maybe you two should have a talk."

Oh, that's what it was. A desperate attempt at hope. Thinking that maybe, just maybe Ryan and Jeremy could find a way out for him, something that he hadn't found by himself, and that even though things were bad he at least knew what was going on.

It didn't matter anyway, before he could read Jeremy's face, Michael had already reached them. An imposing figure, a major difference to the hot headed little boy Gavin had met in the garden.

"Prince Gavin," he chided softly and laid a hand on the small of his back. To keep him from running, Gavin knew that.

"It's too dangerous for you to be out here alone. Where's Ray?"

"For once I was faster than him," Gavin tried himself on a tease, but Michael's face clouded in anger.

"Unacceptable."

"It's fine, it's fine," Gavin tried to calm him down with a hand on his arm. "Jeremy is with me, right? So I'm safe!"

For the first time Michael's eyes traveled to Jeremy and the change was immediate. There was something so degrading in Michael's face that Gavin barely recognized him. It was something that he didn't even know coming from Michael and least of all towards a fellow warrior.

Jeremy also recognized it and he stared at Michael, clearly taken aback.

Then Michael's grip around Gavin tightened and he pulled him into his side.

A move so deafening protective that it made Gavin sick.

"I see," Michael finally said but wasn't even talking with Jeremy. Just staring down at him. "I do think it's safer inside the castle walls though. Let me escort you, Prince Gavin."

"Of course," he agreed and tried to smile. He wanted to tell Jeremy goodbye, to give him a sign of some kind, but Michael was already pulling him along. They were marching towards the castle, Michael still holding tight and all Gavin dared to do was throw a glance over his shoulder.

Jeremy still stood there and looked like lightning had struck him. His eyes wide in confusion and a bit pale.

Gavin wondered if that was enough.

"You shouldn't run away like this," Michael scolded him and Gavin turned back towards him. "It's not safe for you to be out here alone, most of all with your new rank as the Prince. You know that even before there were people after you."

Volvy. He wondered how Michael remembered those awful weeks.

"We're just trying to protect you."

Lowering his eyes, Gavin felt guilty. He knew that was true, knew that neither of them could do a thing against that pull towards him and it was his fault at all.

Without his wish... would they have even become friends? Even if he had grown up in this castle, how likely was it for them to run into each other? To find them early enough to grow up together?

Michael would have become a capable warrior, fighting for this kingdom if Geoff called for it, and Ray? Would Ray have gone home? Or would he have become a knight somehow?

He didn't know and it was stupid worrying over something like that. After all he wouldn't find his answer anyway.

But deep inside he knew that they would have found each other. He could still remember that violet thread tightly wrapped around his wrist.

"I'm sorry," he finally mumbled. "I just felt like the castle was suffocating me and I needed to get out for a while."

"Just ask us then," Michael told him bruskly. "We're not there to trap you inside there."

But wasn't that what they were doing? Maybe Michael couldn't even tell, too caught in Mahr's web.

"Sorry," he repeated and nudged Michael with his shoulder. Something he had done a thousand times already but now Michael made a surprised little noise. He didn't tell him off though, and Gavin was filled with such a sudden intense love that he didn't really know what to do with it.

"Do you still love chocolate, Michael?" he asked and skipped some steps ahead if only to turn around and walk backwards, facing Michael.

The warrior was clearly not happy with the space between them and his eyes flitted around, searching for a threat. When he found nothing, he faced him again.

"I think so."

Gavin beamed at him.

"Then I'll order as much chocolate as I can for tonight! We're gonna have a feast - you and me and Ray!"

"You don't have to, Sir."

"But I want to!" Gavin insisted, and his heart skipped a beat as he recognized that little fond smile Michael wore so often.

At times like this he could nearly pretend that things were normal, that he could fix this somehow and Michael was still there. They all were, somewhere buried beneath Mahr's influence and trickery, but Gavin wasn't sure if he could reach that far.

He just knew that he still loved them dearly.

He still remembered that the first time Michael had tasted chocolate, it had been a gift from him.

 

More than once Gavin found himself sitting in the throne room and doing nothing but watch Geoff. It was getting harder for him to concentrate with the heavy tiredness over his head and the hole in his heart, but something about watching Geoff was peaceful.

It reminded him of simpler times when he wouldn’t brood over his exercises but instead watch Geoff for hours. Back when he wasn't even able to read all the words Geoff brought so carefully down to paper.

Nowadays he could do it himself, could put his signature beneath and press his ring into molten wax to judge over life and death, poor and rich.

That change still didn't make any sense to him. Sometimes he still felt like the boy from back then. A bit lost and without direction.

In those past weeks that feeling had grown again, like he was lost at sea somewhere far out where nobody could reach him even though people were around, watching.

But Geoff was here and watching him helped him settle a little.

Because Geoff had been dying. Gavin could still remember the feverish heat coming from him, the weakness that shouldn't rest so heavily on him.

He looked better now, still a bit weary from his long sickness but a far cry from how he had been before.

It was good seeing him back on his feet again, working on and meeting his people to assure them that he was getting better each day. It left Gavin with a fierce pride in his heart, partly because he had always known how strong Geoff had been, but also that it was because of him.

He had brought Geoff back to his rightful throne.

And still... he had hoped. Hoped that Geoff wouldn't forget him. Resting after his wish, he had always hoped for Geoff or Jack to burst through his door and pull him from his bed. They would hold him tight and spin him around, thankful and full of love.

That would have been nice, but in the end neither of them came.

He hadn't done it to gain any gratitude towards him or because he expected any gifts or riches - he had those already.

He had done it out of love, and that should be enough.

On some days it wasn't. On some days he felt frustrated and helpless and was just a nudge away from screaming at Geoff or Jack.

They had promised, right? They had said they wouldn't forget him and still they had.

Maybe they didn't love him enough, no matter how much they had pretended to.

He always shook the thought off before it could truly fester, but it was there in the shadows, rotting and waiting for the right time.

Today though, he felt sad. There was a crushing feeling of loss, something he was well familiar with, but today it felt like it weight too heavy to carry. Watching Geoff usually helped, to remind himself what he had done it for, but today it just wouldn't do the trick.

He wished he could talk to Geoff like before, speak familiar banter and maybe land a good throw with his feather, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

It wasn't Geoff anymore even though it was. Around him Geoff always felt off, not quite himself, but when he didn't pay attention to Gavin anymore it was just like before.

This morning Gavin had stood right in front of Geoff and had asked, "When can I become King?"

"Just tell me when I should step down," Geoff had answered in all the honesty of his heart, and Gavin knew that one word from him and Geoff would make sure to prepare everything accordingly.

It was all so wrong.

He had been too loud anyway, because Ryan had heard. He had felt that icy blue eyes bore into his back, but for now there had been no room to properly talk about it.

"Gavin? Everything okay?" Geoff asked, and Gavin blinked. How long had he just sat here, staring?

"Call me buddy," he pleaded before he could properly think about it, and Geoff also didn't hesitate.

"Buddy."

Wrong!

There were stubborn tears burning in his eyes and Gavin averted his gaze.

Wrong, wrong,  _ wrong. _

It was the same nickname, the same voice, but still so wrong!

He swallowed heavily.

"Can I ask you something, Geoff?"

"Of course."

"You know the story of Pollux and Castor, right?"

"Of course I do. What do you want to know about it?"

Gavin nodded to himself. Yeah, he had figured Geoff hadn't forgotten about that.

"I was thinking about Pollux lately, about the one who made the wish to get his brother back from the death and about the deal he made."

Geoff let his feather rest to turn towards him. Like this he seemed very familiar, his attention all on Gavin and no one else.

"Castor couldn't come back from the death because he was a mortal being," Geoff filled him in as if he wasn't the one telling him that very story all those years before. "So at first Pollux' wish appeared hopeless, but he begged and pleaded until he found a God to grant him his wish."

"Or at least what they figured was Pollux's wish," Gavin mumbled. "Because I think Pollux wished to get Castor back but they weren't allowed to be in the mortal world anymore."

"Yeah. As I said Castor was mortal and our time is up at one point. They were both hung up between the stars though, reunited in the night skies."

"But they are so far apart! They aren't truly reunited, are they?" Gavin insisted. "Didn't Pollux truly want things to go back to before? To walk this world together with his brother? Though in his desperation he didn't think clearly, he just wanted his brother back and so they were hung up in the skies, only to see and not to touch each other. Aeons away from each other without a chance to get closer."

He was talking himself into a frenzy, he knew that and Geoff did as well, but he didn't interrupt him. Just let it all come out.

"Maybe Pollux was an idiot! Maybe Pollux didn't think before he wished or didn't truly know how to put it into words but he surely didn't want that! What Pollux really wanted was to hold and to talk and to play again! He can't get that anymore though because he has sold everything! He can never return to this world, with or without Castor and now he's just up in the skies, separated from everyone else! Isn't that endlessly lonely?"

"I never thought about it like that," Geoff admitted slowly and then fell silent. Gavin let him think, trying to get a grip of himself, but his heart was pounding too hard.

"I don't think Pollux was an idiot," Geoff finally settled on. "Naive maybe, but no... that's not the right word. Lonely, I guess. He just wanted to help his brother, to be with him again. That doesn't make him an idiot - it makes him noble."

Surprised, Gavin looked up and Geoff was looking at him. Straight at him with his blue, blue eyes.

"Sacrificing something important to you for someone else is one of the most noble things you can do. Helping someone when they're in need, no matter if you're close to them or not, is something very respectable. Something the world needs more of."

"But how can we be sure that Pollux or Castor are truly happy?" Gavin whispered and Geoff shook his head.

"We can't, but Pollux made a wish out of love. He was desperate, yes, and surely lonely, but it was a wish with good intentions. It's not his fault that it turned out the way it did. All in all, wasn't it the God who's at fault? Shouldn't they known better?"

"The God?"

"They granted the wish and surely they could've read in Pollux' heart what he really wanted. Still, they granted his wish in that way."

"Maybe they were bored," Gavin said slowly. "Maybe they were-"

"Cruel," Geoff interrupted him. "That's the word you're looking for."

That made Gavin smile because yeah, he figured it was a pretty good word for that.

"Did that help you?" Geoff asked so gently that it hurt, and Gavin wanted to nod, to let it rest, but he couldn't quite do that yet.

"One more thing," he began carefully, wondering how he should word it. "If Pollux... if in lonely nights when he can only see and not... not really be with Castor again, if then he starts to doubt... when he begins to ask himself if his choice has been the right one, even though the alternative was to see Castor dead... would that make him selfish? He should be grateful after all that he got that much at least, but sometimes he gets so weak and he just wants a different outcome. He has no right to be so selfish, so ungrateful an-"

"Human. It makes Pollux human," Geoff told him. "And that's fair enough. He was raised and lived with humans, so of course he take come after them no matter how immor-” He trailed off, hesitated, “Gavin? Bud, you're crying. What's wro-"

"Nothing," Gavin assured him quickly and reached up to wipe his eyes. It was probably stupid but he couldn't help himself.

Human.

What he felt was human.

 

"One of the warriors came to me recently," Ryan said. "An axe-wielder. He was very worried about you."

"Jeremy."

Ryan nodded, and Gavin smiled a bit to himself. So Jeremy had really sought Ryan out. To be fair, Gavin had figured that much when he had found the letter that Ryan had carefully hidden. Only when Gavin went to pick up the chessboard he had found the note beneath, asking for him to meet Ryan out here near the training field at night.

It would have been damn near impossible to get out of his room without Michael noticing, and even if Michael had assured him that he wasn't trapped in the castle, he would have surely followed along.

So Gavin had just wished out of his room and had traveled through the shadows. That had greatly bemused Mahr, leaving the demon crackling in delight, but Gavin chose to ignore them.

There weren't many more things he could lose that mattered.

"It was quite insightful," Ryan went on. They had pushed themselves into a corner where they weren't easily spotted, but in the shadows it was hard to determine what Ryan really thought.

"Was it?"

"Well, I can't tell if either Michael or Ray changed over time because I barely know them," Ryan explained. "But what Jeremy explained was more than just disturbing. The change in them around you and how they treated others differently. How when confronted with it they pretend not to know."

Because they didn't know. They didn't realize what happened once they were around him. What difference it made.

"Jeremy also told me how close you three are, that you grew up together, but as time when on that shifted. He wasn't quite sure when, but even before you were officially the Prince and King Ramsey's heir. He doesn't think they changed because of that."

"No, they wouldn't. I think they realized all that was happening way before me," Gavin laughed, but Ryan didn't seem amused.

"Jeremy asked me how I observed your guys’ behavior and I admitted that you seemed somewhat close, but not to that degree. Both Ray and Michael are very devoted towards you but they aren't..." He trailed off but Gavin knew what he wanted to say.

Friends. They weren't really friends.

He hadn't expected a day when someone would say that to him regarding his other two lads, and it hurt his heart.

"I said I watched something similar happening with King Ramsey and Sir Jack," Ryan continued but it wasn't really a mercy. Maybe that hurt even more.

"I'm probably not one to talk, after all I haven’t been here for very long, but the change is so drastic..." He shook his head, but Gavin didn't speak.

He stood there, arms wrapped around himself, and felt cold. His mark was burning with ice, wrapping around his torso by now.

"I saw it in King Ramsey's eyes when I brought you back. All that love, but nowadays... nowadays both of them appear nearly distant. Not only that, they listen to you. Fuck Gavin, you told Geoff to back down from the throne and he was ready for it! If I wouldn't know better I would say that this was your goal from the beginning bu-"

"But you know better?" Gavin finally spoke. "I wouldn't be so sure about that because maybe I was after this."

"Right now you might just be the most powerful person in this whole kingdom," Ryan admitted. "But to me you look like you are ready to sell all of that in a heartbeat if you get the choice. You act very carefully to not misuse that power so no, I don't think you are in this for the crown."

Gavin huffed and leaned against the wall. He wasn't, that had never been a goal of his but by now he was sure that it had been Mahr's goal since the very beginning.

And he had let it happen. Had played right into their hands.

"What is going on, Gavin?" Ryan asked and Gavin jumped a little when he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. He hadn't seen the other move and now he just stared up to Ryan, helplessly.

"I don't think I can explain it," he whispered, "because while I think I understand it, at least to some degree, I am not allowed to."

"Who is stopping you? Geoff?"

"Gods, no. He wanted to help me, both he and Jack did, but there was no time. There was no time because then Geoff got sick before we could really face it and now... now it's all gone."

He laughed again, something desperate in it, but how could he not be?

Ryan was still watching him but it was hard to make out his expression.

"Who is stopping you then?"

He didn't answer. There was an irrational fear that if he would say their name out loud it would bring bad luck. That Ryan would also start to forget.

Maybe Ryan understood that, because he nodded slowly.

"Doesn't really matter, I guess," he settled on. "Jeremy and I talked for quite some time about you, trying to figure out how to help you and so it doesn't matter if you don't want to tell us what's going on yet. We decided that I will take you with me."

"Take me with you?" Gavin asked in confusion because he had expected many thing but not quite that.

"Yeah, we're running away." Ryan said it so easily like that was even an option and again there was laughter bubbling up in Gavin's throat.

"You can't."

"Of course we can. Right now this isn't a good place for you to be. Not around King Ramsey and not among those other people that are close to you. Whether they or you are the bad influence, I don't know, but spending some time away to figure things out might help. Also going away from here might help you recover. Sleeping here with all those pressure on y-"

"Ryan,” he interrupted him, nearly gently. “That is all very sweet and great of you but I can’t. I physically can’t.” Because even if he wanted to, Mahr was still there. Mahr wasn’t bound to this castle, they were bound to him, and they wanted him right here. No matter how far Ryan would be able to get him away from here, he would wake up in his bed again the moment he dared to close his eyes.

“Gavin, tha-”

Ryan fell silent when Gavin surged forward. He laid a hand on Ryan’s arm and squeezed.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Really, I appreciate that you would do that for me, that you and Jeremy sat together to worry about me.”

“You wanted us to,” Ryan reminded him, and yes, that was true. Now he didn’t even know why. Of course to find a way out, to get Mahr out of his veins, but that was impossible, wasn’t it? 

He couldn’t expect Jeremy and Ryan to find a solution for something that he couldn’t even tell them. Something that maybe didn’t have a solution in the first place.

He had just hoped for a miracle and had turned to the only people he had left.

“Thank you,” he just repeated. “Please pass my words on to Jeremy as well. But it’s already too late.”

“Too late for what?” Ryan asked bruskly, but Gavin didn’t want to say it. He let go, only for his arm to be snatched by Ryan.

“For what?” he insisted, but all Gavin could do was look up to him.

Too late for him, that’s what he should say because he feared it was the truth. Some force way bigger than what he could ever truly grasp has been taking hold on him, moving him like a pawn over this field until he became the almighty Queen. Able to slay all and take control of the game.

Ryan let him go as if he’d burned him and Gavin knew that Mahr was staring through his eyes again, was showing Ryan exactly what Gavin meant, and it most certainly worked.

White eyes, glowing whenever they caught a bit of light because they could see in the dark like a predator, could see into eyes and souls and hearts.

Gavin turned away before Mahr could also fester inside Ryan’s chest and walked back towards the castle.

Ryan made no move to follow him.

 

“Gavin!”

He snapped awake. Had he fallen asleep? He must have.

For a moment he was angry about getting woken up. Every minute he manage to drift off was precious, but then he finally recognized Michael’s face.

“Where are you going?”

“What?” Gavin muttered. Michael was holding on to him, hands warm against his frozen skin and it only slowly dawned to him that he wasn’t in his bed, he wasn’t even laying down.

He was standing in his chamber, close to the door out, and Michael was holding him back.

“Did you sleepwalk?” he asked now, worried and blinking against the sleep in his eyes, Gavin turned towards him. Only that he didn’t really feel sleepy, he felt like he had been far away, deep in a thought that he had been suddenly ripped out of. Like when he was so focused on a book or a play that he was startled when someone laid a hand on him.

Then he noticed the taste in his mouth.

It was foul and stale and he recognized it quickly.

Doubling over, he couldn’t even cover his mouth before thick black drops hit his hands.

Water left behind by Mahr, looking more like ink in the dim firelight they had. 

Michael reacted quickly and held him upright but Gavin didn’t retch or cough. It was spilling form him like blood from a wound and there was nothing he could do.

Mahr.

He hadn’t been asleep, couldn’t remember going to bed. He had wished to be back in his room after seeing Ryan and then..?

He didn’t know, couldn’t remember and the water was still coming from him.

It had been Mahr. Mahr moving him and Mahr stuck in his throat.

And he hadn’t even noticed.

Michael sat him down and rubbed his back, but Gavin barely registered it. He felt stunned, violated even.

What would have happened if Michael hadn't woken him? Where had he been heading to?

And why was this happening now? Because of his wish to see Ryan, he knew.

Maybe there weren't any memories left to sell, but he didn't think that was the case. Mahr was growing stronger with each of his wishes and after wearing him down for so long, it should come as no surprise that it would finally be enough.

Just a bit more and he would lose the last of the control he had over his own body.

He should have told Ryan, should have told him or Jeremy or both what had happened, but he hadn't.

_ Ryan left you once he just saw a glimpse of me _ _,_ Mahr reminded him gladly.  _ Do you think he would have believed you? Do you think he wouldn't have run off right in that moment? Isn't it worse when a person leaves you on their own account, rather than forgetting you? When they leave you out of their own free will because they fear or hate you? Wasn't it the same with your father? _

Gavin closed his eyes and let his head hang.

Michael was still next to him but didn't speak, didn't take his mind off of this like he normally would. Still, Gavin leaned against him to soak up this little comfort at least.

Where had Mahr been heading to?

Geoff's chamber?

The thought made him shiver and when he opened his eyes again, they fell on Mogar.

Michael's sword was leaned against his favorite armchair, sharp and deadly. It had been a gift from him to Michael, but now he imagined carrying it himself.

The first time he had touched a sword, he had immediately cut himself and the memory how Geoff had picked him up and carried him through the castle was still clear in his mind. As clear as the second that blade had parted skin so very easily.

That had been a training sword, dulled around the edges.

Mogar could easily cut him in half.

An iron grip wrapped around his wrists before he could so much as move a muscle. It didn't come from Michael but from Mahr themself, and Gavin scoffed.

He couldn't move a finger, let alone an inch, and Mahr was bearing down on his shoulder as a warning.

But by the Gods, he was so tired by this all.

Bearing his teeth, he whispered, "I wish to die."

Next to him Michael spun around, staring at him, but Gavin just stared ahead where he knew Mahr was.

And the demon grinned back.

_ I can't grant that wish, dead boy. _

Yeah, that's what he had figured.

"What are you talking about?" Michael whispered and finally Gavin turned to him.

Michael was staring at him, eyes big in fear and worry, and he looked so much like before, before all of this had happened. Eyes of sunshine, so warm and loyal that it hurt.

Michael's hand slipped from his shoulder, only to search for his own and lace their fingers together.

"Don't talk like that."

"Sorry, boi," Gavin said. It had been a stupid thought and he had figured it wouldn't work, that solution too easy, and it wasn't fair to do so in front of Michael who just wanted to protect him. But now that the idea was there, it nestled in his head.

 

Mahr was taking over his body piece by piece and Gavin didn't think there was anything left to stop them. Mahr would refuse to grant any wish to get him out of his head or to turn back the time or to inflict any damage to him.

The demon was nearly at their goal and so he would let Gavin struggle in his last few days.

But destroying the body seemed to be the key. It was after all what Mahr was after and as much as it hurt, the more Gavin thought about it, the obvious that solution was.

He didn't want to die. He didn't want to leave this place, but he also didn't want this right here. His family just mindless puppets he might actually hurt or throw away once Mahr took over. A kingdom at his mercy that had despised him since day one.

He was a catastrophe waiting to happen and he couldn't allow that.

But Mahr could read his thoughts.

Whenever he so much as thought about taking a tight hold on the knife next to his plate and do something stupid, his muscles would lock up. The moment he stared too longingly out of a window a pain would strike though his head, sharp enough to make his knees buckle and his eyes water.

Also Mahr could heal was the problem.

Mahr had brought him back from the brink of death after he had drunk Volvy's poison and Mahr would heal any stabbing or cut he would inflict on himself without any problem.

It would weaken them both, yeah, but his body would be safe and sound, ready to be taken over.

Gavin didn't know what to do about it.

Ryan and Jeremy popped back up in his head. They might be able to do it, to kill him, but he didn't get in touch with them.

Ryan wasn't allowed to be in the throne room anymore and Gavin couldn't seem to get Geoff to change that.

Reaching Jeremy was out of the question anyway, seeing as he barely caught a minute to be alone, let alone travel out of this castle.

Mahr had also started to ignore his wishes regarding that.

 

The court meeting had stretched on for hours and Gavin could barely recalled what it had been about. He had sat there, tired and exhausted out of his mind and looking just like that. He could even see some worried glances from the court and that damn well meant something. Most of all because he was sitting here, imagining one of them jumping up and attacking him.

A thing he had always been scared of, but now he would nearly welcome it.

Thankfully Geoff had taken over, unaware of what was really happening around them, and not even Jack had taken him aside, asking what was wrong.

No, this was the end game and both Jack and Geoff had grown blind to him.

He had expected that night had fallen by the time they finally stepped out but the sun was just setting, preparing for another sleepless night.

Playing with the ends of his worn out scarf, he excused himself and headed back towards his chamber together with Ray.

"You've been taken your time today," Michael greeted them on the way with a short bow. "I was searching for you."

"Court session," Gavin just told him as an explanation and next to him Ray barely stifled a yawn.

"Took them forever. I didn't think they would stop talking," he muttered before blushing, realizing how disrespectful that sounded.

Gavin didn't mind. He smiled at this, nearly banter like back in the day, and he wondered if Mahr's spell was finally loosening up now that the demon was just focusing on him.

That was impossible to find out, but it felt good to walk these familiar hallways with the two of them, something he realized they hadn't done in quite some time.

Realizing that, he chose a different route and felt Mahr perk up thanks to that.

"Prince Gavin?" Ray asked, confused, but followed him nonetheless, unknowing to the shadow now lurking around them.

"It's been a while," he just said as they reached the roof and felt their looks on his back. Did they remember this place? All those evenings and lazy days they had spent up here, hiding in between the sheets or laying on their backs in the sun like cats.

So many talks and words and little confessions this place had heard only to be left here, forgotten.

"It's been."

That was Ray saying that, and surprised, Gavin turned towards him. But the knight only stepped past him without any explanation whatsoever to step into the evening sun on the roof. The red of his cape was glowing, floating in the wind as he spun around.

"We met in the garden back when we were children," Gavin blurted out and caught Ray's eyes. "You wanted to see the flowers and plants growing there and Michael came along. He said it was because he wanted to know if he could sneak past the guards, but it was because he was worried over you. He took you under his wing probably from day one."

He tried to take a step towards Ray but his legs wouldn't move. Mahr wouldn't allow him on the roof, too dangerous, too easy to slip off, and Gavin's muscles shook at the strain of trying to move.

If he managed to take a step, to reach this roof, he knew it would be better. A place so full of memories, a place so important to his soul that Mahr was weaker there.

But most importantly there was Ray and Ray didn't stare at him confused, not knowing what he was talking about. No, Ray was watching him attentively and Gavin figured that they could all feel it now.

The end was close.

"I was there to find my home," he continued, unable to move anything but his mouth. "I figured if I could find the right plants, I would find my way home again. I asked you for help. I brought you this book, I-"

"This is your home," Ray interrupted him, and Gavin wanted to nod.

"I hadn't realized that back then," he whispered. "So all I wanted was to flee this place. Now I want nothing more than to spent the days like back then. Exploring the garden and the castle and sitting on my bed, listening to all those stories."

A thousand stories, and Geoff knew them all. He would gladly tell them one after another.

"I miss you," Gavin finally brought out and closed his eyes. "I miss you so much and it hurts."

Michael took his hand, the hand with the invisible bond wrapped so tightly in his skin.

He took it like back when they'd been running through the castle grounds, fleeing from angry cooks that were out for them because they had just sneaked in, stealing cookies.

Michael had grabbed him and pulled him along because Gavin was untrained and nothing like them. He had been worried because Ray was still back there but Ray was faster, always the fastest out of their bunch and he had caught up in no time at all. He had taken his hand, just like he did right now and had pulled.

Gavin stepped onto the roof and felt Mahr fade. They were still there, but that alone felt like being born again, like being able to breathe again.

That unsettling weight on his chest gone and when he blinked his eyes open, the other two were in front of him.

"I was always scared of snow," he said quickly, fearing Mahr would take over again. "But Michael took my hand and I followed because... because it was Michael. It was Michael and I knew he would protect me, and if he was around I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore."

He squeezed their hands as tightly as he could and they squeezed back.

"Boi?"

That was Michael, and for a second Gavin could do nothing more than stare. Michael hadn't called him that since... since forever, and then he was pulled in and crashed against Michael's chest. The movement was so abrupt that his crown slipped from his head and fell down with a high clink but Gavin didn't care, barely noticed in the first place. It's been too long, too damn long and now Michael's arms wrapped around him, such a welcome weight for once with one hand pressed right against the heart of his mark, taking the shadow away for a while and Gavin started to cry.

He sobbed against Michael's shoulder, loud and exhausted but that was fine. He could rest his weight against Michael without any worry because Michael was strong and would just let him hang limply here without any doubt, because there was no strength left in him.

"Gav?" And that was Ray, voice high in panic. "Gav, what happened?"

Gavin turned his head and Ray was staring wide eyed at him. Not the silent knight, looming around him, but Ray who knocked on his window in the night.

"I healed Geoff," he whimpered. "I healed Geoff and sold everything for that and now I want it back. I want it back!"

He wanted that. He wanted that more than anything in this world, a chance to try again, to get it right. If he'd known what he knew now, if he could go back and could tell himself, things would be better and he could have this.

His own little family.

That was all he had ever wanted in the first place.

Ray pressed his forehead against his and Gavin closed his eyes as he wept violently.

Mahr was there, trying to break through and hurt him for this last desperate attempt, but then Ray's hand also laid on his back, entwining with Michael's to press down on his mark.

The weight faded, the dark water in his lungs disappeared and he cried out.

Like this Mahr couldn't reach him. They were getting repelled by the bond so tightly wrapped around them that the demon couldn't reach.

Repulsed by their own spell that they couldn't break.

The wish for family and the curse to always find each other.

He wondered if Michael or Ray knew what was going on, if they had watched from afar, well aware that things were wrong and that thought was so much more horrifying than anything else. He thought of Ray and Michael, scratching against their own heads and mouths and eyes, trying to get the words out, to get their hands to move but unable to once Gavin had stepped into the same space as them, once the topic turned to him.

All that was left for them was to watch and scream and try to get out, to get back to what they had before.

Were Geoff and Jack the same?

Were they all just victims of Mahr's spell, there to play their part?

The pawn and the rook and the knight and the queen.

The King, most of all.

It would only end once Mahr was gone, out of the equation and Mahr was resting on that poor pawn. The poor pawn, nearly all the way on the other side of the field to receive their crown.

They all knew that, had all seen that coming and Gavin couldn't help but cry and cry and cry.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't want this to happen. I never did!"

He hoped they would believe him, would know he was speaking the truth.

They didn't let go so maybe they knew. One of his hands twisted in Michael's side and the other traveled to Ray's head, grasping his hair and pushing him closer.

Mahr was still there, angry and starving and pushing against their bond. Gavin knew they could all see them because Michael was looking up to it, was staring it straight in the eye.

Gavin didn't dare so, he kept his eyes closed because he was so scared. Way too scared of the dark to truly fight it.

Michael pressed a rough kiss against his hair before he pulled on Gavin's shoulder, forcing him to take a step out of their embrace. Gavin wanted to protest, to stay in their warmth for a moment longer but then he saw the tree.

The tree was behind them on the roof, covered in nothing but snow, and at the foot sat a boy.

Gavin stared at himself as Ray lunged forward and pierced the rapier right through his chest.

The pain was sharp and he couldn't help but cry out, but at the same time he felt glad. Glad because Ray pulled him close, deeper into the blade to press his hand back against his mark.

Glad because he could hear Mahr scream and trash angrily, trying to tear towards them.

"Tell Geoff and Jack," Gavin breathed out, but Ray understood. They were cheek to cheek and so he could feel the other nod, could feel his shivers wracking through his body because things had turned out like that.

Gavin loved him in that moment, loved both of them even when Ray had to take a step back to rip the rapier out of him. It fell to the floor and Gavin nearly followed but Michael was there. Strong and warm as he caught him and helped him sit down between them.

Two hands pressed back down on his mark, repelling Mahr with a simple gesture of love as Gavin let his heavy head rest on their shoulders.

"Don't let them get this body," he mouthed against Michael, and the other just nodded.

"We won't."

"Thank you," he whispered, over and over again.

It was cold here; even protected between both of their bodies he could feel the chill in his chest, but it was a better cold. It didn't settle in his bones or his soul.

It was just the lack of warmth, warmth that was escaping his body rapidly as Ray cried into his hair and Mahr screeched above.

Gavin watched the body sitting beneath the tree and knew he also felt cold. There was snow in his hair and he got the feeling that he had never truly gotten rid of it.

"You can try again," he whispered without breath. "You can try again and can make it better. You can have this family, you deserve it."

He was slipping, he could feel it and even though Michael and Ray were both holding him so close, pressing at the spot between his shoulders, he could feel his back arch.

The tree tipped back until Gavin could only see its crown and then the sky above. The evening sun and the snow trying to cover him again, but then it was falling upwards.

It was falling upwards because he was slipping, losing the ground beneath his feet as Mahr closed in on him, trying to mend his body. But then he was already falling, faster than the snow, and it was falling upwards. Up, up, up into the clouds.

Gavin crashed through the thin ice and sank into the dark waters of the lake.

Above him he saw the cliff, saw the wide branches of the tree and knew he was also sitting beneath, getting covered in snow.

A part of him had never left this place and the other part was in him, returning once again. Here underneath the water he couldn't be reached by the snow as he was pulled under. He didn't fight it, if he had enough breath in his lungs he would laugh instead because it was Mahr's claws that pulled him beneath until there was only darkness around.

That was also fine as he sank into it.

He had gotten out, far away from the people he knew and a crown and a throne, but they had all known it was for the better. Down here he couldn't hurt them anymore and they were free.

Mahr crowded around him, pushing and pulling and throwing him around, but his body was destroyed and so the demon left off of him eventually. The last pieces of his scarf slipped from around his neck, finally ripped and torn, and Gavin watched it with a heavy heart, but at least it was drifting upwards, towards the light.

He wondered what Geoff was doing, what Jack was thinking. How worried they must have been.

Ray and Michael, still sitting on the roof and holding on to him. Gavin could still feel the phantom hands on him and he was oh so grateful.

It had been the only way out, the only right way since the beginning.

Mahr had nestled in his chest and wouldn't get out, the demon would only bring destruction, and now they were trapped here together. Here were they could do no harm.

His family would understand; maybe they had known it since quite a while now, and he knew they loved him, they knew he loved them back just as much, but the kingdom came first. The kingdom always did.

Maybe even Ryan and Jeremy would understand.

Yeah, it was for the best.

Letting his eyes slip shut, he slept.

He didn't expect to wake up again but when he did it didn't make much difference. There was still darkness all around, the darkness that was Mahr with a single speck of light.

It was the purple string wrapped around his hand, glowing softly. The string that had saved him somehow.

_ A part of an old wish made by Ray, _ Mahr explained. _ A wish that your soul was part of. It would always connect the three of you. It's a surprise that it grew so strong this fast. _

"Michael," Gavin whispered. He could remember Michael looking up, could see through Mahr's eyes how he had stared straight at the demon without fear.

_ An old soul of a protector. Oh so tightly bound to the Nether. Not the first time he turned against it though. _

Smiling, Gavin touched the thread but knew he was pulling at it, was tearing at the other two. Leaving them a trail to follow if they wanted to or not.

"I want you to cut it."

_ I can't as it is payment for another wish. _

"I see." Closing his eyes, he saw the tree again and the snow. First falling downwards and then upwards.

"The boy I keep seeing."

_ Is you. He is you but all that was forgotten. He keeps it all locked in his heart, waiting for someone to come and find him. _

"I want him to try again," Gavin said. "There is a right choice, isn't there? There has to be a better outcome than this."

_ Of course there is. There always are a thousand endings to a story. _

"Then let him find the happy one." Reaching up, Gavin opened his arms like he was embracing the darkness, and maybe he was. "Can you do this, Mahr? Can you grant me this wish?"

_ I am still bound to your soul. If you're willing to pay the price I shall grant this wish of yours. _

"I'll have to stay here, don't I? In this in between."

_ Until your story has found its end. If you chose to set this part of your soul free, then the rest shall belong to me. _

Opening his eyes again, Gavin concentrated on the space between his hands. A spark that was forming slowly of the two gifts he was giving up.

Freedom and warmth.

"You won't be able to reach him, Mahr. He's not part of your play anymore."

_ I will just help you grant this wish. I have no use for a soul with jumbled memories. A soul that is barely more than a song. _

It was a bird that was growing between his hands, with black eyes because it was called using Mahr's power, and fire in every feather.

Gavin pulled it against his chest to feel the warmth one more time, whispering, "Find him, Lightbringer. Find my twin."

He opened his arms again and the bird flew up into the night.

"Help Castor find the happy end to his story."

He watched the bird, watched until it was only a spark hanging in the darkness.

A single star in the endless night.

So endlessly far away.

  
  


_ The Beginning. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's DONE!
> 
> God, writing this story was a TON of fun! I always wanted to explore Pollux' origin but just didn't know what it was, whoops. Then his story hit me like a train one evening while listening to the song 'Fiction' and well, this story was born.
> 
> Thank you for all of you who read and sorry for those who are helplessly confused by this! If you want to know more about the multiverse feel free to continue with the Royalty-verse:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/series/139065
> 
> Not saying that it will clear shit up but hey, deeper into the rabbit hole we go!
> 
> (Playlist will follow as always)


	17. Fiction Playlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I want is for you to remember me,
> 
> Not sure I've done enough.
> 
> In the end this is only a melody

Fiction Playlist

_**Wishing on Stars** _

 

*******

 

 

***

 

**Intro / Set 3** \- The 1975

 

The skin that you're in is all soft now

And your bones are dry as ice

What you sitting round here for and why is that?

Well I thought I'd see you around but you're dead now

You’re dead now

  
  


**Last Ride Of The Day** \- Nightwish

 

We live in every moment but this one

Why don't we recognise the faces loving us so?

 

What's God if not the spark that started life

Smile of a stranger

Sweet music, starry skies

 

Wake up, dead boy

Enter adventureland

Tricksters, magicians will show you all that's real

 

 

 

**No Place Like Home** \- Todrick Hall

 

Cause sometimes home is where your deepest scar is

Society will try to cast you where they think your part is

Give awards and accolades to what they think a star is

But go find your home

Go find your home

 

And if you're lost out there in the night,

wishing on stars, wonderin' who you are

Just know that you're never alone

And there's no place like home

 

And we gon' fight and we gon' cry

And I'm gon' fight for you until I die

Right there is right where you belong

And there's no place like home

 

 

**Shadows** \- Tragedy Machine

 

There's something in my blood,

Running through my veins

A catalyst of proportions I can't explain

 

A plan in motion,

I've gone this far

no point in stopping anything that I've started now,

Too many variables to even figure out

No time for analyzing the choice,

so start listening to the voices screaming

 

 

 

**Apollo** \- Think Up Anger

 

Hey, listen to us

some don't know what's going down

stop, hey listen to us,

why don't you, what's going down?

stop changing, listen to us,

stop changing, listen to us,

stop changing, listen to us,

stop changing,

stop changing,

stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop

Stop

  
  
  


**Eyes of Tomorrow** \- Broken Iris

 

I see you enjoy this

while I exploit this

brief insanity of mine

Perceive and understand you

Is far more than I can do

Perception's left far behind

 

Maybe we're all insane

The way that we live

reminiscing for the head game

What if we're all insane?

I'm feeling so damn hollow

Staring into the eyes of tomorrow

  
  


**Fiction** \- Echoes

 

I am out of my element

Find me somewhere at the bottom

In a room full of silhouettes

Telling me I'll never stop them

 

So they follow me home

And they hollow my bones

Oh they won't let me go

So they swallow me whole

They won't let me go!

 

I never wanted this to happen

Never wanted this to die

But I've pushed myself down so far

I couldn't come back if I tried

 

 

 

**Heavy Lies The Crown** \- In Fear And Faith

 

You told me that it wasn't personal.

I traded everything for this and now it's gone.

Where is this coming from?

Once more you're recovering from all the things you've done.

 

All I want is for you to remember me,

Not sure I've done enough.

In the end this is only a melody,

I guess that I will just try my best to sleep

 

If anyone knows what is wrong, with what I have become?

  
  


**Fear Of The Water** \- SYML

 

Some ancient call, that I've answered before

It lives in my walls, and it's under the floor

If this was meant for me, why does it hurt so much?

And if you're not made for me, why did we fall in love?

 

You're dislocated, don't be like that

And you smile when you dive in, like you're never coming back

So hold my body, yeah, hold my breath

See your face when I black out, I'm never coming back

 

Fear of the water

Fear of the water

   
  


**Unbecoming** \- Starset

 

I clipped my wings and fell from flight

To open water

And floated farther

Away from myself

 

And I swam in the wakes of imposters

Just to feel what it's like to pretend

There's no dreams in the waves, only monsters

And the monsters are my only friends

 

They're all that I was

And never could be

  
  
  


**What The Water Gave Me** \- Florence  & The Machine

 

‘Cause they took your loved ones

But returned them in exchange for you

But would you have it any other way?

Would you have it any other way?

_You couldn't have it any other way_

 

‘Cause she’s a cruel mistress

And a bargain must be made

But oh, my love, don’t forget me

When I let the water take me

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs that inspired this story and its mood for the most part.
> 
> What the water gave me is like perfect for it, ungh
> 
> Which one did you like best?

**Author's Note:**

> Find out how you can support me writing my stories and get early access to chapters:  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/post/140765552875/patreon


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